I’ve decided to give a review of DSFL players’ first half performances to help out the ISFL scouts. To make it fun, I will be comparing them to pokemon. Only the original generation because they are the best. I’ve done this mostly through memory and it has been years since I’ve seen the show or played the games, so I apologize for any mistakes in describing them. Without further ado, here’s my list:
1. Bulbasaur - S Caven McRea, London Royals - Bulbasaur is one of those pokemon with tons of potential, but can hold its own in battle as well. In the show, Ash’s Bulbasaur refuses to evolve, staying in its form instead. McRea can be compared to Bulbasaur in the sense that he has tons of potential, or TPE. His on the field performance doesn’t reflect it though. Possibly because he was built for the previous sim version. I don’t know really. He does contribute to the team with 2 forced fumbles. The only question is, if he gets called up to the big leagues, will he evolve?
2. Ivysaur - OL Bjørn Borg, Kansas City Coyotes - Ivysaur: a stout plant pokemon that has pretty good attack capabilities. I believe this describes Borg well. He has shown that he can take on defenders and win, proving so with his 22 pancakes. Although he has allowed 2 sacks, tied for most in the DSFL.
3. Venusaur - DT Carter Fox, Portland Pythons - An immense presence, Venusaur doesn’t need to move much to attack since it can use its vines to strike. Fox, similarly, uses his tremendous reach to make plays, recording the third most tackles for defensive tackles, in addition to 6 tackles for loss, one sack, and even a safety.
4. Charmander - WR Mike Hunt, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Charmander is a young fire type pokemon that, as every viewer knows, has the potential to be one of the powerful around. Likewise Hunt has put up solid numbers, finishing in the top ten for receiving yards, also gaining 12.8 yards per reception and 1 receiving touchdown. Defenses beware: he will burn you.
5. Charmeleon - QB Troy Abed, Kansas City Coyotes - In the show, Ash's Charmeleon is extremely strong but can’t control itself, occasionally displaying fits of rage. Abed has shown that he can harness this rage, throwing for enough passing yards to land him in the top half of QBs in the DSFL. His 8 touchdowns places him tied for third, proving that he is a young QB with a very hot hand.
6. Charizard - DE Glenn Smart, London Royals - As every pokemon fan out there knows, Charizard is one of the most dominating pokemon around. Powerful and strong, he makes his presence known. Smart can relate. He’s strong, fast, and gets around the field. With 6 sacks, he’s third in the league; tied for second in tackles for loss with 8; and has the second most tackles among defensive ends. Simply dominating.
7. Squirtle - RB Drip Dad, Tijuana Luchadores - Like Squirtle, Drip Dad performs best in a squad. He is the number two to Preston Parker’s number one. Drip Dad (I can’t call him Dad. It’s just weird) has respectable stats being the league’s 9th leading rusher and 2nd best receiving back in terms of yards. His attacks are less of a blast and more like the constant drip of water torture.
8. Wartortle - LB Boo Tee, Tijuana Luchadores - Wartortle comes at opponents by balancing speed, attack power, and defense. He’s not really great at any of them but sufficient enough to get the job done. Likewise, Tee has a balanced skill set which allows him to put up decent numbers including an interception, sack, and forced fumble. Most notably he has 11 pass deflections, the most of any linebacker.
9. Blastoise - OL Mr Poop, Norfolk Seawolves - Okay so I’m going to try to start a trend here: get as many Seawolves to be water type as I can. We’ll see how it goes. Mr Poop demonstrates his protection skills by only allowing one sack so far. Even more notable is his ability to (hydro)blast through opponents by amassing 28 pancakes. I wouldn’t want to be hit with whatever he’s throwing at you. Sidenote: he has amazing stats for only having 57 TPE.
10. Caterpie - S Spencer Fields, London Royals - Caterpie is a caterpillar like pokemon that can spray a web to slow its enemies. To be honest it's not very useful unless you are trying to evolve it. Likewise, Fields has not put in the training to evolve, but even a weak safety can spin a web that will catch the ball every once in a while. I guess that's what he did for his 1 interception.
11. Metapod - OL Rudy Gray, Norfolk Seawolves - Metapod is a cocoon pokemon built all around defence. In Gray’s case, defense is protecting the QB. He’s only allowed one sack so I would say he’s doing a pretty good job. 19 Pancakes isn’t anything to snub your nose at either.
12. Butterfree - RB Lonnie Jackson, Tijuana Luchadores - If you ever played the original pokemon games you know that Butterfree is a pokemon that is great early on. It can hurt you in multiple ways. Jackson is like this in the sense that he can hurt you in both the run and pass game. With 2 rushing touchdowns, 5 yards per carry, and an astounding 17.5 yards per catch, he is most definitely a dual threat. The problem with Butterfree is that it's good early in the game, but shows weakness against stronger opponents. Jackson can avoid this if he continues to train hard.
13. Weedle - CB Anubus Williams II, Dallas Birddogs - Weedle is another caterpillar pokemon, but it has a spike on its head that contains poison. It is generally pretty weak, but it's poison sting can be a little annoying at times. Williams II's performance has been weak like this, only producing 6 tackles. Although his 2 pass deflections could prove annoying if they come at the wrong time.
14. Kakuna - OL Cade Williams, Tijuana Luchadores - Kakuna is basically the same Metapod, just a different evolutionary tract. So it makes sense that the players I compared to them have the same exact stats: 19 pancakes and 1 sack allowed. The difference being that I believe Williams will evolve into something with a bit more sting because the TPE difference between Williams and Gray is great. Not sure how they ended up with the same stats.
15. Beedrill - S Tim Soulja, Minnesota Grey Ducks - A giant bee with drill stingers for hands, when Beedrill hits you it will hurt. I choose Soulja for Beedrill because he is a soldier bee. With the third most tackles among safeties, a sack, and two interceptions, offenses have to pay attention to him or he will sting you.
16. Pidgey - DE Blake Bosworth, Kansas City Coyotes - Pidgey, a weak bird type, is one of the first pokemon you encounter in the games. You don’t really plan on keeping him around for long. The same can be said for Bosworth as he still only has 50 TPE. Even so he has recorded a tackle for loss and a sack. Not bad for a player with baseline skills but I would switch him out as soon as you get the chance.
17. Pidgeotto - LB Maverick BOTie, Tijuana Luchadores - Well i tried to make this list complete without any bots but I couldn’t do it. So we have one. Sorry if I missed your player. I really tried to “catch ‘em all.” Anyways Pidgeotto is bird pokemon that darts around the field causing havoc. BOTie plays just like this by recording 2 forced fumbles, 2 sacks, and 1 interception.
18. Pidgeot - S Chathack'rius Smith IV, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Pidgeot is a well balanced flying type that is known for using whirlwind to disorient its enemies. Smith appears to use this ability too, creating guests of wind to make the ball land where he wants to, allowing him to have 2 interceptions and 4 pass deflections.
19. Rattata - RB Brandon Prince, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Prince is the little brother in the Chungus-Prince duo. He is the best number two RB and even has better statistics than Norfolk’s starting running back, landing at 8th on the list of top rushers. His 3 rushing touchdowns will hurt you too. He is like a little rat that won’t stop nipping at your heel.
20. Raticate - RB Big Chungus, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Big Chungus is a fat rabbit. Well there aren’t any of those 1st generation pokemon. So a fat rat will have to do. Don’t let his size fool you though, this boy is fast. His speed has led him to have the third most rushing yards and a respectable 4 rush touchdowns. You will definitely find a rat of this size to be more than just a minor annoyance.
21. Spearow - WR Aleksandr Vasiliev, Portland Pythons - As a small, quick pokemon, Spearow will hit you with small pecks that irritate you. Likewise, Vasiliev doesn’t get many receptions, but his 10.6 yards per catch is enough to annoy defenders.
22. Fearow - WR Tsuyu Asui, London Royals - Fearow is a big, fearsome bird that will hassle you if you choose to ignore it. Asui is similar; he’s not the fastest but is formidable enough to be London’s leading receiver in yards and score 3 receiving touchdowns. His skills are enough to be an irritant to any opponent for sure.
23. Ekans - QB Raeni Clarke, Norfolk Seawolves - Clarke’s on the field performance reminds me of Jake “the snake” Plumber. He’s a decent passer who will scramble when the opportunity presents itself. This has allowed him to be third in the league in rushing yards for quarterbacks and first in QB rushing touchdowns.
24. Arbok - WR Quavious Mcgrady, Portland Pythons - Arbok, a cobra, the most deadly snake. Fitting for a Python player to take this role. McGrady deserves it as he is the DSFL leader in receiving touchdowns and has the fourth most receptions. His skills allow him to eat secondaries alive.
25. Pikachu - WR Luke Quick, Kansas City Coyotes - With a name like Quick how can I not make him Pikachu. He lives up to his name, nabbing the third spot in yards per catch, eighth in receiving yards, and has three receiving touchdowns. My only question is will he choose to evolve or follow his predecessor and remain a Pikachu?
26. Raichu - DE Andrew Warthol, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Raichu is a sturdy mouse pokemon with electrical abilities. While not nearly as quick as Pikachu, he’s not slow. Likewise, Warthol is a big guy with some speed. He combines those skills to get 3 sacks and 1 forced fumble.
27. Sandshrew - LB Erik Kirkland, Dallas Birddogs - Don’t let Sandshrew’s mouse-like form fool you; it has tough skin and can hold its own in a fight. So too can Kirkland. He has 4 tackles for loss and a sack, showing that he will scratch you if you’re not paying attention.
28. Sandslash - WR Chunt The Badger, Dallas Birddogs - With no badger type pokemon available in the first generation, I had to look elsewhere for this pick. Sandslash is a hedgehog-like pokemon that will tear apart enemies. Likewise, Chunt will slash your defense into pieces, proving so with his 4 touchdowns. He also nabbed second place in receptions and fifth in receiving yards.
29. Nidoran(F) - RB Busch Goose, Kansas City Coyotes - Nidoran is a young beast, not fully developed. She can attack you physically or use her alternate poison attacks. Goose falls into this same category. His stats are pretty good for someone who doesn’t get full playing time. His 2 rushing touchdowns show that he can hit you with the run and 11.9 yards per catch can deal damage alternatively.
30. Nidorina - S Tre Washington, Kansas City Coyotes - Nidorina is a pokemon capable of poisoning the opponent, taking them out slowly. Washington is that type of player where, if you lose track of him, can drain you like a poison. With only 1 forced fumble and 1 sack, he won’t do a whole lot of damage, but if it's at the right time it can really hurt.
31. Nidoqueen - CB Amy Wong, Norfolk Seawolves - In the show Futurama, Amy Wong kind of acts like a princess. So why not make her a queen. Like Nidoqueen, Wong is not one to be underestimated. Her stats prove this, achieving the fifth most tackles for corners, 1 forced fumble, and 1 interception.
32. Nidoran(M) - WR Latavius Jackson, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - The male version of Nidoran can do a little bit of damage with its horn. Likewise, Jackson’s attacks will probably only feel like a prick to the defense. With only 9.1 yards per catch through 155 yards, he won’t do much damage.
33. Nidorino - S Lux Opal, Tijuana Luchadores - Nidorino is a balanced pokemon that hits hard, but probably won’t take you out of the fight. Similarly, Opal can do some damage to offenses. He leads safeties with 5 tackles for loss and also recorded a ford fumble and sack in the process.
34. Nidoking - QB Lebron James III, Portland Pythons - Who could represent Nidoking better than the King himself. The moniker is well earned too: he has the most passing yards and passing touchdowns in the league. Not to mention the highest completion percentage. You can’t approach him lightly.
35. Clefairy - TE Ivo Marriott, Kansas City Coyotes - Is that a fairy? Is it even real? Been over a month since we’ve seen Marriott’s user, so maybe he doesn’t exist. Like how Clefairy is a subpar pokemon, so is this player's output: 51 receiving yards and 2 pancakes.
36.Clefable - TE Vilhjálmur Kueblerson, Norfolk Seawolves - Another fairy monster that people within the pokemon universe believe might be a fable. It's basically a slightly bigger version of Clefairy. That's why Kueblerson gets this pick. This user hasn’t been very active and Kueblerson’s stats reflect that. He does have 11 pancakes though.
37. Vulpix - CB Jason Bradshaw, Dallas Birddogs - A fox-like pokemon, Vulpix uses fire to disrupt its opponents. A fox and a bird dog are similar right? Whatever, good enough for me. Bradshaw, like Vulpix, is a speedster. He uses this speed to trackdown receivers and make the play as shown by his 14 pass deflections. Don’t forget that he has a forced fumble and recovery as well.
