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+---- Thread: *This is not Salem (/showthread.php?tid=9026)
*This is not Salem - 37thchamber - 06-03-2018
Still reeling from the tragic death of beloved general manager Gordon Gekko mere months ago (God rest his soul), the Baltimore Hawks organisation was hit this evening by a budgetary ruling from NSFL Head Office. The ruling, which has been described by legal advisor to the Hawks organisation, John E. Goldstein, as "a callous, premeditated attempt to target a successful franchise, based on negative impressions from past regimes and a despicable attitude toward former head office member turned franchise owner, Iam Essellem" was predicated on the false accusation that the Hawks had exceeded salary cap rules imposed by the league.
Some forensic accounting took place immediately, with both of the Hawks' hired budgetary consultants -- affiliates of Wu Tang Financial -- scouring records to ensure that the organisation was compliant. It eventually transpired that financial representatives from Head Office had "accidentally" misrepresented the cap number for Hawks linebacker Noah Goodson, instead considering his salary from last season under this season's budget.
This is simply the latest in a long line of targeted actions which have sought to clip the wings, so to speak, of the majestic avian team based in Baltimore. Fans are still said to be bitter over the tarnishment of the franchise image after Carmel "Roidson" Gibson was found to be utilising performance enhancing drugs, after being cleared for action by a league representative. Though Head Office found no evidence of malice and did not levy any punishment at the franchise, a toxic environment was allowed to flourish, which ultimately led to the early retirement of some players on the team.
A later scandal would be the removal of the Hawks logo from the official league website, where it was replaced with a low resolution "rebrand" which put the Hawks firmly at the wrong end of numerous cruel jokes. The plot thickened earlier this year, when the official league website again seemed to remove the Hawks logo, replacing it with a crudely drawn version in mockery of the organisation directly in the aftermath of the Gekko tragedy.
John E. Goldstein has called for the league to face a class action lawsuit regarding their "repeated and deliberately callous treatment of the Baltimore Hawks organisation", with charges of "deliberate obfuscation of triumphs" and "machination of failures" among the accusations. "It is a known fact that the Hawks were unjustly denied a fair shot at the Ultimus in 2017 and 2018, when head office allowed an illegally constructed team to dominate the league," explains Goldman. "Then just last season, we saw some highly convenient flags on crucial downs against the eventual champion Philadelphia Liberty. It's not unreasonable to question why these things keep happening to Baltimore."
In addition to the class action lawsuit, Goldstein is also seeking a reparative seven million dollars in cap considerations for the Hawks. "For the psychological trauma of this false accusation.... and stuff." He says. "There is also evidence to suggest that the death of Gordon Gekko was not entirely kosher, either." He added, before being dragged away by black and gold clad security.
Aside from Mr Goldstein, no team representatives were available for comment, though several members of the Baltimore playing staff were seen to purse their lips and shake their heads in disbelief when the truth came out about the alleged budgetary infraction. The words "Par for the course, man. They just don't like us." were overheard outside the locker room just hours ago, along with the strongly worded statement that echoed the last known words of the Hawks' dearly departed leader; "they could all suck a dick"
It remains to be seen where Baltimore and indeed, the league, will go from here. Such contentious rulings -- and announcements -- cannot be allowed to become commonplace, though it is the opinion of some that the tyrannical commissioner will stop at nothing to assist his beloved Yellowknife Wraiths, and certainly not at the attempted destruction of a rival team. It has not gone unnoticed that the Philadelphia Liberty were also under fire for budgetary issues today, both teams are conference rivals of the Wraiths. Conspiracy? I think not.
( Gotta make that cash grab while it's still fresh
-- 679 words)
*This is not Salem - kckolbe - 06-03-2018
I think it is absolutely ridiculous to claim there is a witch hunt. On an unrelated note, I am reporting this article as clear cap circumvention by the Hawks.
*This is not Salem - 37thchamber - 06-03-2018
(06-04-2018, 12:38 AM)kckolbe Wrote:I think it is absolutely ridiculous to claim there is a witch hunt. On an unrelated note, I am reporting this article as clear cap circumvention by the Hawks.HO please ban this man for causing psychological trauma and stuff
*This is not Salem - Mark D - 06-03-2018
Wu Tang Financial makes me laugh
*This is not Salem - 37thchamber - 06-03-2018
(06-04-2018, 12:58 AM)Mark D Wrote:Wu Tang Financial makes me laugh"You need to diversify your bonds, nigga" lol
*This is not Salem - iamslm22 - 06-03-2018
This is the greatest article in NSFL history.
*This is not Salem - DeathOnReddit - 06-03-2018
wait i was a part of that illegal team
*This is not Salem - run_CMC - 06-03-2018
(06-03-2018, 07:23 PM)DeathOnReddit Wrote:wait i was a part of that illegal teamwhich time?
Do I see a pattern :eyes:
*This is not Salem - Jiggly_333 - 06-03-2018
(06-03-2018, 06:32 PM)run_CMC Wrote:which time?He's a bad influence on the children. Ban him.
Do I see a pattern :eyes:
*This is not Salem - timeconsumer - 06-03-2018
Don't let this distract you from the fact the Otters set up a 6 week multi scheme to cheat the Yeti out of a third round pick.