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*I randomly assigned every team a new roster - Ephenssta - 05-14-2021
A discussion I saw or had the other day gave me an idea. The conversation, I think, was about simply randomly assigning prospects to a team instead of going through the draft or waiver process. Because I’m bored and working from home, I decided to run a little test on a much larger scale. What if we randomized the entire league?
I copied every player listed in the team budget and took out the DSFL players. Sorry DSFL guys, I love you but this involved enough file work without creating a bunch of new players not already in the file. From there, I generated a random number for each player and sorted them based on that number. Then, I did the same for the teams. So we had a list of players in random order and a list of teams in random order. We had our “draft” setup. Rather than actually trying to do things like a normal fantasy draft, I just copy and pasted the list of teams next to the list of draftees until every player had a team’s name beside them. There were no trades.
After bumbling my way through setup and having to restart the whole process a time or two due to some idiotic mistakes (like the time the sheet was sorted by position and all the rosters ended up pretty much perfectly balanced), I made it through the first week of the sim. There are a couple things I want to note. I noticed that a few players weren’t kept around because they weren’t on the budget sheet. I’m pretty sure this includes some folks who had already announced retirement or had other similar circumstances. And again, I apologize to all my friends in the DSFL that unfortunately were not included on account of my laziness. Additionally, I want to note that I did not make any changes to OL. Some teams have human OL, others have bots, and many have some mix of both. I felt it would be too confusing to try and reassign the human and bot OL people, so I just left every team’s OL intact. Finally, there were some issues regarding not having enough players on one side of the ball or the other. I tried to make the rosters work by allowing two-way players. So some teams may have a LB lined up at TE, a CB or S at WR, or a member of the OL somewhere on the defensive line. I tried to make the switches somewhat equitable without giving the full benefit because the whole point of this is randomized roster craziness. If there were still ongoing issues, I signed the worst FA in the sim at the position of need until the engine was happy with where we were at. It wouldn’t let me sim games without that vital step, but I’m sure it takes away like 5% from my original intent. Maybe if I ever do something crazy like this again I’ll divide the pool into smaller sub-pools by position or at least an offense/defense split to make the results a little more even. But that’s for another time. Without further ado, here is how the craziness played out.
Round 1:
1. Austin selects: Owen Isaac – DT – 585 TPE
2. Berlin selects: Galf Wilf – LB – 736 TPE
3. Honolulu Selects: Ben Alexander-Arnold – RB – 503 TPE
4. San Jose selects: James Angler – TE – 1,429 TPE
5. Colorado selects: Aher Mountain – DE – 1,096 TPE
6. Sarasota selects: Wesley Eriksen – S – 1,052 TPE
7. Arizona selects: Jackie Daytona – QB – 943
8. Yellowknife selects: Keynel McZeal – RB – 271 TPE
9. New York selects: Swantavius Jones – CB – 964 TPE
10. New Orleans selects: Suleiman Ramza – QB – 1,415 TPE
11. Chicago selects: Dex Kennedy – LB – 1,309 TPE
12. Baltimore selects: Tyron Shields – CB – 1,297 TPE
13. Orange County selects: Sam Howitzer – QB – 1,199 TPE
14. Philadelphia selects: Marlon Brando – DE – 592 TPE
Analysis:
I’m not going to be doing this for every round. That would be way too much, although I do want to inflate my word count a little bit. But the first round of a draft is inherently the most exciting, so I will be breaking this one down. The others will likely just have some notes rather than a full breakdown.
The first round of the draft is a real mess. With the first overall pick, Austin takes a DT that is about 350 TPE below the average mark at his position. Maybe they value youth or raw talent, but when pretty much the entire roster of every team is available to you, that pick is pretty much inexcusable. Even within the DT pool you could have done sooo much better. That aside, why would you take a DT at 1oa when you are building a roster from scratch? Sure, DT is an important fixture of a defense, but if you’re going defense first I feel like you’d want a shutdown corner, ballhawk safety, or a guy who can get to the QB. DTs are usually just run stuffers and double-team-eaters. This is definitely a weird move, but here we are. Congrats, Owen Isaac on going first overall in the ISFL-wide fantasy draft.
The pick at second is a little better, but not a whole lot. Wilf comes in only about 170 TPE below that of the average ISFL linebacker. I feel like reaching for a LB at 2oa is at least a little more forgivable than going for a defensive tackle. At least linebackers can be dynamic in rushing the QB, stuffing the run, or dropping into coverage depending on where you line them up. Plus Wilf has 150 TPE or so over the pick prior. But that’s enough defending. Berlin could have done better here as well. There are plenty of players out there that could make a bigger impact from the get go. And this is only a single season, so it’s not like you can really argue that they were trying to build something great for the future. EVERY team is in a win-now…or should be anyways.