38. Ninetales - RB Madison Hayes, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Ninetales is that type of pokemon that can strike you from multiple angles. It uses its quickness to gain the advantage and then hit you with fire attacks. Similarly, Hayes is a dual threat: she’ll pound you with the rush attack, leading to the second most rush yards, and then sneak around the side to grab receptions as well. She has the third most receiving yards as a running back.
39. Jigglypuff - TE Jeff Gray, Norfolk Seawolves - Jigglypuff is a pokemon that is known for singing lullabies that make every who hears it fall asleep. If Gray had this ability I think its effects are reversed. When you look at his stats it looks like he only puts himself to sleep. He is a vertical threat tight end that averages only one yard per catch…
40. Wigglytuff - DT Jake Hayes, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - A more advanced version of Jigglypuff, Wigglytuff’s main weapon is to put the opponent to sleep and then attack. Apparently Hayes does the same; offenses must be sleeping on this guy. There’s no other way to explain him playing above his skill level. 6 tackles for loss and 2 sacks is impressive for a player with this low TPE.
41. Zubat - WR Alex Reed, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Zubat is a quick little bat that will suck the life out of its opponent one bite at a time. Reed does just that. One of the quickest receivers in the DSFL, he will attack your defense with short catches like little bites and even has two receiving touchdowns. He’s also notable for having 9 pancakes and one of only two players to have a kick returned for a touchdown.
42. Golbat - LB Devonte Crook, Tijuana Luchadores - Golbat is a big mouthed bat with the speed to track down its prey. Likewise, Crook is fast enough to gobble up ball carriers. He is sixth in tackles, with an astounding 8 for loss. His speed allows him to fly all over the field, being wherever the ball is, snagging one forced fumble, recovery, sack, and interception.
43. Oddish - DT Daquan Madison, Portland Pythons - If you’re looking for a good support pokemon that won’t do a lot of damage but will help you in other ways, look no further. Oddish is a plant type that specializes in poisoning, paralyzing, and putting its opponents to sleep. Similarly, Madison plays the support role; he holds down the middle of the line with his massive size and has also achieved 2 tackles for loss and 1 sack.
44. Gloom - OL Kenzie Cupz, Portland Pythons - Like Gloom, I’m pretty sure Cupz is somewhere out there sleeping. Haven’t seen their user in almost a month. His unassuming presence must put the defense at ease because he’s amassed 13 pancakes and no sacks allowed.
45. Vileplume - TE Shane Benjamin, Portland Pythons - Vileplume is a pokemon that can hurt you in many different ways: poison, put you to sleep, or paralyze you. Likewise, Benjamin can damage defenses through a variety of means. He’s the second leading TE in receiving yards and first in yards per catch. With 12 pancakes to add to his resume, I wouldn't underestimate this player.
46. Paras - RB Ace Savage, Norfolk Seawolves - Paras is bug type pokemon that uses spores and its claws to attack. It doesn’t do a whole lot of damage, which, neither did Savage during his time in the DSFL this season. He had 1 reception for 5 yards. He has since been called up to the ISFL.
47. Parasect - DE Zane Cruz, London Royals - I mean does anyone actually pay attention to Parasect? It's a big bug/grass type pokemon. I relate Cruz to this pokemon because of his size. And the fact that game planners may forget about him sometimes, allowing him to sneak in the backfield and record 2 tackles for loss and 1 sack.
48. Venonat - RB Taipan Pete, London Royals - Pete gets this pick because the taipan, like Venonat, is venomous (I had already assigned Ekans and doesn’t produce enough to be Arbok). Unlike the taipan, venonat is more of an annoyance. Pete has the ability to irritate you with big gains, pulling off a 35 yard run anda 55 yard catch, but I’m not sure his venom is strong enough to kill you.
49. Venomoth - CB Cayson Nzeocha, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Venomoth is a fast moth pokemon that will uses a variety of mean to damage it foes. It probably won’t take you out, but definitely annoy the hell out of you. Nzeocha similarly uses his speed to get around the field. With 8 pass deflections, he has proven he is good enough to harass your receivers and occasionally hit you where it hurts (1 interception).
50. Diglett - S Evan Jones, Portland Pythons - Hiding underground, Digletts will quickly pop up to the surface and attack without warning. Jones reminds me of this as he uses his speed to evade blockers and appear in the backfield. He has the most sacks among all defensive backs. Not to mention he has recorded a forced fumble and interception. He has a knack for appearing where he needs to be and doing damage.
51. Dugtrio - DE Mills Wallace, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Dugtrio is basically a group of Digletts that have banded together to make it a more fearsome opponent. They still use the grund to their advantage and strike when not expected. Like Dugtrio, Wallace will seemingly disappear and reappear in an unexpected place, behind the line to make the play. He leads the DSFL in tackles for loss, with 11, is second in the league in forced fumbles, and second among defensive ends in tackles. He also has one safety, demonstrating his uncanny ability to appear behind the line and surprise the offense.
52. Meowth - S Jonathan Shuffleboard, Tijuana Luchadores - Meowth is the only pokemon that can talk. And talk he does. He runs his mouth nonstop. I like to imagine that people who play shuffleboard love to trash talk each other too. So Shuffleboard is a Meowth. He backs up talk with solid game play, nabbing a forced fumble and a fumble recovery.
53. Persian - DT Fergus Callaghan Jr, London Royals - The image that I have in my mind of Persian is the one sleeping next to Giovanni, the leader of Team Rocket. That’s why I chose Callaghan for this pokemon: he has a lot of TPE for the DSFL but does not perform well. With just 2 tackles for loss and 1 fumble recovery, I just have to assume he is sleeping on the field.
54. Psyduck - QB Jacob Raske, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Raske’s play on the field resembles that of a psyduck’s performance: he just looks confused out there. He has not thrown any touchdowns and has one interception against him. Now this isn’t to say that he doesn’t have potential. He has had limited playing time because he is the only backup QB in the DSFL. If he keeps up his training and gains experience he will evolve into something formidable.
55. Golduck - CB Anton Bruckner, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Bruckner a Grey Duck? Nahh he’s a Golduck. A fearsome duck pokemon with psychic abilities, Golduck will strike you in many ways. Bruckner will do the same. With 2 forced fumbles, 1 recovery, and an interception, it's like he uses his psychic abilities to know exactly when and where to be to make the play.
56. Mankey - RB Remus Roman, Portland Pythons - The first of the Roman brothers to make the list, Remus is fast. Like really fast. Similar to Mankey, he will land a lot of blows, but won’t do much damage. This is demonstrated by him only achieving 3.9 yards per carry. Although he does have 4 rushing touchdowns, showing that he has the capability to hit hard when he needs to.
57. Primeape - LB Brooks Bane, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Primeape is a quick pokemon with the ability to knock you out when you least expect it. Bane will use his speed to occasionally get those hits in too. He puts up solid numbers: 31 tackles, a fumble recovery, and a sack. Definitely respectable.
58. Growlithe - CB Dash Smith, Dallas Birddogs - Growlithe is a young dog pokemon that attacks with its bite and fire. It's only fitting that I make it a Birddog that is young. Smith fits that description. He uses his speed to make plays, with 29 tackles and 8 pass deflections. It seems that he hasn’t yet mastered the art of fire so he has not burned offenses yet. But if he keeps training he will.
59. Arcanine - QB Joilet Christ Jr, Dallas Birddogs - So I had to keep with the theme of representing Birddog players as dog pokemon. With 9 passing touchdowns, Christ Jr has the second most in the league and is one of only two QBs with a completion percentage greater than sixty. He has a bite that most definitely backs up his bark.
60. Poliwag - CB Kita Chiasa, Portland Pythons - Poliwag is another one of those pokemon with a lot of potential. He uses his speed to get the edge in combat. Similarly, Chiasa uses his speed to dart around the field, allowing him to deflect 8 passes, a respectable amount.
61. Poliwhirl - TE Bobby Tarantino, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Poliwhirl is a weird mix of fighter, psychic, and water type pokemon. He can hurt opponents in a variety of ways. Tarantino has this same skill set. He has the third most receptions and receiving yards for a tight end. But most impressively, he has produced the most touchdowns at 3. The kicker: he has 20 pancakes. He’ll hit you from every direction you can imagine.
62. Poliwrath - LB Duke Cheeks, London Royals - With the ability to pack a huge punch and mesmerize opponents, Poliwrath is a formidable foe. The same can be said about Cheeks. He’s second in the league in tackles, including 4 for loss. With 1 fumble recovery and 2 sacks, it's like he hypnotizes players to make things easier for him.
63. Abra - CB HeHateMe PickSix II, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Is this player psychic, like Abra, or what? His name is PickSix and he has one interception and what do you know, he took it to the house. Amazing.
64. Kadabra - QB Red Arrow Jr London Royals - The way he reads defenses Red Arrow must have psychic abilities too. This has led to an impressive touchdown to interception ratio of 4:1. Like Kadabra, he has the speed to match, making him one of the DSFL’s top rushing quarterbacks.
65. Alakazam - CB C.J. Sonjack, London Royals - Alakazam is a psychic master. Sonjack seems to have these powers as well. He knows exactly where to be in order to hurt opposing offenses. He displays this by having 11 pass deflections, 2 forced fumbles, and 2 interceptions, even returning one to the house.
66. Machop - RB Erik Gaare, Dallas Birddogs - Machop is another young pokemon that has the potential to be great. I compare Gaare to Machop because he has had limited touches, yet he has still produced impressive stats: 4 rushing touchdowns, 6.4 yards per carry, and 13.4 yards per catch. Get this man some experience and he will be great.
67. Machoke - LB Kevin Morrison, Portland Pythons - A ferocious presence, you would not want to take on Machoke physically. Similarly, Morrison is a physical beast. He’s like the slightly less athletic version of teammate Donald McBobby, who he is tied with in tackles for fourth place in the league. His one sack and interception puts him on par with McBobby, but his lack of a forced fumble puts him ever so slightly behind.
68. Machamp - LB Donald McBobby, Portland Pythons - If you’re looking for a seasoned vet who you know hits the gym, look no further than Machamp. With 50 tackles, tied for fourth best, it's like McBobby has four arms to bring down ball carriers. This has also helped him get a forced fumble, sack, and interception.
69. Bellsprout - CB Kris Krieg, Norfolk Seawolves - Bellsprout is a small plant type that mainly uses its vines as weapons. It usually doesn’t do much damage, but when it wraps its vines around your pokemon, it can be very annoying. Likewise, Krieg doesn’t have many stats but that one time he wrapped his hands around the ball he took the interception all the way back for a touchdown.
70. Weepinbell - LB Mark Higgins, Dallas Birddogs - Weepinbell is a moderately sized pitcher plant-like pokemon that can attack in a variety of ways. Similarly Higgins hurts offences in several ways. He has enough tackles to be effective but it's his sack and interception that is more impressive. Sidenote: his TPE tracker says that the last time he was seen was 1900/01/01. Pretty amazing he’s still around to play.
71. Victreebel - CB Siege Cameron, Kansas City Coyotes - Like Weepinbell but more ferocious, Victoreebel is not one to be messed with. Cameron is like this because he attracts interceptions like a pitcher plant attracts its prey. He lurks, making quarterbacks think they have a sweet opportunity and traps them. With the second most interceptions, 3, and 16 pass deflections, tied for the most, I wouldn’t throw anywhere near him if you ever want to see the ball again.
72. Tentacool - WR Bayley Cowabunga, Dallas Birddogs - The name Cowabunga just makes me think of surfing. Therefore he is a Tentacool, a pokemon that lives in the sea and uses the surf to mask its movement. This technique must work as he has achieved the 9th most receiving yards and 2 touchdowns. He even has a kick return touchdown.
73. Tentacruel - LB DeAndre Chuggs, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Unknown to you, lurking in the sea, is a tentacled monster waiting to attack you with speed and strength. This is Tentacruel. Similarly, Chuggs lurks behind his line waiting to make the play, which he does often, attaining 3 forced fumbles, 2 sacks, and an interception. He has used his tentacles to wrap up ball carriers many times, making him tied for tenth in total tackles.
74. Geodude - WR Rocky Jackman, Tijuana Luchadores - Rocky Jackman’s name made this an easy pick for me; I had to make hima rock type. He’s basically all hands. And a stone core too but that’s besides the point. It's fitting because he’s not the fastest but compensates that with his strength. He’s Tijuana’s leading receiver and has nabbed 1 touchdown. Not bad!
75. Graveler - LB Dexter Hall, Kansas City Coyotes - Graveler is an imposing rock pokemon with four arms. Hall uses all four arms to his advantage, moving offensive linemen out of the way to make tackles in the backfield. He has an impressive 8 tackles for loss, tied for second, and 1 sack.
