Sup y'all, it's your favorite receiver who wears the number 18, RainDelay! And I wouldn't be RainDelay without some rain and without some delay. Truthfully, I have no idea what that means, but I just felt like saying it.

So welcome to the first edition of the "Funny 115", a series of, yes, one hundred and fifteen articles of varying length covering some of the nonsensical hilarity that often ensues around the site. This series was inspired by Mario Lanza, who writes about the popular American and Australian reality TV show, Survivor. So if you like that show, or just want to make sure I'm not making that up, go check it out.

I know, a lot of dumb shit happens around this site, and we often find ourselves laughing at most of it, so if there's something you'd like to see me cover, please slide into my DMs and drop me a line.

The first subject is expansion...






...of RainDelay's already excessively large ego after you are done praising my articles.

Just (slightly) kidding.

I'm referring to the expansion of the league of course.


Seriously, that face is so awkward

No, not the NHL. Although on the subject of shitty teams who wear black and gold from Las Vegas...



It all started one fateful evening, when Ballerstorm had clearly consumed too much Molson Canadian, and decided to expand the league in Season 2. He stated, "with the recent surge of new players and the inability for teams to add all of them to their rosters it has become clear we need to create additional teams in order to give active players the best chance to get playing time. This is before we have even started our real recruiting drive for the upcoming season, so there will be even more new members coming. Even if many new members go inactive this is still necessary for the health of the league."

Naturally, this led to an incredibly prophetic comment from Angus Winchester.

(06-27-2017, 12:06 PM)timeconsumer Wrote:Bercovici just became one of the most valuable players for S2.

LOL, if only he knew

A few days later, Baller announced the GMs of the two new teams. Adam2552 would be GMing the Philadelphia Taco Bells Liberty. This guy has numbers after his username, what a fucking scrub. Then, Baller must've pulled a Steve Harvey, announcing that RavensFanFromOntario would be the second GM, of the Las Vegas Golden Knights Legion.

Oh, wait, he was serious?

Damn straight he was. After all, how could you possibly resist this application?

ravensfanfromontario Wrote:Username: HabsFanFromOntario, no that's SHL. Ravens something.
Team Location: Vegas
Team name: Legion
Logo: You'll see it when you see it
Plans for team: Burn it to the ground
Past experience: I'm a semi-active linebacker, why would you even need to see credentials?

Luke Tiernan gave praise where it was clearly due.

(07-05-2017, 11:39 AM)Ltsmashie Wrote:Congrats guys, thumbs up for the selection of two highly active individuals also.

Fitting this also comes from a "highly active individual".

So alright, we have two new teams. The rest of the league is developing at a rapid pace, and these teams have no players yet. Of course they will both be garbage.


Ironically, Oscar the Grouch was highly scouted in college and is rumored to have better hands than None Stormblessed.

OK, OK, I can't fault RFFO on this next decision. He hired Anti-Hype as his Co-GM, which was a great move, Portland Pythons bias aside. This man was a rational thinker, actually active, and had a vision for the franchise. When the pair decided to trade some picks in the upcoming draft in order to acquire some established players, they had to decide which future stars to go out and get. Anti-Hype wanted to critically analyze each team's roster, essentially picking out names to become faces of the franchise. But RFFO had a different idea on how to select players to trade for.



There was one obstacle to getting Anti-Hype to Vegas, though. (No, it wasn't all those checkpoints to get into fucking Nevada as if it were a foreign country. Seriously, I hate those.) He was already an established member of the Yellowknife Wraiths, everyone's favorite kitchen utensil football team north of the border, in Canada. (Where all those checkpoints would make sense. Come on, Nevada.) They can't just pry him from the Wraiths and give them nothing back, that just wouldn't be fair. So they made a trade.

Gives:
S2 1st round pick (gonna be a high one)
S2 2nd round pick (gonna be another high one)
S2 4th round pick
S3 2nd Round pick
Future Considerations (as in, "please consider us an actual team")

give:
D'Brickashaw Ferguson (Wasn't he on the Jets?)
Sinjin Flimjollywop (Gesundheit)
Alexander LeClair (ok, he's actually solid)
Mark Ramrio
S2 6th round pick

Two of those players were active, and while LeClair is active now, he wasn't any record breaker at the time. So let's say one and a half were active. The Wraiths may have fleeced them, but guess what?