Third is perhaps the worst pick of them all so far. The RB Alexander-Arnold goes 3rd. I am assuming that this player is named after the glorious Trent Alexander-Arnold who happens to play for Liverpool in the Premier League. Liverpool happens to be my favorite team on that side of the pond, so I certainly respect the choice in name. That said, as a draft pick Alexander-Arnold seems to be a massive reach. He has the lowest TPE of any player taken so far at a position that averages out at 743 TPE at this point. I just don’t see the logic in this pick, unless they were convinced by the name, in which case it’s a great pick.
The San Jose selection of James Angler is perhaps the first pick in this draft that actually makes any sense. Angler comes in with 1,429 TPE. That impressive total is the 13th highest of any draftee, which would at least earn a 1st round grade if we go by TPE total alone. TE in the first round might be a little weird when building from scratch, but at least you get a really good one out of Angler. And it is possible to have a TE make a huge difference in the offense, so I respect this pick.
Fifth overall belongs to my personal favorite team, the Colorado Yeti. We selected DE Aher Mountain, another choice that at least seems respectable. Mountain beats out the average TPE at DE by well over 100 and has managed to hit the 1k TPE mark. I know it’s possible to earn more (as evidenced by the fact that a guy with 1,429 isn’t even top of the board), but 1k always feels like a nice accomplishment. A good DE can terrorize QBs, stuff the run, and can really improve a defense. Maybe it’s not a pick you expect to see at 5oa, but at least it isn’t someone around the 500 mark…
Sarasota goes safety at 6oa, bringing in Wesley Eriksen, another member of the 1k TPE club. The last three picks have felt a little more right after the insanity that was the first three picks. Eriksen is an above average safety, though the average safety TPE is pretty high at 930ish. Safeties have an interesting role in the defense. They exist both to prevent big plays and to try and pick of passes by coming in from over the top. Sometimes they even get involved in blitzes. Having good safeties can really anchor a defense and provide protection against the big plays and generate some momentum for an offense through turnovers they create. It strikes me as some good value at 6oa. What really surprises me is that we haven’t seen a single QB go off the board yet.
Seven fixes that. Jackie Daytona is the first QB off the board, selected by Arizona at 943 TPE. The average TPE for a QB is almost 1,200, but if you like Daytona that much he’s close enough that you can overlook the slightly below average accumulation. It does seem a little weird that with everyone still on the board, this is your first choice at QB. But I’m not the GM, so maybe they saw something they really liked in the guy. He’ll certainly be looking to prove them right.
The 8th overall pick of the draft is another RB, Keynal McZeal. After all those picks that make sense, this one takes us right back to the chaos that is the random numbers Excel generated for me. A 271 TPE running back has just gone in the first round, the lowest TPE player taken so far. I have no clue what Yellowknife was thinking. Maybe they were too busy partying after their ultimus win to put the pick in…This is perhaps the worst pick of them all. No offense, Mr. McZeal, it just seems a weird choice given how many players with way more TPE were still available.
9th sends Swantavius Jones, CB, to New York. At 964 TPE, Jones is capable of shutting down all but the best wideouts in coverage and can provide a real difference on defense. I don’t hate this pick in the second half of the first, especially if the team plans on building an elite pass defense. Tha’ts probably not a bad strategy, honestly.
10th sends Suleiman Ramza to New Orleans. The QB has earned an impressive 1,415 TPE so far and is only the second QB off the board. Ramza hopes to lead the offense to impressive things and is a great value pick at 10oa. With a QB to build around, NOLA is already in a better place than many of the other teams that have made some questionable decisions in the first.
11th sends another high earner in Dex Kennedy to Chicago. The linebacker has 1,309 TPE, which beats the average at the position by about 400. Kennedy is the second linebacker taken and hopes to make an even bigger impact than Wilf, who went second overall despite having almost 500 TPE less. As I said then, linebackers are integral parts of the front seven and can be highly versatile players, making them a solid choice for a first round pick for a team that is looking to build an elite defense.
12th sends another high earner in Tyron Shields to Baltimore. At 1,297 TPE, Shields beats out the average at the position by about 300 and can shut down pretty much any receiver they are asked to cover, shielding the team from giving up big receptions. Get it? Shields? I like this pick a lot and hope that Baltimore can build off it to have an effective defense.
13th sends Sam Howitzer, the 1,100 TPE having QB, to the Orange County Otters. Howitzer has a respectable amount of TPE for a QB and can certainly manage an offense. Howitzer is the third QB taken off the board and strikes me as another solid choice at 13. The last few picks have made sense again and it’s such a nice feeling.
The final pick of the first round sends the 592 DE Marlon Brando to the Philadelphia Liberty. Brando ends the streak of picks I think make sense. He is well below the average TPE at defensive end and who takes a subpar DE in the first round? There is much better value still on the board at this stage in the draft and a better pick could have easily been made to round out the first round of the draft.
That concludes the first round. From here on out, I’ll just break things down by who the team picked in which round and then dive into the first gameweek. That seems like the easiest way to do things. Remember that each team makes only one pick each round. There were 18 complete rounds. Some teams made 19 picks before we ran out of players.
