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(S20) - Ultimus Week - Sermokala - 02-27-2020
10.
I'm not of any confidence on what the real policy of what to improve the league on. What I would encourage though is a largely structural culture change. I think a much more encouraged culture of kayfabe would be better for the league. People like sports a lot more when they have buy-in with the teams and the storylines going on. I'm ride or die with the Minnesota Vikings. It has brought nothing but heartbreak and liver damage. They have never won the title or even been to the super bowl in my time. They've had repeated times where they've heard me in ways that little else really can do. But I still hate packers fans and love the Vikings as much as I love football itself. I would form a "Thunderdome" channel where people were required to argue and talk in character. That twitter should be only used to communicate as the player. Maybe an expansion into Instagram or even a subreddit where people are in character. Yes I know I'm advocating for role-playing and various role-playing activities. I realize this sounds nerdy and uncool but at this point, I'm on a football sim related forum that spends most of the time related to it on the discord. Worse things could be done.
16
You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at The other DE's in the league and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with a non fairly rubed Olineman, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at holding me back. Then you add my TFL game to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the three-way to get in the playoffs, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because the liberty and the cats KNOWS they can't beat me and they're not even gonna try!
So playoff hopefuls, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of getting to the playoffs. But then you take my 75% chance of going to the playoffs, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of making the playoffs. See NSFL, the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice.
8
I'm going to save you all time and give you a scouting report for ALL the DSFL players in the draft. THEY ALL SAWFT. Not you normally levels of soft but S A W F T SAWWWWWFT! They an't got what it takes to survive in the mean trenches of the NSFL. They an't got what it takes to go 16 weeks at this level. they gona break their bones and why? Because of oat milk. I don't care what you tell me oat milk isn't cow milk and cow milk is what gives your bones that not break quality. I don't know anything about that oat milk but I know oats and they are soft, brittle, and dissolve in Gatorade. And thats another thing. Kids these days don't respect the gatorade. They'd rather have some fancy iv stuck on their arm to hydrate. Back in my day we had water and we hated it but it was what we had to have to drink to have to not be thirsty. Then Gatorade came around and the water turned into something that always tasted good and helped make me not tired or have the headaches more. I heard at some of dez dem der DSFL teams that they didn't even let their players drink beer during half time and had their staff make the food for them. Back in my days with the marshalls, I killed things and then ate those things even on game day. Just send them all down for another year see if they get any better.
6
My expansion team would be the LA Traffic. It would work on so many levels and has massive branding and merch opportunities. First off no team is in LA. LA is the biggest but most fickle sports market. It would probably take a better man (or woman) in order to make the team succeed just on this but I'm gona put it to the side in order to show my vision. LA Traffic would first easily simplify to LAT. its an easy thing to chant and simple to spray with straight lines. It would make an easy running joke with the traffic to get to the game and the traffic in the stadium in order to get around. Then it also works as the players playing of stop and go for the running game or gridlock for defense. Shirts with just lines of cars. Lets be honest tho this entire thing is just a giant scam. My real intention is to sell just tons of vuvuzelas and have all the fans blow on them. It will be the most gloriously annoying thing and I want it so badly. Offenses will just cease to be able to call plays. Local wildlife will adjust to the sound and if we make them just right we can attract birds to the stadium.
(S20) - Ultimus Week - Buttersqauch101 - 02-27-2020
https://anchor.fm/HotTakesPodcast/episodes/UW-POD-eb4cui
Me and Waldo did it on the same time. Sorry to the graders
(S20) - Ultimus Week - ScorpXCracker - 02-27-2020
Scouting Report
One of the most mediocre players going into the NSFL draft is Dorfus Jimbo Jr, who is me. I have been really lacking in my earning of TPE for Dorfus, so obviously I am not on the highest of levels of players for GMs, because obviously they want players who will consistently earn and contribute to the team. I think that maybe I would be on tiers higher than anyone else who would at my tpe levels, because I am a recreate and all so the chances that I go inactive are really small. I am also pretty active in discord so that is always a good thing, I think. I think maybe I could be a first round pick, but who knows at this point.