This league is full of perceptive people. Clearly everyone can see that this trade was horrible for the Legion, right?

(07-07-2017, 11:42 PM)Noble Wrote:Massive trade holy! Great move

Not as great as all that fake ass TPE you've been adding

(07-08-2017, 10:47 AM)Shaka Wrote:Honestly a pretty fair trade to me.

Was it a fair trade when you bent over Orange County after they picked you #1?

(07-07-2017, 11:31 PM)Grapehead Wrote:Holy smokes! Quite the trade for both sides tbh!

Holy smokes, you were supposed to pick me #1 instead of that jackass J.J. Reigns tbh

Well, after all that absurdly placed praise, of course the Legion would go out and do the SAME THING AGAIN.

receive:

Stormblessed (*his name is None Stormblessed, he's not Madonna)
Brady Stropko (was Outlaws GM for like five and a half minutes)
Isaiah Rashad (Free Lunch is a pretty solid song)

receive:

S3 1st (gonna be high)
S4 1st (gonna be higher)
S4 3rd

Not convinced? This is how high those picks are going to be.


Again, Tommy Chong may have helped the team as well


Now, the members of the league have to be realizing that Vegas has fucked up royally (pun intended), right?

(07-10-2017, 11:07 PM)Jogn Wrote:Holy shit Vegas is going to be stacked

Of course, one member was aware of the implications!

(07-07-2017, 10:12 PM)RainDelay Wrote:Oh damn so will be picking first or second this season...

Ayy das me

At this point, everyone and their brother had their heads so far up the Legion's theoretical ass (better known as the o-line, now) that they decided to rip on Adam. Adam hadn't been doing anything much, but come on, everyone told him that his logo looked like Taco Bell (omniscient narrator: "it does"). Hell, I would have crawled back into my shell too. All this flack being doled out, and Adam is basically just sitting there like:


Ohhh, now the Philly thing makes sense

The poor man felt pressured into making a deal now. I feel kind of bad, because at the time, I had actually just gotten done talking to someone about how you shouldn't let other people goad you into doing things. I came back to my computer and saw this.

receives:
RB Omar Wright

receive:
Future Considerations

Alright, that's actually not bad. Omar Wright had some TPE built up, and seemed like a nice enough locker room presence.

(07-11-2017, 12:53 AM)xdave2456 Wrote:I'm being traded because I "make other players scared for their personal safety," whatever that means.

Oh. Well nevermind then.

Both teams were off and trading, so expansion was truly afoot. It was a foregone conclusion that the Legion were going to be pretty solid in their first season and the Liberty would be buns.


Yeah, the Legion were greeaatttt... *rolls eyes*

No, the Liberty were not good either. But they had two more wins, something nobody thought would happen. I'm sure it was all good in Vegas though. They will have the first overall pick and...wait...no they don't. But I'm sure RFFO had a plan. He must be working on his plan so closely that he hasn't even logged onto the site in a few days. Or not. Baller decided he could use an extra push when it came to the crunch time of the offseason.

(09-01-2017, 04:52 PM)Ballerstorm Wrote:With RFFO not having logged in for a few days and free agency and the draft coming we needed someone to run the Legion during this time.

Bafetimbi Gomis and ardiesavea are named Co-GMs effective immediately and once RFFO returns he can choose to remove then or keep them around.

Well this sounds nice. I mean, I don't understand nominating BG, as he might've actually been less active than RFFO, but its the thought that counts. Ardie is a productive member of the community and would be an asset to the front office of any team. Naturally, I'm sure RFFO will appreciate the additional help.

(09-02-2017, 12:07 PM)RavensFanFromOntario Wrote:Fired, both of them.

I could keep going with this, I really could. The Liberty traded for star defensive tackle Mark Ramrio (the aforementioned Anti-Hype), and signed the star linebacker A.C. Hackett. Frankly, if you haven't heard about either of those things, you should stop living in a cave.

The Legion haven't done all that much, except become the DSFL's seventh franchise, but that's a different episode on a different show.

Stay tuned for the second edition of the Funny 115, and if there's a ridiculous event or theme you would like me to cover, like I said, drop me a line.

Until then, keep your stick on the ice.