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+---- Thread: (S31) Ultimus Week (/showthread.php?tid=35541)
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - Muford - 10-22-2021
3.
This one is quite easy for me because it really just goes into depth and details about who was around for Chicago, and who would be their Mount Rushmore.
Honestly, the first and foremost one is none other than @To12413 himself. He created the team, and I jumped on as his Co-GM for the first season or so, to help get it off the ground. Oles was the guy who was there from the get go, getting everything together, getting the first ever expansion draft in order, and we were able to, I believe, make a very strong defense and push forward to attempt to compete in our first ever season. While it did go down hill after the first couple seasons, and me stepping down due to some other issues I was dealing with at the time, which I regret to this day, I just needed a break, but alas, he was a staple for those early years of Chicago.
The next person that would be on the lovely Mount Rushmore of the Chicago Butchers is none other then @Bluline also known as Sean O’Leary. O’Leary and I kicked it off well when I first came back to the Butchers with Bayley in line with me. O’Leary was one of those guys that was a part of the struggle, to say the least, in Chicago during the dark days of the late teens and early 20s seasons. It was a rough patch, without a doubt, and yet O’Leary was there, grinding away in the War Room with us, as well as the Locker Room. Some people took him as a strong personality, but he was one of those old guard guys, so to speak, that you just loved to have around on your team because he was going to put in the work to make sure the team was in the best position to win. A lot of people slept on his player, but I honestly believe he got fucked out of being in the Hall of Fame this past season, with all the greatness he did bring. Either which way, he was such a great help for those returning years and was always a good ear and a good heart in the War Room that helped us turn the team around, when otherwise the team should have burned to the ground.
The next person, we already briefly spoke about, would be none other then @Bayley. Good ol’ Bayley, who is still actually a General Manager of the Chicago Butchers, and hopefully soon leading them to the promised land. Bayley and I took over in the Season 22 draft, and my god was it a shit show. Season 21 and Season 22 were horrendous. We had so much going against us, we didn’t have any high picks either, and yet we both put in a ton of work and were able to bring the team together and get a great young core of guys that wanted to see Chicago succeed. I remember asking a lot of people back then if they would be okay with coming to Chicago, and since Chicago has such a bad stigma, I knew it was going to be hard to break, but my god we were able to break it. Those years with Bayley were quite difficult to muster through and push us to greatness, and while we were never able to win a championship with that team, it was a great team to put together all around and it was great to have so many friendly guys around to make sure we were going the right way.
The last person, in my mind, that should be in the Mount Rushmore of Chicago is @TheCC. I know, I know, he’s the laughing stock of the league, but hear me out. He was a steal in the late rounds of Season 22, turned into a max earner, became a War Room member quickly and has been non stop working behind the scenes since damn near day one it feels like. Not everyone knows really what he did back then, since he was such a new guy to the league, but we had faith and trust in him, and it couldn’t have turned out better. When I stepped down, because I got pretty fed up and just done with that aspect of the league, he took it with stride and helped push Chicago further then we’ve been in awhile. I mean just look at what he did with a team that wasn’t even supposed to compete this year, we were the literal Road Warriors. Either which way, @TheCC belongs on the Mount Rushmore of Chicago, and I do feel dirty saying that because we all know that lmap CC Sux. And he is rated an F-------------------. But without a doubt on My Mount Rushmore, he belongs there with the best of them.
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RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - shrub02 - 10-22-2021
8. It's just about award season so let's make up a fake award: the Best LB So Far of Draft Class S28. I was actually kind of interested in seeing where Bender stacked up compared to my classmates. Doing a little write up for some teeps provided the extra incentive to look into it.
So we have 5 active linebackers from the season 28 draft class: Dexter Hall, Daniel O'Leary, Bender Rodriguez, Glenn Smart, and Xavier Walls. Just a quick look at TPE shows that Bender has the most TPE, edging out smart by 4 TPE. Point for Bender. Next we can actually look at their stats. As seen below:
![[Image: Screenshot_192.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/813993639956840478/900999935967789066/Screenshot_192.png)
As you can see none of these players have scored a TD yet so that stat is a moot point. Aside from that, Hall leads the pack in blocked punts; Bender in tackles, tackles for loss, sacks, interceptions, and safeties; and Walls in forced fumble/fumbles recovered and passes defended. BuT sHrUb, BeNdEr HaS pLaYeD a WhOlE sEaSoN mOrE tHaN tHe ReSt oF tHeSe pLaYeRs. Yes, I know. That should probably be counted as a point for him for being an O.G. But in order to be fair I removed the stats from his rookie season in the chart below.
