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*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - IsaStarcrossed - 08-21-2019

Ironside streaming has now gone live! Titled "Looking at the DSFL draft!"

The camera flicks on. The scene is set in the ever familiar room that Bjørn is normally spotted in, but the couch has been removed and instead there is an extra projector board on the wall. Bjørn walks into view and gives the camera a wave.

Pick Reviews

"Alright ladies and gents, the day finally happened. We've been talking about it, we've been hyping it up and finally the DSFL draft was upon us and has passed. I wanted to spend today with you guys discussing what went on. I want to look at the picks who were selected, I want to look at the teams, and I want to tell you what I think of them all with both my own grades and the words of our general managers and fellow prospects. Today is going to be a very exciting and involved episode, so don't you change that browser. I've set up a second screen to help me out a little and have the couch out of the way because there will be no time for sitting today. We've got a lot of information to really tread through, so lets get started with the most exciting part of the whole thing. The first round."

Round 1

Bjørn fires up the projector screen. It begins to hum and the light flickers on. He takes his laser pointer as brings it to the screen. "So we start with the first round. This is where the superstars are supposed to be born. This is where teams select their new, gleaming star. This is where they pick the new face of the franchise to carry them into the future. Lets do a quick rundown and see how they did."

1. "With the first overall pick in the draft, the Sandwich Sea Puppers select Bjørn Ironside. Hell yes. I told you guys previously that Sandwich Admiral Nylar had a good head on his shoulders. I knew he would want to get the biggest, meanest player he could possibly get his hands on with this pick. Who did he go for? Yours truly, obviously. This was a brilliant move by the Sandwich Admiral and the assistant to the Sandwich Admiral, SouljaBoy. Naturally they stuck to their end of the bargain. The moment this pick was announced, I heard the proud trumpeting of a dozen tacos trucks fast approaching the studio. I got my tacos, the Sandwich Sea Puppers got me. Everyone is happy about this arrangement. Now I've just got to hold up my end and make sure they don't regret this pick. If we're going for a championship this season, I'm going to have to crush all the little men in the league and pave the path forward to victory. Also, Nylar. Give your man a call. I've got an awesome idea for team meetings and tacos. Its going to be all the rage."

[Image: Bjorn.png]

2. "With the second pick in the draft, the Sun Bears-" Bjørn is cut off with yelling in the background. "What do you mean that isn't their name?" More yelling. "Its close enough! Fine. The Palm Beach Solar Bears select Stuart Little IV. Now, I don't know what the Solar Bears were thinking here. With this high of a pick, there were so many big guys available. You could have gotten the beef, you could have gotten the strength. You could have gotten everything that is good and wholesome in this world. You settled for a mouse. Granted, this is quite the oversized mouse. Stuart is a cornerback with pretty decent measurables for the position and I suppose I could do the advanced calculus to explain this pick, but only a picture can paint a thousand words on why Palm Beach made this pick."

[Image: unknown.png]

3. "At number three, we've got the San Antonio Marshals selecting Pete Parker. I've not had a lot of up front communication with this particular safety, but I did read an article he put out about himself." Background yelling. "What!? Of course I can read!" More background yelling. "Fuck you too, Mike! Lets move on. Despite his looks and the fact that he hails from New York and looks absolutely like the guy, Pete Parker is not in fact PETER Parker. This guy is not spider man. He seems to have a sixth sense about where the ball is back in the secondary, but you won't see him zipping around with webs to pick off the ball. I hope for San Antonio's sake that they were not fooled by the appearance. Not going to lie, I was. This is an image of the guy at Halloween."

[Image: av-1153.jpg?1564110918]

4. "With the fourth pick in this draft, the Purple Dogs-" Angry background yelling, followed by a heavy Bjørn sigh. "The Kansas City Coyotes select linebacker Maurice Virtanen. Now this is a guy I'm a bit more familiar with personally. He's a bit of a night owl and it can be hard to catch up with him, but this is a bigger man who puts in the work. He had a spectacular showing in the prospect bowl and will be looking to come into this season with a splash. He's been putting together some pretty awesome media as well. He has a sauna series that is a lot of fun to watch and his after dark series are always a treat. With defense being the name of the game early in this draft, I don't think the Purple Dogs could have made a much better pick. Except a defensive lineman. If you don't pick a defensive lineman, the better choice is always defensive lineman."

5. "At number five we have the Don't Step On Sneks-" Annoyed background yelling. "So what if its on purpose, Mike? Its a better name! As I was saying, the Portland Pythons select Jay Cue. I have a few qualms with this pick, all of them rather obvious. First of all, this is a quarterback guys. I could normally never commend taking a tiny man this early. I always recommend taking the biggest man available, but alas Portland didn't take that approach. That said, I appreciate Portland being willing to take one of my victims so early. I love going after the tiny man and I was wondering when one was going to be picked up. I thought it'd be much later than this, but I got the chance to see early on who I'd be going to crush. Jay Cue may very likely be the best tiny man in this draft, but unfortunately for him he is between the Sandwhich Sea Puppers and a title."

6. "The Tijuana Luchadores use the sixth pick to trade it. The Luchadores shipped this pick to Portland for a wealth of draft capitol. So the Portland Pythons select with the sixth pick to also trade it away. After giving away a king's ransom for a pick, the Pythons gave it up to Norfolk for a bit of future draft capitol. This pick was insane guys. Finally, with the sixth pick in the draft, theSandwich Sea Puppers select halfback Marcella Tōriki. Normally, I always say if you have the opportunity, you should go for the biggest guy around. Luckily for the Sea Puppers, they already picked the biggest guy available. This gave them some flexibility at this pick and I love what they did with it. Bjørn Ironside only plays one side of the ball. Every now and then he needs a little help on the other side to get the wins. With this pick, the Sea Puppers got that help. Tōriki is a great locker room leader who has proven her toughness time and time again.In the days leading up to the draft, she's proven her ability to take over and lead her fellow prospects. She is the anticipated focal center piece to our offense and I completely expect her to fill the role. I was excited to see where Sandwich Admiral Nylar was going with this trade and as I've always said, he is a smart man. As the two highest picks, we're going to be expected to be leaders of this team. Perhaps we can discuss the future of Sandwich over tacos. Go Sea Puppers."

