Hey how are you out there Chicago sports fans, you're here with me Franklin Flowers on 102.5 the fan. Today on the afternoon blitz we have a very special guest. If you're a fan of butchers football you already know who he is. He was a first-round pick by the team two seasons ago and is coming off a pro bowl season. Welcome to the program Osiris Firestorm-Fjord!
(NSFL Friday Night Theme Music starts playing loudly)
Damn, Frank, what the (bleep) that (bleep) is really (bleep) loud!
(Broadcast cuts out for a second, 'Turn the Beat Around' by Gloria Estefan plays for about a minute before Frank's voice returns)
(Frank whispering but still barely audible) You can't say that stuff on the radio man….
Ehh haha yeah sorry about that folks, having some technical difficulties here but we're back on track now. Like I said my (pauses a moment) well-behaved guest today is Osiris Firestorm-Fjord, cornerback for the Butchers.
Thanks for having me on, Frank.
Absolutely it's going to be a good time. Alright well let's start off with the obvious question the team went 1-12 this past season sort of a bit of a distressing season if you're a fan of the team. The franchise has been in rough shape for the past few years and even though they brought in new management and coaching we haven't really started to see any results come out of it yet. What are your thoughts about the team and how you guys played last season?
I think we on the team knew that this wasn't going to be a very successful season for us on the field at least, especially once we traded Jenkins. You can tell that management was trying to go in a different way in terms of competing and just looking towards trying to build for the future at this point. I know that Butchers fans have been waiting a long time for the team to be successful. The early years of this franchise the team was showing some promise before just falling off an absolute cliff. All we can ask for is that the fans be patient with the team and trust in the management that they're building the team the right way. We have all the pieces in place now after these past couple drafts, signing some young free agents and really working hard to get this team into shape. I think if you're a fan you're going to start seeing some results as soon as this season and a lot of people are going to be surprised by what we're able to do.
Speaking of new players to the team, I wanted to pick your brain about some of the more interesting additions that the team has made recently. Let's start with Mario VonPickles-
Pebbles
Oh is that his nickname?
No (sigh) his name is Mario VonPebbles
Ahh gotcha gotcha. Alright so this guy seems kind of crazy. You see him ranting on Twitter a bit and you hear stories about him from his time in Minnesota and Philadelphia. Is that really how he is or is it just a persona?
Ah yeah I love that dude and he's been an amazing addition for us on defense. He really is crazy but I'm a little crazy too so maybe I just jive with the guy more than other people do. I think once you get to know him you see he's actually just a real down to earth guy underneath it all. He's a real family man, real team first player and we love having him around in the locker room. Sometimes that happens with guys they just gotta find where they fit in and then they shine. I'm stoked he plays for us though and the team really feeds off of his intensity.
And then another interesting player the team acquired was free agent Tree Gelbman. I mean I've heard all kinds of stories about her like that she walks around with an axe and is some kind of serial killer. I mean c'mon that can't be a thing right? Someone like that shouldn't even be in the league.
Uh yeah can't say I've heard anything like that actually. She's got this weird cereal locker, like breakfast cereal. And they did give her a desert island as part of her contract but like I don't know about the axe murderer stuff. I worked out with Tree a lot when we were entering the S21 draft after I met her at the combine doing tight end drills. She's a bit aloof in terms of personal life off the field but on the field she's a great teammate and hyper focused. I'm positive she and Von Hayes can make up for the hole I left at the tight end position.
Yeah that was another thing I wanted to discuss so let's just jump into it. It's hard to imagine you as anything other than a cornerback and defensive leader for this team but just over a season ago you were still playing tight end. Take us through that transition a little bit.
So switching positions isn't that uncommon for players in the NSFL. I think most guys in the league coming in are extremely raw athletes so switching early on in their career isn't all that painful. That's not to say it's easy though. I had to lose like 70 pounds and work my butt off during the off-season both in the gym and at practice. Like a decade of football out the window for me, playing cornerback is totally different. Yeah I had to run a few routes as a tight end so ok maybe I'm being a little overly dramatic but it's not the same as if I was a wide receiver. But yeah there had been an expectation that we would be ok at corner until Ahri retired suddenly. So now we had a huge hole in the secondary which if you look around the league is one of the most difficult positions to fill. After talking with our new coaches about it we decided at the very least I'd be serviceable there and we found a gem in Von Hayes at tight end so it all worked out nicely. I was pretty hesitant at first about the switch but I think the team is in a much better spot because of it.
