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*The Damn FB in the Draft - Printable Version

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*The Damn FB in the Draft - HalfEatenOnionBagel - 08-17-2018

Hi, my name is Achilles Hondo and I am here today to tell everyone including the GM's in the NSFL that I should be first on your list when you are considering fullbacks, if not just first on your list period. People oo-ing and ah-ing over basically anyone that isn’t a fullback but it is whatever, you can go show off your skinny little legs and pencil necks and run around like a funky chicken and get paid a shitload of cash that is fine with me, I’ll just be over here doing all the hard work.

Why should you draft me to your NSFL team?

1) TPE Earner
I earn TPE, you want TPE this seems very simple. Heck I will bet you 40 TPE right now that the Ghost Ballers win the BIG3 basketball championship. Yeah I got TPE man, trust me.

2) If you draft me I will sign a contract (maybe with you!)
I would ideally like to make money and play, so if you draft me I will sign a contract to play somewhere, somehow. Probably with you, I mean most likely with you but I will definitely sign a contract you can take that to the bank and maybe also deposit my contract while you’re there. Thanks, mate

3) I’ll build a pillow fort
Draftees throwing out fancy, intangible things they can bring to the team like rapport and loyalty. Let me tell you what, on game days I’ll build you the best damn pillow fort in the locker room because I’m the best damn fullback in the draft. See how that works? Also, I’ve got loyalty in my DNA so don’t worry about that. I also have O- blood in my DNA so I could just save your life, think about it.

4) You like winning
I like winning too so at least we have one thing in common

5) I can make spaghetti
Look, I know you NSFL GMs have high standards, that’s why you GM in the best damn league in which I will be the best damn fullback you can draft. See how that works? So, let me tell you I can definitely make spaghetti that will exceed those high standards.

Why shouldn't you draft me?

1) You want me to play QB
I am not a quarterback. Quarterback is for pretty boys, and girls, and that just ain’t me. Besides I would throw the ball over those mountains every time cause I’m just so damn strong

2) You have some strange obsession with QBs
Let’s run the dang ball, get me Blake Bortles under center in this joint and let’s forget about passing.

3) You a dummy
Pretty self explanatory


Ask yourself, do you like losing?
Neither do I, but you know what losing is part of the game and is how you learn to be better. Sometimes it happens and you just gotta pick yourself up, brush off the dirt and keep moving. Even the tallest mountain started as a stone. I don’t care if we go 0-14, as long as we’re moving in the right direction you can bet I’ll be busting my ass off every day (as long as you pay me).

Teams that should draft me:

1) Tijuana Luchadores TIJ
Oh wait, you guys already did. Right, right. Good pick

2) Detroit Lions
When was the last time we had a 100 yard rusher in a game, boys? Pop me on that squad and you can just ride on my back for 100 yards. Easy peasy.

3) Baltimore Orioles
I bet I could hit a baseball better than some of these dudes and still play football on Sundays. I’m like a fat Adam Jones, it’s a good fit.

4) Brazilian Moon Howlers
Now this is a team with style and a badass name. Plus, I know some spanish from my time in Tijuana so I could easily mesh in the locker room. ¿Como se dice, “Let’s fuck shit up”?

5) Las Vegas Golden Knights
I’m a big dude, I could definitely play some goalie back there. I’m solid, like a tank. That’s why they call me the Black Panzer. Also, I don’t know how to skate so goalie is all I can do, but I can definitely get some fans excited on social media.

6) COL ARI YKW SJS OCO PB BAL PHI NOLA
I guess I’ll settle for any of y’all if 1-5 don’t work out


Did I just waste your time? Time is a flat circle, so don’t worry you can’t actually lose it.
Are you wanting me as your QB? Maybe, and you know what, that’s ok if that’s what you got out of this.
Are you now slightly aroused? Maybe, and you know what, that’s ok if that’s what you got out of this.


*The Damn FB in the Draft - nunccoepi - 08-17-2018

that's muh FB

*The Damn FB in the Draft - enigmatic - 08-17-2018

(08-17-2018, 10:27 AM)HalfEatenOnionBagel Wrote:People oo-ing and ah-ing over basically anyone that isn’t a fullback but it is whatever, you can go show off your skinny little legs and pencil necks and run around like a funky chicken and get paid a shitload of cash that is fine with me, I’ll just be over here doing all the hard work.
[Image: giphy.gif]

*The Damn FB in the Draft - HalfEatenOnionBagel - 08-17-2018

(08-17-2018, 10:45 AM)enigmatic Wrote:[Image: giphy.gif]


I mean uh, everyone except you of course.

*The Damn FB in the Draft - Muford - 08-17-2018

(08-17-2018, 08:27 AM)HalfEatenOnionBagel Wrote:Are you now slightly aroused?


More then slightly.

*The Damn FB in the Draft - AW13 - 08-17-2018

...really...? haha

*The Damn FB in the Draft - HalfEatenOnionBagel - 08-17-2018

(08-17-2018, 11:45 AM)AndrewWarren13 Wrote:...really...? haha

So help me I will set your 3PS to 20

*The Damn FB in the Draft - Beaver - 08-17-2018

#RunTheDamnBall

*The Damn FB in the Draft - Moosecop - 08-17-2018

PB PB

*The Damn FB in the Draft - timeconsumer - 08-17-2018

My goodness there's so many wonderful jokes and references in this I don't even know where to begin. If the Otters don't draft this guy I'm leaving in free agency to join him wherever he goes.