[Image: Untitled.png]

Round 2

Bjørn clicks a button and the screen shifts over the the next panel. "Alright, now we're looking at the second round. These are usually the guys and gals that could have been picked in the first round, but for one reason or another they were over locked or their draft stock dropped at the last minute. These guys can be risky, but they always have a lot of potential. I mean obviously these guys aren't as important as first rounders like me, but teams like to gamble here and hope the truly get something special. Lets dive in and see if they found anything of substance here."

7. "With the seventh pick in the DSFL draft, the Palm Beach Solar Bears select halfback Jake Utler. I'm not sure I'm even allowed to have an opinion on this pick. The Solar Bears went small in the first round, now they're going small in the second round. They are completely avoiding the beef and it makes no sense to me. It isn't entirely their fault though. While my communication with Utler has been limited, my understanding is that he apparently has taken over as one of the GMs for this team. As such, they had some sort of contractual obligation to take him here. I'm sorry, but if your contract says you have to take tiny man, you might want to look for a better contract. That said, Utler did seem to show some promise coming into this draft and he might be good piece to be the focus of this offense. I personally can't wait to hit the guy."

8. "At the eighth slot, the Portland Pythons make their smartest decision in the draft by picking defensive tackle Trae Bacon. There is absolutely nothing to not love about this pick. This is a big man who's ready to come in and wreck the tiny men of the league. He's got the size, he's got the skill, and he loves tacos. He makes these weird kind of tacos with bacon and scallops that will absolutely blow your mind. I thought Trae was a guaranteed first round pick in this draft. The guy is absurdly motivated to keep improving himself and he has been grinding the entire off season. He's going to be a superstar this season and the fact that teams went this long without picking him up did throw me for a loop in this draft, Portland certainly made some questionable decisions in this draft that no one could have seen coming, but betting on Bacon was not one of those decisions."

9. "The San Antonio Marshals use the ninth pick to select receiver Tyrone Biggums. Due to the lack of beef, I initially questioned this pick for the Marshals. After closer inspection, I'm kind of excited for this guy. Obviously not as excited as I would be if he was down in the trenches with me, but he definitely as some upside. This guy isn't looking to make a splash with his entrance into the DSFL, he's looking to make waves. This guy has already gone out and signed himself an agent who immediately started promoting Biggums. This guy's mind is in the right place and he wants to make sure everyone knows who Tyrone Biggums is. I expect him to breakout this year and come time for the NSFL, he and that agent of his are going to make some noise. He should be an exciting one to watch.

10. "The 10th pick saw linebacker Net Gaines make his way over to the Kansas City Coyotes. This guy has a pretty interesting history. He has been repeatedly thrown out of every football related establishment he's ever been a part of due to drugs. He looks to have been working hard to change the narrative on himself though. He seems to understand that this league is his last chance at football and he's set some pretty lofty goals for himself. It looks like he really wants to reform and help this team out, but this is a case of putting a lot of risk with a lot of talent. Only time will tell if he'll go the way of Josh Gordon or manage to beat the demons of his past. I personally like the guy. He's got a big frame and we need more of that in this league. I wish him all the luck."

11. "With the 11th pick in the draft, receiver Jake Watson fall to the Tijuana Luchadores. Due to their earlier trade, this was the Luchadores first pick. I'd have loved for it the be a big boy. Maybe even offensive line, those guys deserve the fair rubs. Instead they went with one of the tiny outside guys. I'd like to complain more about this pick, but Watson makes it difficult. He's hit the ground running in the DSFL and seems to have a sharp head on his shoulders. He's quick to do player analysis and reads standout guys pretty well. I think he can put those skills to use to make some of the young corners in the league look silly. He does some great analysis and I think any team could use him as a leader of their locker room. I'd have liked for this to be a bigger guy, but its hard to go wrong when you see a guy who works as hard as Watson. He's easily one of the top two guys at this position in the entire draft. Unfortunately, the Luchadores tragically traded this pick to the Portland Pythons. I was absolutely baffled by this trade. Not on Portland's side. I think this trade did a lot to redeem Portland's draft. I'm more questioning how you let one of the top guys in a class this active slip away for an inactive. What was Tijuana possibly thinking here? Watson has an awesome future in this league and now Portland is going to be the ones able to have a place in his legacy."

12. "The Tijuana Luchadores manage to grab linebacker Thudd Kassel with their second pick in the draft. Tijuana may have gotten a steal here with Kassel. This guy may not be the biggest one on the field, but he's got heart. He is an absolute revolutionary who looks out for his teammates and other players across the field. What he lacks in stature, he more than make up for by being an absolute locker room giant. This man may have been one of the best leaders on the board. He leads by diving in head first and using his own drive and ambitions as an example to others. He's the type of guy you would absolutely want to follow into battle. This man is going to start a revolution that will shake the entire league one day and I'll be there to witness it. Tijuana managed to start their rookie class off with an awesome combination between Thudd Kassel and Jake Watson and these guys have a solid opportunity to lead the Luchadores into the future."

Round 3

Another click, another screen. Initially a short video of a guy riding a unicycle while playing the Star Wars introductory theme song on the bag pipes pops up. Bjørn quickly clicks again. "Mike! You missed one!" Unintelligible background screaming commences. "Thank you, Mike! Now, back to the task at hand. We're entering the third round. These are guys that have proven themselves consistent on and off the field. They don't truly stand out in a big way, but they do everything right consistently enough that they garner attention. You can find a lot of diamonds in the rough here and that's exactly what our teams are hoping to find. These guys usually don't have a lot of downside and can only get better from here. Lets dig deep and see who came off the board."

Unicycle

13. "Linebacker Marlo Smart goes to the Sandwich Sea Puppers at number 13. I can't lie to you ladies and gentlemen, I don't know too much about this pick. I've not been around him much and I'm not familiar with any publications with him. He is one of the largest linebackers in this class though, standing 6'4 and weighting 240 pounds. You guys know how I feel about big boys. I'm going to be sharing a roster with this guy and I trust that Sandwich Admiral Nylar made the right decision here. After all, he was smart enough to pick me and I'm sure he was smart here. I look forward to getting to know Smart in the coming months and can't wait to get on the field with him. If he's as large and dynamic as he looks, I look forward to having a wing man in this coming season. Perhaps we can get together for tacos and discuss crushing the tiny man."