What would you say is the hardest part of playing cornerback?
Probably not being able to eat whatever I want. When I was a tight end my weight didn't really matter. You want that big body to be a good blocker and to be a physical mismatch. Oh yeah I can't even count how many Popeye's chicken sandwiches I was eating every week. Now I gotta watch my weight or I won't be able to keep up speed wise. It's pretty disappointing but you only get to play football at this level for a short window of your life so I suppose it's worth the sacrifice. I definitely cheat on my diet a little in the off-season anyways.
I think most Butchers fans including myself are elated to know that you recently signed an extension with the team. But what I don't think most fans know about is the details of the contract because it's well….very interesting shall we say (chuckles).
Hey I know what I want my man.
Well that is certainly apparent. So why don't we break down a few of the more interesting clauses in here. Let's just start with the first one here, seems like you have quite some animosity towards the Philadelphia Liberty.
Ah yeah the fu- I mean the Heck Philly clause that's a good one.
Yeah so no trade clause to Philly, you're having the team put up pictures of Liberty players in the bathrooms at the stadium for fans to piss on and you're basically free to wear offensive clothing on gamedays against Philadelphia.
Aw yeah got the brand new FTL cleats out now. Get yours at FTL.merch.co.us.runescape.gov/JonesBigAssCarRentalAndTruckStorageFacility.
Umm yeah well ok maybe you can explain some of the hatred here?
Look I have some disdain for a bunch of teams in the league that have constantly (bleep) on us for being bad. I mean what the (bleep) guys we're doing all we can over here give me a break. But yeah all these Philly players keep signing contracts with no trade clauses to Chicago as if we're some radioactive garbage. So I said hey we can do that too but I'm gonna kick it up a notch. Who's the garbage now, (bleep)?
Alright you gotta cut that out! Ahem ok well that certainly shows how much you dislike them. Uh let's move on to some other aspects of this contract. You've got a clause here that lets you play croquet anytime and anywhere you want….
Oh yeah I wasn't gonna let anyone take that away from me.
And a clause that says your contract has to be paid out in quarters…..
See me at skeeball bro.
Ah ok that makes sense then. There's one here about not playing Taylor Swift music before Butchers home games, what's the story behind that one?
If you were on the team you would understand. That music is just constantly playing in the team facilities. Look don't get me wrong, I am very happy with our new GMs and the work they are doing. But Bayley plays that TSwift music non-stop. Even a small reprieve on gameday was worth giving up some other demands in contract negotiations to get that set in stone as part of my contract. I wasn't even able to get an outright ban. During negotiations they said nope you can't outright ban the music. So I said alright what if you just can't play it a certain amount of time before kickoff. They said ok how many minutes, to which I said I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22 and they were ok with that.
Ok so there's a few more things in here like the team buys you pizza if you get an interception which is very cute, but I really want to just ask about this last clause the 'quick Maths' clause. I'm just going to read this one off: "During the duration of this contract, should the absolute value of the ELO rating of the Chicago Butchers change by at least 597 points over any length of time, the RMS of rushing yards allowed by the Chicago Butchers be more than double the RMS of rushing yards allowed by the Orange County Otters during a regular season, the standard deviation of the temperature in Chicago (in degrees Celsius) over a 33 day window exceed the career QB rating of Franky LaFleur and the auroral kilometric radiation frequency of Saturn shift in a 24 hour window by 30% more than the percent change in total interceptions by the Chicago Butchers in subsequent seasons, Osiris Firestorm-Fjord reserves the right to match any offers made by the Chicago Butchers for any picks and players through the end of the S26 NSFL draft". I'm not even really sure what to ask about this one, maybe just why?
Look I love math and numbers unlike players such as Charlemagne Cortex @MrStennett. So I decided to have some fun with this last little part. Look some of that stuff just won't happen. If the temperature fluctuates that much in Chicago we're all dead. Besides even if all those things happen it really doesn't do anything.
Yeah I mean what does "Osiris Firestorm-Fjord reserves the right to match any offers made by the Chicago Butchers for any picks and players through the end of the S26 NSFL draft," really entail? What does that even mean?
