(S3) - Weekend PT #5 - Conspiracies

[NUCK]

[Raven]

[bovovovo]

My controversy / conspiracy is that ARCHON and NOBLE are THE SAME PERSON!!!!1!!11

That’s right, and I have the indisputable evidence to back it up.

Consider these facts: Noble has in the past been found to use multis, particularly in the NHL under different usernames, but each time these different usernames also seemingly had different personalities. Archon showed up on NSFL just a week or so before the HO announced the Noble punishment. Obviously Noble was aware that he was being investigated for messing with his PTs, so he decided to create a new character under a different account so he could avoid the punishment without anyone noticing. After Noble’s banning, Archon went into overdrive, quickly becoming much more involved in the league and rising to the rank of co-GM. But then, once Noble came back, Archon disappeared.

Did Noble have a change of heart and decide to face the music using his original account? Why didn’t he just stick with Archon?

Haters to this conspiracy will point out that we’ve seen Noble and Archon talking together in discord at the same time, but this can be easily replicated using two separate browsers.

You say this is just an unfounded conspiracy, I say that it’s inalienable fact.

(209 words)

[BOOM™]

The NSFL is packed full of conspiracy theories this season, and none is bigger than the rumors and innuendo circulating around the performance-enhancing "substances" that Orange County Otters QB, Mike Boss may(or may not) have been taking. Whether the rumors are lies or petty gossip remain unclear, but Boss has performed like no other QB this season so it's entirely possible that he is in fact a cheating shit. Along with his disgraceful locker room antics and contract demands, he has been a nightmare to deal with for both opposition defenses and the Orange County front office.
Two days ago, and anonymous phone call was placed to local law enforcement, and a drug detection dog was used to search the Otters locker room for over an hour. The specialized canine alerted it's handler on two occasions, although the first was a false alarm when it barked several times, dragged the handler outside, walked around in a circle and then promptly took a dump.



After it was finished, it returned to the locker room and headed straight for the locker of Mike Boss, where it sat down and simply stared at the door. A hit!? Well, not exactly. It seems that Mr Boss has an issue downstairs and the dogs highly sensitive nose simply located his special medicine...



Mike Boss may throw hard, but after the game.....no.

[Perry87]

[HalfEatenOnionBagel]

Here’s an interesting theory: maybe there are theories about everyone floating around that people want to believe because they just can’t accept the truth. Maybe the Outlaws are good not because @ErMurazor rigs games but because he knows the sim and plays with it more than anyone else so he knows how to maximize the talent of his teammates. And maybe ADwyer really is a great GM that just knows how to get shit done to benefit his team. The Outlaws aren’t cheaters they’re just better than everyone else but nobody wants to admit they can’t hang with them. And this talk of multis? Maybe @Noble and @Archon could have been multis or plants. But maybe the truth is Noble really is just some insecure kid from Canada who got a little too big for his britches and thought he could outsmart everyone. Fucking highschoolers, man. And Archon was kind of an odd guy but I think he really wanted to be here until everyone gave him so much shit. I mean he was stepping up to be a GM for goodness sake. I think the truth is the HO is young and still incompetent, the sim sucks and people still don’t understand how to use it and everyone in the league thinks their player should be the next coming of Randy Moss or Tom Brady when nobody even has an overall rating over 90 in the sim yet. Try playing Madden with the Cleveland Browns and see how far you get. So the biggest conspiracy is that there is no conspiracy, no hidden agenda or shadow organization that’s fixing the games. Most people here just want to have fun but these rumors keep getting spread because people are sore losers and in turn the rest of the league keeps getting fired up. Who is the one that these rumors originate from and why are they so inclined to spread them like wildfire? It doesn't matter if they're true or not, people will always hear what they want to hear, believe what they want to believe, but in the end it’s just a game people, damn.

[Lendoris]

Conspiracy theories are for crazy people who can't justify the obvious that their team sucks and they need to do something about it.

In saying that...Something doesn't feel right in San Jose. The Sabercats play calling has been atrocious in certain situations. How come Blewitt can make a 35 yard field goal in one quarter then punts it from the same location on the field two drives later? How does a 3rd and forever sound like a great play to run the ball on, especially if the Sabercats are down by 10+ points. Either their is Lead bleeding into the drinking water for the offensive play caller or there is a mole hired by one of the other teams in the league purposely sabotaging the Sabercats organization from the inside....Or...

*Puts on tin foil hat*

...maybe someone wants the team to move and can only relocate if they dumpster dive the season. Perhaps London is ready for a NSFL team and they sent their best agent, 007 to really fuck with our play calling. I can only imagine Bond slipping around the managements office, changing playbooks, all while sleeping with as many Sabercat cheerleaders as possible. Damn you Great Britain, and your awesome spies, tea time and crumpets. "The name is Bond, James Bond and he has a "license to kill" the drive.

Word Count:223

[Yurt6]

As soon as you walk into the Outlaw's training facility, you know that its run... differently from other ones. Its grim, gray, and feels very mechanical and lifeless. They run extremely tight security, so I had to risk jail time to find this out about the Outlaws. I found some stairs and went down them, and what do I see but a room full of science equipment, along with undrafted free agents. Before I was left wondering for too long what they were doing down there, I heard a piercing scream. I ran towards the scream and see this: one of the undrafted free agents with tubes going into him, and pumping some unknown fluid into his system. That's right folks, the Outlaws have been conducting biological tests for quite a while now.

It seems that although they're undisputedly the best team in the NSFL, they may not NATURALLY be the best team in the NSFL. It would certainly explain the rapid skill increase of their players after being drafted. For example, King Bronko was not a highly touted recruit when coming into college, and when drafted not many were expecting big things from him. Yet somehow now, he's arguably the best Quarterback in the NSFL? While it didn't make sense, now we know why.

Code:

215 words

[kcheng686]

Everyone in the league is a filthy Noble Multi. You may not have realized that but that is because I am a Noble multi too, and so are you. Noble has invaded our minds and taken over out our accounts, and if you dont quit, you have become a Noble Multi. If you try to expose, The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka, Skibiki-pap-pap, and a pu-pu-pudrrrr-boom Skya, du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun, Poom, poom and you will be either banned or rekt. Noble will slide into ur DMs and expose you.

You cant run from Noble. He is trained in gorilla warfare and he is the top sniper in the entire Saskatoon armed forces. You are nothing to him but just another target. He will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. Not only is he extensively trained in unarmed combat, but he have access to the entire arsenal of the Saskatoon Marine Corps and he will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit.

[4D Chess]

This is absolutely beautiful