14. "With the 14th pick in the draft, the Palm Beach Solar Bears selected Zach Hall. At tight end, I've got to count this guy in the big boy club. I always knew Hall was going early on in this draft. Between his size, his previous life as a circus clown, and his ability to break down the flaws of his opponents game, I knew someone would have to pick this guy up. Coming into this draft, Hall was a long shot. He was known more for his acrobatic abilities and trick catches than actually playing the game. He has really developed his skills in the off season and has become a much more well rounded player. He's also proven that he is a student of the game by repeatedly breaking down his fellow prospects in detail and giving the league insight on his ability to exploit weaknesses in his opponents. This guy has a bright future in the DSFL and nobody should sleep on him."

15. "Mike Franchet the defensive end was selected by the San Antonio Marshals with the 15th pick in this draft. This guy is the type I like. Tough, hard nosed, down in the trenches. Great for sealing the edge and opening up opportunities for guys like me to get to the quarterback. Mike Franchet is another one of those players that I wasn't able to get to know very well previous to the draft. Actually, up until the day before the draft, I didn't really know this guy at all and he wasn't on my radar. That said, when he popped up, he did so in a big way. He quickly showed to be the kind of guy who was willing to sacrifice for his team and do whatever it takes for a win. The more I learned about this guy, the more I liked him. I was initially surprised to see him go this early since he was relatively unknown, but now that I'm more familiar with him I think the Marshals potentially got a good one under the radar."

16. "With the 16th selection in the draft, the Kansas City Coyotes pick Korrin Abernathy. As a corner player, this is a small guy. The Coyotes seemed to be focusing on defense early in this draft and they nailed it with their pair of linebackers. They could have formed a really solid core if they could have gotten some meat in the trenches. Instead, they defaulted back to Abernathy. Abernathy is okay as far as corners go. He seems to be driven, devoted, and puts a lot of time into getting better as a player. He's done a lot to get in with the GMs of the teams and seems to be aiming to go as high as possible once he hits the NSFL. I wasn't surprised to see him go this early, just disappointed in the lack of up front beef that could have really turned heads in this defense."

Round 4

"Hey, Mike! Are you sure you there aren't anymore you missed in here?" Annoyed background yelling. "Alright, alright. Sheesh, Mike. I get it." A click and the screen blinks to the next slide. "Lets get into the fourth round. In the fourth is where teams start digging a little. They start looking for guys who may have not started off on the best foot, but have a lot of potential and upside. This is where the gambling for teams truly starts, but its for players who have a much higher ceiling than the low of their floor. There are some pretty good players who can come off the board here, so let us take a look at what our teams managed to pick out of the crowd."

17. "Bender B Rodriguez comes off the board at number 17, heading to the Tijuana Luchadores. This is another receiver prospect and it seems like the Luchadores are really trying to load off on offense. I'm not too familiar with Rodriguez as a player because I've not had many run ins with him. The Luchadores have plenty of draft capitol to spare though, so it doesn't hurt them to take a couple chances on unknowns. I do believe there were likely better selections available to the Luchadores at this pick, but the interviews likely went very well. They liked Rodriguez and so he's heading to Tijuana."

18. "The Tijuana Luchadores select corner Zach Bailey at 18th overall. This was their second of a pair of consecutive picks and I feel like it was a solid one. Coming into this draft, I don't feel like Bailey got nearly enough attention for the kind of effort he's been willing to put in. As far as the smaller guys on the defense go, I feel like Bailey was one of the top ones in the class. He's always striving for improvement and he's really managed to get his name out there. Be it getting articles published in the NSFL media, working with his fellow prospects, or doing everything he could to get in every extra workout he could find, Bailey has been a top prospect. Bailey has done everything right to this point and I feel he should have gone higher, so Tijuana was solid on this one."

19. "With the 19th pick, the Palm Beach Solar Bears selected linebacker Matt Ammons. The tackling machine himself. Ammons was easily one of the most impressive guys at the prospect bowl and while the prospect bowl doesn't give you a solid idea of how a player will turn out, everything else Ammons has done helps there. I believe Ammons was easily in the top half of linebackers in this class and the Solar Bears are lucky he fell to them here. Media, social communication, and a determined work ethic all really push Ammons in the right direction. I think he might surprise a few people and show that his standout performances in the prospect bowl weren't just flukes."

20. "With the 20th pick in the draft, the Sandwich Sea Puppers selected corner David Rector. This selection is proof that Sandwich Admiral Nylar really knows what he is doing. When looking at small defensive guys in the back, I felt like David Rector was at the top of the list. He's one of those guys who has absolutely done everything right. I don't even know where to begin with this guy, but he's kept himself firmly in the public eye. His fellow prospects all know him, he produces enough media that he's gotten attention from even other classes, and he's done every last little thing that he could to improve in the off season. I was actually floored that Rector wasn't the top corner in this draft. Now that he's with the Sea Puppers, I'm excited to have a guy like him covering my back and I feel like Nylar has gotten a pretty solid defensive core for us to work with here early in the draft. Perhaps we can all go out for tacos together and game plan. Call it Defensive Taco Tuesdays."

21. "With the 21st pick in the draft we see offensive lineman Footballer Blockerman go to the San Antonio Marshals. We finally get our first fair rub of the draft. I am absolutely appalled that it took these teams this long to give out a fair rub. Round four guys? Are you serious. These big, beefy units have been working their tails off to get the attention they deserve and you let them fall all the way to the fourth? I thought the general managers in the DSFL were promoters of giving out fair rubs. I thought they supported their offensive linemen. I thought they were better than this. Still, we finally get to a fair rub. This guy has been one of the ones leading the way for offensive line equality in the NSFL and it doesn't stop here. Between his name and his drive to continue improving, there is only upside for this pick.

22. "With the 22nd pick in the draft, defensive tackle John-Caleb Bradberton fell to the Kansas City Coyotes. It took far too long for a real player to come off the board again. Bradberton had to wait almost three full rounds before these teams decided to take another defensive tackle. What wasn't to like about this guy? He's big, he's mean, he's everything I stand for. I said earlier that Kansas City needed to get some beef on their defensive line if they wanted a good defensive core. They got it here. The Coyotes seem to have had a focus on defense early on and they managed to get the third best defensive tackle in the draft. Its a shame to see a guy with this kind of girth have to wait so long, but I'm glad to see someone finally got there. The Coyotes better be buying this guy a round of tacos for taking so long."