I'll be honest you're gonna have to ask @Laser.
So this contract, was this something you wrote up on your own?
Well yeah me and my agent, Halfeatenonionbagel.
Oh so you've joined one of those new player agencies then?
Well no, I mean not these new ones popping up. I have an agent but I'm the only player that they represent in the NSFL, which is pretty typical. But these new agencies represent a bunch of guys and aren't tethered to one player.
Huh interesting, guess I didn't realize how it works.
Yeah I mean some players represent themselves of course but I have a good relationship with my agent.
Well what do you think about these player agencies that are popping up now?
I don't have much of an opinion I guess. I won't be joining one anytime soon, I'm happy with my agent now. I think agencies like this have been attempted in the past with little success. What we should really be focusing our attention towards is institutions to protect player interests league wide. I really think we need some kind of players association, a union for us. I mean look they're adding three more games to the schedule and yet they're keeping the minimum salaries the same, they're keeping the salary cap the same. Look at these contracts guys get in the PBE. Some guys make more in one season than I may make in my entire NSFL career and baseball players can play a lot longer they're not getting hit week in and week out. You can't tell me our ratings aren't better. It's a real problem that not enough players are talking about. These agencies are a band-aid that's only helping a few players. They feel more like a cult than a positive institution. That's just my two cents.
Well I appreciate the honesty certainly having not heard much on the subject.
Yeah well maybe I'm a little too fired up about it but I like to think my head's in the right place.
Alright well you've given us quite a bit of your time today so we want to get you out of here soon but we've had fans texting in questions during the interview for you to answer and we're gonna do a few quick ones here. Sound good?
Yeah all I was gonna do the rest of the day was drink and watch Avatar Last Airbender on Netflix so fire away.
Umm ok then let's start with this one. Who's your favorite Butchers teammate?
Ah yeah tons of great guys on the team but this one's easy. Gotta be my fellow cornerback and member of the Butchers secondary aka the Slaughterhouse 5, Tyron Shields. T-Shizzle baybay
Ah yeah he's quickly become a fan favorite.
Well what can I say the fans have good taste.
Indeed. Ok next question, is a hotdog a sandwich?
No, it's a hotdog! C'mon now
Yeah I personally think it's a taco but I'm not gonna die on that hill today. Alright just a couple more questions. What's your favorite type of dog?
Oh bulldog most definitely.
Which GM is your favorite, Bayley or Muford?
I'm not gonna answer that.
Ok last one here, if you weren't playing football what sport would you be playing instead?
Well croquet as you know or maybe badminton, the sport of dukes
Y'know I had no idea. Look we gotta get you in here more often. This has been great, thanks for your time. We got just a few minutes left here so I'm gonna give the floor to you, go ahead you can talk about anything you want, plug your new shoe line whatever.
I already talked about my idea for a players union and that's something I'll continue to push. But one other thing I want to plug here is my charity organization that I've been organizing, it's called Rise and Grind. You've probably seen me on weekends using the hashtag #RiseAndGrind on Twitter and we've got a Facebook page you should go follow if you're interested. It's still small, still a little unorganized but every weekend we're out in Chicago giving back to the community. Building playgrounds and homes for people in some of the more impoverished parts of the city, setting up impromptu soup kitchens and food drives, even setting up fundraisers like a hot dog eating contest. Just trying to do some good and have some fun. If you're interested in helping just check out the page every week and we'll post what we're doing that week and what you can do to help.
Very cool stuff, thanks for what you're doing with that. Well, Osiris, it's been a pleasure. Hopefully won't be too long until we have you on again.
Yeah this was a lot of fun thanks for having me.
Alright coming up in our next segment, which Chicago Butchers player has a tattoo of the dwarves from Snow White on their butt? The answer might surprise you!
(Turn the Beat around starts to fade in to close out the segment)
Geez, Frank, not this (bleep) music again
(NSFL Friday Night Theme Music starts playing loudly)
Damn, Frank, what the (bleep) that (bleep) is really (bleep) loud!
(Broadcast cuts out for a second, 'Turn the Beat Around' by Gloria Estefan plays for about a minute before Frank's voice returns)
(Frank whispering but still barely audible) You can't say that stuff on the radio man….
