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*Young Spaghetti ready for questions - Vulgar - 05-04-2018 Hey everybody, thanks for coming. I just wanted to take the time and introduce myself. I'm Young Spaghetti, I'm a defensive end from Little Italy, NY, and I attended THE University of Olive Garden at Sketchy Mall (OOG) as a walk on. You really had to have some meatballs to get a starting spot as a walk on, but I persevered and here I am today talking to you guys. I'm extremely excited to announce that I was picked up on Waivers by the Portland Pythons today, and I am ready to make an impact for this team heading in to the playoffs. I will take any questions you guys have. What is your favorite kind of sauce to eat with spaghetti? What a great question. I really love a good shrimp scampi, but obviously my answer here has to be red sauce. Mom makes the sauce once a month and freezes it so we have as much as we need. The way she blends the tomatoes with the onions and garlic is *does Italian kissing thing* simply the best. Also, don't EVER forget about the meat. Fresh sausage, and beef gives it that perfect blend of acidity and heartiness. How do you feel about vomiting on your mom's spaghetti? In my house this would considered a cardinal sin. You take your puke somewhere else and you leave the food of the gods to be eaten graciously. I would never consider doing this in a million years unless my Mom specifically asked me to, and I don't see a world in which that would ever happen. How do you feel about vomiting on your sweater from mom's spaghetti? Now this is a different situation entirely. If I ate my Mom's spaghetti and had to throw up, I would try my best to hold it all in. I would never want to waste the food that Jesus would've eaten if he had known about it. I would go as far as to say if the pasta made it up in to my mouth, I would make a conscious effort to chew it back up and re-swallow. If for some reason I had to abruptly eject the sweet, sweet spaghetti, I would certainly try to keep my vomit away from my sweater. Worst case scenario, I buy another sweater because I'm a millionaire. If you weren't a defensive end, what position would you be? I would probably be a Middle Linebacker if I wasn't a defensive end now. I've always been a high speed guy for my size, and I think that I would be more than capable of handling that position if I lost a few pounds. Being the leader of the defense is something that I would love to do in the future, and linebackers usually posses that leadership mentality when hyping up their guys or communicating plays. it would definitely be a good time to see a thicc boy like myself running MLB at my current weight though. Is the "quarterback" from the Luchadores named "Brad Pennington" or "Slider Bummington"? I believe his so-called "name" is supposed to be brad Pennington. But I will tell you one thing. Chad Pennington was the greatest Quarterback to ever live. Anyone posing as him or being an imitator is no bueno in my book. Not sure who that guy is, but he should be ashamed of himself. Who is the best receiver in the DSFL? *Reading prompt card* Um, well, as far as I've seen, MARK GRAU is absolutely the top receiving talent I've ever seen. He has the hops of Michael Jordan, the speed of Chris Johnson, and the *Double takes at card* looks of Christiano Ronaldo? He is god's gift to the game, and he will someday lead the Yeti's to 10 championships in a row. *Looks at Mark for approval, Mark giving two thumbs up and smiling* How many spaghetti ups can you do? Officially, I've been recorded at 47 Spaghetti ups, but unofficially I recently reached a great milestone in my life by knocking out 55 straight spaghetti ups without rest. I'm actually surprised that you are familiar with this rarely used measurement of strength... Did you attend the university of Olive Garden at Sketchy Mall too? I know a breadstick boy when I see one! I still work on them from time to time, but it's hard to find anyone in this league who knows how to spot me. Mark my words, it will be in the combine 25 years from now, people are sleeping on it. Have you ever considered American cheese, Kraft singles, as an acceptable cheese to grate? I did try this one time in order to try and execute the perfect grilled cheese. Obviously every cheese takes it's final form when being grated rather than sliced. What I found was that the cheese was over processed and gunked up my cheese grater quite a bit. For that reason, I really try to only use fresh mozzarella straight from the students over at UOG. I've gotta give credit where credit is due, and the kids over there make some killer cheese. How many times will you sack Bummington per game? I have been programmed to destroy Bummington. His life will be in my hands when we take the field together. I plan to sack him 7 times in our first meeting, with an increasing amount of force in each blow. I have calculated that after 7 hits with a force increase of 17% per, his career will be over and he will have to start again. Just like Chad. Maybe he will be riddled with injuries and be forced to become a writer for the very team he played for. Just like Chad. it is possible that he will never reach his full potential in life. Just like Chad. But the thing is, he isn't Chad. he is an impostor, and will never have the sheer brilliance of the great one and so he will fail. I'm just here to make sure that happens. Thank you all for coming out today. 1,017 words *Young Spaghetti ready for questions - pazuzu - 05-04-2018 What is your favorite kind of sauce to eat with spaghetti? *Young Spaghetti ready for questions - keanex - 05-04-2018 How do you feel about vomiting on your mom's spaghetti? How do you feel about vomiting on your sweater from mom's spaghetti? If you weren't a defensive end, what position would you be? Is the "quarterback" from the Luchadores named "Brad Pennington" or "Slider Bummington"? Who is the best receiver in the DSFL? How many spaghetti ups can you do? Have you ever considered American cheese, Kraft singles, as an acceptable cheese to grate? How many times will you sack Bummington per game? *Young Spaghetti ready for questions - speculadora - 05-04-2018 How did you get the name Young Spaghetti? I'm sure the Spaghetti's are a lovely family but naming your child "Young" feels shortsighted. What is your favorite food? What are your goals for the rest of the DSFL season? How are you liking being on the Pythons so far? *Young Spaghetti ready for questions - Moosecop - 05-05-2018 On a scale from 1-10, how many fingers do you have? Lots of players have a coach in their lives who drove them to greatness. Who is yours and how did he help you? Are you a gym rat and if so, what's your max looking like on the calf press?