03-15-2020, 06:41 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-16-2020, 01:02 AM by StamkosFan.)
You may have wondered why all the toilet paper in your local grocery store or supermarket is gone. How this could have happened, how every store's supply could have run out across your country and the rest of the world. It was attributed to the coronavirus panic, but new information has led world officials to believe that this was the work of Thomas Passmann and his cult's followers. It was all part of their evil plan, detailed in a manifesto that was uncovered by one of Passmann's teammates in his locker.
The manifesto claims that NSFL and DSFL stadiums across the country would be the perfect place to hide supplies, starting with taking things that would be minor inconveniences such as toilet paper, and next up, toothpaste, but then moving on to more catastrophic shortages such as water, food, and internet. The plan was to slowly lead to chaos, and for anarchy to result from a lack of goods and a lack of faith in manufacturers. That a massive pandemic is sweeping the world at the same time is just fortunate timing for Passmann. It has given him perfect cover and a foolproof guise to act under.
How he managed to buy millions if not billions of toilet paper packages is beyond this reporter, it could be thievery. Passmann seems like the kind of character to be quite adept at shoplifting, but the prominent theory is that his cult built and programmed drones to get the toilet paper out of the stores by leveling their sneak to 100. He then enslaved some of Google's employees for months, and tech giant did not even notice their absence. He used these IT slaves to hack into the cameras of every store in the world and to replace their footage with clips of real people storming the aisles and raiding the shelves. These false clips have appeared on news broadcasts across the world and are currently circulating around the internet.
You would have never traced this crisis back to a football player, the idea would have sounded insane before Thomas Passmann joined the league. But here we are; some of the toilet paper was found stashed in the duct work of the Tijuana Luchadores' practice facility. The team again is not commenting on the incident, and their training manager even attempted to cover for Passmann, saying that he had just purchased a large quantity of toilet paper to make sure that the team and the arena had some during the shortage. He claimed it was just a reactive measure that the team has instructed Passmann to take. These statements are widely believed to be coerced, as the man's family has not been seen since they were shown being pushed by a masked figure into a white van by a neighbor's surveillance camera. The family are all still listed as missing persons according to local police, and the police claim that they do not view the incident as a kidnapping and say they do not yet suspect foul play. The public outcry has been swift and widespread on social media.
"Willful ignorance, this police department should be ashamed of themselves!" wrote one user on Twitter.
"Why has Thomas Passmann not been questioned? Why is this guy still out, walking around among us, a free man?" wrote another Twitter user.
A petition to arrest Passmann has currently collected over 5,000 online signatures, and the number continues to grow by the hour. It appears that many of the residents of the Tijuana area are growing restless and want the DSFL wide receiver charged with homicide. We will continue to cover the petition story as it develops, and fill our readers in on any new events.
The manifesto claims that NSFL and DSFL stadiums across the country would be the perfect place to hide supplies, starting with taking things that would be minor inconveniences such as toilet paper, and next up, toothpaste, but then moving on to more catastrophic shortages such as water, food, and internet. The plan was to slowly lead to chaos, and for anarchy to result from a lack of goods and a lack of faith in manufacturers. That a massive pandemic is sweeping the world at the same time is just fortunate timing for Passmann. It has given him perfect cover and a foolproof guise to act under.
How he managed to buy millions if not billions of toilet paper packages is beyond this reporter, it could be thievery. Passmann seems like the kind of character to be quite adept at shoplifting, but the prominent theory is that his cult built and programmed drones to get the toilet paper out of the stores by leveling their sneak to 100. He then enslaved some of Google's employees for months, and tech giant did not even notice their absence. He used these IT slaves to hack into the cameras of every store in the world and to replace their footage with clips of real people storming the aisles and raiding the shelves. These false clips have appeared on news broadcasts across the world and are currently circulating around the internet.
You would have never traced this crisis back to a football player, the idea would have sounded insane before Thomas Passmann joined the league. But here we are; some of the toilet paper was found stashed in the duct work of the Tijuana Luchadores' practice facility. The team again is not commenting on the incident, and their training manager even attempted to cover for Passmann, saying that he had just purchased a large quantity of toilet paper to make sure that the team and the arena had some during the shortage. He claimed it was just a reactive measure that the team has instructed Passmann to take. These statements are widely believed to be coerced, as the man's family has not been seen since they were shown being pushed by a masked figure into a white van by a neighbor's surveillance camera. The family are all still listed as missing persons according to local police, and the police claim that they do not view the incident as a kidnapping and say they do not yet suspect foul play. The public outcry has been swift and widespread on social media.
"Willful ignorance, this police department should be ashamed of themselves!" wrote one user on Twitter.
"Why has Thomas Passmann not been questioned? Why is this guy still out, walking around among us, a free man?" wrote another Twitter user.
A petition to arrest Passmann has currently collected over 5,000 online signatures, and the number continues to grow by the hour. It appears that many of the residents of the Tijuana area are growing restless and want the DSFL wide receiver charged with homicide. We will continue to cover the petition story as it develops, and fill our readers in on any new events.
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