Ehh haha yeah sorry about that folks, having some technical difficulties here but we're back on track now. Like I said my (pauses a moment) well-behaved guest today is Osiris Firestorm-Fjord, cornerback for the Butchers.
Thanks for having me on, Frank.
Absolutely it's going to be a good time. Alright well let's start off with the obvious question the team went 1-12 this past season sort of a bit of a distressing season if you're a fan of the team. The franchise has been in rough shape for the past few years and even though they brought in new management and coaching we haven't really started to see any results come out of it yet. What are your thoughts about the team and how you guys played last season?
I think we on the team knew that this wasn't going to be a very successful season for us on the field at least, especially once we traded Jenkins. You can tell that management was trying to go in a different way in terms of competing and just looking towards trying to build for the future at this point. I know that Butchers fans have been waiting a long time for the team to be successful. The early years of this franchise the team was showing some promise before just falling off an absolute cliff. All we can ask for is that the fans be patient with the team and trust in the management that they're building the team the right way. We have all the pieces in place now after these past couple drafts, signing some young free agents and really working hard to get this team into shape. I think if you're a fan you're going to start seeing some results as soon as this season and a lot of people are going to be surprised by what we're able to do.
Speaking of new players to the team, I wanted to pick your brain about some of the more interesting additions that the team has made recently. Let's start with Mario VonPickles-
Pebbles
Oh is that his nickname?
No (sigh) his name is Mario VonPebbles
Ahh gotcha gotcha. Alright so this guy seems kind of crazy. You see him ranting on Twitter a bit and you hear stories about him from his time in Minnesota and Philadelphia. Is that really how he is or is it just a persona?
Ah yeah I love that dude and he's been an amazing addition for us on defense. He really is crazy but I'm a little crazy too so maybe I just jive with the guy more than other people do. I think once you get to know him you see he's actually just a real down to earth guy underneath it all. He's a real family man, real team first player and we love having him around in the locker room. Sometimes that happens with guys they just gotta find where they fit in and then they shine. I'm stoked he plays for us though and the team really feeds off of his intensity.
And then another interesting player the team acquired was free agent Tree Gelbman. I mean I've heard all kinds of stories about her like that she walks around with an axe and is some kind of serial killer. I mean c'mon that can't be a thing right? Someone like that shouldn't even be in the league.
Uh yeah can't say I've heard anything like that actually. She's got this weird cereal locker, like breakfast cereal. And they did give her a desert island as part of her contract but like I don't know about the axe murderer stuff. I worked out with Tree a lot when we were entering the S21 draft after I met her at the combine doing tight end drills. She's a bit aloof in terms of personal life off the field but on the field she's a great teammate and hyper focused. I'm positive she and Von Hayes can make up for the hole I left at the tight end position.
Yeah that was another thing I wanted to discuss so let's just jump into it. It's hard to imagine you as anything other than a cornerback and defensive leader for this team but just over a season ago you were still playing tight end. Take us through that transition a little bit.
So switching positions isn't that uncommon for players in the NSFL. I think most guys in the league coming in are extremely raw athletes so switching early on in their career isn't all that painful. That's not to say it's easy though. I had to lose like 70 pounds and work my butt off during the off-season both in the gym and at practice. Like a decade of football out the window for me, playing cornerback is totally different. Yeah I had to run a few routes as a tight end so ok maybe I'm being a little overly dramatic but it's not the same as if I was a wide receiver. But yeah there had been an expectation that we would be ok at corner until Ahri retired suddenly. So now we had a huge hole in the secondary which if you look around the league is one of the most difficult positions to fill. After talking with our new coaches about it we decided at the very least I'd be serviceable there and we found a gem in Von Hayes at tight end so it all worked out nicely. I was pretty hesitant at first about the switch but I think the team is in a much better spot because of it.
What would you say is the hardest part of playing cornerback?
Probably not being able to eat whatever I want. When I was a tight end my weight didn't really matter. You want that big body to be a good blocker and to be a physical mismatch. Oh yeah I can't even count how many Popeye's chicken sandwiches I was eating every week. Now I gotta watch my weight or I won't be able to keep up speed wise. It's pretty disappointing but you only get to play football at this level for a short window of your life so I suppose it's worth the sacrifice. I definitely cheat on my diet a little in the off-season anyways.