Round 5

"Mike! Are you sure I need to keep going?" Background screaming. "But these guys are fifth rounders. Doesn't it get kind of thin back here?" More background yelling. "What do you mean everyone has a chance to contribute?" More yelling. "Even these guys? I mean look at them! Ungh. Okay." A click and onto the next screen. "Now we're starting to dig deep. We're getting into the fifth round. This is where teams start looking for depth and role players I guess? i don't know what happens here guys, I usually turn off draft coverage after the important guys are off the board. Here we are though. Some of these guys might actually make an impact as these are short rounds and it isn't as desperate as it looks. Lets get in there and see who has the opportunity to make a splash."

23. "With the 23rd pick in the draft, the Portland Pythons finally got back on the clock and select linebacker Otto Vanjensen. Wait, Otto who? I didn't even know this guy was in the draft, I was too busy looking at my own draft stock to notice him. Did he play in the prospect bowl at all? I jest. Vanjensen has been described by multiple critics as a poor man's Chico De La Agua, but I don't by that. Vanjensen was stuck on a prospect bowl roster where the defense was forced to carry a lot of weight due to offensive struggles and he took it in stride. He showed that he had the ability to be an elite play maker at the position and do a little bit of everything. I've been impressed by Vanjensen since I first discovered him and I feel like Portland managed to get one of the better guys at this position here. This is a lot of value for a fifth round pick."

24. "With the 24th pick in the draft, we see receiver Jesse Jackson heading to Mexico as the Tijuana Luchadores take him off the board. The former track star has one thing going for him. Speed. Some of these other guys are a bit bigger than Jackson, a bit stronger than Jackson, but his experience on the track makes him insanely fast. He's the third receiver off the board for.." Bjørn pauses and takes a second glance at the board. "For Tijuana. Clearly these guys plan to run a spread offense and they bring in every tall, lanky, fast guy they can find to open up the field. It won't trick me, Tijuana! Spreading out won't save you from Bjørn Ironside, no matter how many receivers you pick. I'll make sure to make you regret not keeping an extra blocker in to protect your tiny man."

25. "With the 25th pick in the draft, the Sandwich Sea Puppers select offensive lineman Maximus Chungus. I've got to say that I'm proud of my team here for giving out another fair rub. After seeing the first one take so long, I thought we'd be much deeper in this draft before seeing any more fair rubs. Clearly Sandwich Admiral Nylar is a huge fan of giving fair rubs as he picks up one of the best offensive linemen in this draft. Chungus is a huge mauler who loves getting dirty in the trenches and I can't wait to see him get to work. Getting a fair rub has been one of his primary goals this off season and now that he has it, I can't wait to see what he does with it. I know he's not a defensive guy, but you know this guy can put down some tacos. Just look at him. Maybe we can pencil him in for Defensive Taco Tuesdays as well."

26. "With the 26th pick of the draft, the Palm Beach Solar Bears select offensive lineman Givussafare Rubbe. Our expansion teams are really showing support for our big guys in this draft. First the Sea Puppers and now the Solar Bears. These new GMs are showing that they're more than willing to give everyone a fair rub. I didn't expect to see two of these guys go in a row and yet here we are. Givussafare Rubbe has been instrumental in the movement to bring attention to the way offensive linemen are treated in the NSFL. He stands up for what he believes in and has proven that he's a great guy to have in the locker room for that reason. He was one of the best players remaining on the board at this point and I think the Solar Bears did a spectacular job of giving him a fair rub.

27. "With the 27th pick of the draft, the San Antonio Marshals select defensive end Fabricio Baldari. It took far too long to see another one of my defensive line brothers come off the board. Fabricio is the strong but silent type. He's a good edge setter and a hard hitter. He's not vocal and he doesn't do much to promote himself, but behind the scenes he does everything you can ask for from a player. He trains, he grinds, and he pushes himself for betterment. I've not gotten to speak to Fabricio in the past, but even I have noticed his effort on the practice fields and it comes as no surprise to me that San Antonio grabbed him with this pick."

28. "With the 28th pick of the draft, the San Antonio Marshals select cornerback Louisiana Purchase. This pick fell into the lap of the Marshals due to a trade and they were able to use it to get a steal. Louisiana Purchase was a backfield guy that I thought had the opportunity to go a lot earlier. Clearly with a name like that, he's able to cover vast tracts of land and that's what you need back there. This guy has been busy with media, training, and keeping up with his fellow prospects. For a guy that has been so tied up with the league, it's actually quite surprising to me that he fell so deep. At this point in the draft, you're expecting to start seeing guys you're not real familiar with come off the board, so someone as prestigious as Louisiana Purchase here came completely from left field. They paid a bit to get him, but this particular Purchase was a bargain for San Antonio."

Round 6

Bjørn's face twists a bit. "Hrmph." He clicks and the screen brings up the sixth round. "I suppose we can talk about these guys. I mean some of the best players in NFL history have come from the sixth round. Maybe the DSFL can hit on a couple too, yeah? These guys can be certainly good? I suppose that is what GMs are expecting out of this slot. A big, heaping helping of pretty good. I mean honestly I don't know how anyone contributes outside to the first round, but GMs seem to think they can make a role for these guys. For that, I guess I have to talk about them. Lets take a look."

29. "With the 29th pick of the draft, the Tijuana Luchadores select linebacker Junior Lopez. With all of these picks, I just knew it was a matter of time before Tijuana picked up a bigger boy for their defense. He isn't as big as he could be, but he could tackle some tacos for you. In the days leading up to the draft, I didn't really get to know Lopez. I didn't see him around often, so I couldn't really get a handle on the guy. That said, at draft night he showed up kitted out and ready to go. He was excited for the presentation and seemed ready to smash his way into the regular season. Though initially quiet, he more than made up for it. If he can keep up the energy, I think the Luchadores may have gotten lucky on this one."

30. "With the 30th pick of the draft, the Tijuana Luchadores select receiver- Yo, wait a minute. Mike! You got the Luchadores selecting another receiver. Are you sure you didn't mess up this power point?" Ranting background yelling. "I'm just saying, this is the fourth one. You're absolutely positive?" More outraged yelling. "Alright then. The Luchadores pick their fourth receiver, Alexander Ryan. It is hard to ignore the number of receivers than Tijuana have taken in this class and it makes you wonder about exactly where Ryan sits on their team plans. Ryan has been fairly active in his approach to training and isn't a bad selection, but the Luchadores are already loaded at the position. I wonder if we might see Ryan change roles this season so he has a chance to see the field."

