5) ENEMIES HAPPEN
Yeah so obviously I wanted Philadelphia to lose and wow what a major shock that they did. That was the 11th consecutive time I've beaten Philadelphia, the last time I lost to them was Week 6 of Season 8. Only 5 players currently on their roster existed at the time of that game and only 2 of their current players were playing in the NSFL the last time I lost to Philly - Carter Bush, who was on that Liberty team, and Jack Dwyer, who was on Arizona. Week 6 of Season 8 was streamed on the 8th of June so the last time I lost to Philadelphia Anthony Bourdain's death was the biggest headline, Fyre Festival's catastrophe was only a month old, Kevin Durant was named MVP of the Finals after the Warriors finished their sweep of the Cavs, Solo: A Star Wars Story was the Number One film in the United States (and it was the day Ocean's 8 was released), "This Is America" was the most streamed song and "Nice For What" was the Number One single. On the 8th of June we lived in a world in which The Incredibles 2 and BlacKkKlansman didn't yet exist, nor did "Kamikaze," but we did live in a world in which me losing to Philadelphia wasn't a huge surprise which honestly might be the craziest fact of all.
Sit-down with a star:Interview a player from a team that is not your own that is in the playoffs. You must ask them four questions and at least three must relate to the league in some way. YOU MUST POST THE QUESTIONS AND THEIR ANSWERS FOR CREDIT. (Can be completed at any point)
I interviewed Versa L'Alto who played for the Yeti in the playoffs
Sit-down with a fan:Answer questions for an interview from a player that is not your own. You must answer at least four questions and at least three must relate to the league in some way. Link to the interviewers PT to receive credit. NOTE: THEY MUST POST THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR YOU TO GET CREDIT. (Can be completed at any point)
1. What are the goals for your new player? Personally and professionally.
My ideal career (somewhat realistic) would be something like: be a part of the best rushing offenses in league history, be a part of multiple sackless seasons (or at least allow the fewest sacks in a season in league history), win a lot of games, and win some championships. Personally of course I don't really have any goals since I chose to play Offensive Line, it's about helping the unit rise to new heights.
2. Why did you choose to play OL?
I've never really been a person who rushes to check the index after an update to see my player's stats so the biggest obstacle most people have doesn't exist for me and then a few seasons ago me and Payton were talking in the NOLA discord about recreating as both offensive linemen and being the Bash Bros, just mauling people. It's a fun idea and also most people are like "dOn'T pLaY oFfEnSiVe LiNe" so my natural stubbornness kicked in because of that. Also I think that having a user OL could put a team at a competitive advantage so I'm happy to be that guinea pig.
3. Do you think that there is a true resurgence of OL in the league? Are we seeing a new era in the NSFL and how would it affect the league?
I don't think so, not yet at least. We have, what, 5ish in a class of 100 plus 2 from previous drafts? Odds are that 2 seasons from now only 3-4 offensive linemen will still active so I don't think it'll be landscape changing. It'll be up to those of us who survive long enough to max out to show a discernible and significant benefit to having a user OL and if we do that then we might have a resurgence. But not yet.
4. What teams do you see yourself desiring to play for the most? How would your presence impact the team?
New Orleans is definitely top of my list, that's where Blackford Oakes played almost his entire career and was by far the best sim league I've been a part of. After that it's muddled. I'd be happy returning to the Hawks or Yeti, I've enjoyed my time on both, and I'd be okay going to the Wraiths or Liberty (though they may not want me considering the immense amount of shit I've talked about them over the seasons). I have no interest in playing for Orange County, Arizona, or San Jose. I can't be competing against my dooters like that season in and season out. I'm not going to hold out or demand a trade or anything no matter where I get drafted but after that first contract those are kind of the tiers of likelihood for whether I'll go to free agency. What I'd bring is a large amount of fucking around. I like chatting in discord because I don't like to work, in fact I'm typing this up right now instead of doing work, so I'll be an active and unserious presence there. Shitposting is my specialty and whenever a conversation starts getting too real I either rein it back in or avoid it.
