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+---- Thread: *Let's Overreact to Week 1 (/showthread.php?tid=11397)
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*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - AdamS - 12-18-2018
What's up everybody. I'm coming at you three beers in and ready to just totally blow my lid about week 1 because OHMYGOD NSFL IS BACK BABY!!!!
After our 3rd shortest offseason ever (I know you won't check that), we had a great day of sims today and I want to acknowledge that. It was of course my first real sim as a Wraith and my first real sim with my new player, which is a feeling that only some of us have felt, except of course for my buddy Arbin, who has felt it 47 times.
Quick real talk. I give Arbin a ton of a shit. But he's my dude. We went through the fires together. I can give him shit. Side note of quick real talk. Remember when he randomly used a Hunter shot on Jiggly just because it was Jiggly in like day 2 and got really fucking lucky that Jiggly was a wolf? That was great.
Okay..so...week 1 is in the books. We've got people in new places, rookies tearing shit up, and nobody knows anything about anything. Let's talk about each team in randomized order. Yes..I'm using a randomizer website for this just so no one can read into my choice. Well..technically I'm about to use it as I write this. Wouldn't it be funny if Yellowknife was first? Especially now that I've said it? I should probably do it now.
Heehehe. Naturally.
YELLOWKNIFE WRAITHS
31-20 over the Outlaws at home. Holy shit. Not because of the win, holy shit....but because of how many people picked Arizona to come into Yellowknife and win this. Well they didn't. What does this prove? Yellowknife has a really good offense after all. The defense...well..no one really doubted the defense too much I guess. But imagine being Kevin Fitzpatrick out there making outlandish claims of taking down Borkus Maximus and then immediately getting outdueled by Ryan Applehort. The Outlaws were cringy, which is like Crndy, but without the D. It was after all the Wraiths that brought the D today. I think this win definitively proves that Yellowknife is an Ultimus contender. Bar none. And Dick Wizardry is the Rookie of the Year. Bly and Lavelle are the best cornerback duo in the league. Ryan Applehort has a team he can be proud of finally after all his struggles. Robby Rainey on defense is a fucking animal. And the team's kicker is what other teams should be answering when asked if they want some. "None. Forfeit."
NEW ORLEANS SECOND LINE
Okay now it looks like I didn't actually use the randomizer but I think long time readers will know I'm not gonna go to that much effort to make it up. The truth is so much funnier. The defendening champs walked into San Jose, who has received a lot of lip service about improving and competing. And then New Orleans got beat down. Hard. And Trey Willie either didn't play or just didn't record a catch. The latter seems unlikely because New Orleans was at least near the end zone a few times, and we all know that 5 yards or less is that Trey Willie WRotY zone. New Orleans should probably go find a big red panic button and then hit that sucker. They looked slow. Borkus threw more touchdowns to the other team than he did to his own. The "worst running back in the NSFL" ran 25 times (with the exact same success as young sensation Jerrod Canton on the other side) and when you consider how often Borkus was just giving the ball away, this was probably a good idea on the part of New Orleans' coach. This is quite clearly a 4-6 win team at best. The dynasty is over. Ship all the parts off and start over. This team is quickly on it's way to the back of the (second) line. Julian O'Sullivan crushed it as usual though. Imagine getting to a point where 10 tackle games aren't even worthy of note. Fuck you I'm not typing your first name Halvorsen played well in his NSFL debut. Bryan Mills did nothing. Clifford Rove, Godfrey King, Blessed Storm, and Noah Goodson played, which is more of a sign of desperation than anything else I could show you. Vladimir Fyordorovich did his usual as a #1 WR. Lots of catches and yards, no payoff.
SAN JOSE SABERCATS
Holy shit you guys almsot blew that. Did you realize that? You had to have an MVP basically give you the game. At home, too. This is your signature win? C'mon now. Everyone knows why you won. His name is Benson Bayley and his presence pretty much guaranteed you'd be able to see through their offense. Also, really? Benson Bayley at this stage? Was Clifford Rove not available? Oh..wait..I guess he actually wasn't. Jerrod Canton looked like shit. You couldn't convert any first downs. This game is the epitome of Sabercats football. Win when it doesn't matter and look bad in the process. Except for Christ and Flash though. They killed shit until it was dead while everyone else basically stood around trading recipes. Shout out to rookie Trey Staley and LB D'Pez Poopsie though for being the two on defense who brought it. To the endzone. And also for being great descriptions of how the rest of the two teams played. Stale and like poop. Don't get excited, Sabercats fans. You beat the most terrible team in the league when all their players are basically half dead. You'll be lucky to make the playoffs just for the joy of getting skullfucked in the ass by the Otters. Or...as your franchise accurately calls it..."equaling our greatest accomplishment as a team".
