(S15) - Ultimus Week

[MrStennett]

1. PBE PT

2. All About the QBs

Man, what a showdown we have set up for the Ultimus this season. The San Jose Sabercats and the Baltimore Hawks are set to square off, and boy should we see a lot of points scored in this game. Let's start off by taking a look at Joliet Christ, Sabercats quarterback. No one believes in themselves on the field more than Christ does. After beating the Otters in the ASFC Championship Game, he was heard screaming, "I"M ALREADY A LOCK FOR THE HALL OF FAME! I"M THE BEST SABERCATS QUARTERBACK EVER!" While I'm less bullish on his overall talent, I can't deny that Christ has developed into one heck of a gunslinger. He was third in the league for passing yards during the regular season and a close third in completion percentage as well. He didn't throw a ton of touchdowns, but the Sabercats opted to run the ball in the red zone more often than not. On the other side of this juggernaut matchup, we have Hawks quarterback Childish Gambino. I mean, what is there to say about the guy that hasn't been said already. He was simply magnificent this season. Forty-five (!!!) TDs, only nine picks, and the season leader in passing yards, completion percentage, and passer rating. He's a sure fire pick for season MVP, but can he out-duel Christ and the Sabercats in the Ultimus? I can't wait to find out!

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3. Enemies

Thorian Skarsgard remembers his rookie season well. It was the year that he won his Ultimus trophy. It was all the year that some fool named Kwame Abayomi Mbanefo tried to open his mouth and insult him. I mean, c'mon man. You're going to come out swinging against a guy's name when no one under the sun has any damn idea how to say yours. How long did it even take you to learn to spell it as a child? Seventh grade? Obviously, he had to try to talk smack because he's intimidated by Thorian. I mean, the guy has been in the league for a season longer, and yet Thorian has almost as much training in as him. I don't want to speculate on whether that's because he's lazy or just not concerned about his team's success, but it's just kind of sad altogether. While Thor has been busy racking up league accolades, I'm not even sure guys in the Hawks locker room know who this KAM guy is. (Notice his name is often shortened in order for anyone to be able to actually say it.) Really, what it all comes down to, is at the end of Thorian's career, he's going to sit back and think on the awards he earned and the success he had. If KAM can enjoy even half that splendor, he should consider himself lucky that his teammates carried him that far.

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4. Next Year

Why should the Orange County Otters be considered favorites to win the Ultimus next season? Well, because we always should. Simple answer. This team has made the playoffs like 200 seasons in a row or some nonsense. We always seem to work out how to be competitive, and I believe that next season will be no different. Especially with expansion looming over the league like one of those weighted security blankets. Adding two more teams to the league will no doubt take some of the fight out of other teams, as we all will be forced to part with players. Don't worry though. The Otters have a plan, Stan. We always have a plan, and a back up plan. Also a contingency plan. Really, what I'm saying here is this; we're going to come back stronger than ever next season. After the large amounts of sim fuckery that we had to endure this season, I feel like the sim gods really owe us one. And besides, you'd be crazy to bet against the Otters. Otters may be cute and tiny, but they can be vicious and voracious predators that you really just don't want to fuck with. Some come on NSFL. Do your worst. The Otters will weather the storm the same way they always have.

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