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+---- Thread: *Live The Life - Tree Gelbman Interview (/showthread.php?tid=23452)
*Live The Life - Tree Gelbman Interview - Reno - 07-09-2020
Code:
2503 WordsLive the Life – Tree Gelbman
By: Anastasia Firestone
A while ago I spent a day with Tree on the day she got drafted into the NSFL. It was an interesting affair, I learned how much cereal an average person can consume in one day alongside how much sleep they can get as well. It really shows how some athletes are completely opposite people than us despite us not being any different on the molecular level. After spending the day with her, Tree and I had a pretty wild party and I’m pretty sure some keg stands and axe throwing got involved which always makes for a great night. I got word from my boss that we needed a new article on the NSFL to try and drum up more interest in the sport for the people in our area. I reached out to Tree in the hopes that she’d want a follow up interview, considering that the day I spent with her was one of the most popular articles that this paper has ever seen. To my pleasant surprise, she decided to respond and actually agreed to do another interview. I was surprised by this because Tree never seemed like someone who wanted to be thrust into the media, she was definitely one of the most laid back people I’ve ever met and she wanted to be left alone for a majority of the time. I was curious to see how much had changed in the period of time from the old interview to now.
I flew out to Chicago to meet her at the O’Hare Airport and it was easy to pick her out in the crowd of people with signs. Mostly because she wasn’t holding a sign and texted me “I’m at the cereal bar when you get here.” And lo and behold, there she was, deep into her twelfth bowl of Reese’s Puffs of the hour. I’d say I’m surprised, but we all know that would be a lie, and when has a journalist ever lied before? Tree notices me and gets up hesitantly after staring at the bowl of cereal before running over to hug and me and greet me. “It’s great to see you again, we can go once I finish my bowl of cereal.” Nodding, I agree and get my notepad ready for whenever she decides to finish the cereal.
2 hours later we’re in her Jeep as we’re ready to leave the airport, cereal all consumed and the cereal bar closed for the day until their next shipment arrives. Pulling onto the highway she starts pointing out the various spots in Chicago that she starts to frequent as we head out to her house. Wrigley Field, a ton of bars from which she’s banned for axe related situations, a ton of axe throwing places where she has photos on the wall for axe related situations, the best places to get cereal, the best places to get vodka, the list goes on. Tree pulls into a driveway of a mansion on the outside of the city and hops out of the car. I follow suit and walk towards the front door in awe of how large the house is. Opening up the front door, Tree waves hello to her roommate and ushers me inside to the kitchen where she pours herself another bowl of cereal and goes “alright, ask me the questions.”
Anastasia: Alright Tree, so I know you had a weird situation with the Austin Copperheads in regards to your contract with them. Anything new you want to really shed light on with that team with the situation or have you said your peace?
Tree: I’ve pretty much said my peace at this point. The Copperheads are a great organization and filled with some incredibly nice people on the team and the management is pretty solid, management went as far to even tell me some cheesy jokes in an attempt to get me to stay which I greatly appreciate it. I do wonder how things would have gone if the Austin situation played out differently but I’m thankful that I’ve wound up here in Chicago.
A: That’s probably the best way to sum up the situation I guess. Now I’m curious, with buying a mansion and all, is that your way of saying that you want to stay In Chicago long term? I guess
what I’m trying to ask is are you considering an extension with the team or will you test FA again?
T: What? No. I bought the mansion cause I saw that other players in this league have mansions and I figured that I might as well buy one for myself. Plus it has space for my cereal vault without needing an extension on the house so that’s a solid plus, I hate paying for construction because then you have strangers over to your house and like ugh I hate that. Also I’m like, only midway through year one of my contract with Chicago, it’s a little early to talk about extending. I think. I have no clue, usually my agent tells me what to say in this situation but he quit after an axe throwing incident.
A: ….an axe throwing incident?
T: My lawyer isn’t here so I’m not obligated to provide any more information on that question. But yeah, need to see how things play out before I make a decision on extending or leaving in free agency. I love the direction the team is heading in now and hopefully things don’t change with how the team is run.
A: That segments nicely into my next question. I know you tend to get along well with almost all of your teammate s save for a fight this year with one of your teammates. Are you comfortable with the players in the locker room or are there things that could be improved on?
T: If it’s that fight you’re referring to with that certain teammate, that’s water on the bridge under this point. We’ve talked it out and the situation is resolved and will be going forward. I hate questions like that because it feels like the media is just trying to go for a quick headline and to try and stir up drama when it doesn’t exist.
A: Sorry about that, I’ll keep those questions down for the future.
T: Thank you, anyways. I love the teammates I have in Chicago, some amazing people on both sides of the ball that are incredibly fun to hang out with and understand the chill day after a game or practice. We’re all super young and we’re going to do some serious damage soon. Just you wait.
A: Alright, so switch topics, how’s Chicago? I know you come from a pretty small town in Ohio, and then you went to Kansas City with I’m guessing limited issue. But how’s Chicago? Surely it must have taken some serious getting used to?
T: Chicago is a different animal. Growing up in Bayfield you knew everyone’s name, mostly because 90% of the people there were named Gerard for some reason that I haven’t figure out yet, but you knew everyone and everyone knew you. Kansas City was pretty alright, definitely took some getting used to, only like 40% of people there were named Gerard so it took some work to learn peoples names, but it wasn’t this bustling city that Chicago is. I haven’t met anyone named Gerard yet so I’m still waiting on that. But man, this city is intimidating. There’s a reason I chose to live outside of the city and with my best friend from Bayfield, it’s scary and it overwhelms me at times. I’m still kinda reserved and I hate going outside my comfort level.