PHILADELPHIA LIBERTY
Maybe next time you should try stopping the other team before they get inside the 5. There wasn't a single offensive touchdown over 5 yards in this entire game. So there's that I guess. If you can figure out how to stop teams past the 10 maybe you'll hold them to some field goals and wont get shitstomped by 30 points at home to a team you spent all offseason talking massive shit to because you beat them. Good job. That was last season. 58-27 is this season. They scored 6 rushing touchdowns against you. 6. hey didn't use big splashy plays. There we not 80 yard gallivants. They had about 4 plays over 20 yards. Instead they played Hawks football. Where they slowly, inexorably, boringly beat you the fuck to death with nonstop 6 yard goddamn gains. Meanwhile your linebacking corps is all excited because they got tackles. Like...what are you gonna do now? You're on the road against Orange County next week. Do you think that's gonna go better somehow? Because it's not. What can Brown do for you? Not much apparently. He's got stats though, ya'll. The team can be best described by using your kicker as an example. He failed to kick a single field goal because you couldn't even put him in position. The Future of your Kulture is that. Failure. You're the worst team in the league.
ORANGE COUNTY OTTERS
Well, the dark times are truly on us once again. the otters just obliterated the Yeti in classic Otter style. That's not even a colorful saying. It's really Otters style. QB throws absurd number of TDs? Yup. Running back is the leading receiver? Of course. Long bombs for scores? Just like it always was. You guys remember season 7-111 when the league had parity? Kinda? Well that shit is OVER. The Empire is back. By the time the game ends they're already drunk on the sidelines saying shit like "fuck! we forgot to get the kicker some points...get out there!" and then doing that. Which i do appreciate because I took him in the MOST FUCKING COMPETITIVE FANTASY GROUP IN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE. And also I want to win $5 mill more from Kolbe and he vastly underrates Anderson here. This is why I took him bro. This team is stupid. Ye who enter, abandon all hope. Shoutouts to pretty much the whole team.
BALTIMORE HAWKS
The Hawks are like cancer. Hang on. Here me out. They never stop pushing forward. Slowly, steadily, they will continue to push and shove and move toward their goal. Eventually they simply grow too powerful to fight. They're like waves in the ocean, which is a much nicer metaphor but I wanted to call them a cancer first. They've lost more Ultimus' games than any other team. With ease. But they have a ring and have put themselves in position time and time and time again to have a chance for that next ring. And eventually they'll break through again. And they did exactly that to the Liberty. Nothing fancy. No real standout moment. Just constant unyielding unceasing pushing like a dude deep in the friend zone wearing a girl down for a drunken pity fuck. But enough about "insert joke target of your choice here in the comments below". Society yells "GO BIG OR GO HOME" and the Hawks quietly say back "No.". They win like lawyers, which makes sense when you think about it. 6 touchdowns runs for a combined 11 yards. That's what this team is. Shout out to both Owen Taylor and Antonio Summer for just being the kind of players that opposing defenses are not happy to play against. The only thing worse than Summer running right at you is Taylor running right at you. Though oddly, the only thing worse than that is Summer running right at you. Somehow. This tests came back. This team is malignant.
COLORADO YETI
If the Yeti were a song it would be "Sad but True" by Metallica. Which is mostly because it's currently playing while I write this. But also because it's exactly what the title says. This team is probably the worst team in the entire league. What the GMs did last season was nothing short of amazing. This is the worst team in the league. I know I already said that. Just reiterating. They have a kicker playing quarterback. They're starting 5 rookies on defense. They're actually paying money to mark Grau and John Wachter. Two huge busts, and for this team, they marked out as NEEDED. Imagine not just having to rebuild, but having to rebuild when your predecessor destroyed the foundations, salted the Earth, and then pissed on the neighbors. That's the Yeti. And they scored more than the Second Line did against a better team.