![[Image: Screenshot_193.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/813993639956840478/900999938392072212/Screenshot_193.png)
After adjusting for the extra season played by Bender, is still the leader in tackles, interceptions, and safeties. Walls gained the lead tackles for loss while Bender, Walls, and Smart all became tied in sacks. At this point I'm going to remove O'Leary and Hall from the running since they have only played two season in the pros and I'm too lazy to adjust for that. That leaves Bender, Smart, and Walls. I think its safe to remove Smart since the only stat that he is top ranked in is sacks, which is actually a tie. So that leaves Bender and Walls. Of the two, Bender leads in 3 categories while Walls leads in two. Walls' 8 forced fumbles and 4 fumbles recovered is insane and might tip the scales in his favor since many voters love those game changing stats. But I'm going to give Bender the nod in sacks, since HO stole one from him in this season's week 16 resim. So that means that Bender leads in 4 statistical categories while Walls leads in only 2. That's enough for me to say that Bender is, hands down, the greatest linebacker of S28! And the crowd goes wild! BENDER! BENDER! BENDER! But seriously all of these players are great additions to their teams. Mine is just best. Pinging you guys so you can see how you compare stats wise. @Pib @xtitanxmvpx @firstfray @mango8154
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444 words22. Ultimus halftime shows always feature the biggest pop stars. Whether they are up and coming older famous entertainers famous with boomers, they always have that star power. But there is a certain genre of musicians that always seem to be left out: folk singers. "But shrub, folk singers aren't as influential and don't have that same star power as pop stars," you might say. Well you're wrong. The league has been overlooking one of its very own stars. That's right! It's me, the great Bender! And not just in awards and pro bowls. That's a given. Y'all can bite his glorious golden ass. Anyways, I'm talking about total and complete star power. Not to mention that he has a side career as a folk singer. Let's just say he has a cult following. Bender would team up with fellow superstar Beck and wow the audience like no audience has been wow'd before. Bender has a way of making his songs come to life. Like literally. The stories in his lyrics actually come to life. So if you're a team that's playing in the Ultimus, just know that Bender is accepting any and all bribes to incorperate a victory for you in one of his songs. No refunds.
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207 words29. The prompt is absolutely correct. Award results do end up a bit wonky sometimes. Some teams are very guilty of homerism (looking at you COL) but for the most part I believe that most voters actually choose who they think played the best. I think much of the frustration from users comes from not having a say in the outcome. Yes, some users get to be a part of the awards committee but they don't get to actually vote. I think one way to resolve this would be to allow for an extra vote to be given to the users. A poll could be taken to see who they would vote for in each award category. Again you would probably see some homerism pop up, but that could be counteracted by the addition of another rule: voters cannot vote for their own teammates. This might upset people if their teammate is the obvious choice for best whatever position, but its not like you have to vote for someone else. You could always abstain from voting for that particular award. The ability to abstain would only apply to user votes, not official voters. Whatever the case, i think that giving users some say in the outcome would quell some of the outage. Or not. This is the internet after all.
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219 wordsRE: (S31) Ultimus Week - JuOSu - 10-22-2021
Task 31 - Affilliation WSBL PT
18. With the retirement of Brock Bodenhamer - the user @toivo once again is someone i want to highlight. He often does not get the credit he deserves but he has been an absolutely amazing part of this NOLA franchise for a long long time now. Toivo might not ever be someone who gets you 100% of every TPE but he is a solid contributor on and off the field. Always the team first guy, I don't think Toivo has ever asked for more than minimum for a contract. He is always easy to deal with and doesn't cause any drama. On the field, Brock Bodenhamer was an excellent NOLA player once again too. In his very underrated career, he ends up with the fourth most receiving catches, the fourth most receiving yards and the third most receiving touchdowns in New Orleans Second Line history, and honestly we have had some incredible receivers in our history. The fact that he is ahead of so many of them should be a great sign. Bodenhamer reached close to 1000 TPE and was the 2nd latest player taken in his draft to make a pro bowl. He was taken 44th overall then, which just shows how underrated he is. Congrats on a great career!
