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+---- Thread: TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame (/showthread.php?tid=2628)
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TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - 37thchamber - 07-26-2017
In any sport, any serious, competitive athlete will consider all legal means to gain an advantage over the opposition. Some will consider illegal means, too. Some will utilise them. So it should come as no surprise to anyone when I allege that the NSFL, the fledgling football league now entering its second season, has a major drug problem.
Just a few days ago, I encountered reports that Tim Pest, offensive lineman for the reigning NSFL champion Arizona Outlaws, allegedly managed 56 reps of 225 lbs on the bench press^1 -- eclipsing his reported personal best of 43 as of the end of last season. That is a frankly insane number, and breaks records in both NSFL and "the other football league"^2 I began to wonder if there was something amiss. To make sure I wasn't jumping to conclusions, I decided to investigate the rapid increases in strength and endurance shown by several players across the league. Most noticeably on the offensive lines of almost every team in the league.
The strongest guys in the league -- the actual strongest is either Floggity, Winchester or Clegane depending on who you ask^3 -- all currently top out at 46 or 47 reps on the bench, after posting between 27 and 31 at the combine. While it's not unheard of for a player to make massive improvements in some areas, such a big jump in strength from guys who are not significantly larger than they were at the combine is suspicious to say the least. It's not just them, though. The average offensive lineman has increased his bench press max by about four or five^4 but there is a group of ten -- all considered among the best offensive linemen in the league -- who have shown significant growth, averaging an improvement of around thirteen reps each.
My investigations led me to discover talk of a possible performance enhancing drug widely, and openly, used throughout the NSFL. It's known as TPEnin, or just TPE for short, though my research uncovered that it is in fact a designer chemical marketed as a "Testosterone Production Enhancer". The companies producing it are careful with their marketing, and don't often explicitly mention what it does. Nor do we have easy access to the formula of its components -- for example, we know nandrolone is a synthetic steroid derived from testosterone -- to see exactly how it affects players. But its effects are clearly visible. While its effects are perhaps most noticeable among offensive linemen, where strength is king, it has also had an effect on other position groups.
My research found that this drug, TPE, can also have massive effects on speed. The most noticeable change in this area is with the Las Vegas Legion's star wideout Stormblessed. Stormblessed ran a reasonable 4.46 second 40 yard dash at the season one combine, but just last week clocked in with a blistering 4.26 time, while inside sources in the Legion locker room think he could go even quicker. That would suggest the wide receiver is looking like going from reasonably quick to world record pace in the space of a year. This is not something that can be overlooked. Adamle Tomlinson is something of an outlier here, too. The defensive end has shaved 0.21 seconds off his 40 yard time since the combine, an almost identical degree of improvement to that of the suspiciously quick Stormblessed, and is now the fastest in the league at his position.
Much as with the offensive linemen and strength, if we take a look across the league at improvements in 40 yard times, there is a pattern. The top twenty players in terms of speed have an average improvement of about a quarter of a second over forty yards. This is simply not natural progression. Speed is largely reliant on the development of certain muscle groups, and is tied fairly closely to strength -- though a different kind of strength to that used in the bench press, of course -- suggesting that these gains could well be the result of using a performance enhancing drug.
On top of all this, there are even suggestions that TPE can improve cognitive functions, though these are unsubstantiated. Players don't often take IQ tests after signing their contracts, so we don't have a measuring stick to compare a change. However, some players have been said to have dramatically increased their ability to read the game, and make good decisions on the field. I'm wary of suggesting TPE can improve brain function though, because these are things that could realistically occur naturally as a player adapts to the professional game under a strong coach.
Despite all this evidence, the league has made no attempt to crack down on use of this substance. Between the dangers of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) for football players, and this endemic use of a drug with no peer-reviewed studies to investigate the effect of long-term use on the body, it appears that there is a flagrant disregard for player safety from league officials. Through speaking to players across the league, I estimate that the average player has had over one hundred doses of TPEnin since the league's inception, with the higher performing players having significantly more. In a few cases, players appeared to have taken a dose almost every day for the past year. The true average is potentially even higher, considering the large number of players who have never taken a dose, or did so only sparingly throughout season one.
We know the long term effects of anabolic steroid use, and if TPEnin works in a similar way, we could be looking at tragedy in the near future. It is known that anabolic steroids can trigger violent mood swings -- which is also a potential symptom of CTE -- and football, by its very nature, is a violent sport. How long can the league turn a blind eye before someone loses control and seriously injures another player with their artificially enhanced strength? How long can this continue before it becomes painfully obvious even to casual observers that there is something unnatural going on in the NSFL? Or perhaps this is the goal. Perhaps, by allowing performance enhancing drugs -- by not explicitly condemning and investigating the use of TPE -- the NSFL hopes to carve out a niche, becoming a freak show league, of sorts. It's not as though the masses are opposed to the spectacle of the freak show. The Elephant Man drew crowds, people love circuses, the WWE loves to pitch freakishly sized guys against "regular" wrestlers. Hell, some nations^5 are known for their particular enthusiasm to freak shows.
^1 - There was an error inputting his stats to the sim and he appeared with STR of 100. According to my system, his stats at that point correlated to 56 reps. I'll be releasing the system soon if anyone is curious, but at the moment I haven't modelled all events. All "combine" figures referenced here are using that system, though.
^2 - The NFL. I figured I'd add a bit of flavour since they're technically a rival league.
^3 - According to my records, they are tied for highest STR in the league, with 90.
^4 - Average OL STR = ~74, they start with 70 iirc. This also correlates to 4 additional reps in my system.
^5 - Oh, Japan... why you so crazy?
(1217 words)
GRADED
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - SimmerDownBruhh - 07-26-2017
Yes! I was waiting for this article!!
#BURNTHEWITCH
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - 37thchamber - 07-26-2017
(07-26-2017, 01:34 PM)SimmerDownBruhh Wrote:Yes! I was waiting for this article!!Ah fuck, knew I forgot to include something. :lol:
#BURNTHEWITCH
Might edit that bit in later. Put it as having spoken to some players or something. Dunno yet.
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - HalfEatenOnionBagel - 07-26-2017
This is some hard hitting journalism
Funny how Pest's strength seems normal now, seems like TPE moves through your system quickly if it is in fact what lead to his Spike in strength. Are halftime drug tests going to become necessary?
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - Silver Fox - 07-26-2017
This is fanatic, great work!
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - BOOM™ - 07-26-2017
I'd + rep this if I could.
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - Muford - 07-26-2017
SEE IF HE FLOATS, THROW HIM IN THE OCEAN
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - 37thchamber - 07-26-2017
(07-26-2017, 01:52 PM)HalfEatenOnionBagel Wrote:This is some hard hitting journalismGood observation, and a very good question.
Funny how Pest's strength seems normal now, seems like TPE moves through your system quickly if it is in fact what lead to his Spike in strength. Are halftime drug tests going to become necessary?
Certainly league officials have a lot to answer for, I think we can all agree.
I didn't even get into the allegations of witchcraft and demands of "indicium aquae" yet.
Not to mention the illuminati conspiracies. And I will expose the corruption behind the scenes if the powers that be are not forthcoming with information on this scandal.
...well...unless the league officials are willing to pay me...
![[Image: 1m.gif]](http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/1m.gif)
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - dave - 07-26-2017
TPEDs are ruining the integrity of the league. How shameful.
TPE: The NSFL's unspoken shame - Roshambo - 07-26-2017
:old: Back in my day... (a single season ago)