76. Golem - DT David Ramczyk, Tijuana Luchadores - Golem is basically a huge rock turtle that is surprisingly agile. Likewise, Ramczyk is pretty quick for a big guy, allowing him to gain the second most tackles for a defensive tackle, including 5 tackles for loss, and a sack.
77. Ponyta - WR Schumi Hulkenvettel, London Royals - Some say that Hulkenvettel can run as fast as a horse. I don’t know if that’s true or not but it's enough for me to compare him to Ponyta, one of the fastest pokemon. His speed has allowed him to gain a spot in the top ten yards per catch average at 13.2. He also has 2 touchdowns.
78. Rapidash - RB Giovanni Bianchi, Portland Pythons - Rapidash is possibly the fastest of the original pokemon. Likewise, Bianchi has blazing speed which has allowed him to break off some major runs, including an 80 yard scamper. He is ranked 6th in the league in rushing yards. But even more notable are his 6 rush touchdowns, landing him at that sweet second spot.
79. Slowpoke - CB Logan Steele, Kansas City Coyotes - A slow pokemon, both physically and mentally, Slowpoke uses his limited brain power to do quite a bit of psychic damage. Steele reminds me of this because he somehow ends up near the ball a lot for being one of the slower corners, recording 2 forced fumbles, a recovery, and 7 pass deflections. Maybe he’s smarter than he looks.
80. Slowbro - DE Gyles Marrett, Tijuana Luchadores - The name Gyles Marrett reminds me of someone… Who could it be? Oh yeah that one guy who randomly took off his helmet and attacked another player. Similarly, Slowbro is a pokemon that sometimes randomly attacks anything in its area. Perfect. Merrett you’re a Slobro. I probably should mention that he sometimes attacks the right foes, recording 4 tackles for loss and 1 sack.
81. Magnemite - S SparkySparky Boom-man, Norfolk Seawolves - Magnemite is an electric type pokemon with the ability to explode. Electricity and explosions? Is there a better match for Sparky Sparky Boom-man? His on the field performance is explosive too, gaining a fumble recovery, sack, and the eighth most tackles in the league. It's like he's magnetically attracted to ball carriers.
82. Magneton - WR Eleven Kendrick-Watts, Kansas City Coyotes - With a name like Watts I had to choose an electric type. Like Magneton, his performances are electrifying and explosive. He has the third most receiving yards, tied for third in receiving touchdowns, and most notably has the second highest yards per catch, including a 78 yard touchdown. He demonstrates his steel reserve with 7 pancakes as well.
83. Farfetch'd - P Toy Robot, Portland Pythons - Farfetch’d is a bird pokemon that carries around a leek. I never really understood that. I feel like most people ignore it and don’t use it often. The same could be said for Robot. With only 10 punts to his name, the likelihood of him winning the game for your team is, wait for it... farfetched (cringe, I know).
84. Doduo - CB Henny Tingzpahcbol, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Doduo is a speedy road runner like pokemon that has two heads. To be honest it isn’t very useful on the battlefield. Likewise, Tingzpahcbol is a fast corner but doesn’t produce much. He has some tackles and 4 pass deflections. Keep at it though you will get there!
85. Dodrio - S Cole Maxwell, Dallas Birddogs - Basically the same as Doduo, but with three heads, Dodrio is a lot faster. With three heads he will eventually peck at you enough to land something. You will probably be very annoyed. Maxwell similarly annoys offenses occasionally, recording 1 interception and 2 pass deflections.
86. Seel - DT Candice D. Fitinyomouf, Norfolk Seawolves - As the name implies, Seel is a seal pokemon capable of water attacks that blast away foes. Fitinyomouf demonstrates this ability by blasting through offensive linemen on his way to 6 tackles for loss.
87. Dewgong - OL Cheese Farley, Kansas City Coyotes - Farley is a big boy. One might liken him to a seal. Throw a horn on him to attack and you have yourself a Dewgong. This is a good representation of Farley because he is a good attacking offensive lineman, with 32 pancakes. A little lacking at protection though, allowing 2 sacks on his quarterback, tied for most in the league.
88. Grimer - LB Luke Watterson, Dallas Birddogs - Grimer is a radiated pile of sludge that is alive. You can put it pretty much anywhere and it will annoy people. Likewise, you can stick Watterson anywhere on the field and he will harass the offense. With 4 tackles for loss, 1 sack, and a forced fumble, you can bet that he’ll plug the hole when you need him to.
89. Muk - DT Primo Berto, Dallas Birddogs - If Grimer is a small pile of sludge, Muk is his massive older brother. He absorbs damage like it's nothing. Likewise, Berto just takes up a huge amount of space and absorbs blockers. He uses his size and speed to record 8 sacks, second most in the league, and 2 tackles for loss.
90. Shellder - OL Tay Heenie, Portland Pythons - With 26 pancakes, Heenie is good at attacking defenders. That is not why he’s a Shellder though; his two sacks allowed shows that his protection, while fairly strong, leaves a little to be desired. If he keeps improving he can grow into something formidable.
91. Cloyster - OL Maiteers Rico-Shea, Tijuana Luchadores - Cloyster is known for its strong defense, but it's offense will also catch you off guard if you’re not prepared. Rico-Shea will, similarly, protect his QB like no other, allowing zero sacks. If defenders are sleeping, he will blast you as well. I think his 25 pancakes so far demonstrate this.
92. Gastly - LB Ty Tyson, Portland Pythons - Gastly is a ghost creature that is the spiritual remains of a pokemon that has died. Many trainers are not even sure if it is real. Along the same lines, I’m not sure if Tyson is real or not. His user hasn’t been seen about a month but still has impact, with 2 sacks and an interception. Tyson, if you are here I summon thee!
93. Haunter - WR Julian Jurevicius, Tijuana Luchadores - Jurevicius, are you still alive? Nobody has seen this player’s user in about a month. Therefore he’s represented by Haunter, a ghost pokemon that likes to play jokes on the living. Jurevicius has a knack for trolling defenders by scoring 2 touchdowns while seemingly being dead.
94. Gengar - QB IsHE… ReallyInvisible, Tijuana Luchadores - Next up is IsHe ReallyInvisble. Wait, he was just here I swear. Like Gengar, you never really know if he is around. ReallyInvisble must use this skill to avoid practice and it reflects in his gameplay having the worst QB rating at 53.8. He somewhat makes up for his passing deficiencies by putting up solid run numbers, making him tied for first in rush yards among QBs.
95. Onix - DT Monkey D. Luffy, Dallas Birddogs - Onix is a creature that is a formation of rocks in the shape of a snake. And it's really tall (or long). Definitely an imposing figure. Luffy is a big guy too, with strength to match it. His long body allows him to wrap around offenses to make the play, recording a decent amount of tackles, including 4 for loss.
96. Drowzee - RB Lawrence McCoy Minnesota, Grey Ducks - Drowzee is a pokemon that uses his intelligence to lull its opponents into a hypnotic trance and takes advantage of them. He’s not the fastest, though. This describes McCoy to a tee. As the most intelligent running back in the DSFL he uses his smarts to do damage, even breaking out a 47 yard run at one point.
97. Hypno - DT Prof Godfrey Gravity, Kansas City Coyotes - With its use of hypnosis and other psychic abilities, Hypno has the ability to control its opponents. Likewise, the professor is smart enough to use hypnosis, or at least convince people he can. He’s not very fast but can lull the offense into a relaxed state to let him do whatever he wants: 2 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, 6 tackles for loss, and even a safety. He’s tied for tenth in tackles overall, first among defensive tackles.
98. Krabby - WR Joe Bay, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Krabby is probably one of those pokemon that you wouldn't pay no mind until it pinches your ankles. Bay is a player just like that. He’s unassuming but will get you with his 12.2 yards per catch. Now you’re bleeding and like WTF just hit me.
99. Kingler - LB Benjamin Ankers, Norfolk Seawolves - With its one huge claw, Kingler is a solid presence of the battlefield. It's not the fastest but is sturdy enough to hold its own. Similarly, Ankers provides his defense with solid play, landing at ninth in tackles and forcing 2 fumbles. He will occasionally sneak into the backfield, recording 6 tackles for loss and 2 sacks.
100. Voltorb - K Rotor Wash, Norfolk Seawolve - Voltorb is an electric ball pokemon with a tendency to explode when overstimulated. This describes Wash well as his field goal percentage is 58.3. If you’re relying on him to kick that game winner, your plans might explode in your face.
101. Electrode - RB Manhattan Project, London Royals - With a name like Manhattan Project, you know that this running back is going to be an explosive ball carrier. He has the speed and agility of an elite DSFL back but will also shock you with his strength. This combination has made him the fourth leading rusher in the league, with the highest yards per carry for running backs with more than 50 attempts.
102. Exeggcute - K/P Dallas Dole, Dallas Birddogs - Exeggcute is an egg/seed pokemon that will eventually evolve into a palm tree type creature. While Dole has an average field goal percentage, he tends to crack under the pressure of lont attempts. Although, he is great at pinning teams when punting. With 15 punts inside the twenty, Dole shows that he has the potential to grow into a palm tree fitting of his name.
103. Exeggutor - CB Elijah Torres, Portland Pythons - A palm tree like pokemon with several heads, Exeggutor is portrayed in the show as being very afraid of fire. While Torres has a lot of TPE for the DSFL, he only has 1 forced fumble and 1 pass deflection to show for it. It seems like he has the ability to strike you but, like Exeggutor, when the heat gets turned up he doesn’t perform.
104. Cubone - LB Don Bradman, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Cubone is a small creature that wears a skull on its head and fights with a bone. Maybe it does this to seem more intimidating than it really is. Bradman took a page out of this book; while his TPE is not very high, his performance would have you think otherwise. With a forced fumble, recovery, and interception to his name, he is quite intimidating.
105. Marowak - S ‘Captain’ John Price, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Marowak is the evolved form of Cubone. It is basically the same thing, just more advanced. It still uses a bone to club its foes. Price is like this because he has a hard hitting style. He uses his hit stick on opponents, recording 1 sack.
106. Hitmonlee - K/P Armando Galarraga, Kansas City Coyotes - Hitmonlee is a fighter pokemon known for its kicking prowess. I had to choose the kicker with the most field goals for this spot. With 14 field goals made, Galarraga has the most field goals out of anyone that is not a bot. He has also pinned opposing teams inside of twenty yards 16 times, second most in the league.
107. Hitmonchan - RB Xander Creed, Kansas City Coyotes - Creed, are you related to Apollo? This player must be considering how fast and quick he is. That’s why I’m choosing Hitmonchan, a boxing pokemon for Creed. He tires out defenses with his consistent barrage of rushes, leading to him being the fifth best rusher in the DSFL.
108. Lickitung - OL Phillip Weaver, Portland Pythons - Lickitung is a hefty pokemon with a big tongue that will eat anything. Weaver gets this pick because he is a blocking tight end that loves pancakes. Unfortunately this poor guy must be starving; he’s only had 4 all season.
109. Koffing - K/P Gluteous Maximus, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Maximus gets the honor to be this pokemon because the name ‘Koffing’ kind of sounds like “coffin.” Maximus is exceptional at coffin corner punting. He, by far, has the most punts landing inside the twenty with 22.
110. Weezing - DE Xavier Walls, Portland Pythons - Weezing is a pokemon that produces gas in order to disorientate the enemy. Its poisonous effect slowly takes away its opponent's life. Walls is similar in that he doesn’t have exceptional stats, but his 3 tackles for loss and 1 forced fumble is enough to slow you down.
111. Rhyhorn - DT Daniel O’Leary, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Rhyhorn is basically pokemon’s version of a rhinoceros that is made of rock. A formidable creature, it uses its size and horn to ram through opponents. O’Leary exemplifies these traits with his game play, especially when he blocked a punt. He also has a fumble recovery and 1 tackle for loss.
112. Rhydon - DE Mongo, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Rhydon is like a Rhyhorn that stands on two legs and is much stronger. Its horn can spin like a drill enabling it to drive through its opponents. Similarly, Mongo is a big guy that can break through the line to get sacks. It's like he’s using horn drill to decimate blockers on his way to recording 4 sacks, 6 tackles for loss, and 1 fumble recovery.
113, Chansey - K/P Alastor Hazbin, London Royals - If you’re looking for someone to heal and take care of you, Chansey is your pokemon. Similarly, Hazbin is your man if you’re looking for reassurance. At 80%, he has the highest accuracy and has even made all 5 of his attempts from forty yards or more.
