Not so recently, Dustin Evans was arrested for running a faux pet adoption agency out of a van. It was discovered that the Arizona Outlaws wide receiver would stroll suburban neighborhoods searching for stray pets to recruit into his traveling band of furry friends. It was then that he would fashion homemade collars out of car seat fabric he had also stolen.
It remains a mystery why Evans didn't simply purchase the pets he needed to run his business, seeing as he had just signed his rookie contract at the time, bringing in a cool 2 million dollars. He denied any drug use and somehow passed his sobriety test, though we have our reservations.
When asked what inspired this endeavor, Dustin began howling and shrieking, before he slowly backed away and then sprinted into the distance, frantically waving his arms about. We assumed that meant something along the lines of "I just love to see the kids smile, ya know? There's nothing quite like it."
Well, Dustin, we wish you luck with all your future business pursuits and we're glad to have returned these dogs and cats to their respective homes. Most of them at least. Poor coco. Poor coco.
It remains a mystery why Evans didn't simply purchase the pets he needed to run his business, seeing as he had just signed his rookie contract at the time, bringing in a cool 2 million dollars. He denied any drug use and somehow passed his sobriety test, though we have our reservations.
When asked what inspired this endeavor, Dustin began howling and shrieking, before he slowly backed away and then sprinted into the distance, frantically waving his arms about. We assumed that meant something along the lines of "I just love to see the kids smile, ya know? There's nothing quite like it."
Well, Dustin, we wish you luck with all your future business pursuits and we're glad to have returned these dogs and cats to their respective homes. Most of them at least. Poor coco. Poor coco.