I am a defensive end so that is definitely goo for my stock, because defensive lne you really do not need a lot of TPE to be good at, so my bad tpe earning may not be such a horrible thing, and because defensive line is always in high demand for team I think my draft stock is decently high, but maybe teams want that new guy spirit in their locker rooms and not some annoying recreate.
Rivalry
So, the rivalry between us kind of died a couple of seasons ago when I position switched away from running back, but my biggest rivalry so far has been Forrest Gump. Stupid, dumb Forrest Gump stole MVP from me in season 15. Shaking my head, I had rushed for 2k yards, I deserved that, scoring touchdowns are overrated. And even then, I did have 10 touchdowns, which really is not that bad at all. Gump had 20 touchdowns which is solid, I guess. It was the record, so i guess that is an achievement, but I feel like records are irrelevant in voting. WHy would what someone did in the past affect what somebody did this season. I guess GUmp did also have like 1.7k yards, the a 300 yard difference does kind of make up for a 10 td difference between us. So, maybe looing at the stats and everything else, yea, maybe Gump deserved MVp over me, but it still hurts!!!! Gump is now like super successfulin the NSFl and all which is annoying. I had a good year in the NSFl and had over 1000 yards rushing, which is goo and all but Gump was winning like running back of the year. So, who was the better of us in the rivalry? It is too close to tell in my opinion.
(S20) - Ultimus Week - PointGod - 02-28-2020
17. Robbed
This task is telling me to write about why our team was robbed from making the playoffs. Unfortunately, I can’t do that. Well, I guess fortunately, because we made it. But we were really truly ROBBED from the goddamn Ultimus. We lost, no, got demolished by the Minnesota Grey Ducks and it haunts me to this day. How the hell could that happen?! We had the best defense in the league, you know, the trademark No Fly Zone, yet somehow we gave up 43 points that day. I also had a terrible game at quarterback, something that didn’t happen all that often. I may not have been perfect during the season, but I was far from bad. I had the most passing TDs of any quarterback in my draft class and I was expecting to have another such performance in the finals. You know who else robbed us? The refs. My god, what were those penalties? Unsportsmanlike conduct this… unnecessary roughness that. How the hell can there be unnecessary roughness called on ME, after I get sacked. He threw me to the ground, not the other way around. Come on now, that’s some bullshit. These whole playoffs were some bullshit. Oh well, we’ll get em next year.
7. Next Year
Speaking of next year, as I just finished the first question, let’s talk about why we’re going to win. Well, it may seem ridiculous to think we will win considering how many players we are losing. The entire No Fly Zone is gone, we’re losing Warren Stephens and Siddhu Sarvepally as well. Not having the running back maxed out with TPE is going to place even more burden on yours truly. But that is why we will win. I am ready to take the next step, and I’m accepting the challenge to lead Mb to greatness. We will have plenty of new players, and to be honest, so will many teams. Playing time will be carved out for the young guys, so parity should actually be fairly equal. It just matters how we draft too. I could use a new target or two, that would be nice. Luckily, I trust my GMs and whoever MB has in the war room to bring us a full crop of active new teammates who will be part of the MB family. These are exciting times, and even though we have lost so much of our team, we are down but most definitely not out. Next year, we’re bringing the fight right back to the DSFL.
6. Expansion
Well this is interesting. I am by no means equipped to be a GM in this league. I don’t have the sim, I don’t hang around Discord much… all that, and sometimes I don’t even do point tasks. But if I were awarded an expansion team, the first thing I would do is…well… question why the hell they chose me. Seriously, make a different choice! But if they were so convinced that Ramos was the man for the job, well I guess I’d have to bring the heat then huh. I would bring a team right here to the place I was born and the place I have been my whole life. Long Island, New York. I was born in New Hyde Park and that’s not exactly where I’d put the team, but you bet it would be on LI. Who the hell needs New York City? Upstate? Fuck no! Long Island is where it’s at. So lets do it. If you get crazy and feel like making bad decisions, give me the new expansion GM spot. I will bring back the pride to Long Island. God knows the Islanders stole that long ago. Disclaimer: the team would not play at the Nassau Coliseum, don’t worry.
