(S3) - Weekend PT #5 - Conspiracies

[Bgreene21]

Hands down Orange County is an organization full of dishonesty. From videotaping rivals practicing to inflating their balls for field goals, there is nothing the Otters won't do to win. Any success the organization has had in the past is almost entirely credited to their cheating ways. Rumors had it the Otters even attended a convention lead by the man BB himself on how to win. Inflategate is real and is a bigger deal than deflategate. Considering how unorganized the organization is in terms of developing players, it seems like the right idea in terms of building a winning organization for them. When it comes to competition , one of the more popular motto's is if you cant beat them, join them. Well for the Otters, the motto is if you can't beat them, cheat, collude and conspire. While interviewing an individual recently that reportedly had ties to the organization, the media learned that the Otters had been paying women to reportedly date the opponents players, and cause distressful relationships just to distract the players when it came time to perform on the field! Actions like this are ones that keep the Otters competitive. Maybe one day somebody with some self respect will gain the reigns in Orange County and restore the dignity.

[Evok]

[ItsJustBarry]

As far as the NSFL and the tin foil hatters go, the biggest conspiracy has to be the games being presimmed and selected based on the simmers desired outcome. There is no better explanation to why certain teams can do so well on the road while other very good teams can have such bad luck at home. There is no better indication of such league collusion as we all witnessed last Friday night during the week 11 broadcast where the San Jose Saber cats faced off against the Yellowknife wraiths. It was late in the 4th quarter and the score was tied 28-28. Then, all of a sudden, reminiscent of the 2013 super bowl, there was an unexpected blackout. After a lengthy delay in game play, the simmed game was resumed although something was different. Now as the Saber cats and Wraiths headed into the 4th quarter, the score only reflected 13-13. The game was still tied but where did the extra 30 combined points disappear to? Even if this was the legitimate simmed outcome, now we have the conversation of the league shaving stats from some team. Is this to also rig the pro bowl teams as well as sand bag some player’s year end milestones? One thing is for sure and that’s we are all watching and we’re witnessing some shady ass gameplay.

[Shadowz]

BREAKING NEWS: After years of suspicion and assumption, it can finally be proven that without a doubt, Jayce Tuck's balls are deflated. Local tabloid "The Phoenix Eye" has been credited with breaking this story, as a member of their paparazzi team took multiple shots of the Outlaws defense man coming out of a CVS with nothing but some Viagra and a bike pump. After talking to medical experts in the area, the top notch team of tabloid reporters came up with the only solution: deflated balls. Most likely occurring after the much talked about Oprah Winfrey x Jayce Tuck porno debacle, it would appear that the defensive tackle could not sustain Oprah's weight mid-coitus, and therefore suffered the biggest sack of his life, albeit of the "ball" variety. Before engaging in intercourse, doctors say that Jayce Tuck has most likely been advised to take copious amounts of Viagra while using the bike pump to give his boys a little lift. After this terrible tragedy, "The Phoenix Eye" went further, suggesting that it (as in Oprah) was a deliberate setup by the terrified (for good reason) Baltimore Hawks, in order to take a member of the Outlaw's incredible defense off the team. Jayce don't give af seems to be the message to take home.

[jparks98]

Breaking news, the NSFL are slowly killing off all of their fans! Population control has been a major issue in the world for a number of years. There are too many people and not enough earth. We are depleting all of the resources at a rapid rate.The NSFL are working in conjunction with the North American governments to fix the problem. Well, I found their solution to kill off humanity! Stop going to their or it's your funeral. Literally, it's your funeral! They are killing you in the stadium. They have turned your passion into your death sentence. They are pumping you with radiation and frying your brains. How you ask? Well, it's a simple three-step solution. First, when you come in you have to get checked by security. That stupid little wand they have you with to check ”if you have any weapons on your person.” Radiation. It also sends mini EMPs to kill brain cells. That doorway you through that’s an “x-ray.” Pumping your body with radiation. Guess what, more EMPs killing not just brain cells but cells throughout your whole body. You ever wondered why stadium tastes different than normal food. Oh, that's just the new radiation seasoning that came out. Delicious isn't it? You are literally paying them to kill you! Stand with me and fight their evil ways!

[AsylumParty]

Reports from our undercover journalists indicate that the Head Office are actually stray cats. They were seen on all fours meowing loudly until our reporters scratched their chins, to which they responded by uttering a gurgling sound with their throats that we imagine was supposed to imitate a purr.

After they wandered off, photos were sent in by fans of the NSFL who found several members of the head office rummaging through their trash cans and scratching at each other's faces with untrimmed nails.