I think most Butchers fans including myself are elated to know that you recently signed an extension with the team. But what I don't think most fans know about is the details of the contract because it's well….very interesting shall we say (chuckles).
Hey I know what I want my man.
Well that is certainly apparent. So why don't we break down a few of the more interesting clauses in here. Let's just start with the first one here, seems like you have quite some animosity towards the Philadelphia Liberty.
Ah yeah the fu- I mean the Heck Philly clause that's a good one.
Yeah so no trade clause to Philly, you're having the team put up pictures of Liberty players in the bathrooms at the stadium for fans to piss on and you're basically free to wear offensive clothing on gamedays against Philadelphia.
Aw yeah got the brand new FTL cleats out now. Get yours at FTL.merch.co.us.runescape.gov/JonesBigAssCarRentalAndTruckStorageFacility.
Umm yeah well ok maybe you can explain some of the hatred here?
Look I have some disdain for a bunch of teams in the league that have constantly (bleep) on us for being bad. I mean what the (bleep) guys we're doing all we can over here give me a break. But yeah all these Philly players keep signing contracts with no trade clauses to Chicago as if we're some radioactive garbage. So I said hey we can do that too but I'm gonna kick it up a notch. Who's the garbage now, (bleep)?
Alright you gotta cut that out! Ahem ok well that certainly shows how much you dislike them. Uh let's move on to some other aspects of this contract. You've got a clause here that lets you play croquet anytime and anywhere you want….
Oh yeah I wasn't gonna let anyone take that away from me.
And a clause that says your contract has to be paid out in quarters…..
See me at skeeball bro.
Ah ok that makes sense then. There's one here about not playing Taylor Swift music before Butchers home games, what's the story behind that one?
If you were on the team you would understand. That music is just constantly playing in the team facilities. Look don't get me wrong, I am very happy with our new GMs and the work they are doing. But Bayley plays that TSwift music non-stop. Even a small reprieve on gameday was worth giving up some other demands in contract negotiations to get that set in stone as part of my contract. I wasn't even able to get an outright ban. During negotiations they said nope you can't outright ban the music. So I said alright what if you just can't play it a certain amount of time before kickoff. They said ok how many minutes, to which I said I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22 and they were ok with that.
Ok so there's a few more things in here like the team buys you pizza if you get an interception which is very cute, but I really want to just ask about this last clause the 'quick Maths' clause. I'm just going to read this one off: "During the duration of this contract, should the absolute value of the ELO rating of the Chicago Butchers change by at least 597 points over any length of time, the RMS of rushing yards allowed by the Chicago Butchers be more than double the RMS of rushing yards allowed by the Orange County Otters during a regular season, the standard deviation of the temperature in Chicago (in degrees Celsius) over a 33 day window exceed the career QB rating of Franky LaFleur and the auroral kilometric radiation frequency of Saturn shift in a 24 hour window by 30% more than the percent change in total interceptions by the Chicago Butchers in subsequent seasons, Osiris Firestorm-Fjord reserves the right to match any offers made by the Chicago Butchers for any picks and players through the end of the S26 NSFL draft". I'm not even really sure what to ask about this one, maybe just why?
Look I love math and numbers unlike players such as Charlemagne Cortex @MrStennett. So I decided to have some fun with this last little part. Look some of that stuff just won't happen. If the temperature fluctuates that much in Chicago we're all dead. Besides even if all those things happen it really doesn't do anything.
Yeah I mean what does "Osiris Firestorm-Fjord reserves the right to match any offers made by the Chicago Butchers for any picks and players through the end of the S26 NSFL draft," really entail? What does that even mean?
I'll be honest you're gonna have to ask @Laser.
So this contract, was this something you wrote up on your own?
Well yeah me and my agent, Halfeatenonionbagel.
Oh so you've joined one of those new player agencies then?
Well no, I mean not these new ones popping up. I have an agent but I'm the only player that they represent in the NSFL, which is pretty typical. But these new agencies represent a bunch of guys and aren't tethered to one player.
Huh interesting, guess I didn't realize how it works.
Yeah I mean some players represent themselves of course but I have a good relationship with my agent.
Well what do you think about these player agencies that are popping up now?