That Magic Moment:
Definitely one of the most brutal plays in Ultimus history came with 9:59 left in the 4th quarter because you see at that time the score was Orange County 17 and Colorado 13 so the Yeti were so close to winning their first ever Ultimus in fact this was their first Ultimus appearance since Season 1 and well of course the Otters have been winning a shitload of championships and have a shitload of appearances like they’re what 5 wins and 7 appearances now or something stupid smh my head anyway the Otters had the ball 2nd and 6 at the Yeti 44 and the Yeti needed a stop and a score to take the lead late in the 4th quarter and hey maybe win their first ever Ultimus but instead Gus TT Showbiz completed a pass to Sunnycursed who streaked down the sideline before finally being brought down by Blackford Oakes at the 2 yard line and then the Yeti were able to hold on 1st down but Seer Zephyrous punched it in on 2nd down to give the Otters a 24-13 lead with 8:40 left which basically ended the game and it was so sad because the Yeti tried so hard to push for this championship but came up 3 points short after they scored a touchdown and 2 point conversion on their final possession and then didn’t even try an onside kick because sim gonna sim but it probably didn’t matter because those are very low percentage and it would’ve been difficult to go 60 yards in 60 seconds in this sim so really it was the 42 yard pass that ended the game.
Yeah so obviously I wanted Philadelphia to lose and wow what a major shock that they did. That was the 11th consecutive time I've beaten Philadelphia, the last time I lost to them was Week 6 of Season 8. Only 5 players currently on their roster existed at the time of that game and only 2 of their current players were playing in the NSFL the last time I lost to Philly - Carter Bush, who was on that Liberty team, and Jack Dwyer, who was on Arizona. Week 6 of Season 8 was streamed on the 8th of June so the last time I lost to Philadelphia Anthony Bourdain's death was the biggest headline, Fyre Festival's catastrophe was only a month old, Kevin Durant was named MVP of the Finals after the Warriors finished their sweep of the Cavs, Solo: A Star Wars Story was the Number One film in the United States (and it was the day Ocean's 8 was released), "This Is America" was the most streamed song and "Nice For What" was the Number One single. On the 8th of June we lived in a world in which The Incredibles 2 and BlacKkKlansman didn't yet exist, nor did "Kamikaze," but we did live in a world in which me losing to Philadelphia wasn't a huge surprise which honestly might be the craziest fact of all.
Sit-down with a star:Interview a player from a team that is not your own that is in the playoffs. You must ask them four questions and at least three must relate to the league in some way. YOU MUST POST THE QUESTIONS AND THEIR ANSWERS FOR CREDIT. (Can be completed at any point)
I interviewed Versa L'Alto who played for the Yeti in the playoffs
Quote:1. DiMirio currently leads tight ends in Catches (1110), Receiving Yards (11522), and Receiving Touchdowns (72) - how many of these do you think you can break and which record(s) would you most like to set?
Man, jumping right into it. DiMirio and I were always destined to be compared to each other, but we are two completely different players. But if we have to talk about stats, I have a few thoughts. He's been the beneficiary of some very pass friendly offenses that liked to check down to him wheras I've played in more balanced systems. However, even with that I've played with some talented QBs and I think I have I have a shot at catching his receptions record. I doubt that I'll be able to eclipse his yards or TDs records however. One thing that gets overlooked, however is blocking. I certainly have an edge in him in that area as well as overall career wins and accomplishments I believe.
2. How was your one season in Colorado after spending the rest of your career in Baltimore?
I will say honestly and sincerely that I enjoyed my time in Colorado very much. I did not expect to be traded. I heard about it only earlier that day. But it ended up being a blessing in disguise as I was able to reunite with old rivals and friends and of course make a run at the championship.
3. Last season was the first time Baltimore missed the playoffs since Season 7, as you take over as Hawks GM what are your expectations for the team in Season 14 and the next 3-5 seasons overall?
I expect nothing but wins. I finally get to work under Epictitus Milburn, my old friend and manager. He and Icy Douglas are a force together and the previous administration left us in a great spot.
