[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Meet "The Replacements"
![[Image: giants-offensive-line-10-19-08-9394c8b14..._large.jpg]](http://media.nj.com/giants_impact/photo/giants-offensive-line-10-19-08-9394c8b14512d79c_large.jpg)
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In one of the more unexpected moves of the offseason, Arizona GM Victoria Danvers indicated that she would not be paying the team’s usual offensive linemen group the standard pay rate that they have received for the last several seasons. NSFL linemen tend to follow one-season contracts and GMs are given flexibility on how much they pay, but most teams tend to follow a similar scale in order to attract the most competitive players at the position. After being informed of the intended pay cut, the NSFLPA has advised the Robotman brothers to demand compensation equal to previous seasons or hold out.
Speaking on behalf of the NSFLPA, a lawyer representing the team spoke to the media to denounce the move. “This is a despicable act and it’s unreasonable to expect the Robotmen to play for such paltry wages”, the spokesman said. “Furthermore, it’s insulting to linemen across the league. The team isn’t asking its human players to take paycuts. Slim Shady just got a raise. But where is the raise for the robots who work hard to block for him? I don’t see one. As a result, we are standing in solidarity with them and encouraging them to stay off the field this season in protest.”
Sources close to the team note that negotiations remain open and the team is open to bringing the Robotmen back next season at their old rate, but cap trades and contracts signed by players have left the team with little cap room left and thus little chance of working out a deal. In light of this dispute, Arizona quickly began the process of seeking out replacements. The team hopes to work out a resolution for next season, but with so much up in the air, one has to imagine that this opportunity could lead to more for the team’s newest members.
With that said, let’s meet the replacements…
Tyrion Rash (Tackle)
Rash grew up playing football in high school, but also shared a love for professional wrestling. So, much that he had the letters “ECW” tattooed along the top of his head. After flunking out of college, he went to have a career as an independent wrestler and now performs for Arizona Elite Wrestling as Bam Bam Gigolo. Prior to officially signing with the team, he was the top prospect of this new O-line, cited as having speed and reflexes far beyond that of your average NSFL lineman. However, as a reason to write the Bam Bam Gigolo character off of local television, NAME was sent crashing off the top of a scaffolding through 16 tables, sustaining several injuries. His scouting rating has thus gone from “excellent” to “barely functional as a human being”. When asked if Rash would be ready cleared in time for practice, coaches simply shrugged their shoulders and pointed to the side of the field, where he was threatening trainers with a barbed wire baseball bat.
Greg Arbage (Guard)
Arbage was a top prospect going into college, but unfortunately, got caught up in the college party lifestyle and never progressed to the level that he was expected to reach. Arbage has spent several seasons applying for NSFL teams, the highlight of these tryouts being his claim to be “the ultimate sex machine”. There might be some truth to this claim, though, as Arbage is currently father to 9 different kids from 8 different mothers despite only being out of college for 4 years. Arbage is taking time away from his day job as a truck driver to play in the NSFL.
Jerome Unk (Guard)
Imagine Shaft… if Shaft ate Shaft. NAME has a well-known reputation for being a cool, laid-back guy and for being unable to tell what decade he’s in. Prior to his tryout for the team, NSFL coaches were said to be unable that leopardskin pants came in XXXL. He reportedly wore an open purple vest and pimp hat to his contract signing, which was a closed door event with no media access… or interest. We’re told that he’s looking to use his first paycheck to get his Cadillac Eldorado out of impound.
Wendall Aste (Tackle)
Aste is a family man with a big heart. He serves as a deacon for his church and is a proud husband and father of 3 kids (all from the wife). After being injured during his initial tryout for the NSFL 6 seasons ago, his dream has been to return and get another shot. And he now has a chance to play the game he loves. Prior to being signed by the Outlaws, Aste worked as a tow truck driver. He swears he’s not the one who impounded Unk’s Cadillac. Our sources indicate that he is totally the one who impounded it.
Daniel Ebris (Center)
No one knows where Ebris came from. Not even Ebris. Although that’s mostly due to an extreme case of illiteracy. In high school and college, he was taught to identify shapes so that he could read a playbook, though we do use the term “read” loosely. He’s kind of like Lennie from Of Mice and Men, except before the end of the novel. For obvious reasons. None of which are obvious to Ebris.
Well, there you have. Your S14 O-line for the Arizona Outlaws. No clue if this case of misfits and mutants is fit to have any long-term impact on the NSFL, but if the Robotmen have anything to say about it, probably not.