Arizona:
Jackie Daytona-QB-943
Leo Bloomfield-KP-340
Tex Wrecks-DE-918
Fawn Dillmiballs-DT-1,255
Giovanni Bianchi-RB-506
Raylan Crowder-DE-989
Osiris Firestorm-Fjord-CB-971
Claude Miller II-DT-1,019
Tony Yeboah-S-911
Jacob Small-KP-1,057
James Hoffman-CB-552
Alejandro Chainbreaker-LB-901
Azarius Ranger-DE-761
Tomage McGullager-CB-744
Blago Kokot-KP-842
Cobra Kai-RB-836
Tsuyu Asui-WR-614
Matt "Son of Havoc" Cross-S-1,347
Rashad Hilliard-CB-733
Austin:
Owen Isaac-DT-585
BamBam McMullet-LB-786
Bender Rodriguez-LB-420
Andrew Warthol-DE-351
Pete "Plop" Miller-DT-1,248
Monterey "Monty" Jack-QB-1,293
Matt Krause-CB-1,279
Stanislaw Koniecpolski-LB-1,037
Taro Raimon-WR-1,145
Rusty Rucker-LB-931
Maui Waialiki-DE-616
Jim The Vampire-RB-609
Preston Parker-RB-498
Tatsu Nakamura-RB-1,458
Richard Leaking-CB-907
Acura Skyline-RB-949
NationalSimulation FootballLeague-CB-896
Colby Jack-QB-1,511
Douglas Quaid-LB-1,356
Baltimore:
Tyron Shields-CB-1,297
Brach Thomaslacher-LB-1,171
Nick Kaepercolin-QB-1,500
Brendan Lanier-S-896
Rotticus Scott-DT-1,055
Big Edd-DT-975
Etrigan T. Slayer-DE-725
Friedrich Vequain-TE-837
James Cho-DE-940
Eugene Smoothie-S-1,274
Bane Kaʻanāʻanā-DT-483
Honky-Tonk Haywood-DT-858
Dogwood Maple-S-783
Hank Steel-DT-962
Makoa Mahiʻai-TE-423
Leonard Taylor-DE-742
Mario Messi-TE-704
Magnus Rikiya-DT-1,484
Berlin:
Galf Wilf-LB-736
Damian Blackfyre-S-806
Venus Powers-KP-783
Steven Wadham-S-770
Makoto Otawara-LB-652
Caven McRae-S-587
Oliver Sloan-DE-567
Cuco Clemente-S-1,483
Baby Yoda-RB-769
Johnny Hellzapoppin-S-1,180
Joseph Radetzky-WR-516
Anders Christiansen-RB-576
Ernest Lover-LB-828
Jamar Lackson-RB-1,495
Guy Fields-LB-970
Captain Rogers-RB-890
Nicholas Ayers-RB-1,053
Otis Allen-DT-1,160
Chuck Roth-DT-960
Chicago:
Dex Kennedy-LB-1,309
Bob Roberts-S-915
Harrison Andrews-CB-1,156
Brandon Booker-CB-1,488
Daniel Foster-CB-968
Sam Roes-DE-390
Luke Quick-WR-456
Jeeeeroy Lenkins-CB-918
Sam The Onion Man-WR-422
Kevin Morrison-LB-341
Joel Drake-S-1,053
Mattathias Caliban-QB-1,208
Lawrence Miller-CB-507
Jack Banks-LB-1,290
Lalo Salamanca-WR-576
Demon Jaxson-DE-760
Derek Wildstar-S-625
Clark Boyd-TE-1,239
Harley Fank-WR-670
Colorado:
Asher Montain-DE-1,096
Luca Scabbia-WR-1,108
Adélie de Pengu-LB-1,326
Mike Hunt-WR-496
Mario VonPebbles-DE-1,330
James Lewandowski-TE-1,112
Maverick Bowie-CB-1,160
Dorothy Zbornak-CB-877
Patrik Money-DT-1,463
Wasrabi Gleel-LB-886
George O’Donnell-QB-1,151
Leon McDavid-DT-1,278
Leeroy Jenkins-WR-936
Buster Bawlls-RB-681
Timmy Dimbi-DT-691
Darren Pama-WR-959
Matthew McDairmid-KP-1,347
Davriel Lavigne-S-968
Derred de Ville-LB-1,290
Honolulu:
Ben Alexander-Arnold-RB-503
HeHateMe PickSix II-CB-571
Peter Patterson-CB-980
DB Jadakiss-S-1,190
Jackson Kingston-WR-1,266
Lawrence Bass-LB-1,403
Michael Witheblock-WR-1,490
Duke Cheeks-LB-584
Tree Gelbman-TE-1,005
Tugg Speedman-WR-790
Mike Rotchburns-RB-690
Sean Snyder-WR-993
Vincent Jones-LB-804
Drip Dad-RB-461
Sam Sidekick-KP-1,123
Philip Stein-S-1,095
Dukburg QuakStak-CB-979
Immanuel Blackstone-DE-1,355
David Ramczyk-DT-297
New Orleans:
Suleiman -QB-1,415
Madison Hayes-RB-588
Richard Gilbert-RB-1,304
Lesean Paris Crooks-CB-1,188
Avon Blocksdale Jr.-TE-304
Ryan Negs-QB-764
Bean Beanman-DE-571
Frank Michell-TE-390
Tayshawn Crunk-CB-988
Borgo San Lorenzo-TE-572
Jameson Vermillion-RB-598
Gary Goodman-LB-954
Redbeard McFredbeard-CB-583
Danny King-KP-575
Adam Schell-LB-1,131
Jim Waters-CB-1,197
Tychondrius Hood-WR-1,285
Big Slammu-LB-751
Killian Chambers-WR-873
New York:
Swantavius Jones-CB-964
Mike Karpaasi-DE-851
Desmond Scarlett-CB-950
Ed Barker-WR-1,126
Logan Sarrasin-LB-472
Brock Bodenhamer-WR-852-79
Doy Fieri-CB-947-93
A.J Lucas-LB-728-107
Jeffrey Phillips-RB-820-121
Jake Fencik-KP-850-135
Owen Holloway-WR-751
Dougie Smalls-KP-747-163
