IT IS OUR TIME THIS (NEXT) YEAR
While this season did not end the way that the Portland Pythons would have preferred, they do have some positives to look forward to for S13. The disgusting, good for nothing, delinquent, festering franchise known as the Kansas City Coyotes got lucky and beat the Pythons in the Conference Championship game 21-16, but this will probably never happen again. The Pythons will have their QB and TE star combination returning next year with one full off season under their belt and chemistry at an all-time high. This team of course won the Ultimini in S11, and there is a bright outlook for them to do it again in S13. Ancillary offensive pieces like Lucius Kaine and Corey Trevor means that the Pythons will have an absolute juggernaut offensively and will be ready to wreak havoc on the competition. The Pythons are going to need to score as many points as they can, because there will be some turnover on defense. Losing Pecker Cox and Tommy Salami may be an area for improvement, but with such a stacked offense, it will allow the front office to recruit exclusively for defense. The Portland championship pipeline looks to run through the Earth of Oregon and leave a trail of tears in their wake.
[210]
PRE-GAME or...POST-GAME
The NFC Championship Game between the Portland Pythons and Kansas City Coyotes was a miscarriage of justice and should not be considered legitimate by any ruling body of the DSFL. However, as it currently stands, the Coyotes won the game 21-16. The Coyotes were barely able to scrape by and almost saw their fluke disappear but unfortunately the Pythons ran out of time to take what is rightfully theirs. The game began with shenanigans after Caleb McCoy was sacked for a “safety” that was met with some controversy on the field. McCoy was ruled to be in the grasp of the defender, but upon further examination, he clearly was not. As this particular ruling cannot be challenged on the field, the Pythons found themselves in a situation that was unjust and not right. Kansas City, as fate would have it, marched the ball down field and scored a touchdown but their bum kicker couldn’t hit the extra point. A few minutes later the same bum kicker got a field goal and before they knew it, the Pythons were losing by 11. They mustered three field goals from Roderick Castleberry and a touchdown from Caleb McCoy to Lucius Kaine, but it was not enough to overcome the rigged officials and sneaky ways of the Coyotes.
[214]
ENEMIES HAPPEN
For my hatred to be concentrated to only one person is a ridiculous request. Truth be told, I hate everyone who is not on my team. If I had to choose one player though, I would go with Jake Verden. He has the audacity to play for the Kansas City Coyotes, and I hate them more than any other team. Verden is the type of guy who gets picked on the entire game and gets passes defended based on volume because he is seen as weak and vulnerable on the grid iron. Hopefully this guy comes back again next season so Johnny Blaze can run train on him like a lot lizard who lives in a Motel Six. Verden, as far as I’m concerned, doesn’t have the fortitude to come back. He doesn’t have the guts to put the uniform back on. He doesn’t have the grit to put on that helmet, slide on those cleats, and get burned by Blaze. When I think of nickel cornerbacks that I want to destroy, Jake Verden is the first man who comes to mind. He is such a movable piece that he may not even be noticed if a missing persons report was filed on his behalf. Run away Jake, it’s better that way.
[212]
QUARTERBACK MATCHUP
The quarterback matchup in the NFC Championship Game only cements the fact that the game was an absolute farce and should be taken with a grain of salt. If you are pathetic enough to affiliate yourself with the Kansas City Coyotes or call yourself a fan of them, you should know that your Ultimini Championship is tainted. Caleb McCoy had the phantom safety called against him but besides that, he outshined Luke Boechler in every single way. McCoy completed 21 of 28 pass attempts. Boechler the bum was a paltry 14 of 31. Luke passed for a pathetic 145 yards. McCoy was able to sling the pigskin for 180 perfect spiral yards. McCoy and Boechler both had a touchdown each, which of course was only because the referees gifted the Coyotes the ball after the ridiculous safety call to start the game. Luke the liability added an interception on top of the worst quarterback sundae anyone has ever had the displeasure of consuming. In case you were not yet convinced of the all-time fluke this game was, McCoy had a QB rating of a station with a strong FM signal—103.3. Luke Boechler is the AM Radio of quarterbacks, and that was proven by his 56.5 QB Rating. You can’t even find this guy on the dial.