9. There is a few things I would tackle as the commish of this league if I was there for one day. The first one might be trying to fix this website, as I am once again reminded how many issues there are as I type this up and the letters only appear after a few seconds cause of lag. Anyway, onto the actual changes. The main thing I would tackle is league history. It is my main focus in these leagues and I am often focused most on them. While there is a lot of history in this league and there are definitely good factors, there are also just blatantly obvious problems. The wiki is an interesting idea but it just doesn't work as the primary source of history in this league. The update rate of pages seems to be wildly different and some information just doesn't seem to be updated often enough. Awards for last season weren't on there several weeks into this season for example. The other issue is that the wiki follows the sort of kayfabe universe of this league and pretends to be real, which is great for immersion but terrible for any kind of articles written on history, because you have to first find the information and then find what user it is, since the wiki fails to show usernames. This is a massive massive oversight. Especially for the longevity of the data. You also have some info on the site but again massively outdated. The Hall of Fame pages haven't been updated in god knows how long. I just don't understand this. It's so simple to do and simple to do properly but I just don't see the proper decisions being made to help in this. I think a complete overhaul is desperately needed and something the league ought to tackle sooner rather than later for the sake of those doing the overhaul, as more seasons means more data to fix. Also, unrelated, I just got into the Dotts trading cards and the main thing I would fix there is having a list of cards that are available to users! It's such a shame not knowing how many or which cards I am missing. Having a spreadsheet so you can mark them off would be crucial and make the whole experience so much more fun. So these would be my changes as a commish if i had the ability to do so. Let's hope history is something that gets tackled one day.
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - LeatherneckMike - 10-22-2021
PBE PT +2.5
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - Dagumpa - 10-22-2021
13. It feels like I have been hearing about ISFL expansion upcoming for quite some time. The league has said after every offseason since the conversation was brought up again that they are not ready to move forward with it. And that's fine. I'm not an expert on how to run leagues and I am certainly not an expert on the ISFL. So when the grown-ups say it is not time for an expansion, you will hear no complaints from me. But...I will advocate for the benefits of an expansion. Why you ask? Well...because expansion is really really really really funny. Think about it: where does the most drama or controversy usually come from? Sure, there are certain users or teams who may be considered 'toxic' or have reputations for causing trouble. But I always feel like expansion teams create a heck of a lot of drama. It generally stems from expansion teams having to take risks in order to fill out their roster. Therefore, they might have to take chances on certain users with less-than-stellar records. That's where the fun begins. Before you know it, nobody wants to play for that expansion team because of a media one of their players wrote or something that was reportedly said in that LR. Also expansion teams will suck their first few seasons. And I'm a big fan of crypt games.
But even before the chicanery begins, there's the announcements. First, the GMs they choose. That usually goes off without a hitch. But there will always be those who argue someone's not qualified or make some mistake in the past and therefore shouldn't get the nod. All that ruckus creates some good buzz. And then, there's my favorite part of the whole debacle: branding. It is not easy to introduce a completely new form of branding which is, ideally, unlike any irl sports team or other sim league team. Some people play it safe, go with kinda laxed or boring branding that upsets no one but doesn't exactly leave a mark. And then there's the people who get a bit too creative with it. People start to lose their shit, it becomes a meme, and everyone's embarrassed. I do admit that expansion is quite hectic. I've always considered applying for expansion somewhere. But I'd, honestly, much rather take over a team with its own established branding and history than one entirely from scratch. That's mainly just because I have no creative bones in my body. Anyway, should expansion happen in the ISFL? Yeah...but it doesn't have to happen now. Whenever it does, though, I will be munching on popcorn and giggling into the wee hours.