SparkySparky Boom-man-S-597
Brick Van Sanzo-DE-807-191
Xmus Flaxon Jaxon-Waxon-DE-891
Charlemagne Cortez-QB-1,096
3’ Jeffrey-DE-444
Troen Egghands-DE-1,486
Shawn Dawkins-S-1,478
Orange County:
Sam Howitzer-QB-1,199
Joshua Campbell-WR-886
Ace Savage-RB-407
Goat Tank-DT-1,005
Buck Nekkid-CB-449
Zach Crossley-WR-813
Zee Rechs-TE-1,194
Son Goku-DE-1,245
Hamish MacAndrew-S-949
Ragnar Krashwagen-TE-765
Ray-Ray Jackson-CB-657
Jimi DeSoto-LB-916
Eldrick Avery-S-1,170
Sandro Ryeu-DE-827
Doug Howlett-WR-828
Joseph Joestar-LB-1,080
Djibutee McJimmerson-CB-939
Cmon Skiuuup-WR-888
Philadelphia:
Marlon Brando-DE-592
Candice D. Fitinyomouf-DT-483
Juno Hu-CB-430
Ben Slothlisberger-QB-1,378
Joseph Petrongolo-RB-1,144
Andrew Witten-CB-1,449
George ’Corpse Grinder’ Fisher-LB-995
Rickie Vaughne-CB-825
Dexter Jackson-LB-427
Teddy Utterstruzen-S-703
Medicinal Toblerone-DE-1,000
Evan Jones-S-611
Mac Griddle-S-661
Thomas Passmann-WR-1,147
Rich Triplet-CB-1,001
LeBong Simwell-DT-920
Deshun Jones-LB-1,094
Juan Domine-LB-1,175
San Jose:
James Angler-TE-1,429
Magnus Valdyr-S-1,100
Sigismund Sternenstaub-RB-342
Achtfünf-WR-1,088
Bronko Mills-RB-311
L’Gazzy Burfict-LB-982
Kai Sakura-WR-1,293
Tre’Darius J’Vathon-WR-926
Slinky Claxton-DE-796
Luke Skywalker-QB-917
Mason Gillion-CB-571
Melvin Murder-Moose-LB-1,128
Hank Winchester-LB-987
Heath Evans-TE-1,255
Mike Boss Jr-QB-1,152
Ben Stackinpaper-CB-873
Kita Chiasa-CB-419
James Wilkinson-TE-638
Keʻokeʻo Kāne-Maikaʻi-DE-1,329
Sarasota:
Wesley Eriksen-S-1,052
Raphael Delacour-WR-751
Busch Light-LB-705
Heinrich Kackpoo-LB-1,340
Pseudo QB-KP-317
Garfield Despacito Jr.-WR-1,088
Nuniq Annastesia-DT-545
Tristian Hex-RB-507
Colt Mendoza-CB-1,378
Von Hayes-DE-1,219
Albert Ruschmann-CB-966
Busch Goose-RB-467
Chet Larson-LB-667
Adam C. Spencer-WR-776
Terry Yaki-RB-493
Griffin Porter-LB-780
Jeremiah Zelos-S-635
William Lim-WR-1,428
Rapid Eagle-DE-966
Yellowknife:
Keynel McZeal-RB-271
Armando Galarraga-KP-238
Zoe Watts-RB-1,187
Videl-San-WR-1,312
Daniel George-TE-248
Tyler Montain-LB-1,369
Sergio Kitchens-LB-286
Gunner Thorbjornsson-RB-1,147
Jonathan Shuffleboard-S-629
Chunt the Badger-WR-444
Prince Vegeta-S-1,144
Hingle McCringleberry-LB-533
Mason Blaylock-S-876
Jason Bradshaw-CB-451
Quentin Button-S-410
Thomas Rose-LB-533
Flash Panda-WR-858
Daymond Brooks-DT-1,068
Mark Walker-WR-897
With the draft stuff out of the way, we move on to the part everyone has been waiting for: week 1. The AI has set the rosters and the strategies for the teams because I am lazy and don’t feel like messing with some of the godawful rosters the randomness gave me. Also because I am lazy, I simply used the same schedule we had in the last season. Why fix it if it isn’t broken? So the week one matchups are:
Sarasota @ Chicago
Colorado @ Yellowknife
Berlin @ Philadelphia
Austin @ Baltimore
Arizona @ Honolulu
San Jose @ New Orleans
Orange County @ New York
SAR @ CHI:
Sarasota received the opening kickoff to get the new season underway and returned it from their own 5 to the 15, starting with not great field position. They wasted no time, going three and out after taking an early penalty and punting the ball away to the Chicago 37. The Butchers manage to get off to a better start, converting their first third down with an 8 yard completion from Caliban to Salamanca. After a few more first downs, the drive stalls when Eagle finally manages to track down and sack an elusive Caliban. The punt pins Sarasota on their own 10, where they again go three and out and punt. The Butchers return the favor by also going three and out and punting the ball away from the SAR 43. Another three and out sends the ball back to the butchers, who throw into an interception that is overturned by a Sarasota unnecessary roughness