114. Tangela - S Romulus Roman, Tijuana Luchadores - Tangela is a plant type tangled mess of vines. It uses these vines to whip and constrict its opponents. I chose Tangela for Romulus, the other Roman brother, because he uses his skills to tangle up opposing offenses. His speed has allowed him to record a fumble recovery, sack, and interception.
115. Kangaskhan - DT Beefcake Johnson, Dallas Birddogs - As a weird mix of a kangaroo and dinosaur, Kangaskhan is a force to be reckoned with. It has a pouch on its stomach to protect its baby. And protect it they will. Beefcake protects his defense by plugging up holes. Every once in a while he will show his ferocity by getting a tackle for loss or a forced fumble.
116. Horsea - TE Rob Banks, Tijuana Luchadores - Horsea is a small seahorse pokemon whose main attack is bubble. It doesn’t do much damage. Banks hasn’t done much either, only producing 49 receiving yards, 3 pancakes, and even allowing 2 sacks.
117. Seadra - RB Akil Ozymandias, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Seadra, the mysterious seahorse monster, has only been seen by a handful of sailors. The Bucs must have found Ozymandias on some mysterious voyage, as he is a running back that plays receiver. With 3 receiving touchdowns and placing sixth in receiving yards, I would say that's some catch.
118. Goldeen - WR Sam The Onion Man, Norfolk Seawolves - If you’re looking for a quick little pokemon that doesn’t do a whole lot of damage, look no further. Goldeen will annoy the crap out of you with its successive attacks. While not producing any touchdowns, The Onion Man has produced a 13.7 yards per catch average and even a 55 yard catch. That little horn will hit you hard every once in a while.
119. Seaking - WR Lalo Salamanca, Norfolk Seawolves - Seaking is a big horned fish that will pierce holes into anything opposing it. Similarly, Salamanca will find the holes in any defense. He’s not the fastest receiver out there, but makes up for it with his strength and tenacity. He has 11 pancakes, tied for the most among receivers. Oh, don’t forget his two receiving touchdowns and he places 7th in receiving yards.
120. Staryu - Willie Miller, London Royals - As star shaped water pokemon, Staryu attacks with speed and agility. If you take your eye off it for a moment it will take advantage and deal you damage. The same could be said about Miller; he’s a speedy corner that has recorded a forced fumble, recovery, and interception. He flies around the field covering receivers, gaining 9 pass deflections in the process.
121. Starmie - DT Marlon Brando, London Royals - Starmie is a water type star shaped pokemon. Double star actually. While not as fast as Starmie, I chose Brando because he (in real life) was a major star. A double star. No, triple if i could. Ok back to the report: Brando holds it down with 2 tackles for loss and sack.
122. Mr. Mime - DE Pope Francis, Dallas Birddogs - “You know there are not enough mimes in this world. Let’s make a pokemon that is a mime with magical powers.” Said no one ever. Well I guess someone did because there you go: you got Mr. Mime. I relate Pope Francis to Mr. Mime because they both like to like to dress up in funny clothes, but also have mysterious powers. He may look odd but will surprise you with his skills, recording 3 forced fumbles, 1 reconvery, and 3 sacks.
123. Scyther - WR Bismo Funyuns, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Scyther: a praying mantis-like pokemon with scythes at the end of its arms. It will slice and dice opponents until they are no more. Funyuns is a speedy guy like this. Bondi Beach must like quick receivers. These skills have allowed him to cut through defenders leading to an 11.8 yards per catch average and 2 touchdowns.
124. Jynx - P Thelonious Junk, Norfolk Seawolves - Is it a coincidence that the worst team in the DSFL so far has a player named Junk? Who knows, it might be a jinx. Yeah, I think Junk is a Jynx. His punting average is 39.5, putting him in the bottom half of the league.
125. Electabuzz - RB Preston Parker, Tijuana Luchadores - While not the fastest pokemon, Electrobuzz still provides a shockingly powerful punch. Parker falls along the same lines, favoring strength over speed. Being the strongest RB in the DSFL lets him run over defenders leading to him being seventh on the rushing list with a respectable average of 4.8 yards per carry.
126. Magmar - DE Logan Anderson, Portland Pythons - Magmar is a humanoid (sort of) pokemon that weird fire to attack. It's one of those random pokemon so you get a random player. Umm lets go with Logan Anderson. He has a forced fumble so maybe that's the beginning of a hot streak.
127. Pinsir - CB Lawrence Miller, Portland Pythons - As the name would suggest, Pinsir is a bug pokemon with giant pincers on its head. I chose Miller for it because he will deflate your pass game, achieving 11 pass deflections so far. He is also the second leading cornerback in tackles, seventh overall.
128. Tauros - FB Tom Adamo, Minnesota Gold Ducks - Tauros, as the name implies, is a bull pokemon. I can’t think of a better image that represents a fullback than that. He only has 11 rush yards but, then again, you probably should be giving a bull the ball. 6 pancakes shows that he can plow through the defense when you need him.
129. Magikarp - RB Archie Griffin, Norfolk Seawolves - Rounding off the list of top ten rushers in the league is Griffin. He has performed the worst of the starters. Like Magikarp he just sort of flails and flops around out there. The good news is that if he decides to train hard, he can evolve into something great.
130. Gyarados - WR Joseph Radetzky, Norfolk Seawolves - This is Radetzky’s second season and while he didn’t exactly flounder his first, it wasn’t anything great. I wouldn’t call him a Magikarp last season, but this season has definitely been his break out year. He has the second most receptions and receiving yards, and tied for third in touchdowns. Not to mention 8 pancakes; he shows the strength and prowess of a Gyarados.
131. Lapras - TE Borgo San Lorenzo, Dallas Birddogs - Like Lapras, San Lorenzo is a big creature with a surprising amount of speed. He’s the DSFL leader in receptions and receiving yards for tight ends. He demonstrates amazing grace for his size by scoring 2 touchdowns and ripping a catch for 47 yards.
132. Ditto - TE Makoa Mahi'ai, London Royals - Is Mahi’ai a lineman or tight end? No one really knows. Like Ditto, he shape shifts before you can get a feel on him. His current form is a tight end and it suits him well. He’s tied for second in touchdowns for tight ends and has the fourth most receiving yards. 11 pancakes to go along with that.
133. Eevee - QB Dexter Zaylren, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Eevee is one of those pokemon that is not the best in itself but has tons of potential. Zaylren is similar in this sense. His numbers are middle of the road in most categories. The upside is that he is young and has thrown more touchdowns (7) than interceptions (6).
134. Vaporeon - S Kelvin Harris, Norfolk Seawolves - The name Kelvin makes me think of temperature. Really, really cold temperatures. Vaporeon has the ability to use ice beam, an attack that may freeze opponents. Kelvin Harris can do the same. With 1 forced fumble and 2 interceptions, he demonstrates the skills to make your offense as cold as zero kelvin.
135. Jolteon - RB Sirdsvaldis Miglasķēms, Dallas Birddogs - Like Jolteon, Miglasķēms uses his lightning fast speed and quickness to dominate the field. He is one of the most agile running backs in the DSFL leading him to top the charts in both rush yards and touchdowns. No one even comes close to his 10 rushing touchdowns.
136. Flareon - CB Juno Hu, Tijuana Luchadores - Flareon is one of the evolution stages of Eevee. It uses agility and fire as its weapons. Similarly, Hu is a fast corner that will burn your offense if you let the ball go near him, demonstrated by his 2 interceptions, 1 forced fumble, and 10 pass deflections.
137. Porygon - TE Owmy Back, Kansas City Coyotes - Porygon is one of the strangest pokemon out there. I don’t even know how to describe it. It is a shape shifter with balanced attacks. Back is similar to this, being both a decent receiver and blocker. His receiving yards won’t blow you away, but he does have 1 touchdown and 13 pancakes to go along with that.
**The next five pokemon are ancient creatures. So I will be relating them to players who have been in the DSFL for several seasons. **
138. Omanyte - WR Jalen Washington, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Omanyte is a fossilized pokemon that was recreated from its DNA. It has tentacles that extend from an extremely hard shell. Washington has been in the DSFL since S26, but still produces solid numbers. His hands are like tentacles, allowing him to nab 2 touchdowns.
139. Omastar - CB Gavin Leclerc, London Royals - As the evolved form of a fossil pokemon, Omastar is more ferocious. In addition to his tentacles, it attacks with spikes on its shell. Leclerc is this ancient pokemon because he has been around since S25 and is ferocious on the field. He has a solid amount of tackles, 1 forced fumble, recovery, sack, and interception. Don’t let the ball near him or he will snatch it up.
140. Kabuto - S Lionel Rumper, Dallas Birddogs - Kabuto is an ancient fossilized shellfish pokemon that was revived by DNA. Its legs are tremendously sharp. Romper is Kabuto because he’s been in the DSFL since S25. He uses his experience to slice up offenses, attaining the second most tackles among safeties and even snagging an interception.
141. Kabutops - Ryan Negs Minnesota Grey Ducks - Like the other pokemon derived from fossils Negs is Kabutops because he has been in the DSFL for three seasons. Don’t let this player’s age make you think that he isn’t dangerous. His QB rating of 70.5 is in the top half of the league, showing that he is still capable of slicing up opponent’s secondaries.
142. Aerodactyl - CB James Gath, Minnesota Grey Ducks - An ancient flying dinosaur, Aerodactyl is a fearsome predator that shreds its opponents. Did I just describe Gath? I think so. He uses his speed, strength and intelligence gained through age to wreak havoc on offenses. He’s first in the DSFL in forced fumbles with 4 and the league’s third leading tackler.
143. Snorlax - OL Duncan Donuts, Dallas Birddogs - Snorlax is a big boy who loves to eat. Donuts’ 33 pancakes makes it safe to assume that he has a sweet tooth for bread treats too. Once he’s finished eating, nothing can move him. Not even opposing defenses, as shown by his zero sacks given up.
144. Articuno - CB Buck Nekkid, Tijuana Luchadores - Articuno is the first legendary bird. A huge creature with the powers of ice, it will wreak havoc on anything it opposes. So too does Nekkid. He creates turnovers for days, gaining 4 interceptions, most in the league, and 2 forced fumbles. Oh and don’t forget he scored a defensive touchdown. These legendary stats are befitting legendary pokemon.
145. Zapdos - WR Saleem Spence, Portland Pythons - The second legendary pokemon, Zapdos is lighting fast with attacks that will devastate any opponent. Interesting, I think we can describe Spence in the same way. He has achieved the most receiving yards and highest yards per catch. He is second in receiving touchdowns only to teammate his Quavious Mcgrady.
146. Moltres - LB Logan Sarrasin, London Royals - The final legendary bird is Moltres. It is a bird that is literally on fire. Looking at Sarrasin’s stats, you could say this man is on fire! He is a defensive beast, the league leader in tackles. With 4 tackles for loss, 2 forced fumbles and a sack, it's clear that he’ll melt any game plan you have.
147. Dratini - DE Gritt Gurdur, Portland Pythons - A wise man once told me, “ A good python makes a good dragon.” Or something. Dratini is a young snake-like dragon. Gurdur gets this spot because he is like a baby dragon, he can be scary at times and has the potential to be something great. His 2 tackles for loss, 1 sack, and 1 forced fumble are not stats to scoff at.
148. Dragonair - K/P Cade York, Portland Pythons - A more effective dragon than Dratini, Dragonair gets the job done. York does just the same. Plus he’s a Python, so ya know he had to be represented by a snake-dragon. York’s strong suit is making long field goals with 7 successful kicks of 40 yards or more. He even made a 53 yarder.
149. Dragonite - OL Stumpy Jones, Portland Pythons - Dragonite is a big dragon beast whose prior forms are snakelike. Fitting for a Python player. Jones shares these qualities. He leads the DSFL with the most pancakes. Amazingly he has not given up any sacks. You know he’s comfortable in the role protecting his snake-like friends.
150. Mewtwo - DE Bean Beanman, Norfolk Seawolves - Choosing Mewtwo was a tough call. It had to be someone who completely controls the game. Mewtwo is a genetically modified pokemon born in a lab. He is very powerful and a master manipulator. I had to go with Beanman; offenses have to change their game plan when he is on the field. With 9 sacks, he has the most in the DSFL. He’s tied for second in forced fumbles, with 3, and adds a fumble recovery to top it off. Not only that, he leads all defensive ends in tackles. Beanman is at or near the top of every relevant category. Truly impressive.
151. Mew - And finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Who will he choose for Mew? Well first let me explain a little about Mew: a mysterious pokemon that contains great power. It was unknown to trainers for a long time, but once they discovered it, they found that it wields power like no other. Therefore I choose me, TE Bender Rodriguez, Minnesota Grey Ducks. What did you expect? I’m writing the article so of course I get the best pick. If you don’t like it you can bite my glorious golden ass!