31. "With the 31st pick of the draft, the Palm Beach Solar Bears select offensive lineman Tony Tonogai. We now have a winner in the spree to see which team can give out the most fair rubs. The Solar Bears used both their fifth and sixth round picks to fill holes in their line. Palm Beach seem dedicated to protecting their quarterback and have made a splash here in the hearts of these offensive linemen. They came into this draft looking for a fair rub and we've now seen four of them fly off the board at this point. I'll say that their please have been heard. Hopefully this sends a message to the NSFL about giving fair rubs to their offensive linemen."

32. "With the 32nd pick of the draft, the Sandwich Sea Puppers select safety JimJam FlimFlam. The name alone made this guy worth picking up in the sixth round and I'm sure that Sandwich Admiral Nylar and Assistant to the Sandwich Admiral Souljaboy recognized that. Even without the name, JimJam has been one of the best prospects entering this draft. He's kept up his training and been social with his fellow prospects. He played with me on the Tropics and seemed to have a fair grasp of the game as a whole. I trust Sandwich Admiral Nylar and know he made an excellent choice here. This is more to show his devotion to the defensive side of the ball. We have another guy to get signed up for Defensive Taco Tuesdays. He's a bit on the smaller end, so maybe he'll share his extra tacos."

33. "With the 33rd pick of the draft, the San Antonio Marshals select halfback Mathias Hanyadi. This was the single biggest steal of the draft. While I'm not always big on the little guys, Hanyadi was easily one of the top three halfbacks in this draft. He was certainly a top 30 player overall and I'm not entirely sure how he dropped all the way to the sixth round. This guy is one of the most recognizable names in the class. He's kept himself as social as he can while maintaining his training schedule. He's been consistent the entire off season heading into the draft and I'm not entirely sure how he was overlooked while five receivers came off the board first. If you were looking for and offensive weapon at this point, this list started and stopped with Hanyadi. This was a massive selection for the Marshals."

34. "With the 34th pick of the draft, the Kansas City Coyotes select cornerback Xavien Adams. Unfortunately, this is the part of the draft where I think I start losing track of who is who. I'm not really familiar with Xavien at all as I've not seen much from him. I've done my best to research my fellow classmates as much as possible, but you can only go so far before names start getting hazy. This was yet another defensive pick for the Coyotes. Their entire draft to this point was devoted to strengthening their defense and adding what seems to be a fairly active corner is a good cap on what they already had."

Honorable Mentions

Another click moves the screen to the seventh round. With it comes a sound track of the Looney Toons playing. Bjørn does a quick little stutter step dance to the beat and the holds his hand out to the camera. "At this point we haven't even made it half way through the draft. I wish I were kidding. At this point, I'm unfamiliar with many of the guys present due to a mixture of not seeing them around or them getting into the draft class late. Still, there were a few guys that I saw land between 60 and 100 that I thought were pretty decent steals. These are guys that I see some upside with here. I don't think they should have necessarily fallen out of the top six round, but here we are. I like to give everyone who works hard a fair chance at bat, so lets see which general managers possibly got a steal late in this draft. If I don't mention you here, it isn't personal. I am completely capable of overlooking someone and I hope you come in hard this season and prove me wrong!"

35. "With the 35th pick of the draft, the Tijuana Luchadores select Joseph Wozniak. This is another defensive backfield guy that I really feel like could have come off the board earlier. The guy has been putting up media and has been very involved with his other prospects. He put up numbers at the prospect bowl, he's put out awesome interviews, and its a shame he dropped here. I thought he was one of the top defensive backs in this class and the Luchadores got another steal with their extra picks."

37. "With the 37th pick of the draft, the Sandwich Sea Puppers select cornerback Tyler Genis. I don't know you Tyler, but I know that Sandwich Admiral Nylar chose you for a reason. I wish you greatness. You should come to Defensive Taco Tuesdays and put on some weight. Maybe one day you can join the big boys."

38. "With the 38th pick of the draft, the Palm Beach Solar Bears select quarterback Phillip Helmet. Its rare that I give the tiny peacock behind the trenches any credit at all, but Helmet deserves it. He's been a hard working guy in this class since his eligibility was announced. He was easily the second ranked quarterback in this draft and I think the Solar Bears got a nice training dummy with this one. I hope he keeps improving that way it'll be a little more satisfying when I get to hit him."

42. "With the 42nd pick of the draft, the Tijuana Luchadores select halfback Fuzzy Dotson. Fuzzy is a victim of teams undervaluing blocking. This guy has been everything you could ask of a prospect. Media, training, sociability. This guy has been awesome the whole way and he fall simply because he's a bigger guy who specializes in blocking instead of speed. When you look at pure work ethic and potential, Fuzzy Dotson was definitely a top 30 guy. Tijuana gets another one late that shouldn't have even been on the board."

44. "With the 44th pick in the draft, the Sandwich Sea Puppers select defensive end Clelin Ferrell. I'm a big fan of this pick because its another defensive line guy for me to work with. I have no idea who he is or where he came from, but he's awesome and in Sandwich Admiral Nylar I trust. Dude, Defensive Taco Tuesdays are a thing. You have to be there."

50. "With the 50th pick of the draft, the Palm Beach Solar Bears select kicker Baxter Frost. The fact that Frost fell to 50th in this draft is absolute anarchy. This is a small man. This is a tiny man. I understand that these are qualities that are not desired in football. What Frost lacks in stature, he makes up with with heart and determination. If you look up the perfect prospect, Frost's picture is there to be seen. This is a man with a massive leg and I know this season he will prove to everyone that passed on him why you can't always overlook the size of the man. Sometimes you need to look only at the size of the leg."

52. "With the 52nd pick in the draft, the Kansas City Coyotes select halfback Orien Drake. Seeing Drake drop this far was pretty eye popping. Unfortunately for him, a lot of the teams picked up their halfbacks early and it left a huge void where Drake should have been chosen. He did everything right, but sometimes the dominos don't fall in your favor and this shows that. This was possibly Kansas City's best value pick and they had their eyes on the prize when they grabbed him."

