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+---- Thread: *Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft (/showthread.php?tid=20672)
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*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - SwankyPants31 - 04-01-2020
With the draft coming upon us sooner than anybody anticipated, we’ve seen an influx of mock drafts come in. I’ve looked through all of them, and noticed they all had something in common.
THEY’RE ALL VERY BORING
So grab a drink and buck up. I’m here with my BOLD S22 NSFL draft predictions. The following is what each team in the NSFL should do if they want to make a statement.
1.
- Tom Sofa, QB, 
After falling all the way to Mr. Irrelevant in the S21 DSFL draft, Tom Sofa exploded onto the scene. He has racked up an Earth-shattering 11 completions on 17 attempts for a total of 140 yards and one lone touchdown through ten weeks of the regular season. But we haven’t even gotten to the BOLD part of my prediction yet, oh no. Tom Sofa will not be intentionally picked here. Due to the Austin GM leaving Discord logged in on a library computer, a local homeless savant will make the Tom Sofa selection for him. It all works out in the end though, as Sofa goes on to light the league up and become a first ballot Hall of Famer.
2.
- Thomas Passmann, WR, 
We’ve all seen the articles coming out recently chronicling Thomas Passmann’s wild ride. The WR has made a name for himself not just by being a high TPE earner and being second in the league in passing yards, but by being in general an all-around spooky dude. The writing on the wall here is that Passmann enters into some freaky contract with the Devil to propel himself up to the top of the first round. But even the devil isn’t strong enough to move him past some homeless guy in a library.
3.
- Garfield Despacito Jr., WR, The SaberCats, caught off guard by the BOLDNESS of the previous two picks are caught with their pants down here. With just seconds to go before the timer runs out and they are skipped, San Jose elects to pick the spiciest meme name they can find in the draft in Garfield Despacito Jr. Honorable mention here goes to fellow Myrtle Beach wide receiver Leeroy Jenkins, but I believe recency bias gives Despacito the edge.
4.
- Jim Tirtawidjaja, QB/RB, No one knows much about Jim T. He showed up two weeks just before game time, despite never being listed on a roster and looking strangely like some bizarre melding of two different Tijuana players. Nevertheless, he muscled his way right into the starting QB spot for the Luchadores and led them to two straight wins. Afterwards, he disappeared into the night, never to be seen again. Still on the board at pick 4, any team would be foolish to not be BOLD enough to take a chance on this mysterious stranger. It’s the ultimate risk vs. reward pick, and the Outlaws have my utmost respect for taking him in my head.
5.
- Magnus Rikiya, DT, 
I’m gonna be totally honest on this one. If there’s ever a team that I forget exists, it’s the Liberty. And if there was ever a good player that I forget exists it’s Magnus, so I feel like these two go hand in hand. A safe pick, but not very BOLD in my opinion. But it’s a good thing Philadelphia has two back to back first round picks because…
6.
- LiterallyJust A. Hexagon, S, With a name like that how could he go anywhere BUT 6? Now I know what you’re thinking. “Swanky, you buffoon, why not wait until round 6, pick 6? Or overall pick 66?”. But you know what? I considered this. I thought long and hard about it and you know what? I still decided to put him here because I’m not BOLD enough to do this for that long, and I wanted to make the joke.
7.
- Chase Young, DE, OSUThis is where things start to get real BOLD. With the 7th overall pick in the draft the Wraiths get some help in the pass rush department with Ohio State star Chase Young. How will this all work out? Does someone make a character for him? Does he have to make a character himself? I don’t know, I just type what the alcohol tells me. But what I do know is this pick is BOLD.
8.
- The Chicago Butchers, 
I wanted to be all inclusive here, and since the most interesting NSFL team of the season doesn’t currently (and likely will not) have a pick in the upcoming draft, I had to get EXTRA BOLD. In a move that stuns the NSFL and shakes the league to its absolute core, the expansion team makes an unprecedented move by drafting the entirety of The Chicago Butchers. The league newcomers felt they needed to make a statement, and taking an entire franchise was it. The result of which is a long, bloody power struggle between the two teams that ultimately ends in an un-expansion where both teams and all currently signed players are simply deleted from existence.
9.
- Colt Mendoza, CB, 
Colt Mendoza, probably better known to most here as the user iStegosauruz, has simply become too powerful to be ignored. Both the quantity and quality of the media he has produced since coming to the league this season has given almost complete control of the economy. Colt simply walks into Colorado’s war room and slams a pile of bills on the table with such force that everyone inside is vaporized, giving Steg complete control of the Yetis. A shudder ripples through each of the other teams’ war rooms simultaneously. Each of them know they could be next.
10.
- Prince Vegeta, S, The first overall pick in the S21 draft makes his triumphant and BOLD return here. Vegeta was the highest overall TPE earner in his class, and continues to wear that crown, nearly 40 TPE higher than the next highest player. On top of that, it looks like he may have had more TPE going into the S21 draft than any of the S22 prospects have going into this draft. Therefore, the only LOGICAL step here is for the Otters to repeat their S21 pick and establish the new and innovative double Vegeta strategy at safety.
11.
- NobodyThat’s right, Baltimore refuses to take anybody in this mock draft. They want no part of my CHILDISH GAMES. As a result, they find themselves DISQUALIFIED.
12.
- Ben Slothlisberger, QB, Every single mock I’ve seen so far has Sloth going to NOLA. Every. Single. One. Whether it be in the first round or the second, everybody and their mom knows that Sloth is going to end up in NOLA. So why have I included this pick in my mock draft you may ask yourself? Because even I am not BOLD enough to stand against this tide. Sloth and NOLA are a winning combination, like peanut butter and jelly, or COVID and ignoring social distancing guidelines. No sense in arguing against this one.
So there you have it. My predictions for this upcoming draft. I want to see some of your BOLD predictions in the replies!
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - Thiath - 04-01-2020
hmmm yes, bold indeed.
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - NicholasTheGreat - 04-01-2020
I think a BOLD prediction is for some Offensive Lineman in the 1st round.
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - .Laser - 04-01-2020
Vegeta so good we used two firsts on him
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - ScorpXCracker - 04-01-2020
Quote:If there’s ever a team that I forget exists, it’s the Liberty.
Honestly same
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - Kyle - 04-01-2020
No way I fall out of the first smh
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - Frostbite - 04-01-2020
now thats BOLD
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - SwankyPants31 - 04-01-2020
(03-31-2020, 10:45 PM)NicholasTheGreat Wrote:I think a BOLD prediction is for some Offensive Lineman in the 1st round.
Not BOLD enough!
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - Tesla - 04-01-2020
Glad to see my client is memorable enough to make it to fifth overall even if they are generally forgettable. Love the mock draft, but agree it could use more line players. Great job nonetheless!
*Swanky's BOLD First Round Mock Draft - J0EB - 04-01-2020
lol I love this so much. Hilarious article, keep up the BOLD work