3. Revenge
I’ll admit, I’m not big on revenge. Usually I just say what’s fair is fair and leave it at that. But I’m also not big on getting smacked 43 to whatever the final score of the Ultimus was. As I mentioned earlier, that was some bullshit. So, in that case, I would like to enact my revenge on the Minnesota Grey Ducks. I would make like the Birddogs logo and eat some ducks (or some Ws, like Jameis Winston) the next time we play them. They better be watching out, because angry Chris Ramos is not to be fucked with. It’s damn near a wrap next time they step in our stadium, or better yet, when we step in theirs. The whole new crop of draftees is going to have to step it up, and we will tell them from day 1 that taking down Minnesota is the absolute goal and we won’t stop until we beat them. Should we meet in the Ultimus next season, I am obviously leaving it all on the field and going nuts. I’ll be dropping dimes like Daniel Jones drops snaps in the NFL. Positive yardage only baby! Watch out Ducks, and the rest of yall too, because the Myrtle beach revenge tour starts…. NOW!
(S20) - Ultimus Week - run_CMC - 02-28-2020
Playoff Reviews (211 words)
I come to you today to tell the ballad of the Colorado Yeti. High in the mountains of Colorado, the Yeti have often flown too close to the sun, dragged down by the incessant pull of barren salt lakes and trees of stone surrounding their fair land. In this 20th season of the National Simulation Football League, the Yeti fought hard in 2 games in an effort to finally reach their destination... but alas, they've continued to fall short. First, in a wildcard matchup against the fearsome Hawks of the East, they won by only three points in a close game... though they prevailed, and their brave commander McDummy seemed most adept, their leader of the ground offensive Ashley Owens managed just 3.3 yards per attempt against the opposing defensive unit. In the next game, the mythical Yeti, the creatures of olden times, found themselves no match for the dark spirits of the north. As the apparitions bared down on them, the men of snow crumbled. The commander turned the tide in the wrong direction on two occasions, and though that dumb ashley owens guy did a bit better, it was too much to overcome. When you punt that many times when behind... you're doomed to fall once again.
big rip
Armchair GM (230 words)
Hmm.... if Ashley Owens was GM... now that's a good question. What WOULD I do to improve this team. Well, first of all, I'd immediately send all of our first round picks to another team in exchange for 2 linebackers who I was completely confident would totally not go inactive immediately, thus leaving me with 2 200TPE players. Additionally, I think I would - and this is a radical plan, so please properly prepare yourselves - I would trade for the best players on every team. Then, with the power of the best players behind us, we might even make it to the Ultimus and lose there instead this time! (Rather than losing in the conference championship). Anyways, I would also set Ashley Owens to primary receiver, and run an offense whose sole focus is to make sure that Ashley Owens touches the ball on every single play. Rushing it? Give it to Ashley Owens. Passing it? Pass it to Ashley Owens. Punting it? Hell, find a way to punt it to Ashley Owens! Now, would this help the team? ....maybe? But it'd certainly help me! And if I'm helped, THAT will help the team. BOOM. Genius moves. Every few games or so though, I would put the ball in the hands of speed king WOLFIE MCDUMMY. That boy can run. and he's gonna run in a lot of touchdowns for us.
Expansion (235 words)
How would I go about an NSFL expansion team? Well, that's an excellent question, and I'm actually quite glad you're asking. You see, I'm a firm believer that BRANDING matters much more than the actual content of a team's roster, management, etc. Who needs that shit if you can make some $$$ from a good brand, right? So yeah, let's talk ideas. First of all: I'm sorry Northwest territories, but Yellowknife is a heckin stupid place to have a stadium and professional football team to be honest. You've gotta make a team in a big market, and I'm gonna lean towards in America just because, well... it's called American Football. The sport is, naturally, most popular in America. Anyways. I'm thinking Atlanta is a good currently uninhabted (in terms of the NSFL lol) metro population to profit off o- I mean, to bring a team to. So how about.... the ATLANTA WHALE SHARKS. Official NSFL team of the Georgia Aquarium (which is an amazing place and i love it, by the way). I was gonna put forward more names but... I've settled on that. Anyways, now that that's done. I would be sure to not draft a quarterback for the team until at least the fourth round. I once drafted a "franchise" quarterback in the second round... and it didn't exactly go so well. First and third rounds are too close. Gotta have some buffer space...