penalty. The Butchers do their best to take advantage of the opportunity they were gifted, but Caliban, doubling as the kicker, misses a 48 yard field goal and it stays 0-0. Sarasota takes over and finally manages to string something together, driving to Chicago’s 24 yard line before missing a field goal attempt of their own from 41 yards at the start of the 2nd quarter. After exchanging more punts, a Sarasota drive stalls out, but results in a tremendous punt that pins the Butchers on their own 1 yardline. The Butchers immediately give up a safety, putting the first points of the season on the board and giving Sarasota the ball back with great field position after a good kick return by Delacour. Yaki decides to take charge, reeling off two first down runs and setting the Sailfish up with a first and goal that Yaki again takes advantage of, scoring the first touchdown of the game and putting the Fishies ahead 9-0 in the second quarter. After another great punt of 52 yards, the Sailfish pin the Butchers at their own 5. Still traumatized from the earlier safety, they try to pass out of trouble, but Caliban takes a sack a yard deep in the endzone for the second safety of the game, bringing the score to 14-0, which is our score at the half.
The third quarter is largely uneventful, until the Butchers take over with 57 seconds and begin driving. They took over at their own 33 and convert a 3rd and 1 to keep the drive alive. After a drop set up a 3rd and 9 at the Sarasota 16, Caliban takes things into his own hands and boots a 33 yard field goal through the uprights, putting the Butchers on the board, but it’s still a two-score game at 12-3. After exchanging a few punts, the Sailfish manage to get the points back by making a 32 yard field goal of their own, bringing the score to 17-3 in the fourth. The Sailfish manage to undo another forced interception with a penalty, which allows a 4 minute Butchers touchdown drive, bringing the score to 17-10 and breathing some life back into the struggling Butchers team. The Butchers keep their hopes alive by ending a Sarasota drive with a huge third down sack and get the ball back after a short punt with great field position and just under a minute left in the ballgame. Caliban has a history of heroics that he hopes to bring into the current season. Immediately, he finds the rookie Luke Quick for a 25 yard gain that brings the ball to the Sarasota 14 yardline. With 22 seconds left, they are just three yards away from the endzone and a tie game. Caliban drops back, surveys the field, and throws a strike to another rookie, the Onion Man, and boots the extra point through himself to tie the game with just 6 seconds left on the clock. The kickoff runs the remaining time out and we go to overtime.
The Butchers get the ball first, hoping to ride their momentum to a walkoff touchdown. Unfortunately, penalties get the best of them and they punt the ball away to the Sailfish, who return the favor by going three and out after a penalty of their own and punt the ball right back. More penalties and punts ensue as neither team is able to find their stride on offense. After the 6th punt of overtime, the Butchers take over at their own 27 yardline with 1:02 left in the ballgame. Jones loses a yard on first down, but Caliban manages to find Quick again for 6 yards and then spikes the ball, bringing up fourth down. For some inexplicable reason, the Butchers go for it with a rush by Jones from their own 32 and turn the ball over on downs with 38 seconds remaining. The Sailfish run the ball twice before drilling a 48 yard field goal to walk it off and win the game 20-17. Caliban ends the game 46/69 (nice) with 363 yards and 2 TDs for the Butchers. Too bad it wasn’t enough.