I don't have much of an opinion I guess. I won't be joining one anytime soon, I'm happy with my agent now. I think agencies like this have been attempted in the past with little success. What we should really be focusing our attention towards is institutions to protect player interests league wide. I really think we need some kind of players association, a union for us. I mean look they're adding three more games to the schedule and yet they're keeping the minimum salaries the same, they're keeping the salary cap the same. Look at these contracts guys get in the PBE. Some guys make more in one season than I may make in my entire NSFL career and baseball players can play a lot longer they're not getting hit week in and week out. You can't tell me our ratings aren't better. It's a real problem that not enough players are talking about. These agencies are a band-aid that's only helping a few players. They feel more like a cult than a positive institution. That's just my two cents.
Well I appreciate the honesty certainly having not heard much on the subject.
Yeah well maybe I'm a little too fired up about it but I like to think my head's in the right place.
Alright well you've given us quite a bit of your time today so we want to get you out of here soon but we've had fans texting in questions during the interview for you to answer and we're gonna do a few quick ones here. Sound good?
Yeah all I was gonna do the rest of the day was drink and watch Avatar Last Airbender on Netflix so fire away.
Umm ok then let's start with this one. Who's your favorite Butchers teammate?
Ah yeah tons of great guys on the team but this one's easy. Gotta be my fellow cornerback and member of the Butchers secondary aka the Slaughterhouse 5, Tyron Shields. T-Shizzle baybay
Ah yeah he's quickly become a fan favorite.
Well what can I say the fans have good taste.
Indeed. Ok next question, is a hotdog a sandwich?
No, it's a hotdog! C'mon now
Yeah I personally think it's a taco but I'm not gonna die on that hill today. Alright just a couple more questions. What's your favorite type of dog?
Oh bulldog most definitely.
Which GM is your favorite, Bayley or Muford?
I'm not gonna answer that.
Ok last one here, if you weren't playing football what sport would you be playing instead?
Well croquet as you know or maybe badminton, the sport of dukes
Y'know I had no idea. Look we gotta get you in here more often. This has been great, thanks for your time. We got just a few minutes left here so I'm gonna give the floor to you, go ahead you can talk about anything you want, plug your new shoe line whatever.
I already talked about my idea for a players union and that's something I'll continue to push. But one other thing I want to plug here is my charity organization that I've been organizing, it's called Rise and Grind. You've probably seen me on weekends using the hashtag #RiseAndGrind on Twitter and we've got a Facebook page you should go follow if you're interested. It's still small, still a little unorganized but every weekend we're out in Chicago giving back to the community. Building playgrounds and homes for people in some of the more impoverished parts of the city, setting up impromptu soup kitchens and food drives, even setting up fundraisers like a hot dog eating contest. Just trying to do some good and have some fun. If you're interested in helping just check out the page every week and we'll post what we're doing that week and what you can do to help.
Very cool stuff, thanks for what you're doing with that. Well, Osiris, it's been a pleasure. Hopefully won't be too long until we have you on again.
Yeah this was a lot of fun thanks for having me.
Alright coming up in our next segment, which Chicago Butchers player has a tattoo of the dwarves from Snow White on their butt? The answer might surprise you!
(Turn the Beat around starts to fade in to close out the segment)
Geez, Frank, not this (bleep) music again
![[Image: 018p.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/WbJGDCCK/018p.png)
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Regular Season Stats
[OPTION](S2) 14 Games Played
[OPTION](S3) 14 Games Played
[OPTION](S4) 14 Games Played
[OPTION](S5) 14 Games Played
[OPTION](S6) 14 Games Played
[OPTION](S7) 14 Games Played
[OPTION](S8) 14 Games Played
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Playoff Stats
[OPTION] 27839
[OPTION]===========================================
[OPTION]Trophy Case/Achievements:
[OPTION]Most Likely to Break the Team Bench When Sitting Down
[OPTION]Pumpkin Chuckin' Rally 2017 Semifinalist
[OPTION]Most Likely to Get Traded in S8 (T-1st)
[OPTION]Ultimus Champion S7, S8
Phick Fully ![[Image: OwmniMan.jpg]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/771511180102860810/884607055569227806/OwmniMan.jpg)
![[Image: LimJahey.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/LimJahey.gif)
