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*Philly: The Musical - Lightnoir - 07-09-2020 [div align=\\\"center\\\"]All characters herein are strictly the creation of the author and do not necessarily reflect the attitudes or views of those represented. Flash photography is prohibited. Please set your cell phones to silent and enjoy the show. Philly: The Musical Starring Wesley Eriksen Matt Cross Brandon Booker Suleiman Ramza Nacho Varga Randy Vuxta Brock Phoenix Richard D'attoria Flash Panda INT. THE BOYS' APARTMENT A large window on the back wall shows the sun beginning to rise, washing the room in a dawn glow. WESLEY ERIKSEN enters from stage right, still in his pajamas. He stretches to signify his day is just begining. (We begin the opening song, "Good Morning Philly". What begins as a slow ballad builds into an exciting hectic number, reflecting the bustle and life of Philadelphia) WES I'VE SEEN THE WHOLE WORLD FROM THE WINDOWS OF BUSES TRAINS, PLANES, AND CARS BUT I STILL TRUST IT'S ONLY ONE PLACE I WANT TO WAKE UP AND BE I THROW OPEN MY WINDOW "GOOD MORNING PHILLY!" (The music begins to pick up tempo. MATT CROSS enters from stage left, yawning and stretching) WES Good morning, Matt! MATT Good morning, Wes! IN UNISON Good morning, Philly! MATT I'VE SEEN THE WHOLE WORLD BUT IT DOESN'T RING A BELL LIKE PHILLY DOES, REALLY IT'S SO MAGICAL WES IT'S THE HOME OF BEN FRANKLIN MATT AND THE CONTINENTAL CONGRESS WES IT WAS EVEN THE CAPITAL TIL JEFFERSON FUCKED IT MATT CITY OF LIBERTY WES AND FREEDOM FOR ALL MATT IT'S OUR HOME THAT WE LOVE AND WHERE WE PLAY FOOTBALL (WES and MATT disappear off-stage and reappear wearing their football uniforms. There's a drumline style breakdown as the two leads perform a complicated tap dance routine) WES PHILLY YOU TUG AT MY HEART STRINGS THERE ISN'T ENOUGH I COULD SAY MATT WE DO IT ALL FOR THE PEOPLE AND FANS WES I JUST WISH THEY'D STOP CALLING ME GAY ON TWITTER LIKE EVERY DAY MATT IN PHILLY ASSAULT IS ANOTHER KIND OF LOVE WES I DON'T THINK WE'RE SELLING IT MATT MATT IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT THEY CAN GO TO HELL PHILLY TIL I DIE AND THAT'S THAT IN UNISON PHILLY TIL I DIE AND THAT'S THAT THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE I WANT TO BE THAT'S MY LOVELY HOME OF PHILLY! MAN OFF-STAGE Will you shut the fuck up I'm trying to sleep! (Our leads laugh and shake their heads as the song ends. Matt begins making breakfast as Wesley reads the newspaper in a comically old-fashioned way.) WES Say Matt, there's a new exhibit opening at the art museum today. Maybe we could go check it out after practice? MATT Why that sounds like a wonderful idea, what's the subject? WES Philadelphia Football history! MATT My god! But we love football! WES I know! MATT We simply must check it out, perhaps some of our teammates would like to come along as well? WES That's a brilliant idea Matt! I simply can't wait to go! (Stage lights go down as the set is reorganized. When they come back down we see a locker room where WES, MATT, BRANDON BOOKER, and RICHARD D'ATTORIA are getting dressed. INT. LOCKER ROOM WES Whew, some practice that was, am I right? BRANDON You're telling me! It feels like my sweat is sweating! (everyone laughs) RICHARD You think that was tough, wait til you get to my age! The practice is almost harder than the games for me now! MATT Really? You never seem to complain or struggle! What's your secret? RICHARD Well... ("Football Is Just A Young Man's Game" begins, a quickfire piece with a rapid breakbeat drum pattern) RICHARD WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT SHADE I'D PARADE