Brotherly Love (204 words)
I guess technically this one should be called Sisterly Love, based on the fact that I'll be writing about Marcella Toriki. I relate to my fellow running back in a lot of ways. Duel threat. Left the team that drafted them after minimal time... A dominant player who threatens to take over league leaderboards down the road. And, don't get me wrong from all of this. She IS still a rival. Owens is constantly striving to make sure he's the best running back in the league... and she's one of the people who makes the standard to beat. But the dream is to have a head to head showdown in the Ultimus. Colorado v. New Orleans. Owens v. Toriki. It'd be a match for the ages. it'd be glorious. And Owens is rooting like hell for Toriki to succeed and continue to push running back boundaries all the time... so he can continue to fight for them as well. This league is about competition, but that's not incompatible with friendship and rooting for one another. Ashley roots for Toriki every game not played against Colorado. The competition runs deep, but respect runs deeper. No better way to show it all than on the field.
(S20) - Ultimus Week - Moosecop - 02-28-2020
2) League Milestone
Totally unbiased opinion here, but one of, if not the best game I've watched in this league was the S16 Ultimus game. Philadelphia Liberty against the Arizona Outlaws. Both teams finally breaking the strangleholds that the Hawks and Otters seemed to have on their respective conferences. This game was back and forth all the way through and there were some insane performances put up on both sides. Arizona had 2 100+ yard rushers in Seer Zephyrous and Slim Shady. Jeffrey Murphy came out of nowhere and caught 3 touchdown passes from Andrew Reese, including the go-ahead score with 1:30 remaining in the 4th quarter. The Philly defense forced 2 interceptions and guys like Rock Hardshaft, Richard D'Attoria V, Johnson Cox III, and Luke Smyles were swarming and made life very difficult for the Arizona offense. Fortunately for Arizona, their offense was led by veteran quarterback Andrew Reese. He spread the ball around well enough and made clutch throws all game, many to Jeffrey Murphy as I mentioned before. They drove down the field late in the 4th and took a 4 point lead but Philly had a chance. They hit an underneath route to, I want to say, Vander Jones or Nacho Varga who took a pass inside in the Arizona 20 but with no timeouts remaining the clock ran out and the Outlaws clutched an Ultimus victory for the first time in a decade.
3) Revenge
Sure, the Austin Copperheads won the ASFC and used that momentum to push themselves to an Ultimus victory this past season, but the rivalry with the Orange County Otters is still the bigger one in my opinion. As long as I've been in this league they have pretty much been the dominant force in the ASFC. Sure, there have been small periods of time where they conceded the regular season title to the Sabercats or Second Line, but the Otters have always been there making life hell in the playoffs. They are basically the closest comparison to the Patriots that I can think of. Being a part of the ASFC team that manages to consistently keep them out of the playoffs for the foreseeable future. Can the Outlaws be that team going forward? I think we can. We have a solid young core of players led primarily by our stellar S20 draft class, surrounded by guys like Saba Donut, Shane Masters, and Jay Cue who are a couple of seasons older but still young and improving. We've got studs in all the key positions on both offense and defense. Will this season be the start of the Outlaws rise over the Otters? Potentially. But I think by S22 we definitely will.
6) Expansion
Oh man, deciding to write all this late at night right before the deadline was a terrible idea. Anyway, I've answered this question plenty of times across sim leagues and I always have a similar start. First of all, it's a sim league. It isn't real. We can put expansion teams literally anywhere and the players in the game wouldn't be affected they would like in real life. We don't have to deal with the logistics of travel, and international taxes and visas and whatnot. Basically, what I'm saying is, expand out of North America. This league has done well in comparison to the other sim leagues I'm in in this regard. We have a Mexican and now European (I think and hope the new team is from England) team in the DSFL and a team in the Arctic circle in Yellowknife. With that said, I'd personally try and bring a team to Australia. Football seems to be growing in popularity there even though they have their own set of rules and rugby to compete with. I'd like to make a team and place them literally in the Outback. Colors of green and orange just like the actual Outback is. Team name I would probably outsource but I guess a preliminary name would be the Dingoes.
(S20) - Ultimus Week - retrospace111 - 02-28-2020
why is this thread open? I thought it closed at 2:59 AM EST today