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442 Words25. Wide receiver. I should've been a wide receiver. I should be a wide receiver but I decided to swap. Wide receiver is awesome. You get to catcha the ball, runa the yards, scora the touchdowns: who doesn't want that? I certainly wanted that...and then I didn't. Well, it was mainly to benefit my DSFL team and my draft stock. Considering about half of the S31 class was WRs, I knew I probably wasn't gonna go that high at that position. So I swapped. And I went 4th overall in the draft which was pretty dope. Safety was actually my original choice when I was gonna create here initially. It would've, definitely, been my position if I had a 3rd player. But wide receiver was something I dreamed about. And, unfortunately, it was too good to be true. There's just this awesome connection that a wide receiver and a quarterback has. I didn't want to go QB because the league hates when people create as that, but I really did crave to have that connection with someone. That connection, you know? There's something so....sexual about it....uhhh I mean, it's nice to have friends and someone who can throw you stuff and the ability to catch said stuff and yeahhhhh. 3rd player will be a WR, no doubt about it.
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218 WordsPBE PT
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - ThunderTitan82 - 10-22-2021
Tier 2 #14 and #10
10. The Bus is currently a Fullback Prospect for the S33 Season, though he played 2 games for the London Royals as a waiver pick up. In High School he was one of the Nations premier star Backs. His size was so much greater than that of the opposing teams, with speed to match, he was nigh unstoppable. Like the ancient NFLs Derrick Henry. Speed, Power, Quickness. Following High School, he continued to grow in muscle mass, but his speed to a major hit. He was a solid rock of muscle, but couldn't keep up with the other running backs anymore. Notre Dame offered him a scholarship which he accepted. Early on he was told he would be low on the running back depth chart and used only for short yardage situations. Taking this change in stride and realizing that his natural build was one of size and strength, he decided to go all in. That season as a Freshman he was a monster at the goal line, scoring 17 TDs on the season, all from no farther than the 5 yard line. His coaches realized very quickly that he could be used in more ways than just goal line runs, so they shifted him to fullback. He excelled with his blocking tasks in camp, while still being a dominant force at the goal line. He was almost like a smaller faster Guard running down linebackers and pancaking lanes for his smaller shiftier half backs. Towards the end of college, he got word from a few interested DSFL teams who needed a powerful fullback. London was the team that got him on Waivers after the trade deadline. He sat his first two eligible games, due to not being quite ready with the playbook. But his third game on the roster saw some limited action. With only 10 carries for 11 yards it was far from impressive. Chalk it up to nerves. The following game, The Bottom dwelling Royals on the standings, upset the powerhouse Birddogs 20-10. The Bus played a much more active role in this game, still only receiving 10 carries, this time for 25 yards. He also surprised a few defenders with 3 pancakes and even a catch for 7 yards, proving his potential to be an incredibly versatile player out of the backfield. It wasn't a great start, but after training camps and some other offseason improvements, he should be a force of nature, at least in blocking, by the end of DSFL S32.
14. This time we head to Chicago to talk about the freshly retired Free Safety Damian Blackfyre. What a wild ride this was to go out on. Early in his career Blackfyre appeared to be a rising star that would be the talk of the league in terms of defensive skill. His third season however was riddled with injuries that he never quite came back from. Struggling in many seasons after that, with flashes of his former self, but never quite lived up to the expectations that he set with impressive early seasons. In S31 however that all changed. This was a vintage Blackfyre performance. Helping Chicago to a 10-6 record with 3 interceptions and 12 PDs, along with a sack and a defensive touchdown. Despite a slow start this season, with 8 games without an interception, He finally snagged one in week 9 against the Otters in a 57-17 blowout. Blackfyres next pick came in a week 12 loss to Philadelphia where he picked off former teammate Ryan Negs. Finally against the Baltimore Hawks in week 13 he grabbed his third pick of the season and took it to the house for his 5th career Pick Six. His only sack of the season came against the Yeti in week 14. To cap off this fantastic final season the Butchers made the playoffs for the first time in a few seasons, and the third time in Blackfyres career. A road game against conference rival Sarasota Sailfish. Blackfyre pulled out another vintage performance with a KEY 3rd and ten sack that forced a punt and led to a Butchers field goal, and then a pick that led to another field goal. They went on to beat the sailfish 23-13 and advance to the conference finals. Beating the Yeti on the road was a tall ask of this Butchers squad that barely squeeked into the playoffs, but they put in a valiant effort. falling 23-10. Blackfyres final season in his career turned out to be a great one, and cemented his status as probably one of the two, if not the best Butcher Safeties to ever play in the Black and Red. I was incredibly surprised by his performance this last season, as the last couple have been tougher considering I haven't earned with this player in like 3 seasons. I think something I would have done differently is uhhh earn obviously lol. I think with how my player overperformed my TPE level pretty regularly I could have potentially had clemente levels of success but life happens. There is no next season for Blackfyre but I have high hopes that Bayley and CC will be able to keep them in contention and perhaps even bring about an Ultimus win in their tenure.
