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+---- Thread: *The Deflatees (/showthread.php?tid=4328)
*The Deflatees - Archon - 09-08-2017
![[Image: QGANlAY.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/QGANlAY.jpg)
Welcome to The Deflatees, the most auspicious award ceremony in the NSFL! We recognize the true cream of the crap and shine a light on the epic nonsense that goes on in the league. Winners receive a lovely deflated football with gaudy gold spray paint to match the tackiness of your performance. Let's get down to it.
Biggest Draft Bust
And the Deflatee goes to... The Baltimore Hawks!
So you have an avowed Nazi who plagiarized a very long article about concussions in football. In a twist of fate, it was one of the Hawks who called him out on it! Perhaps when you are ass-deep in cheating up in Baltimore it makes it easier to recognize when someone else is doing it? Ricardo wasn't on the Hawks yet so they couldn't let that slide, they've got a patent on unfair advantages to protect! And because sometimes a penetration is so nice you want to receive it twice, Ricardo was exposed again in the same thread for stealing even more of other people's work in order to farm money. For shame. Now I might wonder, what self-respecting team would draft a poster child for r/Im14andthisisdeep whose sole accomplishment to date is being the single most annoying person in Discord? Fortunately for Ricardo, not all NSFL teams have self-respect and after some bad Thai food, God shat out the Baltimore Hawks. The bold pick of an academic superstar in a high school speech class have some scratching their heads as Ricardo's mind is filled more with polymer than polemics, but it's still worth a Deflatee. Congratulations!
[img src=\\\"http://i.imgur.com/YDfLJto.jpg\\\" height=\\\"200px\\\" width=\\\"400px\\\" /]
Ricardo Sandoval, Jewel of the Hawks
Worst Head Office Member
And the Deflatee goes to... Ballerstorm!
Good old Commissioner Cokehead, Ballerstorm. This man has snorted so much blow his nose is a finalist for Miss Colombia. In between drug-fueled romps through every men's bathhouse in Canada he's pissing away league money on an ever increasing collection of Julie Newmar memorabilia. He signed with Yellowknife after hearing there would be tons of snow, which to his disappointment was referring to frozen water. I have it on good authority that Ballerstorm did Harvey. Not the hurricane, that was just the gigolo's name.
[img src=\\\"https://i.ytimg.com/vi/NsIaYe5HKkc/hqdefault.jpg\\\" height=\\\"200px\\\" width=\\\"400px\\\" /]
Our league's fearless leader, Ballerstorm
Most Infected Water Supply
And the Deflatee goes to... The Orange County Otters!
What a trainwreck for the Los Angeles Otters of Orange County. Every player touched by the Otters has left the team or retired in disgrace. How long until timeconsumer implodes from his impressive mass?* The presence of substantial levels of mercury in The OC is a likely explanation for the abomination that is Jiggly_333/Leroy Jenkins. Such levels of mental instability are usually reserved for Bernie Bros but have graced the Otters in abundance. The acquisition of Waters/Jimmy Cox was celebrated by the mental health workers union in Southern California as guaranteed job security for years to come.
![[Image: profile_picture_by_not_so_emo_emo_kid-d4wp8up.jpg]](https://orig02.deviantart.net/8073/f/2012/109/b/8/profile_picture_by_not_so_emo_emo_kid-d4wp8up.jpg)
The Otters' recently deposed GM, Leroy Jenkins
Worst Team in the NSFL
And the Deflatee goes to... a 7 way tie for first!
Arizona Outlaws
Picked up chronic narcoleptic (and rumored necrophiliac) Samuel Zhang who smells like kitty litter. Has the simmer on their team which explains why they won Ultimus last year. Was blessed with the #1 overall pick and squandered it on Antonio Sandoval. I may have an outlaw for an in-law but the Outlaws management decisions indicate such a degree of inbreeding that they may be their own grandpas.
Baltimore Hawks
The only thing more inflated than their TPE counts are their egos. Went 1-3 in games last season when they did not have an unfair advantage. Their GM got castrated by Ballin' Ballerstorm to great hilarity. Pissed the bed in the draft and called it the fountain of youth. Keep on truckin', you shitbirds.
