TPE Tracker Copypastas

[SabaDonutMan]

I have guns big enough to shoot through a brick house and through your fridge and hit you behind it just remember that!

[Eco]

Updated

[SabaDonutMan]

you're watching a football game and suddenly you see a glint of light out of the corner of your eye, you see the running back and his gigantic mustache is jutting out of his helmet, conveniently fitted with an upside-down L on top as a symbol of strength
you hear a loud "WAH!" as the ball is handed off to the running back, the defense walks out of the way as waluigi is simply too strong

[Raven]

I met Ryan Leaf Jr. 5 days ago. I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my brother got his hair cut. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a barbershop with my niece, and who walks in but Ryan Leaf Jr. himself. I was nervous as shit, and just kept looking at him as he was sitting there drinking a can of Leaf-Cola and waited, but was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon my niece started crying, and I’m trying to quiet her down because I didn’t want her to bother Ryan Leaf Jr., but she wouldn’t stop. He started running his hands through her hair and asked what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So Ryan Leaf Jr. put down his can of Leaf-Cola, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of the barbershop. Chill guy, really nice.

[Eco]

Updated