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - Mavfatha - 10-22-2021
31. Affliate PT from either SHL/PBE/WSBL. The Weeks must match with the timeframe of this UW. And you may only use a max of 1.
PBE PT
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - SouljaBoy2007 - 10-22-2021
Tier 1: Mount Rushmore
The Arizona Outlaws are one of the league's most storied franchises and despite their ups and downs, they've been one of the winningest teams and have a multitude of championships. This has come with tons of legendary players, ranging all over the field. Today I've been tasked with building the "mount rushmore" of Arizona Outlaws. Without further ado, let's look at the 4 greatest Outlaws in history.
King Bronko - The architect of the original Outlaws dynasty, Bronko was an electric talent who was one of the ISFLs first true superstars. His career followed a similar arc to Tom Brady's early career, as the wins came before the stats. As soon as he started to put up ridiculous numbers, including a 44 TD season, the Outlaws stopped winning championships. He held the single season TD record for many years, made the hall of fame, and was the first face of the league. His 13/15 HoF vote share helps to emphasize how great he was in his short time slinging it for the Outlaws. Even in just 7 seasons under center, Bronko made his mark on the league in a way few other players have. He is most definitely a lock for the Arizona Outlaws top 4.
Raymond Vans - The only defensive player on the Outlaws "mount rushmore", Raymond Vans beats out icons like Jayce Tuck (cheated) and Jaylon Lee, who played for several teams. Vans spent his entire prime with the Outlaws and helped lead them to an incredible cinderella run to win their 4th championship. Vans put up some of the most incredible defensive seasons in league history, including a 19 sack effort in the Ultimus year which he then immediately followed up with a 16 sack/23 pass defense campaign in S17. Without Vans' leadership and on field perfomances, the trajectory of the Outlaws franchise would be wildly different. He captained a team that hadn't had a winning record in 10 years to a championship, and for that he will forever be one of the most important Outlaws. While Jayce Tuck had the gaudy stats, Vans impact can never be overstated.
Dean Jackson - I spoke about how the Outlaws didn't have a winning season in 10 years. The face, and only bright spot, of that era was Dean Jackson. The Outlaws cool-handed, clutch kicker was the only thing fans had to look forward to during the toilet years of Arizona. Jackson has had not one, not two, but THREE perfect field goal kicking seasons during his 10 year career with Arizona. While his career rate stats may have suffered a little bit due to his longevity, his all-time stats are elite. Jackson sits at #1 all-time in punting yards and as such was named to the 25th anniversary team of the ISFL. The Arizona Outlaws tended to punt a lot during Jackson's career and with any other player that could be hard to watch, but with Jackson the fans were elated to watch him kick a ball to the moon or sail a 50 yarder through the uprights like it was an extra point. It takes a special kind of kicker to be the face of a franchise, but Jackson was just that.
Charlemagne Cortez - If this list was made 2 seasons ago, it would've been Andrew Reese in this spot instead of Cortez. Charlemagne Cortez was a bright young talent in this league, a great arm and a great mind at the QB position. Just that is enough to make him a fan favorite on a team that has had its fair share of QB struggles. But just being a talented young player is not enough to get onto a team's mount Rushmore. Outside of expansion teams, an active player in their prime is almost never on their teams pinnacle, but Charlemagne Cortez is that rare active player. In S30, Charlemagne Cortez led what I believe to be the best offensive season in the history of the ISFL. If Charlemagne Cortez had his S30 in his rookie season and then retired immediately after I would still be screaming that he is in the top 4. S30 Cortez didn't lead the league in yards, or TDs, and he didn't throw the least picks. What he did do is shatter, and I mean SHATTER, the passer rating record. He broke the 10 year old record from Franklin Armstrong, a legend in his own right, by 4 entire points. Cortez' 113.1 passer rating was about the same distance from 2nd place Colby Jack as Colby Jack was to 11th place. He did this based on the strength of his absurd yards per attempt numbers. 8.8 yards per attempt is beyond what should be possible in this league with the amount of defensive talent that exists. Because this season comes along with a career that has seen Cortez get the 2nd highest YPA and passer rating in ISFL history, I believe that he has done more than enough to earn a spot on the Arizona Outlaws Mt. Rushmore.
