*Melvin Murder-Moose destroys Norfolk

[SchwarzNarr]

There is no greater feeling than celebrating and Ultimini win (except, for maybe an Ultimus win), but for season 24 rookie, Daria Guava-Fresca helping bring her team to victory was the high she wanted to end the season on. As she went to Bjorn Ironside’s house to celebrate over some Dungeons and Dragons with Bjorn, Adele de Pengu and Lady Tesla, Daria felt that she also couldn’t leave out the one companion who had lived with her in Norfolk during this season. Melvin the moose was her favorite pet and glowing companion. In the off-season of her time at the University of Michigan, Daria would frequently travel up north, in particular to Newberry, the moose capital of Michigan.

As they filled their plates with tacos, or fish and Bjorn’s special drink for de Pengu, Bjorn continued to congratulate and cheer on the Norfolk players on their win. “Drink up, little one! You have earned this.” He patted her on the back, and they continued to chat about the amazing plays and importance of kickers, especially after the disaster of a season that Bauer Bot had had the previous year. As they finished the meal and brought out the cake to celebrate being the offensive player of the game for both playoff games, Melvin nudged his nose toward Daria and her cake.

“Sorry silly buddy, no cake for you.” Upon hearing this news, Melvin’s eyes began to turn red. As he nudged again, more insistently, Daria moved her plate of cake away from Melvin’s face.

With this rejection twice over, Melvin flew into a fit of rage. In a scene that is too horrifying to be relayed here, Melvin obliterated Daria, leaving nothing but a dull lifeless corpse. Leaving, blood and flesh still sitting upon his antlers, Melvin is no longer just a moose, but stole Daria’s identity, social security number, and her job.

Melvin Murder-Moose is now the new kicker for the Norfolk Seawolves. I wish you luck, Seawolves, and apparently don’t deny him cake.