55. "With the 55th pick in the draft, the Palm Beach Solar Bear select offensive lineman Eeeee Silvveremm. We get another fair rub on the board. The Solar Bears really stacked the offensive line in this draft. They are looking to build a solid wall for Jay Cue to stand behind and Silvveremm is one of those guys who's been working hard to get noticed. He's fallen this far due to coming onto the scene a bit later than some of these other picks. He gets a fair rub though and that's really what matters."

61. "With the 61st pick of the draft, the Sandwich Sea Puppers give another fair rub and select Samuel Bakhitiari. This is the last pick I'm going to talk about here, but I felt like this guy deserved a fair rub. He's kept up with his training and has been big among his peers. He's a big guy who like to hit hard in the trenches, and I'm a huge supporter of his style. Sandwich Admiral Nylar did a nice job finding this one late and I look forward to seeing how many tacos he can take down. That's right, big boy. Defensive Taco Tuesdays, you're invited."

69. "With the 69th pick of the draft, the San Antonio Marshals select cornerback Jack Mahoff. Hah." Bjørn cracks up a bit, giggling like an over sized school girl. "I honestly hope I don't have to explain this pick to you guys. This is a guy who's name completely speaks for itself. The Marshals absolutely nailed this pick and it was by far my favorite pick of the draft. This was the most solid choice they could have made here and I can't say enough about it."

Draft Grades

Bjørn lets out a long breath and turns on the second projector. "Now that we've had a look at a lot of the prospects, we're going to look at these drafts as a whole and grade them purely from my perspective. After all, the Bjørn opinion is the best opinion. I don't think anyone completely lost out on this draft as everyone got difference makers, but I do think some teams may have gotten off better than others. Lets dive into it and see where we stand."

Tijuana Luchadores F+

"Looking at the pure volume of picks that the Luchadores took in during this draft, it would be far too easy to give Tijuana an A and just move on. You guys rely on me to give pure, unbiased opinions. Out of 100 possible players, the Luchadores had 22 of them. There is a lot of opportunity there. They started the draft off by completely avoiding the big boys. When their pick at number six came along, the best big boy in the draft was still available. Trae Bacon was on the board, guaranteed superstar and you gave him up and traded away for question marks. The fact is, in a draft like this you don't find many guarantees. You can guess and you can hope, but at the end of the day you don't always know who has the drive to be a long term contributor for your squad. That is what these early picks are about, getting players that are as close to guarantees as possible. Still, you at least had two picks in the second round, right? Wrong. You picked arguably the best receiver in the entire draft and then you decided to trade him away for an inactive. This guy is going to be a star and you passed him up for what? Impact now? Watson will be better player by the end of season, mark it. Fine. At least there was Thudd. You still managed to have 10 picks in the top 50 and you decided to not go for a single man with girth. No defensive tackles, no defensive ends, no offensive line. You waited until the 54th pick to give a single fair rub. More than that, you had 22 total picks and you only gave two fair rubs in the entirety of the draft. What were you thinking? This is a pair of general managers who have no respect for their offensive line boys. And whats more? You traded away who the general managers call a Tijuana legend, Gimmy Jaroppolo. You're a team that claims you're looking for a title and you go out there and trade away a locker room titan like he's nothing. The only reason you even get a plus to go with this failure of a draft is that you did at least get some guys with some potential. Thudd is going to be a star, clearly. Rodriguez and Bailey definitely have the drive to make something with what they have. You got a bit of a steal with Fuzzy Dotson, but most of these guys have giant question marks on their head. Maybe I'm wrong and all of the gambling you did paid off, but gambling isn't addicting because you win every time. No big guys, no fair rubs, and almost no guarantees. This entire process was a train wreck for the Luchadores."

Sandwich Sea Puppers A+

"I absolutely have to give the Sea Puppers an A+. Obviously they started off with a bang by selecting me, Bjørn Ironside, first overall. You can't make a bigger statement than picking the best of the big boys to anchor the center of your defense. They didn't stop there. They knew they needed to make a splash on the other side as well and get their offensive anchor early. They traded up to select Marcella Tōriki. With their anchors in place, they went in deep on the defensive side of the ball and put together an elite unit who should terrorize opposing offenses. They gave fair rubs early by picking up Chungus and continued the rub train by grabbing Bakhitiari and Despacito later in the draft. They knew they'd need a wall for Tōriki to run behind because Sandwich Admiral Nylar is smart enough to not put his entire faith in Gimmy, who they got off of a trade, These guys went in expecting to compete this season and I think they really achieved that with this class."

Kansas City Coyotes B-

"This team made a splash early and kept the momentum rolling. They clearly had defense in mind and grabbed a pair of stud linebackers early in the draft with Virtanen and Gaines. Both guys look to have strong careers and they should make an intimidating duo for this squad. They then got one of the best big boys in the class with John-Caleb Bradberton. They needed an anchor on the line and they would have been hard pressed to find much of anyone else to fill that role. They even got an absolute steal when Orien Drake fell to them all the way at pick 52. This guy was easily a top 15 pick on the offensive side of the ball and the Coyotes were lucky to see this one fall into their laps. They don't rank higher here due to their insult of the offensive line. It took until pick 70 for them to give a fair rub. You thought 70 other players were better than any offensive lineman on the board and that isn't giving a fair rub at all. The Coyotes should be ashamed of themselves for that display and I hope the fix it in the future."

Portland Pythons D

"This team doesn't get the D for the reason you think. I personally didn't have a problem with Portland's trades. I think it was a stroke of genious and a bit of luck that allowed them to get three players out of the top 12. One of those players was a top two player in the whole league, Trae Bacon. How Bacon fell out of the first round is absolutely mind boggling to me and is a travesty in every sense of the word. Getting him with the eight pick was the single best steal this draft had and that is the only reason Portland gets the D. They picked a tony man with their first pick. Everyone knows that he's just in the back to be target practice and to get hit. You don't build your franchise around a guy like that and the fact Trae was still available with this pick was points off in itself. They get some points for picking up Otto, but you can't even tell that guy is on the field sometimes. Everyone else in this class was question marks. Not to mention, they didn't give a single fair rub in this entire draft. Not a single offensive lineman. How do you even let that happen? And if I have to slap the Luchadores for question marks and lack of fair rubs, then I have to give Portland the D. You enjoy the D and be thankful picking Trae Bacon kept you from a worse fate."