COL @ YKW
The Yeti kick the ball away to start the second game of our show, and just like the first the Wraiths go three and out and punt the ball away, giving the Yeti possession at their own 39 for their first drive. But after a couple penalties, they stall out as well and punt the ball back, pinning Yellowknife at their own three. The wraiths are able to escape the endzone by getting to the seven, but can go no farther and give the Yeti another chance at offense with tremendous field position. On a 3rd and 9 from the YKW 41, O’Donnel finds Scabbia for 35 yards and then finds Jenkins a couple plays later for the touchdown. 7-0 Yeti. The Wraiths start their drive with three straight losses, a rush of -1 and two consecutive sacks, but the Yeti can do nothing and punt the ball away. The Yellowknife offense continues to struggle and gives the Yeti the ball back near midfield. O’Donnel again finds some lightning in a bottle, tossing the ball to Pama who takes it to the house for the second Yeti touchdown of the opening quarter. O’Donnel’s magic isn’t limited to one quarter, though, and 50 seconds into the second quarter he throws a bullet to Jenkins for his third TD pass of the game, making it 21-0 Yeti. About four and a half minutes later, he does it again, finding Pama for the 41 yard catch and run and another touchdown. The Wraiths get their first big break with 5:44 left in the half. After a 29 yard completion to Lewandowski, Rose forces the ball loose and falls on it for the turnover. Unfortunately, the offense of the Wraiths isn’t able to overcame a staunch pass defense and Zbornak breaks up the second and third down attempts, forcing another punt. The Yeti capitalize, taking advantage of two separate Yellowknife penalties and Buster Bawlls’ desperation to find the endzone from four yards out. 35-0 Yeti.
The Wraiths open the second half with even more penalties and O’Donnel continues to dominate through the air, this time finding Lewandowski for a 67 yard bomb to make it 42-0, which is the score at the end of a penalty filled third quarter. O’Donnel isn’t done, though, as he finds Jenkins for a 22 yard touchdown pass in the fourth to make it 49-0. Drafting him seems to be a brilliant move so far in the season. A few minutes later, Bawlls finds the endzone for the second time, this time from one yard out. Yellowknife turns it over on downs and O’Donnel decides to make them pay for it, hurling a 21 yard touchdown pass on the very next play to make it 63-0 in the fourth. After another turnover on downs by the frustrated Wraiths, the Yeti decide to wind down the clock with three straight rushes before kicking a 38 yard field goal to make it 66-0, which is the final score for this “contest.” O’Donnel finishes the game 25/37 with 544 yards and 7 TDs. The Wraiths failure to draft a QB really costs them here, as the assigned starter manages to not complete a single pass. Focusing on WR is great…if you can get them the ball. Unfortunately it looks to be a long season for that receiving corps.
BER @ PHI
This is the first game NOT to start with a three and out, as the Liberty manage to drive to the Berlin 25 before Slothlisberger throws the ball to the wrong team. The Fire Salamanders manage to move the ball to around midfield before punting, pinning the Liberty inside their own 10. Despite winning the early game of field position, the Fire Salamanders are unable to capitalize and the two teams battle to a standstill in the first quarter until the last 90 seconds, when Philly takes over at their own 14 after a 60 yard punt. Slothlisberger goes on a spree and the offense pushes into Berlin territory before stalling out after a costly first down penalty, and they eventually settle for a 40 yard field goal to make it 3-0 Liberty with 12:52 left in the first half. The defenses continue dominating this one, though, and that field goal remains the only score in the first half.
Berlin starts the second half off horribly, giving up two sacks in a row on second and third down and punting the ball away, but Philadelphia continues to struggle on offense as well and gives it right back. After some more punting, the Liberty take over on their own 16 with 933 left in the third quarter. Slothlisberger manages to find Passmann for a 51 yard reception, moving the ball deep into Berlin territory, but they only manage to make it to the 7 before a dropped pass on 3rd and short forces them to kick another field goal, which Dasistwirklichseinnachname makes. 6-0 Liberty with 5:39 left in the 3rd quarter. The defenses continue to force punts while the offenses continue to stall out while the clock winds into the fourth. With 5:09 left in the game, the Liberty take over at their own 43 with a chance to put the game away for good. They take a couple minutes off the clock and drive to the Berlin 31, but this time the field goal attempt misses and Berlin’s hopes remain alive. Unfortunately, they don’t manage even a single first down and Philly forces the turnover on downs and the game ends 6-0. Slothlisberger finishes the game 22/29 for 219 yards, 0 TDs, and 1 INT. Passmann finishes with 7 catches and 136 yards, an impressive week one performance.