ARIZONA OUTLAWS
One of the better teams. Truly dangerous on offense and defense. Great ground work between two running backs who are solidly not terrible. The defense will stop most offenses. Getting by this team is something any team should be proud of. They're probably one of the 5-6 best teams in the league, and I stand by that pledge. Such grace, style, and skillful play by this team. Asipi V.08 is a contender for runner up at Rookie of the Year and I also just realized this is the team that got Trey Willie. Why did I think it was someone else? I dunno. This team is going places and is a favorite to be one of the 2 teams most likely to keep Orange County out of the Ultimus. Truly just a masterful collection and execution of talented players.
And thus ends my overreactions for each team. At least, in terms of this article. I am sure that everyone will accept this with grace, dignity, and the wherewithal to look within themselves and see that they could be a little more of themselves. And I think that's a lesson we can all take.
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - 37thchamber - 12-18-2018
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/5bocz90Ac634YwLdkC/giphy.gif)
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - majesiu - 12-18-2018
Time to fade me away and the NOLA dynasty
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/M4jCZJpOrS6CQ/giphy.gif)
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - speculadora - 12-18-2018
Trey Willie is on Arizona lol
aaaand I just realized you address this later on.
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - manicmav36 - 12-18-2018
(12-18-2018, 07:46 AM)AdamS Wrote:Ryan Applehort has a team he can be proud of finally after all his struggles .
Triggered.
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - infinitempg - 12-18-2018
"The New Orleans Second Line, let's face it, they're not good anymore!"
- AdamS
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - nunccoepi - 12-18-2018
This was so hard to read because I wanted to rail against everything and then I realized its an overreaction piece. And then it happened again...and again. And didn't stop p much
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - kckolbe - 12-18-2018
(12-18-2018, 10:42 AM)nunccoepi Wrote:This was so hard...because I wanted to rail against everything...And then it happened again...and again. And didn't stop much
Excellent summary of the BAL PHI game reaction for Philly fans.
Also, @AdamS
"You'll be lucky to make the playoffs just for the joy of getting skullfucked in the ass by the Otters. Or...as your franchise accurately calls it...'equaling our greatest accomplishment as a team'."
Damn. This was beautifully savage. I gotta ask, though...skullfucked in the ass?
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - tlk742 - 12-18-2018
(12-18-2018, 07:46 AM)AdamS Wrote:NEW ORLEANS SECOND LINE
Okay now it looks like I didn't actually use the randomizer but I think long time readers will know I'm not gonna go to that much effort to make it up. The truth is so much funnier. The defendening champs walked into San Jose, who has received a lot of lip service about improving and competing. And then New Orleans got beat down. Hard. And Trey Willie either didn't play or just didn't record a catch. The latter seems unlikely because New Orleans was at least near the end zone a few times, and we all know that 5 yards or less is that Trey Willie WRotY zone. New Orleans should probably go find a big red panic button and then hit that sucker. They looked slow. Borkus threw more touchdowns to the other team than he did to his own. The "worst running back in the NSFL" ran 25 times (with the exact same success as young sensation Jerrod Canton on the other side) and when you consider how often Borkus was just giving the ball away, this was probably a good idea on the part of New Orleans' coach. This is quite clearly a 4-6 win team at best. The dynasty is over. Ship all the parts off and start over. This team is quickly on it's way to the back of the (second) line. Julian O'Sullivan crushed it as usual though. Imagine getting to a point where 10 tackle games aren't even worthy of note. Fuck you I'm not typing your first name Halvorsen played well in his NSFL debut. Bryan Mills did nothing. Clifford Rove, Godfrey King, Blessed Storm, and Noah Goodson played, which is more of a sign of desperation than anything else I could show you. Vladimir Fyordorovich did his usual as a #1 WR. Lots of catches and yards, no payoff.
What I gathered is a MVP-level RB at the end zone makes a difference.
*Let's Overreact to Week 1 - Molarpistols - 12-18-2018
(12-18-2018, 01:24 PM)kckolbe Wrote:Excellent summary of the BAL PHI game reaction for Philly fans.
Also, @AdamS
"You'll be lucky to make the playoffs just for the joy of getting skullfucked in the ass by the Otters. Or...as your franchise accurately calls it...'equaling our greatest accomplishment as a team'."
Damn. This was beautifully savage. I gotta ask, though...skullfucked in the ass?
Otters got the biggest D