(S17) - PT3 - AB is crazy

[Opera_Phantom]

A good Diva expects that everyone around him and in the world to be available 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 or 366 days a year for every single request they might have. This makes it extremely easy for me to create an enormous havoc, as I am on a different timezone than most people here.
I would start by demanding that everyone in the team must be active during my mornings, which would pretty much make everyone to be awake at night United States time. Do you want me to stay on your team? I will do it, no problem, but I want our team discord to be active at those times. If not, I will request a trade and go somewhere else.
It would obviously get to the point where no one on the team would stand for this kind of behaviour, and I would start talking trash about them in the forum and on discord.
When the General Managers decide to trade me to someone else, i would make a bunch of stupid demands money wise to start negotiating, demands that i would slowly reduce, so that the team would be confident in signing me. As soon as they are done with the trade, I would either do it all over again, or retire.
Diva 101 class, make it or brake it.

[Murtsi]

I don’t think anyone should be shamed for any kinks or stuff they might like that might not fit the mainstream thinking, but I’m pretty sure my antics would not go down well with the mainstream fascist GM regime in the NSFL. See I enjoy my bedroom stuff and I want to be able to bring it everywhere I go. So this would mean that I would have two different sex swings installed on the facility, one in the gym so I can still get my pump in and then another on the practice field. Where on the practice field you say? Well obviously I will have them build a small building in which they will place my sex swing.

Now having sex swings in place might make some GM’s turn in their beds and think what the hell is happening but sex swings are nothing without the people so I would also bring in my ladies. You see I don’t really believe in this marriage thing so I try and swing around as much as I can. So I would need the lockers next to me reserved for my female companions, who might be different people depending on what mood I am in. Of course I would need to have unlimited access to these swings and my ladies would always be watching in practice. So if I ever feel like I don’t like what our defensive coordinator is telling me in practice or I don’t feel like running extra sprints or if I just feel like it, I’ll just get on my swing. It will be R rated stuff and if you can’t handle that or won’t let my ladies be around me all the time, then just release me!

[.Laser]

If I were a diva and wanted out, I would leak stories to certain reporters and have them spread the word that I was unhappy and wanted out, while I remain noncommittal on the subject the whole time. Plus, I would always galf-ass practices, so that everyone knows I'm only doing it because I have to, and I would show up exactly on time and leave exactly when I'm supposed to, not a minute before or a minute after. I would be short and snippy to everyone in the building and I would make sure the GMs knew that I was not happy. How, you ask? I would, one by one, paint every locker in the locker room the color of another team. One day all the lockers are purple, then the next every sixth one is orange. Then red, then green, then blue, then yellow until there is not uniform purple, but instead all the colors of the DSFL all put together in a rainbow road. If that doesn't get me out of there, then I'll just pull a Le'veon Bell and refuse to show up to anything at all and force the team to trade me for peanuts.

Disclaimer, I do not want out of my current team. Just using it for example lol

[BroicSilence]

I would never try to force my GMs to release me no matter how ridiculously awful Norfolk has been so far. That being said, if I did want to leave then there are two surefire strategies I could try.

The first would be to start planting some passive-aggressive seeds early on and slowly build to disaster. To start, I would go straight to the showers without addressing the media after a tough loss. From there, my wife would start dropping some posts on social media implying that our quarterback can’t throw for shit and is holding “more talented players” (me) back. Then I would escalate by telling the media that the team lacks leadership and is getting outplayed but would stop just short of directly naming anyone to throw under the bus. A few days after that I would openly accuse the team of giving inferior players more opportunities than me. In the case of the SeaWolves, my targets would be the two Grimmers because those assholes (they might actually be nice guys I have no idea) are keeping me from properly padding my tackle count. My final move, with everyone on the team already irritated with me, would be to start a fight with a Grimmer in practice and slander the entire team on social media afterwards.

Alternatively, I could just criticize our running back queen. That might get me blacklisted from the whole league though.

[White Cornerback]

Written Option: You are a diva and you want out. You also happen to be a crazy person. What crazy things do you do? Burn your feet, demand new helmets, go all over social media? I don’t want anyone to throw their current team under the bus, this is purely hypothetical. Write about the experience and craziness that comes with being an NSFL diva! What would you do to demand a trade or make your team realize you just aren't worth the hassle?

If I had to to force myself out of the Austin team it would be relatively simple. I would begin by asking my GM's to reinforce long snek as the official mascot of the copperheads, which they of course would never agree to because of their profound hate for the long snek despite it being the unofficial logo of the Austin Copperheads. I would then hatch a plot to make both AdamS and Jkortesi podcast rivals and through their question threads for podcasts, ask specific and timely questions in order to make them thrash eachother. This would in turn, cause the Austin civil war which we all know would not end pretty.

While all of this is going on and players like Mako Mendonca are going at the throats of Easton Cole and Grayson Kuusella is womping the life out of our feeble Kicker, Alfred Crisco. This would allow me to sneak out of the franchises HQ relatively unscathed and begin my new life as a free agent, living out my wildest dreams after no longer being shackled by the big loser dumb dumb idiot moron franchise that is the Austin Pooperheads. I'm a free man, finally and by god is it ever worth it. Hell yeah brother, cheers from Iraq.