957 Words
Ready for Grading
[/div]In one of the more unexpected moves of the offseason, Arizona GM Victoria Danvers indicated that she would not be paying the team’s usual offensive linemen group the standard pay rate that they have received for the last several seasons. NSFL linemen tend to follow one-season contracts and GMs are given flexibility on how much they pay, but most teams tend to follow a similar scale in order to attract the most competitive players at the position. After being informed of the intended pay cut, the NSFLPA has advised the Robotman brothers to demand compensation equal to previous seasons or hold out.
Speaking on behalf of the NSFLPA, a lawyer representing the team spoke to the media to denounce the move. “This is a despicable act and it’s unreasonable to expect the Robotmen to play for such paltry wages”, the spokesman said. “Furthermore, it’s insulting to linemen across the league. The team isn’t asking its human players to take paycuts. Slim Shady just got a raise. But where is the raise for the robots who work hard to block for him? I don’t see one. As a result, we are standing in solidarity with them and encouraging them to stay off the field this season in protest.”
Sources close to the team note that negotiations remain open and the team is open to bringing the Robotmen back next season at their old rate, but cap trades and contracts signed by players have left the team with little cap room left and thus little chance of working out a deal. In light of this dispute, Arizona quickly began the process of seeking out replacements. The team hopes to work out a resolution for next season, but with so much up in the air, one has to imagine that this opportunity could lead to more for the team’s newest members.
With that said, let’s meet the replacements…
Tyrion Rash (Tackle)
Rash grew up playing football in high school, but also shared a love for professional wrestling. So, much that he had the letters “ECW” tattooed along the top of his head. After flunking out of college, he went to have a career as an independent wrestler and now performs for Arizona Elite Wrestling as Bam Bam Gigolo. Prior to officially signing with the team, he was the top prospect of this new O-line, cited as having speed and reflexes far beyond that of your average NSFL lineman. However, as a reason to write the Bam Bam Gigolo character off of local television, NAME was sent crashing off the top of a scaffolding through 16 tables, sustaining several injuries. His scouting rating has thus gone from “excellent” to “barely functional as a human being”. When asked if Rash would be ready cleared in time for practice, coaches simply shrugged their shoulders and pointed to the side of the field, where he was threatening trainers with a barbed wire baseball bat.
Greg Arbage (Guard)
Arbage was a top prospect going into college, but unfortunately, got caught up in the college party lifestyle and never progressed to the level that he was expected to reach. Arbage has spent several seasons applying for NSFL teams, the highlight of these tryouts being his claim to be “the ultimate sex machine”. There might be some truth to this claim, though, as Arbage is currently father to 9 different kids from 8 different mothers despite only being out of college for 4 years. Arbage is taking time away from his day job as a truck driver to play in the NSFL.
Jerome Unk (Guard)
Imagine Shaft… if Shaft ate Shaft. NAME has a well-known reputation for being a cool, laid-back guy and for being unable to tell what decade he’s in. Prior to his tryout for the team, NSFL coaches were said to be unable that leopardskin pants came in XXXL. He reportedly wore an open purple vest and pimp hat to his contract signing, which was a closed door event with no media access… or interest. We’re told that he’s looking to use his first paycheck to get his Cadillac Eldorado out of impound.
Wendall Aste (Tackle)
Aste is a family man with a big heart. He serves as a deacon for his church and is a proud husband and father of 3 kids (all from the wife). After being injured during his initial tryout for the NSFL 6 seasons ago, his dream has been to return and get another shot. And he now has a chance to play the game he loves. Prior to being signed by the Outlaws, Aste worked as a tow truck driver. He swears he’s not the one who impounded Unk’s Cadillac. Our sources indicate that he is totally the one who impounded it.
Daniel Ebris (Center)
No one knows where Ebris came from. Not even Ebris. Although that’s mostly due to an extreme case of illiteracy. In high school and college, he was taught to identify shapes so that he could read a playbook, though we do use the term “read” loosely. He’s kind of like Lennie from Of Mice and Men, except before the end of the novel. For obvious reasons. None of which are obvious to Ebris.
Well, there you have. Your S14 O-line for the Arizona Outlaws. No clue if this case of misfits and mutants is fit to have any long-term impact on the NSFL, but if the Robotmen have anything to say about it, probably not.
957 Words
Ready for Grading
![[Image: welcomeBraxtonEast.png?ex=677e7b1f&is=67...y=lossless]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/357281973594619905/1319836335887880192/welcomeBraxtonEast.png?ex=677e7b1f&is=677d299f&hm=c03a86226787bfca2f2d024eb23c800c6f1ecd647532e0419a9d0218636d40e4&=&format=webp&quality=lossless)
![[Image: baby-yoda-by-jango-sm.png]](https://i.ibb.co/1rgfYXP/baby-yoda-by-jango-sm.png)
Thanks to Jangorhino for the sig.
![[Image: 63889_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/63889_s.gif)