Colorado Yeti
Had to take a nap before writing this, the Yeti are more bland than vanilla-flavored vanilla. Would be an average team but are shit because of loco, who made the atrocious abomination which is my signature. By the laws of sentimentality, I am bound to use it until he makes me a new one. Curse you for cursing me you lunatic. The team was knocked out of playoff contention by the lowly Legion. I'm not saying the Yeti are garbage but when their team bus driver dropped them off at the game he got a fine for littering.
Las Vegas Legion
"First and second round picks are overrated!" Those picks only cost you Antonio Sandoval (not quite as much a shitstain as his brother) and yours truly, the greatest French athlete since Andre the Giant. When your power ranking puts you below the Tijuana Luchadores, you might want to consider taking your talents to South Beach. By talents, I mean managerial cancer.
Orange County Otters
Will the end of the reign of terror of Jiggly_333 restore the glory of the Otters? As my pa used to say, you can't polish a turd. The Otters had the fewest rushing TDs in Season 2, possibly because their players were busy rushing back to Noble's office in the Yeti locker room for "extracurriculars." In happy news, Noble is pregnant, expecting the babies of no fewer than 25 Otters.
Philadelphia Liberty
They've got the guy with the best avatar (Silver Fox), the guy with the best signature (Lincoln Jefferson), and the most prolific writer in the league (Kristy95). So why oh why do the Liberty stink up Philadelphia? Well when you have Christ as your quarterback, you're gonna get nailed. I'd like to see things from the Liberty point of view but I can't fit my head that far up my ass.
San Jose SaberCats
The pussycats (bzerkap wouldn't let me call them the pussies) are led by Sweetwater who records softball interviews which are profoundly lewd in the amount of rimjobbing he provides his guests. Save your cash if you want to hire some company for the night, you can just appear on his show to be serviced. Do you love the crackle of a campfire? Then you'll enjoy the audio distortion when listening to his podcasts! The only thing hard hitting about his journalism is the difficulty in understanding the people he interviews. Maybe his guest lineup was a lie and he was just repeatedly talking to Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.?
1,048 finely constructed words
*1% to bzerkap for this line.
Graded
Payout=$1,648,000
*The Deflatees - loco - 09-08-2017
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/1M9fmo1WAFVK0/giphy.gif)
*The Deflatees - ErMurazor - 09-08-2017
I lol'd.
*The Deflatees - Sweetwater - 09-08-2017
Quote:The pussycats (bzerkap wouldn't let me call them the pussies) are led by Sweetwater who records softball interviews which are profoundly lewd in the amount of rimjobbing he provides his guests. Save your cash if you want to hire some company for the night, you can just appear on his show to be serviced. Do you love the crackle of a campfire? Then you'll enjoy the audio distortion when listening to his podcasts! The only thing hard hitting about his journalism is the difficulty in understanding the people he interviews. Maybe his guest lineup was a lie and he was just repeatedly talking to Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.?
Gonna mention me but not tag me, I see how it is. Better make sure that mic is perfect if we ever do an interview. :ph34r:
*The Deflatees - Roshambo - 09-08-2017
So blatant troll pieces are being considered media now
or
*The Deflatees - 37thchamber - 09-08-2017
(09-08-2017, 08:36 AM)Roshambo Wrote:So blatant troll pieces are being considered media nowI'm finna get rich as a muh...
or
*The Deflatees - 7hawk77 - 09-08-2017
Quote:I'm not saying the Yeti are garbage but when their team bus driver dropped them off at the game he got a fine for littering.
:rofl:
A+ read.
*The Deflatees - RainDelay - 09-08-2017
Oh my god, how soft are you guys?
This post was actually reported twice, which is the most absurd thing I've ever seen.
None of these things are personal attacks meant to be taken seriously, so if everyone could just take a step back, you might not let something like this ruin your days, which it clearly has for some.
*The Deflatees - BOOM™ - 09-08-2017
I thought it was fine. Reported... really?
*The Deflatees - RainDelay - 09-08-2017
(09-08-2017, 10:49 AM)BOOM™ Wrote:I thought it was fine. Reported... really?
Yes sir. *sighs*