1. Bulbasaur - S Caven McRea, London Royals - Bulbasaur is one of those pokemon with tons of potential, but can hold its own in battle as well. In the show, Ash’s Bulbasaur refuses to evolve, staying in its form instead. McRea can be compared to Bulbasaur in the sense that he has tons of potential, or TPE. His on the field performance doesn’t reflect it though. Possibly because he was built for the previous sim version. I don’t know really. He does contribute to the team with 2 forced fumbles. The only question is, if he gets called up to the big leagues, will he evolve?
2. Ivysaur - OL Bjørn Borg, Kansas City Coyotes - Ivysaur: a stout plant pokemon that has pretty good attack capabilities. I believe this describes Borg well. He has shown that he can take on defenders and win, proving so with his 22 pancakes. Although he has allowed 2 sacks, tied for most in the DSFL.
3. Venusaur - DT Carter Fox, Portland Pythons - An immense presence, Venusaur doesn’t need to move much to attack since it can use its vines to strike. Fox, similarly, uses his tremendous reach to make plays, recording the third most tackles for defensive tackles, in addition to 6 tackles for loss, one sack, and even a safety.
4. Charmander - WR Mike Hunt, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Charmander is a young fire type pokemon that, as every viewer knows, has the potential to be one of the powerful around. Likewise Hunt has put up solid numbers, finishing in the top ten for receiving yards, also gaining 12.8 yards per reception and 1 receiving touchdown. Defenses beware: he will burn you.
5. Charmeleon - QB Troy Abed, Kansas City Coyotes - In the show, Ash's Charmeleon is extremely strong but can’t control itself, occasionally displaying fits of rage. Abed has shown that he can harness this rage, throwing for enough passing yards to land him in the top half of QBs in the DSFL. His 8 touchdowns places him tied for third, proving that he is a young QB with a very hot hand.
6. Charizard - DE Glenn Smart, London Royals - As every pokemon fan out there knows, Charizard is one of the most dominating pokemon around. Powerful and strong, he makes his presence known. Smart can relate. He’s strong, fast, and gets around the field. With 6 sacks, he’s third in the league; tied for second in tackles for loss with 8; and has the second most tackles among defensive ends. Simply dominating.
7. Squirtle - RB Drip Dad, Tijuana Luchadores - Like Squirtle, Drip Dad performs best in a squad. He is the number two to Preston Parker’s number one. Drip Dad (I can’t call him Dad. It’s just weird) has respectable stats being the league’s 9th leading rusher and 2nd best receiving back in terms of yards. His attacks are less of a blast and more like the constant drip of water torture.
8. Wartortle - LB Boo Tee, Tijuana Luchadores - Wartortle comes at opponents by balancing speed, attack power, and defense. He’s not really great at any of them but sufficient enough to get the job done. Likewise, Tee has a balanced skill set which allows him to put up decent numbers including an interception, sack, and forced fumble. Most notably he has 11 pass deflections, the most of any linebacker.
9. Blastoise - OL Mr Poop, Norfolk Seawolves - Okay so I’m going to try to start a trend here: get as many Seawolves to be water type as I can. We’ll see how it goes. Mr Poop demonstrates his protection skills by only allowing one sack so far. Even more notable is his ability to (hydro)blast through opponents by amassing 28 pancakes. I wouldn’t want to be hit with whatever he’s throwing at you. Sidenote: he has amazing stats for only having 57 TPE.
10. Caterpie - S Spencer Fields, London Royals - Caterpie is a caterpillar like pokemon that can spray a web to slow its enemies. To be honest it's not very useful unless you are trying to evolve it. Likewise, Fields has not put in the training to evolve, but even a weak safety can spin a web that will catch the ball every once in a while. I guess that's what he did for his 1 interception.
11. Metapod - OL Rudy Gray, Norfolk Seawolves - Metapod is a cocoon pokemon built all around defence. In Gray’s case, defense is protecting the QB. He’s only allowed one sack so I would say he’s doing a pretty good job. 19 Pancakes isn’t anything to snub your nose at either.
12. Butterfree - RB Lonnie Jackson, Tijuana Luchadores - If you ever played the original pokemon games you know that Butterfree is a pokemon that is great early on. It can hurt you in multiple ways. Jackson is like this in the sense that he can hurt you in both the run and pass game. With 2 rushing touchdowns, 5 yards per carry, and an astounding 17.5 yards per catch, he is most definitely a dual threat. The problem with Butterfree is that it's good early in the game, but shows weakness against stronger opponents. Jackson can avoid this if he continues to train hard.
13. Weedle - CB Anubus Williams II, Dallas Birddogs - Weedle is another caterpillar pokemon, but it has a spike on its head that contains poison. It is generally pretty weak, but it's poison sting can be a little annoying at times. Williams II's performance has been weak like this, only producing 6 tackles. Although his 2 pass deflections could prove annoying if they come at the wrong time.
14. Kakuna - OL Cade Williams, Tijuana Luchadores - Kakuna is basically the same Metapod, just a different evolutionary tract. So it makes sense that the players I compared to them have the same exact stats: 19 pancakes and 1 sack allowed. The difference being that I believe Williams will evolve into something with a bit more sting because the TPE difference between Williams and Gray is great. Not sure how they ended up with the same stats.
15. Beedrill - S Tim Soulja, Minnesota Grey Ducks - A giant bee with drill stingers for hands, when Beedrill hits you it will hurt. I choose Soulja for Beedrill because he is a soldier bee. With the third most tackles among safeties, a sack, and two interceptions, offenses have to pay attention to him or he will sting you.
16. Pidgey - DE Blake Bosworth, Kansas City Coyotes - Pidgey, a weak bird type, is one of the first pokemon you encounter in the games. You don’t really plan on keeping him around for long. The same can be said for Bosworth as he still only has 50 TPE. Even so he has recorded a tackle for loss and a sack. Not bad for a player with baseline skills but I would switch him out as soon as you get the chance.
17. Pidgeotto - LB Maverick BOTie, Tijuana Luchadores - Well i tried to make this list complete without any bots but I couldn’t do it. So we have one. Sorry if I missed your player. I really tried to “catch ‘em all.” Anyways Pidgeotto is bird pokemon that darts around the field causing havoc. BOTie plays just like this by recording 2 forced fumbles, 2 sacks, and 1 interception.
18. Pidgeot - S Chathack'rius Smith IV, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Pidgeot is a well balanced flying type that is known for using whirlwind to disorient its enemies. Smith appears to use this ability too, creating guests of wind to make the ball land where he wants to, allowing him to have 2 interceptions and 4 pass deflections.
19. Rattata - RB Brandon Prince, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Prince is the little brother in the Chungus-Prince duo. He is the best number two RB and even has better statistics than Norfolk’s starting running back, landing at 8th on the list of top rushers. His 3 rushing touchdowns will hurt you too. He is like a little rat that won’t stop nipping at your heel.
20. Raticate - RB Big Chungus, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Big Chungus is a fat rabbit. Well there aren’t any of those 1st generation pokemon. So a fat rat will have to do. Don’t let his size fool you though, this boy is fast. His speed has led him to have the third most rushing yards and a respectable 4 rush touchdowns. You will definitely find a rat of this size to be more than just a minor annoyance.
21. Spearow - WR Aleksandr Vasiliev, Portland Pythons - As a small, quick pokemon, Spearow will hit you with small pecks that irritate you. Likewise, Vasiliev doesn’t get many receptions, but his 10.6 yards per catch is enough to annoy defenders.
22. Fearow - WR Tsuyu Asui, London Royals - Fearow is a big, fearsome bird that will hassle you if you choose to ignore it. Asui is similar; he’s not the fastest but is formidable enough to be London’s leading receiver in yards and score 3 receiving touchdowns. His skills are enough to be an irritant to any opponent for sure.
23. Ekans - QB Raeni Clarke, Norfolk Seawolves - Clarke’s on the field performance reminds me of Jake “the snake” Plumber. He’s a decent passer who will scramble when the opportunity presents itself. This has allowed him to be third in the league in rushing yards for quarterbacks and first in QB rushing touchdowns.
24. Arbok - WR Quavious Mcgrady, Portland Pythons - Arbok, a cobra, the most deadly snake. Fitting for a Python player to take this role. McGrady deserves it as he is the DSFL leader in receiving touchdowns and has the fourth most receptions. His skills allow him to eat secondaries alive.
25. Pikachu - WR Luke Quick, Kansas City Coyotes - With a name like Quick how can I not make him Pikachu. He lives up to his name, nabbing the third spot in yards per catch, eighth in receiving yards, and has three receiving touchdowns. My only question is will he choose to evolve or follow his predecessor and remain a Pikachu?
26. Raichu - DE Andrew Warthol, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Raichu is a sturdy mouse pokemon with electrical abilities. While not nearly as quick as Pikachu, he’s not slow. Likewise, Warthol is a big guy with some speed. He combines those skills to get 3 sacks and 1 forced fumble.
27. Sandshrew - LB Erik Kirkland, Dallas Birddogs - Don’t let Sandshrew’s mouse-like form fool you; it has tough skin and can hold its own in a fight. So too can Kirkland. He has 4 tackles for loss and a sack, showing that he will scratch you if you’re not paying attention.
28. Sandslash - WR Chunt The Badger, Dallas Birddogs - With no badger type pokemon available in the first generation, I had to look elsewhere for this pick. Sandslash is a hedgehog-like pokemon that will tear apart enemies. Likewise, Chunt will slash your defense into pieces, proving so with his 4 touchdowns. He also nabbed second place in receptions and fifth in receiving yards.
29. Nidoran(F) - RB Busch Goose, Kansas City Coyotes - Nidoran is a young beast, not fully developed. She can attack you physically or use her alternate poison attacks. Goose falls into this same category. His stats are pretty good for someone who doesn’t get full playing time. His 2 rushing touchdowns show that he can hit you with the run and 11.9 yards per catch can deal damage alternatively.
30. Nidorina - S Tre Washington, Kansas City Coyotes - Nidorina is a pokemon capable of poisoning the opponent, taking them out slowly. Washington is that type of player where, if you lose track of him, can drain you like a poison. With only 1 forced fumble and 1 sack, he won’t do a whole lot of damage, but if it's at the right time it can really hurt.
31. Nidoqueen - CB Amy Wong, Norfolk Seawolves - In the show Futurama, Amy Wong kind of acts like a princess. So why not make her a queen. Like Nidoqueen, Wong is not one to be underestimated. Her stats prove this, achieving the fifth most tackles for corners, 1 forced fumble, and 1 interception.
32. Nidoran(M) - WR Latavius Jackson, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - The male version of Nidoran can do a little bit of damage with its horn. Likewise, Jackson’s attacks will probably only feel like a prick to the defense. With only 9.1 yards per catch through 155 yards, he won’t do much damage.
33. Nidorino - S Lux Opal, Tijuana Luchadores - Nidorino is a balanced pokemon that hits hard, but probably won’t take you out of the fight. Similarly, Opal can do some damage to offenses. He leads safeties with 5 tackles for loss and also recorded a ford fumble and sack in the process.
34. Nidoking - QB Lebron James III, Portland Pythons - Who could represent Nidoking better than the King himself. The moniker is well earned too: he has the most passing yards and passing touchdowns in the league. Not to mention the highest completion percentage. You can’t approach him lightly.
35. Clefairy - TE Ivo Marriott, Kansas City Coyotes - Is that a fairy? Is it even real? Been over a month since we’ve seen Marriott’s user, so maybe he doesn’t exist. Like how Clefairy is a subpar pokemon, so is this player's output: 51 receiving yards and 2 pancakes.
36.Clefable - TE Vilhjálmur Kueblerson, Norfolk Seawolves - Another fairy monster that people within the pokemon universe believe might be a fable. It's basically a slightly bigger version of Clefairy. That's why Kueblerson gets this pick. This user hasn’t been very active and Kueblerson’s stats reflect that. He does have 11 pancakes though.
37. Vulpix - CB Jason Bradshaw, Dallas Birddogs - A fox-like pokemon, Vulpix uses fire to disrupt its opponents. A fox and a bird dog are similar right? Whatever, good enough for me. Bradshaw, like Vulpix, is a speedster. He uses this speed to trackdown receivers and make the play as shown by his 14 pass deflections. Don’t forget that he has a forced fumble and recovery as well.
38. Ninetales - RB Madison Hayes, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Ninetales is that type of pokemon that can strike you from multiple angles. It uses its quickness to gain the advantage and then hit you with fire attacks. Similarly, Hayes is a dual threat: she’ll pound you with the rush attack, leading to the second most rush yards, and then sneak around the side to grab receptions as well. She has the third most receiving yards as a running back.