A: And I assume that the Butchers are fine with this?
T: Yeah definitely, Muford and Bayley have been nothing but patient with me while I tried to get accustomed to living in the city for the first time. I’m still not there just yet but I’m making strides and I guess that’s all you can ask for really.
Tree’s roommate, someone by the name of Bridget Westfall, steps into the room and reminds her that she has a phone interview with the local sports radio section as part of their “Which Athlete Would Win In A Fight” series, and also to get her Chipotle order for DoorDash. Tree apologies and departs for her office before shouting “burrito bowl” at the top of her lungs angrily when she’s told they don’t have cereal burritos.
One long phone call later, which Tree won the fight in her scenario (it was vs some football player named Zamir, never heard of him) and one consumed burrito bowl later, Tree was ready for pregame work before the Butchers game tonight against the New Orleans Secondline. Usually this is the part of the story where I’d detail some incredibly intense pregame routine but it was just Tree lying down on the couch pouring some vodka and cheerios into a cereal bowl and letting me know that this method was “tried and true” in terms of getting success in the league. Not one to question the master, I grabbed a bowl and joined in and I can definitely see the benefits of this training method. Figuring the mood was relaxed enough, I decided to broach the idea of asking some questions fans sent in on Twitter for her and got a half-hearted wave in response that I figured was the signal for “go-ahead”
Anastasia: Alright got two questions from “ButchersFan92.” Question one: Is it true that you’re only a starter because you threatened Bayley and Muford at axe-point? Question two: Who is your least favorite employee of the team?
Tree: Least favorite employee by far is whoever the intern is that’s running the Twitter. Trying to sass me for having an affection for a nice axe is honestly some annoying stuff. Probably some scrawny college kid just trying to get a resume boost. And nah, I didn’t threaten Muford and Bayley at axe-point. We had an amazing sit down meeting in my house and the axe collection I had on the walls probably inspired them to give them to me.
A: ChopOnFanAccount asks “What’s your typical daily routine like?”
T: Normal routine is wake up at like, 2PM. I’ll have like 10 or 12 bowls of cereal for breakfast with vodka instead of milk to make sure I get all of my proper nutrition for the day. After that I usually nap for a while to sleep off all the cereal I ate. I’ll wake up around like 9PM and eat some more cereal for dinner usually, might mix it up and use rum instead of vodka for this time. Then I’ll go out and party for a few hours and go home and sleep at like 5AM. Gameday I take out the 9PM dinner and just move it alongside the partying till 5AM. Imagine lifting weights though that would be ridiculous
A: ChopOn also wants to know where you get your axes and how you sharpen them
T: Alex’s Axe and Ale House on West Addison Street is my go-to place. They’ve got all kinds of axes: hand axes, executioners axes, the whole shebang, and you can also get an amazing drink there while you shop for the axes as well. The sharpening process is a Gelbman family secret that’s been passed down for multiple generations, so unfortunately I can’t share it with you because then you’d be in great danger.
A: I……see….alright then. Last question for now is from ImAFreudOfLove says “What happened in your upbringing to cause such....aggression, for lack of a better term? Does this aggression help you on the field?”
T: Who said I was aggressive? I’m simply responding to people who try and give me some flack on Twitter for no apparent reason. As far as I can tell my upbringing was normal, parents loved me and none of them were serial killers that I know of. I guess I developed this “edge” people seem to think I have back in high school when some kid made fun of me for playing football. Dude never came to school again which is really interesting but he’s probably fine. And yeah it helps on the field, nothing makes you play better than wanting to show up the guy playing against you. Man on man, you gotta do what you gotta do to win.
Fearing for my life a bit, I decide to just pop open another bottle of vodka and pour it in to Tree’s approval. It’s nice getting to be on good terms with players in the big leagues, even if you’re pretty sure that they’re somewhat crazy and that they’re probably a serial killer, but everyone has flaws. Tree’s flaw, if it’s real, just happens to be a felony. And that’s the charm of the whole situation, the quirky personalities that make up this league keeps it thriving and keeps it interesting, a league full of boring no-name people will quickly ruin everything.
Several hours later we’re off to the stadium to play the Second Line, and I get to watch from the luxury box and not just the press box since I’m a plus one to a player. It’s a thrilling game with the Butchers defense dominating and Chicago coming away with an incredibly clutch win to show that they’re a serious threat of the team. Running down from the box I run into Tree outside the stadium to hop into the limo for our next night of partying.
Anastasia: Time for a few more questions before I call it?
Tree: You know it.
A: So, how are you feeling so far about Chicago’s season? I know you only had one win last year so there’s a lot of work going on.
T: Yeah it was a bad year. Chicago is doing great things though, we’re young and gonna be a serious threat for years to come. Getting any wins is great considering the team was a bit of a hot mess last season and now we’re ready to show the league the meaning of Chop On.
A: And your personal statline?
T: It’s getting there. Still haven’t found the end zone, maybe I haven’t had enough cereal yet but I’m going to keep eating it until I have a record setting season.
A: Party time?
T: Party time.
As I compose my last few thoughts in this Delta Airlines lounge, it’s really nice to see that some players in the league have that weird charm to them. Those odd men (and women) out who do their best and have fun doing so. Tree is an inspiration to tons of people, both aspiring female athletes and axe murders across the nation, and getting to interview her not once but for a second time is a beautiful thing, and I hope I get to do so again soon.
*Live The Life - Tree Gelbman Interview - Starboy - 07-09-2020
Wait...you guys have mansions?