We're not sure what this means for the future of the league, or the future of cats in general, however, the Head Office did release a statement following the release of this damning evidence. The statement was a loud series of howls and screeches, and then the cat that we believe to be Ballerstorm began kneading the carpet and peed on the camera.

Somehow the Head Office are still actively updating their players. What talented kitties. If anyone is looking for a furry friend to bring home, thr Head Office, I'm sure, would appreciate being given a furever home. Remember, adopt don't shop. And if you're looking for an advantage by bringing home members of the Head Office, well, don't.

[manicmav36]

Everyone has some crazy conspiracy theory that they know is true. The difference with my Theory though? It’s not just a theory, I can prove it’s true. Every day at precisely 2:32 PM, Pacific Standard Time, ErMurzor opens his briefcase and slowly removes his HP laptop, that he bought in a Black Friday deal nearly three years ago. He turns it on and boots up our league sim program. The first thing he does is go straight to the Outlaws roster and edit all of his players’ stats, Jayce Tuck, to 100’s. How else can you explain a player that records 26 sacks and 75 tackles, while playing defensive end, in only 12 games? Those are super human numbers that can only be explained with cheating. Very convenient that the man who controls the sims is also putting up MVP numbers year in and year out. He broke his own sacks record this year! Do I have actual proof? No.
Don’t even get me started on how shockingly good his team, the Outlaws is. A bit too convenient how his team happens to be, far and away the best team in the league, year in and year out. Too many people catching on? Better throw a home game against the Hawks! I’m onto you, ErMurazor. You will be brought to justice!

[DollarAndADream]

Going around the NSFL has been a theory that many are starting to believe to be true. Scrub Kyubee seems to check in and check out in the NSFL very often, without a ton of time on the practice field, yet still manages to do quite well out there. One word out of the locker room is one of his teammates spotted a microchip on the back of his neck, and accidentally leaked it out to his friends on other teams in the NSFL.

What does this all mean? Could Kyubee be a robot? The way he moves on the field and just goes out there game after game, putting out solid performances, it does not seem possible with his current work ethic. Maybe those skills he has are just programmed in, or maybe he was sent from space to take over the game of football. There is no real conclusive answer to this one.

Paparazzi have even reported robotic movements in his walking when going to and from his home in Baltimore, which is interesting to say the least.

Could this microchip on his neck be connected to his nervous system? Am I pulling this out of my ass? Who really knows, but we will try to get a glimpse of it the next time we see him.

[Bzerkap]

Conspiracy theories are a dime a dozen these days with savants like Alex Jones shedding some light. However, there is one conspiracy that may never see the light of day. I hope to change that.

Jayce Tuck, a player widely regarded as the best athletes on the field and the best player in the league is using periformance enhancing juice. I know this is shocking to hear, but Tuck's insane sack totals are not due to hard work, athleticism, or superior teammates. No, it's due to a 'juicing' cleanse Tuck has been on for more than three years.

He began with a trip down to South America after college, where he learned the secrets of the mango. He visited many local tribes in the amazon, pretending to be on a mission. The only mission he was on was natural fructose and sucrose ingestion. Growing up in America, it's common place for people to ingest their sugar via HFCS or High Fructose Corn Syrup, and as such it is the only allowable form of sugar in the league.

Tuck has circumvented this. He's discovered that squeezing fruits and drinking the juice not only gives him a cleaner energy source but more potent too. It's also impossible to test for once it's entered the blood stream. USADA has knocked on his doors for many weeks but come away with nothing. His fruits are conveniently gone every time, and any knowledge of them too.

It's this journalists hope that we can soon find a way to test for these illegal substances and put a stop to his tyrannical reign.

@ErMurazor

[Oles]

I’ve already told y’all about the conspiracy that rocked the NSFL. No one listened it seems however. The Head Office is causing all these scandals and y’all want to believe it is a coincidence. They showed the wrong game to get a rise out of y’all, and y’all let them play you like a fiddle. The masses got bamboozled when that happened, and y’all need to realize that they are going to ruin the NSFL. If y’all would get your heads out of your asses and see the truth, and realize the collapse starts at the top, we could overthrow the league and actually stop the conspiracies from happening. The NSFL head office has a big board of scandals, and they just throw darts at the wall to see what the scandal is, and y’all have made the media power to allow them to do that. Y’all are the problem, you feed the beast and it is never full. Y’all need to stop feeding the beast, and that has to stem from talking about good things, not about the conspiracies, scandals, and problems that the NSFL creates. Noble scandal was created by the head office, we all see that. He was exposed and soon they all will be, when y’all are ready for the truth.

215 words, 10 y'alls