MYSELF ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I'D SAY I'M A SAFETY YES, THE BEST NO I CANNOT BE REPLACED AND NOW THESE YOUNGINS GETTIN IN MY FACE I SET A PACE THAT'S SO FAST YOU KNOW THAT, I SHOW THAT IN EVERY GAME THAT I PLAY NO COLLAPSE, NO MISSED SNAPS I KEEP MY EYES ON THE FUTURE NO OLD ME, I TOLD ME THAT IF I COULDN'T PLAY A FOURTEENTH TAKE MY ASS TO PALM BEACH NOW THESE DAYS MY KNEES ACHE WHEN IM DONE WITH A SPRINT THE BODYS WEAK BUT I STILL GOT A SPIRIT THAT'S THE THING, ANY DAY YOU THINK YOU MIGHT UP AND QUIT I THINK OF AN ULTIMUS IN MY FINGER TIPS AND THEN I'M SO YOUNG AGAIN ALL SO YOUNG AGAIN RICHARD FOOTBALL'S JUST A YOUNG MAN'S GAME LET ME TELL YOU I PLAY TO WIN ALL YEAH WE PLAY TO WIN RICHARD I DON'T SPENT MY DAYS, POINTING FINGERS AT GRAVES A YOUNG MAN WOULD SAY I'D DIE TO WIN BUT NOW I'M OLDER I JUST TRY TO WIN ALL WE ALL TRY TO WIN RICHARD FOOTBALL IS JUST A YOUNG MAN'S GAME (The song ends and RICHARD takes a seat to catch his breath) MATT Wow I never thought of it like that! WES You didn't exactly tell us what your secret is though. RICHARD You don't understand? You just gotta ignore it and keep giving 110%. And if you ever think you can't do that, do it anyway. It's about your spirit not your body. BRANDON Wow, I never thought about it that way! You're really wise beyond your years Rich. RICHARD Heh, I better be! Because I'm getting too old for this shit! (everyone laughs) WES Say gang, Matt and I were going to check out this new football exhibit at the art museum. Would you folks like to come along? BRANDON Would we ever! Say I bet Suleiman would like to come too! MATT I thought he was still in Norfolk? WES Shut the fuck up! (the scene just kind of ends here) INT. PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART (The walls are covered in abstract pieces of art, depictions of football players and stadiums seen through the lens of the artist. MATT, WES, BRANDON, and SULLY.) SULLY Thanks for inviting me out guys. My night would've been a real dog's dinner if I had stayed home! MATT You shouldn't eat dog food Sully. SULLY No, it's an expression. WES I've never heard that one before! Oh Matt, look at this statue over here! It looks just like you! (WES and MATT hurry off-stage right. SULLY attempts to follow but BRANDON grabs his arm. SULLY turns back dramatically.) BRANDON I had my suspicions about you, but dog's dinner? Come on mate, drop the act. SULLY I don't know what you're on about BRANDON You're secretly British aren't you!? (Sully looks around sheepishly, then agrily at BRANDON. He starts speaking with a heavy english accent.) SULLY Oi, so the cat's out of the bag then. I was worried the lads wouldn't accept me, so I pretended I was from Louisiana because they have weird accents. BRANDON My god, of course. I'm glad I found you mate, cause I have a confession... I'm Bri'ish too, bruv. SULLY Oi! BRANDON Indeed. SULLY Bloody hell, I feel like I've been hiding so long. I thought they'd find me out when I called a biscuit a biscuit, but I was able to convince everyone else it was a Louisiana thing. BRANDON I do the same thing. SULLY Heh, look at us. A couple of undercover footballers in the colonies. You reckon coach would toss his toys out the pram if he found out? BRANDON It's hard to say. I feel like I've been living a lie so long. I don't even know who I am anymore. SULLY Hey. Brandon. You're you. Don't you ever worry about that. (SULLY begins singing "The Sun Never Sets") SULLY ALL OF ME CALLS IT THE COLONIES BUT FOLLOW ME BRANDON WE HAVE TO REPROGRAM, ABANDON OUR RAISING, JUST RAZE IT THE MILITARY, PRAISE IT IF WE WANT TO STAY IN