39. Jigglypuff - TE Jeff Gray, Norfolk Seawolves - Jigglypuff is a pokemon that is known for singing lullabies that make every who hears it fall asleep. If Gray had this ability I think its effects are reversed. When you look at his stats it looks like he only puts himself to sleep. He is a vertical threat tight end that averages only one yard per catch…
40. Wigglytuff - DT Jake Hayes, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - A more advanced version of Jigglypuff, Wigglytuff’s main weapon is to put the opponent to sleep and then attack. Apparently Hayes does the same; offenses must be sleeping on this guy. There’s no other way to explain him playing above his skill level. 6 tackles for loss and 2 sacks is impressive for a player with this low TPE.
41. Zubat - WR Alex Reed, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Zubat is a quick little bat that will suck the life out of its opponent one bite at a time. Reed does just that. One of the quickest receivers in the DSFL, he will attack your defense with short catches like little bites and even has two receiving touchdowns. He’s also notable for having 9 pancakes and one of only two players to have a kick returned for a touchdown.
42. Golbat - LB Devonte Crook, Tijuana Luchadores - Golbat is a big mouthed bat with the speed to track down its prey. Likewise, Crook is fast enough to gobble up ball carriers. He is sixth in tackles, with an astounding 8 for loss. His speed allows him to fly all over the field, being wherever the ball is, snagging one forced fumble, recovery, sack, and interception.
43. Oddish - DT Daquan Madison, Portland Pythons - If you’re looking for a good support pokemon that won’t do a lot of damage but will help you in other ways, look no further. Oddish is a plant type that specializes in poisoning, paralyzing, and putting its opponents to sleep. Similarly, Madison plays the support role; he holds down the middle of the line with his massive size and has also achieved 2 tackles for loss and 1 sack.
44. Gloom - OL Kenzie Cupz, Portland Pythons - Like Gloom, I’m pretty sure Cupz is somewhere out there sleeping. Haven’t seen their user in almost a month. His unassuming presence must put the defense at ease because he’s amassed 13 pancakes and no sacks allowed.
45. Vileplume - TE Shane Benjamin, Portland Pythons - Vileplume is a pokemon that can hurt you in many different ways: poison, put you to sleep, or paralyze you. Likewise, Benjamin can damage defenses through a variety of means. He’s the second leading TE in receiving yards and first in yards per catch. With 12 pancakes to add to his resume, I wouldn't underestimate this player.
46. Paras - RB Ace Savage, Norfolk Seawolves - Paras is bug type pokemon that uses spores and its claws to attack. It doesn’t do a whole lot of damage, which, neither did Savage during his time in the DSFL this season. He had 1 reception for 5 yards. He has since been called up to the ISFL.
47. Parasect - DE Zane Cruz, London Royals - I mean does anyone actually pay attention to Parasect? It's a big bug/grass type pokemon. I relate Cruz to this pokemon because of his size. And the fact that game planners may forget about him sometimes, allowing him to sneak in the backfield and record 2 tackles for loss and 1 sack.
48. Venonat - RB Taipan Pete, London Royals - Pete gets this pick because the taipan, like Venonat, is venomous (I had already assigned Ekans and doesn’t produce enough to be Arbok). Unlike the taipan, venonat is more of an annoyance. Pete has the ability to irritate you with big gains, pulling off a 35 yard run anda 55 yard catch, but I’m not sure his venom is strong enough to kill you.
49. Venomoth - CB Cayson Nzeocha, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Venomoth is a fast moth pokemon that will uses a variety of mean to damage it foes. It probably won’t take you out, but definitely annoy the hell out of you. Nzeocha similarly uses his speed to get around the field. With 8 pass deflections, he has proven he is good enough to harass your receivers and occasionally hit you where it hurts (1 interception).
50. Diglett - S Evan Jones, Portland Pythons - Hiding underground, Digletts will quickly pop up to the surface and attack without warning. Jones reminds me of this as he uses his speed to evade blockers and appear in the backfield. He has the most sacks among all defensive backs. Not to mention he has recorded a forced fumble and interception. He has a knack for appearing where he needs to be and doing damage.
51. Dugtrio - DE Mills Wallace, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Dugtrio is basically a group of Digletts that have banded together to make it a more fearsome opponent. They still use the grund to their advantage and strike when not expected. Like Dugtrio, Wallace will seemingly disappear and reappear in an unexpected place, behind the line to make the play. He leads the DSFL in tackles for loss, with 11, is second in the league in forced fumbles, and second among defensive ends in tackles. He also has one safety, demonstrating his uncanny ability to appear behind the line and surprise the offense.
52. Meowth - S Jonathan Shuffleboard, Tijuana Luchadores - Meowth is the only pokemon that can talk. And talk he does. He runs his mouth nonstop. I like to imagine that people who play shuffleboard love to trash talk each other too. So Shuffleboard is a Meowth. He backs up talk with solid game play, nabbing a forced fumble and a fumble recovery.
53. Persian - DT Fergus Callaghan Jr, London Royals - The image that I have in my mind of Persian is the one sleeping next to Giovanni, the leader of Team Rocket. That’s why I chose Callaghan for this pokemon: he has a lot of TPE for the DSFL but does not perform well. With just 2 tackles for loss and 1 fumble recovery, I just have to assume he is sleeping on the field.
54. Psyduck - QB Jacob Raske, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Raske’s play on the field resembles that of a psyduck’s performance: he just looks confused out there. He has not thrown any touchdowns and has one interception against him. Now this isn’t to say that he doesn’t have potential. He has had limited playing time because he is the only backup QB in the DSFL. If he keeps up his training and gains experience he will evolve into something formidable.
55. Golduck - CB Anton Bruckner, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Bruckner a Grey Duck? Nahh he’s a Golduck. A fearsome duck pokemon with psychic abilities, Golduck will strike you in many ways. Bruckner will do the same. With 2 forced fumbles, 1 recovery, and an interception, it's like he uses his psychic abilities to know exactly when and where to be to make the play.
56. Mankey - RB Remus Roman, Portland Pythons - The first of the Roman brothers to make the list, Remus is fast. Like really fast. Similar to Mankey, he will land a lot of blows, but won’t do much damage. This is demonstrated by him only achieving 3.9 yards per carry. Although he does have 4 rushing touchdowns, showing that he has the capability to hit hard when he needs to.
57. Primeape - LB Brooks Bane, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Primeape is a quick pokemon with the ability to knock you out when you least expect it. Bane will use his speed to occasionally get those hits in too. He puts up solid numbers: 31 tackles, a fumble recovery, and a sack. Definitely respectable.
58. Growlithe - CB Dash Smith, Dallas Birddogs - Growlithe is a young dog pokemon that attacks with its bite and fire. It's only fitting that I make it a Birddog that is young. Smith fits that description. He uses his speed to make plays, with 29 tackles and 8 pass deflections. It seems that he hasn’t yet mastered the art of fire so he has not burned offenses yet. But if he keeps training he will.
59. Arcanine - QB Joilet Christ Jr, Dallas Birddogs - So I had to keep with the theme of representing Birddog players as dog pokemon. With 9 passing touchdowns, Christ Jr has the second most in the league and is one of only two QBs with a completion percentage greater than sixty. He has a bite that most definitely backs up his bark.
60. Poliwag - CB Kita Chiasa, Portland Pythons - Poliwag is another one of those pokemon with a lot of potential. He uses his speed to get the edge in combat. Similarly, Chiasa uses his speed to dart around the field, allowing him to deflect 8 passes, a respectable amount.
61. Poliwhirl - TE Bobby Tarantino, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Poliwhirl is a weird mix of fighter, psychic, and water type pokemon. He can hurt opponents in a variety of ways. Tarantino has this same skill set. He has the third most receptions and receiving yards for a tight end. But most impressively, he has produced the most touchdowns at 3. The kicker: he has 20 pancakes. He’ll hit you from every direction you can imagine.
62. Poliwrath - LB Duke Cheeks, London Royals - With the ability to pack a huge punch and mesmerize opponents, Poliwrath is a formidable foe. The same can be said about Cheeks. He’s second in the league in tackles, including 4 for loss. With 1 fumble recovery and 2 sacks, it's like he hypnotizes players to make things easier for him.
63. Abra - CB HeHateMe PickSix II, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Is this player psychic, like Abra, or what? His name is PickSix and he has one interception and what do you know, he took it to the house. Amazing.
64. Kadabra - QB Red Arrow Jr London Royals - The way he reads defenses Red Arrow must have psychic abilities too. This has led to an impressive touchdown to interception ratio of 4:1. Like Kadabra, he has the speed to match, making him one of the DSFL’s top rushing quarterbacks.
65. Alakazam - CB C.J. Sonjack, London Royals - Alakazam is a psychic master. Sonjack seems to have these powers as well. He knows exactly where to be in order to hurt opposing offenses. He displays this by having 11 pass deflections, 2 forced fumbles, and 2 interceptions, even returning one to the house.
66. Machop - RB Erik Gaare, Dallas Birddogs - Machop is another young pokemon that has the potential to be great. I compare Gaare to Machop because he has had limited touches, yet he has still produced impressive stats: 4 rushing touchdowns, 6.4 yards per carry, and 13.4 yards per catch. Get this man some experience and he will be great.
67. Machoke - LB Kevin Morrison, Portland Pythons - A ferocious presence, you would not want to take on Machoke physically. Similarly, Morrison is a physical beast. He’s like the slightly less athletic version of teammate Donald McBobby, who he is tied with in tackles for fourth place in the league. His one sack and interception puts him on par with McBobby, but his lack of a forced fumble puts him ever so slightly behind.
68. Machamp - LB Donald McBobby, Portland Pythons - If you’re looking for a seasoned vet who you know hits the gym, look no further than Machamp. With 50 tackles, tied for fourth best, it's like McBobby has four arms to bring down ball carriers. This has also helped him get a forced fumble, sack, and interception.
69. Bellsprout - CB Kris Krieg, Norfolk Seawolves - Bellsprout is a small plant type that mainly uses its vines as weapons. It usually doesn’t do much damage, but when it wraps its vines around your pokemon, it can be very annoying. Likewise, Krieg doesn’t have many stats but that one time he wrapped his hands around the ball he took the interception all the way back for a touchdown.
70. Weepinbell - LB Mark Higgins, Dallas Birddogs - Weepinbell is a moderately sized pitcher plant-like pokemon that can attack in a variety of ways. Similarly Higgins hurts offences in several ways. He has enough tackles to be effective but it's his sack and interception that is more impressive. Sidenote: his TPE tracker says that the last time he was seen was 1900/01/01. Pretty amazing he’s still around to play.
71. Victreebel - CB Siege Cameron, Kansas City Coyotes - Like Weepinbell but more ferocious, Victoreebel is not one to be messed with. Cameron is like this because he attracts interceptions like a pitcher plant attracts its prey. He lurks, making quarterbacks think they have a sweet opportunity and traps them. With the second most interceptions, 3, and 16 pass deflections, tied for the most, I wouldn’t throw anywhere near him if you ever want to see the ball again.
72. Tentacool - WR Bayley Cowabunga, Dallas Birddogs - The name Cowabunga just makes me think of surfing. Therefore he is a Tentacool, a pokemon that lives in the sea and uses the surf to mask its movement. This technique must work as he has achieved the 9th most receiving yards and 2 touchdowns. He even has a kick return touchdown.
73. Tentacruel - LB DeAndre Chuggs, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Unknown to you, lurking in the sea, is a tentacled monster waiting to attack you with speed and strength. This is Tentacruel. Similarly, Chuggs lurks behind his line waiting to make the play, which he does often, attaining 3 forced fumbles, 2 sacks, and an interception. He has used his tentacles to wrap up ball carriers many times, making him tied for tenth in total tackles.
74. Geodude - WR Rocky Jackman, Tijuana Luchadores - Rocky Jackman’s name made this an easy pick for me; I had to make hima rock type. He’s basically all hands. And a stone core too but that’s besides the point. It's fitting because he’s not the fastest but compensates that with his strength. He’s Tijuana’s leading receiver and has nabbed 1 touchdown. Not bad!
75. Graveler - LB Dexter Hall, Kansas City Coyotes - Graveler is an imposing rock pokemon with four arms. Hall uses all four arms to his advantage, moving offensive linemen out of the way to make tackles in the backfield. He has an impressive 8 tackles for loss, tied for second, and 1 sack.
