Previous post by @Duilio05: http://nsfl.jcink.net/index.php?showtopic=...ndpost&p=201282
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The funny thing about home field advantage is that it doesn’t always play in your favor.
It is, of course, nice to be surrounded by that which is familiar to you; to prepare in your own locker room, to hear the roar of your own fans, to feel your own turf beneath your feet. However, it is quite easy to be too comfortable with that which is familiar; for instance, the truck driver with his regularly scheduled delivery for the locker room minibar, or the photographer mixed into a pack of journalists postgame.
That’s right, Dugan. You grew complacent too soon, and we Marshals have grown tired of waiting. That’s why, rather than your regular gameday delivery for the locker room minibar, the suspiciously-Bubba-Thumper-esque truck driver left behind a full stock of Three Penis Wine, a brand which, in hindsight, you probably should have recognized as one closely-tied to your fierce prankster rival, Taco MacArthur, before you signed for the delivery while staring directly at the hands of the truck driver’s suspiciously-Takeda-Okura-esque partner. That’s why, during your team’s postgame celebration in the locker room, a suspiciously-Takeda-Okura-esque photographer just so happened to snap a picture of you drinking straight from one of the previously mentioned bottles of Three Penis Wine. And that is why today, citizens of Kansas City, Portland, San Antonio, and of course your home in Tijuana, when they leave their homes, are met with billboards, across which the previously mentioned picture is printed, upon which your signature is emblazoned, and above which read the slogan, “Dugan likes it, so will you!”, followed by the brand name that will haunt you while you lie awake, thinking of how you might ever get back at the pranksters in San Antonio: Three Penis Wine.
You see, Mr. Dugan, we’re a team over here in San Antonio, and Mr. MacArthur, well, he takes a great deal of pride in his team. So much pride, in fact, that in his efforts to make the Marshals better, he has chosen to let other important things in his life take a backseat. We hear the mumblings about eventually finding a new way to promote and expand the EBDB brand; we notice him letting his mind slip to ideas for Taco’s Truck; and yes, we even noticed the brainstorming list for advertising Three Penis Wine. But all of that took a backseat for us, for the players he wanted to make a good home for, and after a lackluster season, we as a team wanted to show our appreciation for a general manager who never gave up on us, by not giving up on him. So, we decided to take some of Mr. MacArthur’s ideas, and help him expand the brand not just in San Antonio, but across the continent. And that, Mr. Dugan, is why you are sitting in your office, reading this memo, and staring dumbfounded at a billboard with your image sprawled across it.
So, yes, home field advantage allowed you to win a round of the playoffs. But, at the end of the day, that came at a cost: on that day, Jimmy Dugan and the Tijuana Luchadores lost a round of the prank war.
#MarshalUp
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Many thanks to @Duilio05 for giving me the opportunity to put this piece out, and to @TomHanks for being a good sport in this prank war. A future graphic to match this piece may or may not be in the works; @KillKillKill gets busy.
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The funny thing about home field advantage is that it doesn’t always play in your favor.
It is, of course, nice to be surrounded by that which is familiar to you; to prepare in your own locker room, to hear the roar of your own fans, to feel your own turf beneath your feet. However, it is quite easy to be too comfortable with that which is familiar; for instance, the truck driver with his regularly scheduled delivery for the locker room minibar, or the photographer mixed into a pack of journalists postgame.
That’s right, Dugan. You grew complacent too soon, and we Marshals have grown tired of waiting. That’s why, rather than your regular gameday delivery for the locker room minibar, the suspiciously-Bubba-Thumper-esque truck driver left behind a full stock of Three Penis Wine, a brand which, in hindsight, you probably should have recognized as one closely-tied to your fierce prankster rival, Taco MacArthur, before you signed for the delivery while staring directly at the hands of the truck driver’s suspiciously-Takeda-Okura-esque partner. That’s why, during your team’s postgame celebration in the locker room, a suspiciously-Takeda-Okura-esque photographer just so happened to snap a picture of you drinking straight from one of the previously mentioned bottles of Three Penis Wine. And that is why today, citizens of Kansas City, Portland, San Antonio, and of course your home in Tijuana, when they leave their homes, are met with billboards, across which the previously mentioned picture is printed, upon which your signature is emblazoned, and above which read the slogan, “Dugan likes it, so will you!”, followed by the brand name that will haunt you while you lie awake, thinking of how you might ever get back at the pranksters in San Antonio: Three Penis Wine.
You see, Mr. Dugan, we’re a team over here in San Antonio, and Mr. MacArthur, well, he takes a great deal of pride in his team. So much pride, in fact, that in his efforts to make the Marshals better, he has chosen to let other important things in his life take a backseat. We hear the mumblings about eventually finding a new way to promote and expand the EBDB brand; we notice him letting his mind slip to ideas for Taco’s Truck; and yes, we even noticed the brainstorming list for advertising Three Penis Wine. But all of that took a backseat for us, for the players he wanted to make a good home for, and after a lackluster season, we as a team wanted to show our appreciation for a general manager who never gave up on us, by not giving up on him. So, we decided to take some of Mr. MacArthur’s ideas, and help him expand the brand not just in San Antonio, but across the continent. And that, Mr. Dugan, is why you are sitting in your office, reading this memo, and staring dumbfounded at a billboard with your image sprawled across it.
So, yes, home field advantage allowed you to win a round of the playoffs. But, at the end of the day, that came at a cost: on that day, Jimmy Dugan and the Tijuana Luchadores lost a round of the prank war.
#MarshalUp
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Many thanks to @Duilio05 for giving me the opportunity to put this piece out, and to @TomHanks for being a good sport in this prank war. A future graphic to match this piece may or may not be in the works; @KillKillKill gets busy.
