What follows is a brief excerpt from a recent interview with Matty Martinsson, linebacker and defensive end of the Portland Pythons and San Jose Sabercats. Martinsson himself has edited this extract to include his actual thoughts that varied from the 'professional answer' he gave on the day.
Reporter: "So, Matty - I may call you Matty, right?"...(Martinsson curtly nods)..."Matty, what exactly are you doing here today?"
Martinsson: "I'm here to promote a promising local company that, I think, could really make it's mark on the national stage with the right marketing."
Reporter: "So, Matty - I may call you Matty, right?"...(Martinsson curtly nods)..."Matty, what exactly are you doing here today?"
Martinsson: "I'm here to promote a promising local company that, I think, could really make it's mark on the national stage with the right marketing."
(I'm just here so I don't get cut - P.S. Why would I not let you call me Matty? It's my name you halfwit)
Reporter: "Yes I see. Well I guess that explains the snake skin boots!"
Martinsson: "Ofcourse! The company, ugh, Black Mamba, hand-make refined, stylish footwear for the entire family to enjoy. The shoe I'm wearing right now is one of their top selling lines!"
Martinsson: "Ofcourse! The company, ugh, Black Mamba, hand-make refined, stylish footwear for the entire family to enjoy. The shoe I'm wearing right now is one of their top selling lines!"
(Obviously that explains these horrendous boots. What did you think? I walk around on the regular looking like PETA's worst nightmare?)
Reporter (Glancing questioningly down at the boots): "So, um, why did you decide to endorse this particular company? And, on the flip side, why did they choose you?"
Martinsson: "Well, personally, I'm a real champion of smaller companies trying to get their names out there in a tough world. If I can help boost sales by exposure, I will do! As for why Black Mamba chose me, well, I guess the clue is in the name of the team I play for."
Martinsson: "Well, personally, I'm a real champion of smaller companies trying to get their names out there in a tough world. If I can help boost sales by exposure, I will do! As for why Black Mamba chose me, well, I guess the clue is in the name of the team I play for."
(Does this guy think people at home are dumb or something? I. PLAY. FOR. THE. PYTHONS. They were hardly gonna choose a player from the New York Grizzlies, were they?! Man, who hired this dude?!)
Reporter: "Well, I hope this little endeavor goes well for you and the company. I have to say, snakeskin boots really look good on you! Although, for my final quickfire point. Why are you kitted up for gameday?"
Martinsson: "Not only am I here to show off this excellent quality footwear, but I also need to show that the Portland Pythons, as a team, are behind the decisions their players' make. The folks that run this ship love their local area and want to see it thrive. We feel like we can be a beacon of hope for all in our city."
Martinsson: "Not only am I here to show off this excellent quality footwear, but I also need to show that the Portland Pythons, as a team, are behind the decisions their players' make. The folks that run this ship love their local area and want to see it thrive. We feel like we can be a beacon of hope for all in our city."
(Boy, it's getting hard to keep a straight face with the garbage I'm letting exit my mouth. Essentially, my friend, this whole thing was a corporate idea, and I'm the mug who got chosen. I'm standing here, outside a shopping mall, wearing the Portland Pythons gameday uniforms...with freakin' snake skin boots covering my feet. This is a low point. This is a real low point. I don't get paid enough for this.)