76. Golem - DT David Ramczyk, Tijuana Luchadores - Golem is basically a huge rock turtle that is surprisingly agile. Likewise, Ramczyk is pretty quick for a big guy, allowing him to gain the second most tackles for a defensive tackle, including 5 tackles for loss, and a sack.
77. Ponyta - WR Schumi Hulkenvettel, London Royals - Some say that Hulkenvettel can run as fast as a horse. I don’t know if that’s true or not but it's enough for me to compare him to Ponyta, one of the fastest pokemon. His speed has allowed him to gain a spot in the top ten yards per catch average at 13.2. He also has 2 touchdowns.
78. Rapidash - RB Giovanni Bianchi, Portland Pythons - Rapidash is possibly the fastest of the original pokemon. Likewise, Bianchi has blazing speed which has allowed him to break off some major runs, including an 80 yard scamper. He is ranked 6th in the league in rushing yards. But even more notable are his 6 rush touchdowns, landing him at that sweet second spot.
79. Slowpoke - CB Logan Steele, Kansas City Coyotes - A slow pokemon, both physically and mentally, Slowpoke uses his limited brain power to do quite a bit of psychic damage. Steele reminds me of this because he somehow ends up near the ball a lot for being one of the slower corners, recording 2 forced fumbles, a recovery, and 7 pass deflections. Maybe he’s smarter than he looks.
80. Slowbro - DE Gyles Marrett, Tijuana Luchadores - The name Gyles Marrett reminds me of someone… Who could it be? Oh yeah that one guy who randomly took off his helmet and attacked another player. Similarly, Slowbro is a pokemon that sometimes randomly attacks anything in its area. Perfect. Merrett you’re a Slobro. I probably should mention that he sometimes attacks the right foes, recording 4 tackles for loss and 1 sack.
81. Magnemite - S SparkySparky Boom-man, Norfolk Seawolves - Magnemite is an electric type pokemon with the ability to explode. Electricity and explosions? Is there a better match for Sparky Sparky Boom-man? His on the field performance is explosive too, gaining a fumble recovery, sack, and the eighth most tackles in the league. It's like he's magnetically attracted to ball carriers.
82. Magneton - WR Eleven Kendrick-Watts, Kansas City Coyotes - With a name like Watts I had to choose an electric type. Like Magneton, his performances are electrifying and explosive. He has the third most receiving yards, tied for third in receiving touchdowns, and most notably has the second highest yards per catch, including a 78 yard touchdown. He demonstrates his steel reserve with 7 pancakes as well.
83. Farfetch'd - P Toy Robot, Portland Pythons - Farfetch’d is a bird pokemon that carries around a leek. I never really understood that. I feel like most people ignore it and don’t use it often. The same could be said for Robot. With only 10 punts to his name, the likelihood of him winning the game for your team is, wait for it... farfetched (cringe, I know).
84. Doduo - CB Henny Tingzpahcbol, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Doduo is a speedy road runner like pokemon that has two heads. To be honest it isn’t very useful on the battlefield. Likewise, Tingzpahcbol is a fast corner but doesn’t produce much. He has some tackles and 4 pass deflections. Keep at it though you will get there!
85. Dodrio - S Cole Maxwell, Dallas Birddogs - Basically the same as Doduo, but with three heads, Dodrio is a lot faster. With three heads he will eventually peck at you enough to land something. You will probably be very annoyed. Maxwell similarly annoys offenses occasionally, recording 1 interception and 2 pass deflections.
86. Seel - DT Candice D. Fitinyomouf, Norfolk Seawolves - As the name implies, Seel is a seal pokemon capable of water attacks that blast away foes. Fitinyomouf demonstrates this ability by blasting through offensive linemen on his way to 6 tackles for loss.
87. Dewgong - OL Cheese Farley, Kansas City Coyotes - Farley is a big boy. One might liken him to a seal. Throw a horn on him to attack and you have yourself a Dewgong. This is a good representation of Farley because he is a good attacking offensive lineman, with 32 pancakes. A little lacking at protection though, allowing 2 sacks on his quarterback, tied for most in the league.
88. Grimer - LB Luke Watterson, Dallas Birddogs - Grimer is a radiated pile of sludge that is alive. You can put it pretty much anywhere and it will annoy people. Likewise, you can stick Watterson anywhere on the field and he will harass the offense. With 4 tackles for loss, 1 sack, and a forced fumble, you can bet that he’ll plug the hole when you need him to.
89. Muk - DT Primo Berto, Dallas Birddogs - If Grimer is a small pile of sludge, Muk is his massive older brother. He absorbs damage like it's nothing. Likewise, Berto just takes up a huge amount of space and absorbs blockers. He uses his size and speed to record 8 sacks, second most in the league, and 2 tackles for loss.
90. Shellder - OL Tay Heenie, Portland Pythons - With 26 pancakes, Heenie is good at attacking defenders. That is not why he’s a Shellder though; his two sacks allowed shows that his protection, while fairly strong, leaves a little to be desired. If he keeps improving he can grow into something formidable.
91. Cloyster - OL Maiteers Rico-Shea, Tijuana Luchadores - Cloyster is known for its strong defense, but it's offense will also catch you off guard if you’re not prepared. Rico-Shea will, similarly, protect his QB like no other, allowing zero sacks. If defenders are sleeping, he will blast you as well. I think his 25 pancakes so far demonstrate this.
92. Gastly - LB Ty Tyson, Portland Pythons - Gastly is a ghost creature that is the spiritual remains of a pokemon that has died. Many trainers are not even sure if it is real. Along the same lines, I’m not sure if Tyson is real or not. His user hasn’t been seen about a month but still has impact, with 2 sacks and an interception. Tyson, if you are here I summon thee!
93. Haunter - WR Julian Jurevicius, Tijuana Luchadores - Jurevicius, are you still alive? Nobody has seen this player’s user in about a month. Therefore he’s represented by Haunter, a ghost pokemon that likes to play jokes on the living. Jurevicius has a knack for trolling defenders by scoring 2 touchdowns while seemingly being dead.
94. Gengar - QB IsHE… ReallyInvisible, Tijuana Luchadores - Next up is IsHe ReallyInvisble. Wait, he was just here I swear. Like Gengar, you never really know if he is around. ReallyInvisble must use this skill to avoid practice and it reflects in his gameplay having the worst QB rating at 53.8. He somewhat makes up for his passing deficiencies by putting up solid run numbers, making him tied for first in rush yards among QBs.
95. Onix - DT Monkey D. Luffy, Dallas Birddogs - Onix is a creature that is a formation of rocks in the shape of a snake. And it's really tall (or long). Definitely an imposing figure. Luffy is a big guy too, with strength to match it. His long body allows him to wrap around offenses to make the play, recording a decent amount of tackles, including 4 for loss.
96. Drowzee - RB Lawrence McCoy Minnesota, Grey Ducks - Drowzee is a pokemon that uses his intelligence to lull its opponents into a hypnotic trance and takes advantage of them. He’s not the fastest, though. This describes McCoy to a tee. As the most intelligent running back in the DSFL he uses his smarts to do damage, even breaking out a 47 yard run at one point.
97. Hypno - DT Prof Godfrey Gravity, Kansas City Coyotes - With its use of hypnosis and other psychic abilities, Hypno has the ability to control its opponents. Likewise, the professor is smart enough to use hypnosis, or at least convince people he can. He’s not very fast but can lull the offense into a relaxed state to let him do whatever he wants: 2 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, 6 tackles for loss, and even a safety. He’s tied for tenth in tackles overall, first among defensive tackles.
98. Krabby - WR Joe Bay, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Krabby is probably one of those pokemon that you wouldn't pay no mind until it pinches your ankles. Bay is a player just like that. He’s unassuming but will get you with his 12.2 yards per catch. Now you’re bleeding and like WTF just hit me.
99. Kingler - LB Benjamin Ankers, Norfolk Seawolves - With its one huge claw, Kingler is a solid presence of the battlefield. It's not the fastest but is sturdy enough to hold its own. Similarly, Ankers provides his defense with solid play, landing at ninth in tackles and forcing 2 fumbles. He will occasionally sneak into the backfield, recording 6 tackles for loss and 2 sacks.
100. Voltorb - K Rotor Wash, Norfolk Seawolve - Voltorb is an electric ball pokemon with a tendency to explode when overstimulated. This describes Wash well as his field goal percentage is 58.3. If you’re relying on him to kick that game winner, your plans might explode in your face.
101. Electrode - RB Manhattan Project, London Royals - With a name like Manhattan Project, you know that this running back is going to be an explosive ball carrier. He has the speed and agility of an elite DSFL back but will also shock you with his strength. This combination has made him the fourth leading rusher in the league, with the highest yards per carry for running backs with more than 50 attempts.
102. Exeggcute - K/P Dallas Dole, Dallas Birddogs - Exeggcute is an egg/seed pokemon that will eventually evolve into a palm tree type creature. While Dole has an average field goal percentage, he tends to crack under the pressure of lont attempts. Although, he is great at pinning teams when punting. With 15 punts inside the twenty, Dole shows that he has the potential to grow into a palm tree fitting of his name.
103. Exeggutor - CB Elijah Torres, Portland Pythons - A palm tree like pokemon with several heads, Exeggutor is portrayed in the show as being very afraid of fire. While Torres has a lot of TPE for the DSFL, he only has 1 forced fumble and 1 pass deflection to show for it. It seems like he has the ability to strike you but, like Exeggutor, when the heat gets turned up he doesn’t perform.
104. Cubone - LB Don Bradman, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Cubone is a small creature that wears a skull on its head and fights with a bone. Maybe it does this to seem more intimidating than it really is. Bradman took a page out of this book; while his TPE is not very high, his performance would have you think otherwise. With a forced fumble, recovery, and interception to his name, he is quite intimidating.
105. Marowak - S ‘Captain’ John Price, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Marowak is the evolved form of Cubone. It is basically the same thing, just more advanced. It still uses a bone to club its foes. Price is like this because he has a hard hitting style. He uses his hit stick on opponents, recording 1 sack.
106. Hitmonlee - K/P Armando Galarraga, Kansas City Coyotes - Hitmonlee is a fighter pokemon known for its kicking prowess. I had to choose the kicker with the most field goals for this spot. With 14 field goals made, Galarraga has the most field goals out of anyone that is not a bot. He has also pinned opposing teams inside of twenty yards 16 times, second most in the league.
107. Hitmonchan - RB Xander Creed, Kansas City Coyotes - Creed, are you related to Apollo? This player must be considering how fast and quick he is. That’s why I’m choosing Hitmonchan, a boxing pokemon for Creed. He tires out defenses with his consistent barrage of rushes, leading to him being the fifth best rusher in the DSFL.
108. Lickitung - OL Phillip Weaver, Portland Pythons - Lickitung is a hefty pokemon with a big tongue that will eat anything. Weaver gets this pick because he is a blocking tight end that loves pancakes. Unfortunately this poor guy must be starving; he’s only had 4 all season.
109. Koffing - K/P Gluteous Maximus, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Maximus gets the honor to be this pokemon because the name ‘Koffing’ kind of sounds like “coffin.” Maximus is exceptional at coffin corner punting. He, by far, has the most punts landing inside the twenty with 22.
110. Weezing - DE Xavier Walls, Portland Pythons - Weezing is a pokemon that produces gas in order to disorientate the enemy. Its poisonous effect slowly takes away its opponent's life. Walls is similar in that he doesn’t have exceptional stats, but his 3 tackles for loss and 1 forced fumble is enough to slow you down.
111. Rhyhorn - DT Daniel O’Leary, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Rhyhorn is basically pokemon’s version of a rhinoceros that is made of rock. A formidable creature, it uses its size and horn to ram through opponents. O’Leary exemplifies these traits with his game play, especially when he blocked a punt. He also has a fumble recovery and 1 tackle for loss.
112. Rhydon - DE Mongo, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Rhydon is like a Rhyhorn that stands on two legs and is much stronger. Its horn can spin like a drill enabling it to drive through its opponents. Similarly, Mongo is a big guy that can break through the line to get sacks. It's like he’s using horn drill to decimate blockers on his way to recording 4 sacks, 6 tackles for loss, and 1 fumble recovery.
113, Chansey - K/P Alastor Hazbin, London Royals - If you’re looking for someone to heal and take care of you, Chansey is your pokemon. Similarly, Hazbin is your man if you’re looking for reassurance. At 80%, he has the highest accuracy and has even made all 5 of his attempts from forty yards or more.
114. Tangela - S Romulus Roman, Tijuana Luchadores - Tangela is a plant type tangled mess of vines. It uses these vines to whip and constrict its opponents. I chose Tangela for Romulus, the other Roman brother, because he uses his skills to tangle up opposing offenses. His speed has allowed him to record a fumble recovery, sack, and interception.