WITH THE AMERICANS BRANDON OH SULLY IM SORRY MY HEARTS WITH THE QUEEN YANKS PUT THE CUNT IN COUNTRY CONTRARY TO ME YOU SEEM COMFY JUST TRYING JUST LYING TO BE A PART OF THE GROUP SULLY IM TRYING TO BE ACCEPTED BRANDON IS THAT YOUR DIRECTIVE? SULLY I'M JUST BEING PROTECTIVE DO YOU GET IT? BRANDON I GET IT I GUESS THAT I JUST REGRET DONNING THIS PERSONA CAUSE THE SUN NEVER SETS UNISON OH THE SUN NEVER SETS ON THE ISLES OF HOME OR THE COLONIES, ALL OF THESE PLACES WE'VE OWNED WE PAY ODE TO THE QUEEN AND WE NEVER FORGET THAT WE RUN THIS SHIT CAUSE THE SUN NEVER SET SULLY Dammit Brandon you're right! We should be proud of who we are! BRANDON I guess that's kind of what I said! (MATT re-enters from stage right) MATT Come on and catch up guys! (SULLY and BRANDON look at each other, and then MATT) SULLY Mate, we've got something to tell you. (End scene) EXT. PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART (WES, MATT, BRANDON, and SULLY sit eating hot dogs or Philly cheese steaks or whatever) WES Wow, British huh? Where'd you even learn to play football BRANDON The Jaguars played in London when I was a kid, and from that day on I've dedicated myself to being a professional football player. SULLY Yeah, me too. MATT I'm so proud of you two for coming out as British. That takes a lot of courage. SULLY There will probably be repercussions, but we're willing to face them. Together. WES We'll all face them together, because we're a team. MATT Yeah! (Our boys hug it out. It looks kind of weird because it's four dudes all hugging each other at the same time, but emotionally it totally lands. End Scene) INT. LOCKER ROOM (NACHO VARGA and RANDY VUXTA are suiting up for a game. It's not clear when this happens. Perhaps the two exist in a place beyond comprehension, a place where it's always game day.) VARGA Heh, someone on Twitter said "Vux sucks" today. Never heard that one before VUXTA Psh, sure very funny. You're just jealous that I'm Brock's favorite receiver. VARGA Maybe you think so, but I know better. VUXTA Yeah sure, okay (The lights go down until the stage is dark, save two spotlights on VUXTA and VARGA, stood on opposite sides of the stage. "Brock, My Rock" begins.) VUXTA BROCK TALKS TO ME ABOUT THE ROUTES I RUN SOMETIMES WE JUST THROW IT FOR FUN ME AND MY QB, NOTHING MORE TO SEE WHEN WE'RE ON THE FIELD, WE'RE LIKE ONE LIKE ONE VARGA BROCK PLAYS THE GAME WITH ME NEARLY EVERYDAY THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BETWEEN US GUESS VUX NEVER SEES US HE'S WASTING AWAY WASTING HIS TIME HAVING FUN, 'ING FUN UNISON BROCK, MY ROCK PLEASE DON'T TEAR US APART PUT THE BALL IN MY HANDS AND I'LL RUN, I'LL RUN BROCK, MY ROCK TELL VUXTA/VARGA THAT HE'S WRONG PUT THE BALL IN MY HANDS AND I'LL RUN, I'LL RUN HELL YEAH MY BROCK, GO AND GIVE ME A CHANCE TIL WE'RE IN THE END ZONE WE'RE NOT DONE, NOT DONE VARGA Whatever man, you don't know how it is. I'll see you in the tunnel. Nerd. (VARGA exits stage left. VUXTA spikes his helmet in frustration. BROCK PHOENIX enters from stage right with a concerned look on his face.) BROCK Vux, what's wrong? I heard singing and then a crash. VUXTA It's that damn Nacho! He thinks that he's your favorite, but dammit he doesn't know what you mean to me! BROCK Vux... VUXTA You've gotta give me a chance, man. Trust me. BROCK Vux, Nacho is a great receiver too, I can't just focus on you all game. VUXTA Just give me a chance ("Go Deep (I Can Take It)" begins playing, a slow beautiful ballad) VUXTA I KNOW I'M NOT YOUR ONLY WIDE OUT BUT EVER SINCE WE TRIED OUT MY HEART HAS ALWAYS CRIED OUT FOR YOU AND THE THINGS THAT YOU DO HOW YOU CHUCK IT, FUCK