4. What is the greatest ruiner of food in human history and why is it pickles?
Well I was going to say American Cheese, but its actually pickles apparently.
Sit-down with a fan:Answer questions for an interview from a player that is not your own. You must answer at least four questions and at least three must relate to the league in some way. Link to the interviewers PT to receive credit. NOTE: THEY MUST POST THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR YOU TO GET CREDIT. (Can be completed at any point)
1. What are the goals for your new player? Personally and professionally.
My ideal career (somewhat realistic) would be something like: be a part of the best rushing offenses in league history, be a part of multiple sackless seasons (or at least allow the fewest sacks in a season in league history), win a lot of games, and win some championships. Personally of course I don't really have any goals since I chose to play Offensive Line, it's about helping the unit rise to new heights.
2. Why did you choose to play OL?
I've never really been a person who rushes to check the index after an update to see my player's stats so the biggest obstacle most people have doesn't exist for me and then a few seasons ago me and Payton were talking in the NOLA discord about recreating as both offensive linemen and being the Bash Bros, just mauling people. It's a fun idea and also most people are like "dOn'T pLaY oFfEnSiVe LiNe" so my natural stubbornness kicked in because of that. Also I think that having a user OL could put a team at a competitive advantage so I'm happy to be that guinea pig.
3. Do you think that there is a true resurgence of OL in the league? Are we seeing a new era in the NSFL and how would it affect the league?
I don't think so, not yet at least. We have, what, 5ish in a class of 100 plus 2 from previous drafts? Odds are that 2 seasons from now only 3-4 offensive linemen will still active so I don't think it'll be landscape changing. It'll be up to those of us who survive long enough to max out to show a discernible and significant benefit to having a user OL and if we do that then we might have a resurgence. But not yet.
4. What teams do you see yourself desiring to play for the most? How would your presence impact the team?
New Orleans is definitely top of my list, that's where Blackford Oakes played almost his entire career and was by far the best sim league I've been a part of. After that it's muddled. I'd be happy returning to the Hawks or Yeti, I've enjoyed my time on both, and I'd be okay going to the Wraiths or Liberty (though they may not want me considering the immense amount of shit I've talked about them over the seasons). I have no interest in playing for Orange County, Arizona, or San Jose. I can't be competing against my dooters like that season in and season out. I'm not going to hold out or demand a trade or anything no matter where I get drafted but after that first contract those are kind of the tiers of likelihood for whether I'll go to free agency. What I'd bring is a large amount of fucking around. I like chatting in discord because I don't like to work, in fact I'm typing this up right now instead of doing work, so I'll be an active and unserious presence there. Shitposting is my specialty and whenever a conversation starts getting too real I either rein it back in or avoid it.
That Magic Moment:
Definitely one of the most brutal plays in Ultimus history came with 9:59 left in the 4th quarter because you see at that time the score was Orange County 17 and Colorado 13 so the Yeti were so close to winning their first ever Ultimus in fact this was their first Ultimus appearance since Season 1 and well of course the Otters have been winning a shitload of championships and have a shitload of appearances like they’re what 5 wins and 7 appearances now or something stupid smh my head anyway the Otters had the ball 2nd and 6 at the Yeti 44 and the Yeti needed a stop and a score to take the lead late in the 4th quarter and hey maybe win their first ever Ultimus but instead Gus TT Showbiz completed a pass to Sunnycursed who streaked down the sideline before finally being brought down by Blackford Oakes at the 2 yard line and then the Yeti were able to hold on 1st down but Seer Zephyrous punched it in on 2nd down to give the Otters a 24-13 lead with 8:40 left which basically ended the game and it was so sad because the Yeti tried so hard to push for this championship but came up 3 points short after they scored a touchdown and 2 point conversion on their final possession and then didn’t even try an onside kick because sim gonna sim but it probably didn’t matter because those are very low percentage and it would’ve been difficult to go 60 yards in 60 seconds in this sim so really it was the 42 yard pass that ended the game.
![[Image: h5Ta7H1.png]](https://i.imgur.com/h5Ta7H1.png)