San Antonio Marshals C+

"I'm not entirely sure who was leading the charge for the Marshals on this draft, but they were certainly questionable. In the early parts of the draft, they selected a Spider Man wannabe who only looks like the guy, but doesn't have the abilities. A guy with the name Biggums, who frankly I'm not very impressed with size wise despite the name. A guy who is reknown enough he's earned the nickname Drunk Franchet. And then a guy named Football Blockerman. I feel like they took a list of the season 18 most depraved prospects, threw them on a board, and played darts. The only thing that gives them a C instead of absolute failure is that Football Blockerman is in fact a blocker. He was the first offensive lineman off the board and with that, the Marshals showed their pure dedication to making sure that this offensive line class got a fair rub. This pick started a series of offensive line guys falling off the board and I'm not sure that happens without San Antonio. So congratulations, San Antonio. Fair rubs are why you get the most average of draft grades at a C. But you might say, hay Bjørn you have them at a C+. If fair rubs gave them a C, how did they get the plus? One name. One name alone got this rating up for the San Antonio Marshals. 69th overall. Jack Mahoff."

Palm Beach Solar Bears B

"These guys were hard to finger. Figure. They started off with their first picks being a giant, overgrown rat and a guy that was assigned to them contractually. Their arm was twisted to pick up Utler, so it wasn't really a choice. To be fair, I feel like the giant mouse may have also been really putting the pressure on as well. That said, you get to the middle of the draft and suddenly they nail every pick. They get the best tight end in the draft, Zack Hall. They have the prospect bowl hero and one of the best linebackers in the class, Matt Ammons fall to them at 19. They go into overdrive with their fair rubs, picking four total offensive linemen including two in the top half. They showed absolute devotion to fair rubs for all and really got a nice core together. They pick up the man with the best leg in the draft at 50 with Baxter Frost. Everything fell into place for them and the later this draft got, the better it looked.Unfortunately it took them 91 picks to get a defensive tackle. How you guys gonna anchor a defense without a big guy manning the middle? What is wrong with you? Also I feel like I have to give this grade because a six foot tall rat doesn't sound like something I want to wrestle with."

General Manager Interviews

Bjørn flips back to the other screen. "Now that we've given these guys a grade, Bjørn Ironside went on the scene to get some interviews directly. Honestly you can make all the assumptions about the draft you want and most of us do. The reality is, you never really know what was going on in the head of the managers when they made certain decisions. You don't really know how the picks themselves felt about where they landed. Instead of making assumptions, I would prefer to just ask them. I wanted to start off the interviews by seeing how these general managers felt they did and how they like their chances on the season. This is what they had to say for themselves. Most of these interviews were done directly after the draft and I was trying to be as professional as possible. There was a lot on my mind and a storm was brewing. We'll get into that after." Bjørn clicks a button and video begins to play.

Tijuana Luchadores

Bjørn Ironside: You guys traded out of the first round for more draft depth. What were your thoughts on that trade and is there anyone you might regret missing out on as a result of it?

ScorpXCracker: Well we knew that this draft was very deep, so we wanted to get as much capital in it as we possibly could. Our main target in the first round was Trae Bacon, and I do regret missing him, I still think it was the best move for Tijuana.

Bjørn Ironside: You guys Selected Jake Watson with your first pick and then later down the line cut ties with him and let him go to Portland. What made Watson a priority for Tijuana and why then were you willing to separate from him?

ScorpXCracker: Well Jake has been very active in discord and that's what made him a target for us. We knew we wanted a high earning player. We had no intentions of trading him until Saba approached us and offered us his current pick for him, and an inactive. On the board there was a high earning receiver, Bender Rodgriguez that we could replace Jake with, and we also got ourselves a nice 160 tpe inactive out of it.

Bjørn Ironside: At 12, you guys pulled the trigger on Thudd Kassel at linebacker. What made Thudd stand out to you guys to take him so early?

ScorpXCracker: Well Thudd has been super vocal on discord, and that is a huge factor in who I pick. Thudd also seemed really passionate about NSFL and we figured that would help him stay long term.

Bjørn Ironside: You guys ultimately ended up selecting a multitude of receivers and corners in this draft. If the situation arises in which they all want to contribute, are you looking at potential position swaps or are we potentially in for some exciting schemes this season?

ScorpXCracker: Well right now I believe we have 5 defensive backs, and that works out great because we, like everyone else in the league, run a Nickel defense. On offense we'll just sub people in and out a lot. The sim has a cap on yards, and if we have a lot of receivers we won't have to worry about that.

Bjørn Ironside: Are there any picks you guys got that you felt like you were steals either before or after you picked them?

ScorpXCracker: Right now I think some of the biggest steals that we've gotten are Wayne Homyaknow, Earl Sauce, and Dorian Cope. At the time we were hoping that they were actives, and after talking to them we can't believe how active they are and are pumped to have them on our team.

Bjørn Ironside: Take me into the trade for beloved Tijuana legend and back up quarterback, Gimmy Jaropolo. What made you decide that you wanted to see him in different colors than your own?

ScorpXCracker: Trading him was a very hard decision. We love him in Tijuana and wanted to do right by him, and wanted to put him in a scenario where he could be in a starting position.

Bjørn Ironside: You've now had a chance to look at the team. Where do you see Tijuana at the end of the season?

ScorpXCracker: It's incredible. We have as many actives as a NSFL team. I would be very surprised if at the end of the season we aren't hoisting another Ultimini.

Bjørn Ironside: With that in mind, is there any comments you'd like to direct towards your opponents in the coming season?

ScorpXCracker: You all suck lmao

Bjørn Ironside: That's what I like to see! Finally, are there any behind the scenes stories or thoughts on the process you might have that can give the upcoming players an idea of what it's like to be in a general manager's shoes?

ScorpXCracker: I mean it's pretty straightforward for the most part. I think that the best story was that the blockbuster trade at sixth almost never happened at all. While the negotiations were going on I proposed a three team trade, and if it went through the trade that shaped up our entire draft never would've happened.

Bjørn Ironside: "The Luchadores made an early exit out of the first round due to a trade. Is there anyone you may have missed on as a result?"