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - AW13 - 10-22-2021
PBE PT
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15. Going to Disneyland! Who was the Ultimus Game MVP? Give us a rundown of their celebratory trip to Disneyland. (Can be completed after the Ultimus game)Okay, so, now I know this is going to sound very selfish because I am going to go with myself or my own player at least in QB Joliet Christ Jr. and I have a few reasons why I am going with him. THe first reason is for me, it is easy to write about my own player and I do think I had a good enough game to earn myself Ultimus MVP. The second reason is that the index has not yet been uploaded so based on my eye test, I have to go with Joliet Christ Jr. because I am unsure of the other stats but eye test matters. The third is the position because generally, most of the time, the Ultimus MVP is the QB and Joliet Christ Jr. was the QB of the Ultimus winning Honolulu Hahalua so yeah, it is easy to say myself. My fourth reason is just that last scoring drive and it is all from memory but I believe there were 2 4th down conversions leading ultimately to a game winning touchdown pass with under 2 minutes left on the board. This came after a huge pick six which I thought was going to lose the team the game and I was very sad but Christ Jr. surprised me and helped push his team down the field for the win. I have some tremendous teammates and after I get the index, there are probably a lot of guys I could say should be MVP like Fields or Kai but because I am going from memory, I watch my player closely and I think he is deserving here at least.
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21. Now thats three seasons on the new sim. What are your thoughts? Do you think that it is better than DDSPF16?This is an interesting question and I think I still don't know if I have a clear answer. I mean, now with an Ultimus win, I think that it is pretty cool! Generally though, I think the kinks have been worked out pretty well and the league is at a good place with the sim. I don't know how much better it actually is but it is more detailed at least and it looking at least somewhat prettier and giving some better stats in the index I think are worth it in their own.
The index is probably the biggest increase at least to me for a few reasons. As a QB, it gives me the numbers I wish I had before instead of calculating stuff even though it was not too hard before. Things like touchdown and interception rates are awesome to see as well as even looking at receivers and their drops which helps me see if I am the probably or if the WRs just at popcorn during a stretch of games. Obviously I wish there were more stats because I am a huge stats guy but it is a huge upgrade over 16. The best part, which I have not even mentioned yet, is likely the player pages and being able to see all my career stats on one page rather than going through multiple indices and having to add it up.
I have spent my entire ISFL career under the new sim so far so it is cool to be part of the group that has grown with the sim and ultimately I think it has been a large success. I do think the gameplay is pretty similar to the 16 version of the game but some added details, traits, and builds I think helps it stand above the other one. Largely, I think most things are better than DDSPF16 anyways.
RE: (S31) Ultimus Week - visceralpotamus - 10-23-2021
13. Expansion Expansion Expansion! (5 TPE)
As a fierce advocate for animal rights in the SHL, my expansion team would actually not be in the ISFL per see, but instead in the international sphere. While humans tend to get very excited about representing the flag associated with the piece of dirt they happened to be birthed, such loyalty is not as common in animals. In fact, the notion of citizenship, much less patriotism is quite a murky conversation when it comes to animals. Very few animals manage to get citizenship, usually associated with their ability to shoot a puck or throw a football. This is an injustice, as all of the benefits and privileges that come with association to a nation-state are not extended by animals who don't happen to be athletically gifted or inclined. This is further made complex by non mammalian animals, as live birth tends to be a strong determinant of citizenship. I was born as a Turtle, who was hatched from an egg, my birthplace is a bit more complex. Will my national loyalty be tied to where my mother laid her egg? Or should it be tied to where it is hatched? Perhaps where I matured? As an animal that migrates, am I granted automatic dual citizenship? There are complexities and intricacies that are connected to animals, specifically reptilian, amphibian, fish, and birds that simply do not lend themselves well to the current set up for international football. This does not even begin to broach the complexities suggested by invertebrates.