[217]
While this season did not end the way that the Portland Pythons would have preferred, they do have some positives to look forward to for S13. The disgusting, good for nothing, delinquent, festering franchise known as the Kansas City Coyotes got lucky and beat the Pythons in the Conference Championship game 21-16, but this will probably never happen again. The Pythons will have their QB and TE star combination returning next year with one full off season under their belt and chemistry at an all-time high. This team of course won the Ultimini in S11, and there is a bright outlook for them to do it again in S13. Ancillary offensive pieces like Lucius Kaine and Corey Trevor means that the Pythons will have an absolute juggernaut offensively and will be ready to wreak havoc on the competition. The Pythons are going to need to score as many points as they can, because there will be some turnover on defense. Losing Pecker Cox and Tommy Salami may be an area for improvement, but with such a stacked offense, it will allow the front office to recruit exclusively for defense. The Portland championship pipeline looks to run through the Earth of Oregon and leave a trail of tears in their wake.
[210]
PRE-GAME or...POST-GAME
The NFC Championship Game between the Portland Pythons and Kansas City Coyotes was a miscarriage of justice and should not be considered legitimate by any ruling body of the DSFL. However, as it currently stands, the Coyotes won the game 21-16. The Coyotes were barely able to scrape by and almost saw their fluke disappear but unfortunately the Pythons ran out of time to take what is rightfully theirs. The game began with shenanigans after Caleb McCoy was sacked for a “safety” that was met with some controversy on the field. McCoy was ruled to be in the grasp of the defender, but upon further examination, he clearly was not. As this particular ruling cannot be challenged on the field, the Pythons found themselves in a situation that was unjust and not right. Kansas City, as fate would have it, marched the ball down field and scored a touchdown but their bum kicker couldn’t hit the extra point. A few minutes later the same bum kicker got a field goal and before they knew it, the Pythons were losing by 11. They mustered three field goals from Roderick Castleberry and a touchdown from Caleb McCoy to Lucius Kaine, but it was not enough to overcome the rigged officials and sneaky ways of the Coyotes.
[214]
ENEMIES HAPPEN
For my hatred to be concentrated to only one person is a ridiculous request. Truth be told, I hate everyone who is not on my team. If I had to choose one player though, I would go with Jake Verden. He has the audacity to play for the Kansas City Coyotes, and I hate them more than any other team. Verden is the type of guy who gets picked on the entire game and gets passes defended based on volume because he is seen as weak and vulnerable on the grid iron. Hopefully this guy comes back again next season so Johnny Blaze can run train on him like a lot lizard who lives in a Motel Six. Verden, as far as I’m concerned, doesn’t have the fortitude to come back. He doesn’t have the guts to put the uniform back on. He doesn’t have the grit to put on that helmet, slide on those cleats, and get burned by Blaze. When I think of nickel cornerbacks that I want to destroy, Jake Verden is the first man who comes to mind. He is such a movable piece that he may not even be noticed if a missing persons report was filed on his behalf. Run away Jake, it’s better that way.
[212]
QUARTERBACK MATCHUP
The quarterback matchup in the NFC Championship Game only cements the fact that the game was an absolute farce and should be taken with a grain of salt. If you are pathetic enough to affiliate yourself with the Kansas City Coyotes or call yourself a fan of them, you should know that your Ultimini Championship is tainted. Caleb McCoy had the phantom safety called against him but besides that, he outshined Luke Boechler in every single way. McCoy completed 21 of 28 pass attempts. Boechler the bum was a paltry 14 of 31. Luke passed for a pathetic 145 yards. McCoy was able to sling the pigskin for 180 perfect spiral yards. McCoy and Boechler both had a touchdown each, which of course was only because the referees gifted the Coyotes the ball after the ridiculous safety call to start the game. Luke the liability added an interception on top of the worst quarterback sundae anyone has ever had the displeasure of consuming. In case you were not yet convinced of the all-time fluke this game was, McCoy had a QB rating of a station with a strong FM signal—103.3. Luke Boechler is the AM Radio of quarterbacks, and that was proven by his 56.5 QB Rating. You can’t even find this guy on the dial.
[217]
WR- JAMAL SLICK JR.
"THE NEW ERA"
MR 8X ULTIMUS CHAMPION
QB Mike Boss - HOF
TE Johnny Blaze - HOF
QB Mike Boss Jr
WR Johnny Blaze Jr
QB Mike Boss - HOF
TE Johnny Blaze - HOF
QB Mike Boss Jr
WR Johnny Blaze Jr