TomHanks: "Well this draft is just loaded with talent. We had our eyes on a guy with the 6th pick, but ultimately being able to amass the number of picks we did was far too tempting an offer to pass up. We are absolutely thrilled with this draft class, and the guys we were able to grab with those extra picks are already putting in work, hanging out in the locker room with the guys, and really getting integrated into the community. And, we got a first round pick next year out it. As much as we would’ve liked the guy at 6, we have no regrets about the trade as we feel we have built a team that will be the best in the league. We’ve never had this many guys present and engaging from a single draft class before, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything."

Bjørn Ironside: "When the Tijuana Luchadores finally selected their first pick, they went after receiver Jake Watson. What made you emphasize him as your first pick and then why were you willing to trade him away later in the draft?

TomHanks: "Watson will likely be a stud, we wouldn’t have picked him if we didn’t believe that. However, there are some amazingly talented receivers that were available later in the draft as well. I think we proved that with our draft picks. In addition to Bortboy, a very versatile player albeit not really a locker room guy, we got Portland’s third round next year to make up for our 3rd rounder we traded them, and we got the 17th overall pick. Which turned into Bender B. Rodriguez. Rodriguez is a guy we had rated the same as Watson, so being able to get him, Bortboy, and get a next year third back is incredible. We also built an amazing group of WRs as the draft went on. Bender, Jesse, Dorian, Alex, are all guys were super excited about, and between them, Jackson Valadez who is returning for another season, Earl at tightend, and Bortboy, Jordan McCann III will have no shortage of targets this year. We are also planning on moulding our pick Fuzzy Dotson into a receiving back, which will allow us to spread the ball around even more."

Bjørn Ironside: "Thudd Kassel was your first pick that actually stuck on the roster. He was clearly high on your board, so what made him stick out to the Luchadores?"

TomHanks: "I’ll tell you first off that the holdout threat never scared us. We knew that Thudd would be happy to play for the team once he got a feel of the locker room and the community we’ve built here over the past seasons, he’d be thrilled to play for Tijuana. We wanted a linebacker who is going to make a big impact early, and in this run first league, be able to take down running backs who make it through our d line. He’s a great tackler and backs will struggle to make it past him. But the real reason we picked him is his charisma and leadership. The man can rally a group around a cause like no one I’ve ever seen, and we want that cause to be shutting down anyone not on Tijuana. I get Dick Butkus vibes from Thudd. The defence will listen to him, he’ll keep everyone’s energy levels sky high, and he will hit the opposition harder than anyone else on the field."

Bjørn Ironside: "With the quantity of picks the Luchadores had, there had to be someone who fell into your lap later on that you didn't expect. Who would that be?"

TomHanks: "We feel good about a lot of our later round picks, so it’s tough to highlight just a couple. The two I will speak on now I’m only highlighting specifically because we were really surprised with how far they fell, and they’re currently two of the most talkative people in our locker room. Wayne Howyanow, a ball hawking, Eddie Jackson type safety who is going to be a key piece of this secondary we have put together, and Dorian Cope. Dorian is a red zone threat and a beastly WR from Texas who is going to be a big target in shorter yard situations and in the end zone. I’ve gotten great vibes from both these guys, and had we not picked a large number of guys both at WR and in the secondary, we would’ve pulled the trigger earlier. By the time we did pick them, they were way too good prospects to pass up."

Bjørn Ironside: "Midway through the draft, Tijuana traded away local hero and fabled legend Gimmy Jaropolo. How could you of all people let Gimmy go to another team?"

TomHanks: "Oh man, that was a tough pill to swallow. There are all kinds of reasons we won last year, but getting an Ultimini winner in Gimmy onto the team has to be the most crucial. Norfolk will be his third team in three seasons, and he won championships with the first two. However, Jordan McCann III is our quarterback, so Gimmy was there to be a mentor and the locker room lifeblood of the team. While this was a good role for him, he has the opportunity to be QB1 in Norfolk, and I couldn’t let that stallion sit on the bench when he can be a starter elsewhere. Do I think losing Gimmy will be a blow for Tijuana? Absolutely. But we didn’t make this trade for us, we made it for Gimmy. Ultimately his prolonged success is my priority."

Bjørn Ironside: "You guys have a long season ahead, but where do you see Tijuana going with this class of rookies?

TomHanks: "Hoisting a second consecutive ultimini. I wanted to keep expectations tempered, I did. But I put together the roster, and I have never been this excited before preseason even starts about my team. Tijuana has to be considered early favourites, and if this team develops the way I see it developing, it’s gonna be damn near impossible to stop us."

Bjørn Ironside: "What would you want to say to your opponents?"

TomHanks: "I would say don’t pass against us, we have an absolutely shut down secondary, but with our DLine and pair of linebackers, y’all can’t really run against us either. Defending is going to be tough too, Jordan has been putting in work and is loaded with targets who are going to be able to stay fresh by cycling who’s on the field. Ducky is back and he had a hell of a season last year, so he’s ready to go for another one. Fuzzy is making some changes and is going to be big for both the run and the passing game, and we brought back Hank McCoy who we took off waivers last year. I’m most excited about the versatility we’re going to have, allowing us to change our tactics every game and keep our opposition on their toes."

Bjørn Ironside: "Is there anything you'd like to say to prospective general managers looking to join the ranks in the future?"

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*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - speculadora - 08-21-2019

tldr

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - IsaStarcrossed - 08-21-2019

(08-21-2019, 08:17 PM)speculadora Wrote:tldr

TLDR: The draft was lit fam

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - Frostbite - 08-21-2019

Oh yeah, I like what I read

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - Hallmonitor_20 - 08-21-2019

This was absolutely amazing and worth the wait. You're breakdown is spot on and it was nice to see what the GMs had to say about their picks. ????

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - SabaDonutMan - 08-21-2019

.... How much time did this take.....

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - IsaStarcrossed - 08-21-2019

(08-21-2019, 08:38 PM)SabaDonutMan Wrote:.... How much time did this take.....


I worked on it basically continuously about lunch Monday till 30 minutes ago. I slept maybe four hours in that time. I don't have the brain power to do math right now.

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - lamp_wizard - 08-21-2019

Beautiful article.

I'm weaving a basket for you, Bjørn.

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - Dylandeluxe - 08-21-2019

You are a machine. Great read mate!

Gonna go pack on 44 pounds of muscle now tho!

*Bjørn's Dive Into the DSFL Draft - goodvsevil1275 - 08-21-2019

Fantastic article. Really appreciate you making this and thanks for the interview and kind words!