AUS @ BAL
The Copperheads receive to start the game and overcome a dropped pass right off the bat with a series of completions that bring the ball to the Baltimore 35. Jack manages to find Skyline aft er a first down negative rush for the 37 yard touchdown to put the Copperheads up 7-0. The Hawks attempt to respond, but are stifled by a third down sack and punt the ball away. A couple Hawks penalties on the following drive let the Copperheads walk down the field and set up with a first on goal on the Baltimore three yard line, but the defense manages a goal line stand, forcing the Copperheads to settle for a field goal, making it 10-0. However, the Hawks still manage no response on offense and the Copperheads waste no time making it 17-0 with a 23 yard connection between Jack and Skyline. As the first quarter winds to a close, the Hawks finally manage to start driving, but FootballLeague picks off Kaepercolin, setting up the Copperheads with great field position. They take advantage, letting Skyline punch the ball in and running the score up to 24-0 in the second quarter. Towards the end of the quarter, they had a chance to extend their lead, but a 36 yard field goal misses and the Hawks take over at their own 26 with 1:24 left on the clock and a big deficit. Kaepercolin finds his stride, completing a series of passes to Messi and driving to the Austin 15. But as time runs out, they settle for a 32 yard field goal, happy to just have some points on the board before the half. At the intermission, the score is a lopsided 24-3.
The second half is no kinder to Baltimore. They start by going three and out, shanking a punt, and allowing Jack to wrack up another touchdown pass, moving the needle even further. It is now 31-3 with Austin on top. The Hawks go three and out again, but force the Copperheads into a punt quickly. They start from their own 33 and begin driving. Another few completions to Messi and the drive manages to get to the Austin 15 before Kalepercolin is sacked, forcing a 4th and 20. They attempt another field goal, but miss from 42 yards. The following Austin drive stalls after a couple sacks, but the Hawks woes on offense continue into the fourth quarter. With time running down and their hope quickly fading, the defense steps up and Maple manages to pick one off and return it for a 69 yard defensive touchdown (nice). The score is now 34-10. Austin manages another field goal, but the final nail in the coffin comes with just 53 seconds on the clock. Kaepercolin, after five consecutive completions, finds FootballLeague again, who runs it the opposite way for the 63 yard defensive touchdown on his second interception of the ballgame. The score is 41-10 Austin and the game ends a few plays later. The Hawks are another team who are suffering due to not investing in an adequate QB. Jack manages to go 20/26 with 3 TDs, two of which went to Skyline.
ARI @ HON
Arizona receives the opening half kickoff and drives all the way to the Honolulu 29 before the drive stalls after three consecutive incompletions. They do manage the 46 yard field goal, though, striking first to make it 3-0. Mat Cross makes his presence on defense felt early and breaks up two passes, including the critical third down attempt. Arizona gets the ball back at their own 20 and gets to work. A 33 yard Golladay reception moves the ball into Honolulu territory, where Daytona wastes no time finding Golladay again for the first touchdown of the day and providing Arizona with a two-score lead. The Hahalua go three and out again and Daytona finds another passing touchdown, this time tossing it to Small and making it 17-0, which is our score going into the second quarter. The Outlaws manage a long 51 yard field goal to make the score 20-0 and Honolulu continues shooting themselves in the foot with penalty after penalty. Hahalua LEGEND Immanuel Blackstone makes his presence felt, saking Daytona on a huge third down, but the offense continues to be inept. The Outlaws add a final field goal before the half, making it 23-0 at the intermission.
The third quarter sees both teams trade punts repeatedly before Cobra Kai finds the endzone from four yards out on a first and goal that was set up by a pair of big completions from Daytona. Another field goal further extended the lead to 33-0 in the fourth quarter. Honolulu manages a field goal with 5:28 left after being set up at the AZ 30 by a PickSix II interception, but Arizona answers on the next drive with a 16 yard touchdown run, bringing the score to 40-3, which is our final for this one. Once again, a team that did not invest in a QB falls flat on the field. Kai finishes the game with 122 yards and a TD on 21 carries while Daytona manages 2 TDs, but is fortunate that his three interceptions weren’t punished.
SJS @ NOLA
San Jose goes three and out to start the game and NOLA wastes no time. Gilbert explodes for a 51 yard rushing touchdown that gives the SecondLine an early 7-0 lead. San Jose takes advantage of a NOLA penalty and some lucky fumble recovering to find the endzone on a Skywalker and Sakura connection, tying the game up at 7 apiece. The SecondLine set Gilbert loose again for a 55 yard rush that sets them up with a first and goal on the San Jose six yardline. Ramza strikes from there, putting NOLA back on top 14-7. Trying not to be outdone, Sternenstaub manages a 38 yard run and follows it immediately with another 16, but the pass defense forces the Sabercats to take a 37 yard field goal. The first quarter ends 14-10. Murder-Moose forces a fumble, giving San Jose an opportunity to take the lead, but Skywalker is sacked by Waters, who recovers the fumble and sets NOLA up at their own 35. Ramza completes a string of passe and Vermillion punches the ball in from the 1, extending NOLA’s lead to 21-10. San Jose, though, strikes back immediately. Angler catches the pass from Skywalker and carries it for a 75 yard score, bringing them back within four. After getting the ball back again, Skywalker finds J’Vathon for 58 yards before throwing three incompletions. They settle for another field goal, bringing the score to 21-20 with NOLA on top. NOLA responds with a field goal of their own, sending it to the half with a 24-20 lead.