I feel like I have outlined the issue in great detail, allow me to suggest the solution: an all-animal team. With the human obsession with dirt that has been given names and symbols, I propose the animal dominated islands of Galapagos. The land is already relatively devoid of human infestation observed elsewhere across the globe. The atmosphere is perfect for football and would provide an amazing natural retreat for visiting teams. Inclusivity would be the name of the game with this franchise, with creative designers who are able to find elaborate solutions for the range and variety of animal bodies that will need protective equipment. There will be state of the art treatment facilities, featuring tanks for more aquatic species, shell scrubbers for turtles and tortoises, misters for canine friends who struggle to regulate body heat, heat lamps and pads for the other extreme of an animal who require it.
This is not only a cooky idea but an essential one in my estimation. In my short time in the league, it appears that the vast majority of the league is human. This is, of course, understandable as the sport was invented by the species. However, much as the NFL seeks to expand its viewership by expansion into the European countries, the ISFL could exponentially increase its player base as well as its viewership by highlighting and empowering new species that otherwise would never have been exposed.I eagerly await a response to what I think is an exciting opportunity for ISFL growth, as well as an athletic opportunity for the rest of the animal kingdom.
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22. You’re in charge of entertainment for the Ultimus or Ultimini half-time show. What would you do? (2.5 TPE)
I think it is time we consider non-human performers. And no I am not talking about enslaved animals in the circus industry, or in other similar equine style side shows. I am talking about talented animals sharing their gifts. SO imagine a steady buzz of grasshoppers and cicadas setting the tone for the elaborate singing styles of various birds of paradise, highlighted by the vocal stylings of parrots and toucans. A howler monkey jumps in at the climax of the song, as the insect musicians achieve a rousing crescendo, punctuated by an aggressive finale features a trumpeting elephant group. During the performance, bioluminescent animals provide a light show. The heavy lifting is done by lightning bugs, who have the mobility and organization to react to the music and put forth alluring and poignant visual representations for an awestruck audience. Lest we forget our fishy friends, tanks are set up at each corner of the fields, as angler fish flash their lights to the beat. The beat is performed by stomping rhinoceroses, and they steadily increase the tempo, and the combination of flashing lights and the thundering sensation that is both heard and felt from the stomping rhinos increases anticipation and agitation as the musical performance progresses.
Finally, the performance comes to an end, the value and fever pitch of the animal performers matched only by the thunderous applause of the reinvigorated audience. As the dust settles, the performers leave the field, and the audience realizes their cries for an encore will not be satisfied, the players return to the field. The field is largely defiled, between animal dung, rhino footprints, as well as large swathes of grass having been grazed.
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19. If your player had a show starring them, what would the plot be? (2.5 TPE)
Pasta the Turtle would absolutely star in a TV show show describing the coming of age of a Turtle discovering his innate abilities. It is one part Gilmore Girls and one part the New Mutants TV show we all deserve but have never received.It starts with what appears to to be a normal reptile family, and their typical struggles as lower class citizens on a planet dominated by encephalized mammals. SLowly, Pasta discover traits and abilities that makes him special, even beyond his reptilian powers. He is remarkably fast for a species not necessarily celebrated for velocity. He has strength and that put Arnold Schwartzennegar to shame. He possesses the brain power that could make him a chess grandmaster. The season one cliffhanger ends with him trying to decide what to do with his new found powers - use it for good or for evil?
The second season, with a new sponsorship deal with the ISFL, features Pasta the Turtle deciding to use his powers for the ultimate good - playing football baby. Minor plotlines in the second season include him bouncing between positions. He starts out as an offensive lineman, but finds that ultimately it is unrewarding (despite leading the league in pancakes). He auditions for linebacker, and excels in his new position. The season also features a will they/wont they romantic interlude featuring Spicy. Ultimetely the season ends with another cliffhanger, as his team loses a heartbreaker and misses out on playoffs. Pasta ponders his future, as well as another position switch....
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