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Which (Mostly) Useless Superhero is Your Team? - AsylumParty - 07-19-2017

First and absolutely foremost I need to preface this "article" as a joke. I didn't participate in 75% of season one so I'm only drawing brief comparisons from popular areas of discussion or conflict, none of these conform to my actual beliefs about the teams (please draft me).


Alright, let's get this terrible idea started.


San Jose SaberCats as Stone Boy

[Image: 2672495-stone_boy_002.png]

The idea behind Stone Boy is that he has the ability to turn into *drumroll* . . . stone!
Sort of like The Thing, I guess. Except that The Thing could MOVE. Stone Boy becomes immobile when he turns into stone. It's a bit reminiscent of the SaberCats pre-Ethan Hunt because they had so much trouble moving the rock (ha). The only reason I can draw this comparison with any semblance of accuracy is because later on Stone Boy learns how to actually move, which is where the Hunt era begins.

Baltimore Hawks as Hindsight Lad

[Image: latest?cb=20170519210404]

Hindsight Lad does exactly what you'd imagine. He's able to accurately surmise what might have happened had events played out differently. This is actually useful if you're a researcher, but as a superhero, no thanks. Baltimore's Damian West blunder is poster child material for hindsight being twenty-twenty. Here a small list of receivers still on the board when West's name was called: Stormblessed, Cook, Jefferson, Hendrix, and Westfield. Impressively sad, isn't it? We can't get them all right, though :shrug:

Orange County Otters as Robin

[Image: latest?cb=20140322174122]

The idea here is the sheer popularity to actual performance disparity. This isn't to say the Otters aren't a more-than-useless team, but being the favorites to win the Ultimus, expectations versus the outcome left fans a bit disappointed. I suppose that Robin isn't entirely useless, as he keeps the Dark Knight from getting too dark. Similarly the Otters occasionally knock the Outlaws down a peg (albeit rarely).

Arizona Outlaws as The Thunderer

[Image: Thunderer.jpg]

The Thunderer is a former radio host that decided to integrate his job and his vigilante act by putting a very loud microphone into his costume and yelling at people. I hope I haven't given the Outlaws any ideas, but for the next month it will be useful as they remind us all of their successes this season.

Colorado Yeti as Rainbow Girl

[Image: 2033068-rainbowgirl_coloured.jpg]

Let's disregard the blatant sexism as giving the rare girl superhero the power of mood swings, and figure out where that fits with the Yeti's season one performance. Quite the emotional high being 6-1 going into week 8, followed by a rock bottom performance the next several weeks, though managing to break the slump and make it into the post season mostly due to their first half of the season. They seemed to be back at the top of the world, though, making it to the Ultimus before being struck down again against the Outlaws.

Philadelphia Liberty as Forget Me Not

[Image: 4138210-forgetmenot-x-men_legacy%23300.jpg]

Forget Me Not has the absolutely unincredible power to be forgotten mere moments after speaking with someone. Seems a bit like the Liberty during their first offseason as they gather picks preparing for the future and living in the shadow of the Las Vegas Legion who are making a much bigger splash as part of a win-now methodology.

Las Vegas Legion as Gin Genie

[Image: gin-genie-xstatix-marvel-comics.jpg?auto...3&fit=crop]

Conversely, we have the Legion represented as Gin Genie, who might have the most potential here. That potential isn't limited to success, though. Gin Genie can create very powerful seismic waves with one exception - she has to be drunk. Unfortunately, she's a mean drunk so oftentimes that power is used against her own team. While she managed to escape cirrhosis of the liver, she was killed off anyways. We'll have to wait a few more weeks before having a better idea of Las Vegas' future.

Yellowknife Wraiths as Mr. Fantastic

[Image: mrfantastic.jpg]

Okay, so Mr. Fantastic isn't exactly useless, I just couldn't imagine a more boring superhero to better depict the lack of novelty to the Wraith's season (not that that's necessarily bad). I almost went with Superman, but Superman would have won the Ultimus.



746 Words

GRADED

Which (Mostly) Useless Superhero is Your Team? - Roshambo - 07-19-2017

Truly is the offseason... Wink

Which (Mostly) Useless Superhero is Your Team? - AsylumParty - 07-19-2017

(07-19-2017, 04:25 PM)Roshambo Wrote:Truly is the offseason...  Wink

Excuse me, this is a very relevant and useful analysis :super:

Which (Mostly) Useless Superhero is Your Team? - 37thchamber - 07-19-2017

For the first time, someone is upset they weren't compared with Aquaman.

Good job, lol.

Which (Mostly) Useless Superhero is Your Team? - kckolbe - 07-19-2017

Please move this to statistical analysis