115. Kangaskhan - DT Beefcake Johnson, Dallas Birddogs - As a weird mix of a kangaroo and dinosaur, Kangaskhan is a force to be reckoned with. It has a pouch on its stomach to protect its baby. And protect it they will. Beefcake protects his defense by plugging up holes. Every once in a while he will show his ferocity by getting a tackle for loss or a forced fumble.
116. Horsea - TE Rob Banks, Tijuana Luchadores - Horsea is a small seahorse pokemon whose main attack is bubble. It doesn’t do much damage. Banks hasn’t done much either, only producing 49 receiving yards, 3 pancakes, and even allowing 2 sacks.
117. Seadra - RB Akil Ozymandias, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Seadra, the mysterious seahorse monster, has only been seen by a handful of sailors. The Bucs must have found Ozymandias on some mysterious voyage, as he is a running back that plays receiver. With 3 receiving touchdowns and placing sixth in receiving yards, I would say that's some catch.
118. Goldeen - WR Sam The Onion Man, Norfolk Seawolves - If you’re looking for a quick little pokemon that doesn’t do a whole lot of damage, look no further. Goldeen will annoy the crap out of you with its successive attacks. While not producing any touchdowns, The Onion Man has produced a 13.7 yards per catch average and even a 55 yard catch. That little horn will hit you hard every once in a while.
119. Seaking - WR Lalo Salamanca, Norfolk Seawolves - Seaking is a big horned fish that will pierce holes into anything opposing it. Similarly, Salamanca will find the holes in any defense. He’s not the fastest receiver out there, but makes up for it with his strength and tenacity. He has 11 pancakes, tied for the most among receivers. Oh, don’t forget his two receiving touchdowns and he places 7th in receiving yards.
120. Staryu - Willie Miller, London Royals - As star shaped water pokemon, Staryu attacks with speed and agility. If you take your eye off it for a moment it will take advantage and deal you damage. The same could be said about Miller; he’s a speedy corner that has recorded a forced fumble, recovery, and interception. He flies around the field covering receivers, gaining 9 pass deflections in the process.
121. Starmie - DT Marlon Brando, London Royals - Starmie is a water type star shaped pokemon. Double star actually. While not as fast as Starmie, I chose Brando because he (in real life) was a major star. A double star. No, triple if i could. Ok back to the report: Brando holds it down with 2 tackles for loss and sack.
122. Mr. Mime - DE Pope Francis, Dallas Birddogs - “You know there are not enough mimes in this world. Let’s make a pokemon that is a mime with magical powers.” Said no one ever. Well I guess someone did because there you go: you got Mr. Mime. I relate Pope Francis to Mr. Mime because they both like to like to dress up in funny clothes, but also have mysterious powers. He may look odd but will surprise you with his skills, recording 3 forced fumbles, 1 reconvery, and 3 sacks.
123. Scyther - WR Bismo Funyuns, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Scyther: a praying mantis-like pokemon with scythes at the end of its arms. It will slice and dice opponents until they are no more. Funyuns is a speedy guy like this. Bondi Beach must like quick receivers. These skills have allowed him to cut through defenders leading to an 11.8 yards per catch average and 2 touchdowns.
124. Jynx - P Thelonious Junk, Norfolk Seawolves - Is it a coincidence that the worst team in the DSFL so far has a player named Junk? Who knows, it might be a jinx. Yeah, I think Junk is a Jynx. His punting average is 39.5, putting him in the bottom half of the league.
125. Electabuzz - RB Preston Parker, Tijuana Luchadores - While not the fastest pokemon, Electrobuzz still provides a shockingly powerful punch. Parker falls along the same lines, favoring strength over speed. Being the strongest RB in the DSFL lets him run over defenders leading to him being seventh on the rushing list with a respectable average of 4.8 yards per carry.
126. Magmar - DE Logan Anderson, Portland Pythons - Magmar is a humanoid (sort of) pokemon that weird fire to attack. It's one of those random pokemon so you get a random player. Umm lets go with Logan Anderson. He has a forced fumble so maybe that's the beginning of a hot streak.
127. Pinsir - CB Lawrence Miller, Portland Pythons - As the name would suggest, Pinsir is a bug pokemon with giant pincers on its head. I chose Miller for it because he will deflate your pass game, achieving 11 pass deflections so far. He is also the second leading cornerback in tackles, seventh overall.
128. Tauros - FB Tom Adamo, Minnesota Gold Ducks - Tauros, as the name implies, is a bull pokemon. I can’t think of a better image that represents a fullback than that. He only has 11 rush yards but, then again, you probably should be giving a bull the ball. 6 pancakes shows that he can plow through the defense when you need him.
129. Magikarp - RB Archie Griffin, Norfolk Seawolves - Rounding off the list of top ten rushers in the league is Griffin. He has performed the worst of the starters. Like Magikarp he just sort of flails and flops around out there. The good news is that if he decides to train hard, he can evolve into something great.
130. Gyarados - WR Joseph Radetzky, Norfolk Seawolves - This is Radetzky’s second season and while he didn’t exactly flounder his first, it wasn’t anything great. I wouldn’t call him a Magikarp last season, but this season has definitely been his break out year. He has the second most receptions and receiving yards, and tied for third in touchdowns. Not to mention 8 pancakes; he shows the strength and prowess of a Gyarados.
131. Lapras - TE Borgo San Lorenzo, Dallas Birddogs - Like Lapras, San Lorenzo is a big creature with a surprising amount of speed. He’s the DSFL leader in receptions and receiving yards for tight ends. He demonstrates amazing grace for his size by scoring 2 touchdowns and ripping a catch for 47 yards.
132. Ditto - TE Makoa Mahi'ai, London Royals - Is Mahi’ai a lineman or tight end? No one really knows. Like Ditto, he shape shifts before you can get a feel on him. His current form is a tight end and it suits him well. He’s tied for second in touchdowns for tight ends and has the fourth most receiving yards. 11 pancakes to go along with that.
133. Eevee - QB Dexter Zaylren, Bondi Beach Buccaneers - Eevee is one of those pokemon that is not the best in itself but has tons of potential. Zaylren is similar in this sense. His numbers are middle of the road in most categories. The upside is that he is young and has thrown more touchdowns (7) than interceptions (6).
134. Vaporeon - S Kelvin Harris, Norfolk Seawolves - The name Kelvin makes me think of temperature. Really, really cold temperatures. Vaporeon has the ability to use ice beam, an attack that may freeze opponents. Kelvin Harris can do the same. With 1 forced fumble and 2 interceptions, he demonstrates the skills to make your offense as cold as zero kelvin.
135. Jolteon - RB Sirdsvaldis Miglasķēms, Dallas Birddogs - Like Jolteon, Miglasķēms uses his lightning fast speed and quickness to dominate the field. He is one of the most agile running backs in the DSFL leading him to top the charts in both rush yards and touchdowns. No one even comes close to his 10 rushing touchdowns.
136. Flareon - CB Juno Hu, Tijuana Luchadores - Flareon is one of the evolution stages of Eevee. It uses agility and fire as its weapons. Similarly, Hu is a fast corner that will burn your offense if you let the ball go near him, demonstrated by his 2 interceptions, 1 forced fumble, and 10 pass deflections.
137. Porygon - TE Owmy Back, Kansas City Coyotes - Porygon is one of the strangest pokemon out there. I don’t even know how to describe it. It is a shape shifter with balanced attacks. Back is similar to this, being both a decent receiver and blocker. His receiving yards won’t blow you away, but he does have 1 touchdown and 13 pancakes to go along with that.
**The next five pokemon are ancient creatures. So I will be relating them to players who have been in the DSFL for several seasons. **
138. Omanyte - WR Jalen Washington, Minnesota Grey Ducks - Omanyte is a fossilized pokemon that was recreated from its DNA. It has tentacles that extend from an extremely hard shell. Washington has been in the DSFL since S26, but still produces solid numbers. His hands are like tentacles, allowing him to nab 2 touchdowns.
139. Omastar - CB Gavin Leclerc, London Royals - As the evolved form of a fossil pokemon, Omastar is more ferocious. In addition to his tentacles, it attacks with spikes on its shell. Leclerc is this ancient pokemon because he has been around since S25 and is ferocious on the field. He has a solid amount of tackles, 1 forced fumble, recovery, sack, and interception. Don’t let the ball near him or he will snatch it up.
140. Kabuto - S Lionel Rumper, Dallas Birddogs - Kabuto is an ancient fossilized shellfish pokemon that was revived by DNA. Its legs are tremendously sharp. Romper is Kabuto because he’s been in the DSFL since S25. He uses his experience to slice up offenses, attaining the second most tackles among safeties and even snagging an interception.
141. Kabutops - Ryan Negs Minnesota Grey Ducks - Like the other pokemon derived from fossils Negs is Kabutops because he has been in the DSFL for three seasons. Don’t let this player’s age make you think that he isn’t dangerous. His QB rating of 70.5 is in the top half of the league, showing that he is still capable of slicing up opponent’s secondaries.
142. Aerodactyl - CB James Gath, Minnesota Grey Ducks - An ancient flying dinosaur, Aerodactyl is a fearsome predator that shreds its opponents. Did I just describe Gath? I think so. He uses his speed, strength and intelligence gained through age to wreak havoc on offenses. He’s first in the DSFL in forced fumbles with 4 and the league’s third leading tackler.
143. Snorlax - OL Duncan Donuts, Dallas Birddogs - Snorlax is a big boy who loves to eat. Donuts’ 33 pancakes makes it safe to assume that he has a sweet tooth for bread treats too. Once he’s finished eating, nothing can move him. Not even opposing defenses, as shown by his zero sacks given up.
144. Articuno - CB Buck Nekkid, Tijuana Luchadores - Articuno is the first legendary bird. A huge creature with the powers of ice, it will wreak havoc on anything it opposes. So too does Nekkid. He creates turnovers for days, gaining 4 interceptions, most in the league, and 2 forced fumbles. Oh and don’t forget he scored a defensive touchdown. These legendary stats are befitting legendary pokemon.
145. Zapdos - WR Saleem Spence, Portland Pythons - The second legendary pokemon, Zapdos is lighting fast with attacks that will devastate any opponent. Interesting, I think we can describe Spence in the same way. He has achieved the most receiving yards and highest yards per catch. He is second in receiving touchdowns only to teammate his Quavious Mcgrady.
146. Moltres - LB Logan Sarrasin, London Royals - The final legendary bird is Moltres. It is a bird that is literally on fire. Looking at Sarrasin’s stats, you could say this man is on fire! He is a defensive beast, the league leader in tackles. With 4 tackles for loss, 2 forced fumbles and a sack, it's clear that he’ll melt any game plan you have.
147. Dratini - DE Gritt Gurdur, Portland Pythons - A wise man once told me, “ A good python makes a good dragon.” Or something. Dratini is a young snake-like dragon. Gurdur gets this spot because he is like a baby dragon, he can be scary at times and has the potential to be something great. His 2 tackles for loss, 1 sack, and 1 forced fumble are not stats to scoff at.
148. Dragonair - K/P Cade York, Portland Pythons - A more effective dragon than Dratini, Dragonair gets the job done. York does just the same. Plus he’s a Python, so ya know he had to be represented by a snake-dragon. York’s strong suit is making long field goals with 7 successful kicks of 40 yards or more. He even made a 53 yarder.
149. Dragonite - OL Stumpy Jones, Portland Pythons - Dragonite is a big dragon beast whose prior forms are snakelike. Fitting for a Python player. Jones shares these qualities. He leads the DSFL with the most pancakes. Amazingly he has not given up any sacks. You know he’s comfortable in the role protecting his snake-like friends.
150. Mewtwo - DE Bean Beanman, Norfolk Seawolves - Choosing Mewtwo was a tough call. It had to be someone who completely controls the game. Mewtwo is a genetically modified pokemon born in a lab. He is very powerful and a master manipulator. I had to go with Beanman; offenses have to change their game plan when he is on the field. With 9 sacks, he has the most in the DSFL. He’s tied for second in forced fumbles, with 3, and adds a fumble recovery to top it off. Not only that, he leads all defensive ends in tackles. Beanman is at or near the top of every relevant category. Truly impressive.
151. Mew - And finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Who will he choose for Mew? Well first let me explain a little about Mew: a mysterious pokemon that contains great power. It was unknown to trainers for a long time, but once they discovered it, they found that it wields power like no other. Therefore I choose me, TE Bender Rodriguez, Minnesota Grey Ducks. What did you expect? I’m writing the article so of course I get the best pick. If you don’t like it you can bite my glorious golden ass!
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