After receiving the second half kickoff, NOLA wastes an opportunity when Ramza throws a pick, giving San Jose the ball at the NOLA 15. A quick penalty leads to a three and out, though, and the kicker misses from 30 yards, giving NOLA the ball back. The next time SJS gets the ball, though, they capitalize on a NOLA pass interference penalty and Skywalker finds Angler for a 57 yard touchdown, taking the lead at 27-24. A big kick return from Waters sets NOLA up near midfield. Ramza takes advantage with a few completions and Vermillion finds the endzone again, putting NOLA back on top 31-27, but San Jose is having none of it. One of the players assigned to the team to fill a vacancy somehow manages to return the kickoff 102 yards for the touchdown, immediately giving San Jose a 34-21 lead at the end of the third quarter. A frustrated Ramza takes the field and guides his team to the San Jose three before throwing a beauty to Hood in the endzone and restoring the NOLA lead. After a stalled San Jose drive, NOLA adds another field goal to make it 41-34 with 2:29 left in the ballgame. San Jose takes over and scores, but maybe a little too quickly. Skywalker finds Evans for 72 yards to tie it up at 41 with 1:43 left on the clock. This time, though, NOLA is out of magic. A Hayes catch ends in disaster as Stackinpaper forces the fumble and returns it to the NOLA 41. Skywalker again gets impatient and hits J’Vathon, who takes it to the house to give San Jose a 48-42 lead. Ramza is determined and it looks like there might be a chance. With 55 seconds left in the game, he finds San Lorenze for 49 yards and a penalty brings them to the SJS 9 with first and goal and 13 seconds left to make some magic. A short completion and a spike sets up 3rd and goal from the 8 yard line with six seconds left on the clock. The last play of the game is a pass to the endzone, but Winchester gets in the way and bats it down. San Jose manages the comeback, fighting off last second heroics to win it 48-41.
OCO @ NYS
OCO gets the ball first, but their opening drive ends in disaster when Howitzer throws an interception to Scarlett after managing to steer OCO to the NYS 10 yard line. Jimi DeSotat sacks NYS QB Cortez,and the 3rd and 17 attempt fails, so NYS punts the ball back. OCO allows two sacks of their own and the second produces a fumble that NYS recovers at their own 34 yardline. Another Cortez sack ends their drive, though, and they punt it back to OCO. The first quarter ends in a 0-0 stalemate, but OCO begins driving and a 15 yard pass from Howitzer to Skiuuup puts OCO on the board. NYS manages to counter, driving from their own 45 to the OCO 2, where they set up on first and goal and Phillips punches it in to level the ballgame at 7-7. Howitzer gets sacked on third down again and NYS takes over at their own 39. A string of Cortez completions ends in a 1 yard touchdown pass, giving NYS a 14-7 lead with 3:13 remaining in the first half. Howitzer things that’s plenty of time and completes a 45 yard pass to Crossley for a touchdown, bringing the game back to even. The first half ends in a tie.
After a penalty-ridden drive, OCO somehow manages to set up a 3rd and goal from the NYS 8 yard line. Howitzer finds Savage in the endzone to give OCO the 21-14 lead late in the third quarter. Both teams trade punts, and NYS ends up with the ball near midfield after a short punt from OCO. Cortez finds Barker on the first p lay of the drive for a 53 yard touchdown pass to again tie the game. Both offenses are stymied in the fourth quarter, until New York manages a six minute drive that takes them from their own 11 to the OCO 24, where they make a 41 yard field goal and take a 24-21 lead with 2:39 left on the clock. OCO receives the kick and starts from their own 25. A series of short completions gets the ball down to the NYS 23 with 40 seconds left. On fourth and two, OCO decides to play for the tie and sends the field goal unit out. The 40 yard kick is NO GOOD and NYS kneels out the rest of the clock. Howitzer goes 39/50 for 459 yards, 3 TDS, and an INT on his way to the loss. Phillips picks up 110 yards and a TD on 22 carries.
I WOULD LIKE TO USE MY 2X MEDIA CLAIM ON THIS PIECE
RE: I randomly assigned every team a new roster - Jimi64 - 05-14-2021
Hell yea go OCO
RE: I randomly assigned every team a new roster - r0tzbua - 05-14-2021
Auf geht's Berlin! Wir machen das!
RE: I randomly assigned every team a new roster - OrbitingDeath - 05-15-2021
Immanuel Blackstone to Honolulu, just as the prophecy foretold
RE: I randomly assigned every team a new roster - shrub02 - 05-15-2021
Go Copperheads! That left a weird taste in my mouth
RE: I randomly assigned every team a new roster - Ephenssta - 05-15-2021
(05-15-2021, 06:13 AM)OrbitingDeath Wrote: Immanuel Blackstone to Honolulu, just as the prophecy foretold
Not gonna lie, I giggled like a child when I saw Blackstone's name come up next to Honolulu during the randomization process