IT, I NEED IT FROM YOU GO DEEP SLING IT ON OVER DON'T CREEP YOUR EYES TOWARDS VARGA HE'S COVERED I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED, A CATCH I GUESS IT'S LEFT TO ME SO GO DEEP I'LL SHOW YOU I CAN TAKE IT BROCK I NEED A LITTLE SPACE TO BREATHE WHEN YOU'RE DEEP I HAVE NO PROTECTION I NEED SOME PASS BLOCKING SOMETIMES I NEED YOU RIGHT BESIDE ME DON'T GO DEEP VUXTA IF YOU UNDERSTOOD BROCK, WHAT I ONLY KNEW BROCK, WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE SCARED IT'S PLAIN TO SEE BLOCKING AIN'T THE BEST FOR ME I CAN'T OFFER PROTECTION IF YOU WON'T GO DEEP BROCK I CAN'T TAKE IT! VUXTA YOU NEED TO! I SEE THROUGH YOUR FEAR! BROCK FUCK IT, VUXTA, LOOK IT SUCKS, BUT I NEED YOU HERE VUXTA DON'T CLIP MY WINGS I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE SEEN I KNOW YOU KNOW I'LL TAKE IT SO BROCK, JUST TELL ME TO GO DEEP BROCK Oh Vux, I can see how much this means to you. Alright, I'll throw it as far as I can for you. But what will Varga think? VUXTA Don't worry about what Varga thinks. Just worry about us. (The two share a powerful gaze as the lights go down. End Scene) EXT. PHILADELPHIA PRACTICE FACILITY (The practice facility seems to a have a bamboo garden. FLASH PANDA stands in the center of the stage. It's a man wearing a panda costume. He's shoveling bamboo into his mouth at a rapid rate. WESLEY enters stage right) WESLEY Geez Panda! You always just seem to be eating bamboo! FLASH *questioning growl noise?* WESLEY Heh, if you spent half as much time practicing as you do eating, you could be WR1! (WESLEY exits stage right. FLASH looks at the bamboo in his hand, then stares out into the audience. He begins singing "Bamboozled" FLASH THEY THINK I'M A MASCOT OR JOKE OR A GAG LIKE IT'S JUST THE BAMBOO WHY MY STATS ARE SO BAD BUT I'VE GOT A SECRET I'VE HAD FOR SO LONG THAT I CAN'T TELL MY TEAMMATES SO I'LL PUT IT IN SONG I'M JUST A GUY. IN A PANDA SUIT THAT'S WHY I PLAY LIKE I'M A SMALL FRY I CAN BARELY BREATHE IN THIS SHIT CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE LEAGUE BELIEVES IN THIS SHIT I SHOWED UP TO PRACTICE LIKE THIS AS A BIT BUT THE WHOLE TEAM WENT WITH IT SO I GOT STUCK IN I THOUGHT IF I SAID I WAS CATFISH THAT THEY'D ALL REALIZE THEY GOT CATFISH'D BUT THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS MUST HAVE BRAINS MADE OF ROCKS CAUSE THEY GOT ME THIS BAMBOO AND NOW I FEEL STUCK OH I'M JUST A GUY. IN A PANDA SUIT THAT'S WHY I PLAY LIKE I'M A SMALL FRY I CAN BARELY BREATHE IN THIS SHIT CAN'T BELIEVE THE WHOLE LEAGUE BELIEVES IN THIS SHIT I SHOWED UP- (WESLEY enters stage right again) WES Hey Flash, practice is about to start, get over here already! (FLASH looks at the crowd and shrugs) FLASH *affirmative panda noises* WES Haha, oh you silly football playing bear! You always know exactly what to say! (FLASH exits stage right. The curtain closes. End of Act I) (2,529 words)[/div] *Philly: The Musical - SchwarzNarr - 07-09-2020 What does it take to get the Philly team to actually perform? *Philly: The Musical - Lightnoir - 07-09-2020 We just started rehearsals for our production of Hamilton, so probably not much. *Philly: The Musical - HalfEatenOnionBagel - 07-09-2020 What am I doing with my life? *Philly: The Musical - roastfuego - 07-09-2020 I mean the reason I signed my extension was because the only QB I want to catch passes from is Brock (besides that weird time that Slm was a QB). Glad to see this relationship was put to song. *Philly: The Musical - 124715 - 07-09-2020 This brilliant post cured my inactivity *Philly: The Musical - LimJahey - 07-09-2020 I hope act 2 is your home game against the Butchers