[woelkers]

Bubba Thumper is about the furthest you can get from a diva as a personality, but we can look to the recent changing of the guard in Colorado as having the potential to spark some attitude from the big guy. Clearly, Thumper joined the Yeti organization so willingly in part because he was fond of its management; to see his general manager and head coach forcefully removed halfway through the season, and subsequently replaced by the old co general manager and new co general manager respectively, hurt the big guy's heart deep. And the subsequent betrayal of the new regime by the owner marks perhaps the last straw for dear ol' Bubba, even considering he sold the team to the beloved Micycle McCormick, a person Thumper should by all means get along with.

Now, of course, this would never lead Thumper to demand a trade from the team; he is by no means capable of playing into diva tendencies enough for that. However, it is distinctly possible that his next set of contract negotiations would be much more difficult for the team, or perhaps that he might test the waters of free agency. At the very least, he would make "suggestions" that certain players be pursued by the organization, which the front office may be incapable of ignoring if they wish to retain their star defensive lineman.

[Revolution5]

Hello flashbacks to T.O. Tyrone Biggums doing pushups up the drive way as the camera zooms in. Flipping over to do sit ups Tyrone yells at the camara “ Marshal’s you drafted me but you don’t deserve me” an eighty pack of abs glistening from all the hard work he’s put in. Tyrone would demand an immediate call up to the NSFL bypassing the DSFL totally. The CB’s can’t cover him as is. Throw out the four year rule of NCAA football and one year rule of the NBA. Tyrone would sit out if he did not get his demands in risk of injuring himself. People would liken him to Leveon Bell by holding out and waiting for what he’s worth.

If that didn’t work and he got stuck down in the DSFL than you would see the most rounded routes in all the league. Go routes would be slow routes, digs would be a dribble and plays would be taken off and hands would be at the hips for most of the game. Once the team realizes they can not motivate me they would have to let Tyrone go to the NSFL to any team just no longer in the developmental league.

[goodfortunecoffee]

It was late one spring evening, and Fuzzy Dotson couldn't sleep. So he did what any self-respecting person would do and heated up a bowl of Chunky Campbell's Clam Chowder Soup and put on a movie. This time on his recommendations queue, he selected some Martin Scorsese flick. Cool. After he finished his can (ok, 2 cans) of soup, Fuzzy finally comfortably dozed off as one usually does with the television still flickering.

In his dream, he was drafted by the New England Patriots. Immediately Fuzzy knew this was a nightmare. Next thing he knows he's being escorted to the locker room by a box of macaroni and cheese, and his greeted by a man with no face and no sleeves. Only a hood. "Were happy to have you here." the faceless man deadpans. Fuzzy began to sweat profusely. This can't be happening. Then he finds his locker right next to another with a TB12 labeled above it. Tom stood there, smiling, and for whatever reason he was fully dressed to play, pads and all. Fuzzy was beginning to feel sick.

"I can't believe I'm playing for the Patriots, I have to get out of here!!"

He tried to find his way out, but every time he opened a door or turned the corner, there was the same locker room, with Tom standing there smiling and waving at him. Just then Fuzzy had an idea. He pretends to get something from his locker, waits until Tom isn't looking, walks up behind him and says cheerfully, "Hey Tom!" And just as Tom turns to look at him, Fuzzy shoves two fingers (ok, 3 fingers) deep into his own throat, causing projectile clam chowder vomit to pummel Tom in the face.

What I'm saying is, Fuzzy would go the eating disorder route to get himself cut.

[KillKillKill]

First off, I would never want out of Austin. However, if I did want out, I would throw the biggest tantrum on record. I would call out my GM on social media. Accuse my coach of being an absolute racist and say that he isn't going to play me for no reason. I would completely stop participating in all team events and make it seem like my whole team was out to get me. Then I would start to release team secrets. Just go all out. I would openly say how much I would love to play for other teams and how their situation was better than the situation that I am in. I would just bring the most negative of vibes into the locker room . I would freeze out my teammates and do whatever opposed my team expectations. Whatever the team wanted me to do, I would do the exact opposite and blow it up for all to see, Basically, just be a complete douche. As a Raider fan, this hits home for me. What AB did was unforgivable and I can say that the team did everything possible to make this asshat happy. They were beyond patient with this guy. If he wasn't a hall of fame talent, he wouldn't have even made it through training camp and I wouldn't blame the team at all for his release. I don't blame the team for releasing him, as I would have done the same.

[goodvsevil1275]

I am a record holder. Being a record holder, I think that I can make some large demands until I get traded. The record that I hold (self-proclaimed and unverified, but verified in my heart) is the longest negative catch in DSFL history with a stunning grab of -32 yards in week 9 versus the Norfolk Seawolves. While this is not an official record, I would like it to be recognized a such because it will most likely become my greatest career achievement. But for Jake Watson, this is not enough. I want to break my own record every game. In my first game, I want to make a -33 yard catch. By the end of my first season, I'll be all the way up to a -45 yard catch. I want to make sure that my name ends in the record books somehow and maybe end up being traded a few more times on the way. By the time I have a -98 yard catch, I will have to retire. Teams will do whatever they can to keep me off of their rosters so I can not cripple their chances at victory. However, one team is all it takes. I only need one team to think that I can gain 100 real receiving yards before I need my negative catch. Whoever wants to take that risk will get my finest performance of 7 catches for -24 yards before I ride off into the sunset, never to be seen again.