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+---- Thread: *Ricardo Sandoval's Offseason (/showthread.php?tid=5440)
*Ricardo Sandoval's Offseason - cosbornballboy - 10-21-2017
PREFACE: This is a parody of the musical Lucky Stiff. Enjoy.
After a crushing blow just a week ago at the hands of an absolutely dominant Arizona Outlaws team, Ricardo Sandoval begins using his offseason time to recoup and recover for Season 4's breakout year. Sandoval had a great season, but it was nowhere near what he wanted it to be. He was looking for Defensive Rookie of the Year, but he got Pro Bowl instead. Despite the loss, he's still out looking for a good time a week later, when he gets a phone call from an old friend.
"Oh ho ho, you lost? To ze Outloows? How embahrazing! Listen, I have a bery small request, but it includes, how do you say, an adventure. Are you een?"
Sandoval was in. The type of adventure, he was unsure, but he trusted this friend, and he was ready to get off and going. His bags were packed, he was headed to Monte Carlo. There was only one condition.
"You vill receive 5 million dollairs, on ze condition zat you take my dead uncuhl Antony witchu to giv heem ze time of heez life."
Ricardo Sandoval was headed to Monte Carlo. With a corpse.
It was later discovered that the friend had different underlying motives for sending Sandoval. The friend would, had it gone to plan, receive and pocket the 5 million after putting Sandoval through this treacherous adventure. But that's for later. We rejoin our hero at the Hotel de Paris, a 5-star hotel in Monte Carlo where his friend's uncle, Tony Hendon, wished to stay at. It seemed like an easy enough gig. After all, Sandoval was the only beneficiary of the complimentary Don Perignon and caviar provided by the hotel, but it got harder when he had to take Hendon scuba diving. And skydiving. And on various other activities. But he stuck with it.
All the while, Rita LaPorta from Brooklyn was chasing him down, unbeknownst to him. Evidently, Hendon had been managing the casino LaPorta's husband owned, and they had something of an affair going on. One night, as she was showing up to Hendon's house. She was shocked and appalled when another woman was walking out of the house, and she ran in and shot Hendon dead on the spot. Ironic from the woman who was cheating on her husband, but nonetheless, she needed to find Sandoval, and the money he would receive was in a heart-shaped box full of diamonds worth 5 million bucks. She had embezzled this money from her husband with the help of Hendon, and now that he was dead and the money turned up missing, LaPorta panicked and blamed it on her brother, optometrist Vinny DiRuzzio. So Rita and Vinny have tracked down Sandoval just as he is done with Hendon's activities for the day and heads down to the casino. Rita enters the hotel room in a maid's outfit and ransacks the place. She sees Hendon and quickly takes off her glasses, which she thinks makes her look lousy. As she can't see that he is dead, she starts singing:
"Hi. Fancy meeting you here. Hello. Long time no see
Is it really you? Yes it's really me.
Please. I know what you're thinking. You're hurt. I'm hurting too.
So I jumped the gun, maybe so did you.
I'm changed. I'm not so jealous
You've changed, you're much more settled
We're here, and if you're willing to try, so am I
Tony so am I
Okay, I know I shot you, but you cheated on me.
Can't we call it even, no, no, no, no, please. Hear me out
You are the only man I've ever loved
And I am the only woman who could make you happy.
Let's not throw that away, Tony, Especially now.
We're in Europe, like we planned, with the money
And we've got the rest of our lives ahead of us."
She proceeds to kiss the uncle when she realizes he IS actually dead. She promptly stomps down to the casino and shoots at Sandoval, but misses and hits the REAL Tony Hendon, who was waiting in the wings to make a dramatic reveal as LaPorta was about to shoot Sandoval later, but to no avail. Sandoval flew back to the States empty-handed and ready for Season 4.
Can't WAIT for Season 4 you guys, it's gonna be a great one!!!
(712 words)
*Ricardo Sandoval's Offseason - timeconsumer - 10-21-2017
Otters miss Ricardo. He's the prefect amount of crazy.
*Ricardo Sandoval's Offseason - cosbornballboy - 10-21-2017
(10-21-2017, 02:13 PM)timeconsumer Wrote:Otters miss Ricardo. He's the prefect amount of crazy.
:belly: