Living on the streets. Floating at the bottom of the ocean. Working in an Arby's drive-thru. These are just some of the places you can end up when you make a $5 million Ultimus bet that doesn't work out in your favor. Luckily, ol' Richard Leaking made nice with some loan sharks before making the bet, so there's a little room for error here. Instead of being sold to a sweatshop or being hogtied and thrown in a pond or something like that, I just need to crank out a media article that's really worth something to impress all of the big scary Sicilian guys I borrowed money from to feed my sportsbook habits. And thus, Rev's Reflections is born.
Let's talk some Simulation Football.
The ISFL Regular Season
Looking back at my season predictions, I like to think I did pretty damn well for someone who had no idea what they were doing/what they were getting themselves into. My season predictions shaped up like this
So I struck gold with the Yeti, the Sailfish, the Liberty (right? or did Baltimore finish last?), the Second Line, and the Hahalua. I wrote media around week 13 that predicted the Hahalua would win their division, so it's funny to me that my more recent prediction was wrong and the preseason prediction I made when I barely knew the names of teams ended up being correct. Yellowknife's was so close, yet so far. Looking at other peoples' season predictions around the league, there was a lot of hype for Chicago to make the playoffs and maybe even win the division. They did one of the two, and going into next season they're looking even better, so while know-nothing Rev wasn't on the Chicago hype train, I think 2-month-in Rev is all aboard.
The ISFL Playoffs
The playoffs. The big dance. The great shabloo. The reason I'm writing this article. A lot of people won a whole lot of money thanks to the San Jose Sabercats upsetting the Colorado Yeti, but unfortunately, none of those people were me, so what was it all really for? Nothing. This section ends now.
Just kidding, congrats to the San Jose SaberCats for a HISTORIC ultimus victory. The league didn't believe in you guys, but you proved them wrong. A real david and goliath story. All you fanged kitties and fanged kitty fans should be proud. <3
Musings on Dallas and my lovely Birddog teammates
When I joined the league, the Birddogs were one of the first teams to invite me into their locker room. While there, I was immediately exposed to things that have since become some of my favorite parts about Dallas. A twisted but never over-the-top sense of humor. Team captains and managers who are willing to explain the things that you need to know about this league to succeed. Who knew there were so many different options people put into their contracts? League veterans who started their careers with the Dallas Birddogs, but now play for ISFL teams all across America (and Yellowknife for what ever reason), can still be found in our locker room at all times of the day (thanks time zones!) They stick around because Dallas is a great environment that makes you feel welcome as soon as you're drafted, and continues to make you feel welcome long after.
TL;DR: bird dogs good. Dallas Birddogs even better.
This section just turned into a S24 draft re-grade. Here we go.
Round 1 Pick 6 - Raylan Crowder, Defensive End out of Arizona State - Asked Madden
The first of the feared Four Horsemen off of the board in the most recent DSFL draft! The Dallas Birddogs picked Crowder up with their first pick of the draft, and since then, he has done everything a first rounder should do. On the field he's been a menace, and off the field he's consistently been a chipper lad and a fierce leader in our locker room. I know I'm a little biased because I've played with the guy the past few months, but even if he weren't a top TPE earner in the entire class (which he is!), Asked Madden would still be an easy choice in the first round of the ISFL because of what he brings to the table. When you draft a true rookie in the DSFL draft, you hope they earn, and you hope they're an active presence on your team. Madden has gone above and beyond both of those tasks; he keeps others members of the team on top of their earning, and has been a real leader in our locker room. Grade: A
Round 2 Pick 6 - Guy Fields, Linebacker out of Northwestern - r0tzbua
I'm sure you've heard all of the rumors about how r0tzbua was a bust for the birddogs because he went inactive as soon as we drafted him and only came back to ride the "r0tzbua for 1oa" in the ISFL draft hype wave that Stego started. I'm here to put all those rumors to rest. You see, r0tz has actually been hanging with us in Dallas the whole time. That's right, no inactivity. I made it up for media money. Sue me. Enough jokes - r0tz is one of my favorite users in the ISFL and it's really not difficult to see why. Literally just have a conversation with the guy. Like many of my fellow rookies, r0tz only joined the ISFL ~2 months ago. He has already redesigned the branding of two ISFL teams - for those counting at home, that's one branding per month he's been in the league. Those are some pretty astronomical numbers. Dude has been here two months and his artwork is already on the website's homepage. In the locker room, he's hilarious, he answers my stupid questions, he teaches us things both related and unrelated to the ISFL, and I haven't even gotten to Finn yet. Some might say Finn is r0tzbua's greatest asset. Finn is adorable, and once he steps down from his role as President of the Universe, there's a real chance he'll throw his lil' dog hat into the running for ISFL commissioner/Supreme Overlord, whichever position opens up first.
Anyway, r0tz is cool. He gets an A too.
Round 3 Pick 1 - Lionel Rumper, Safety out of Wake Forest - Oneski/OneYoung
"Lionel Rumper. Downhill Thumper. Bedroom Pumper."
"You gotta hump with that rump to bring that thump"
Many people, by this point, know that Dallas used their third round pick in the most recent draft on a safety. What you probably don't know, is that Dallas used their third round pick in the most recent draft on a poet. And a horsemen. Specifically, one of the Four Horsemen. Rumper is a class act, hilarious, and an absolute monster on the field. Rumper is third in TPE amongst DSFL safeties, yet was fairly consistently slept on in media and mock drafts these past few weeks. Whichever ISFL team drafts Lionel Rumper, they will be getting an awesome guy in the locker room and on the field.
Fun Fact: Rumper is one of only 5 DSFL players to record a safety this past season. The man rhymes AND scores points. Grade: A
Round 5 Pick 2 - Sheed Thebaw, Defensive Tackle out of Wisconsin - nutsbarspadge
Another Horseman! This guy is awesome. Not the most talkative guy in the locker room (time zone differences certainly don't help,) but every time he speaks up it's either something hilarious, valuable insight on whatever the conversation topic was, or a picture of some beautiful ass Scottish landscape. Thebaw is sitting comfortably above 200 TPE, and will be a real asset to the defensive line and locker room of whichever team reels him in. Grade: A
Round 5 Pick 6 - Mark Callous, Wide Receiver out of Pepperdine - McCransky
The spicy dime from Pepperdine himself, McCransky is hilarious in the locker room and a terror to defensive backs on the field. Callous has made several game changing catches with the Birddogs and is sure to continue that streak in the near future. McCransky, along with r0tz, Asked Madden, and myself, is also a Prospect Bowl World Champion Brooklyn Atlantic #ToTheSea. As such, please give him the respeck he deserves. Grade: A
Round 6 Pick 6 - Richard Leaking, Linebacker out of Stanford - Rev
i think leaking is an pretty cool guy. eh sacks quartersbacks and doesnt afraid of anything
Pls draft me. Grade: but also A
Round 7 Pick 4 - Milk Mann, Safety out of Mizzou - Bkfootball
Not only does this guy have one of my favorite player names across all Birddogs, he also has arguably the best discord profile picture.
![[Image: Jagsfan.jpg]](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/006/350/Jagsfan.jpg)
Milk Mann has been something of a lockdown guy on the field, and a trivia/jeopardy whiz in our locker room. Also he was among the top TPE earning users in the entire ISFL this season in terms of predictions. Maybe he's the one doing the sims? According to the TPE tracker, Milk Mann is tied in TPE with the next guy on this list! Grade: A
Round 7 Pick 6 - Bob Roberts, Safety out of Auburn - Zayn
The man, the myth, the legend. A gentleman in the sheets and a menace on twitter, Zayn is the "man behind the curtain" so to speak in the extended Dallas Birddogs-Wizard of Oz analogy that I just started. Zayn is an active member of our locker room, always quick with a joke or to light up your smoke, and luckily I don't think there's any other place in the DSFL he'd rather be. How many more obscure references will I make in this section? Stay tuned and find out. Zayn is an awesome dude who will hopefully be a staple of the Birddogs locker room for seasons to come. Zayn also gets bonus points for being my fellow birddog in the ISFL among us/party games server, even though he really seems to enjoy killing me. Grade: A
Round 12 Pick 6 - Cmon Skiuuup, Tight End out of Savannah State - AirCrou
#AC4Commish
How the hell did AC fall so far in this draft? I don't know what kind of skeletons DSFL general managers have found/think they have found in this dude's closet, but he has been awesome to have in our locker room. He's a veteran recreate amongst a class full of rookies, and it's really nice to be able to get his opinion on all things ISFL and un-ISFL. He's quick with a meme or with valuable advice - whichever you want in the moment. Grade: A
I'm gonna stop there because for the most part, I've never spoken to any of the guys drafted with our last five picks. However, the validity of this whole article could be compromised if I didn't mention DingusDiddler, whose player Lugolor Gulogor was drafted by the Birddogs in the 17th round. What an incredible player name, created by an incredibly named account. Seriously, say Lugolor Gulogor out loud. It's like butter. Since he's inactive, I am forced to put my biases aside, and thus Lugolor's draft grade will have to be bumped down to an A. Thanks for reading.
Oh, and yes. For those who came here for an answer to my compelling title: Birddog does indeed go tweet woof. Or as someone very eloquently put in the locker room the other day: bird dog goes bork squawk.
Let's talk some Simulation Football.
The ISFL Regular Season
Looking back at my season predictions, I like to think I did pretty damn well for someone who had no idea what they were doing/what they were getting themselves into. My season predictions shaped up like this
Quote:Standing Predictions
NSFC
1. COL
2. SAR
3. YKW
-----
4. BAL
5. CHI
6. PHI
ASFC
1. OCO
2. ARI
3. AUS
-----
4. NOLA
5. HON
6. SJS
Regular Season Champion: COL
So I struck gold with the Yeti, the Sailfish, the Liberty (right? or did Baltimore finish last?), the Second Line, and the Hahalua. I wrote media around week 13 that predicted the Hahalua would win their division, so it's funny to me that my more recent prediction was wrong and the preseason prediction I made when I barely knew the names of teams ended up being correct. Yellowknife's was so close, yet so far. Looking at other peoples' season predictions around the league, there was a lot of hype for Chicago to make the playoffs and maybe even win the division. They did one of the two, and going into next season they're looking even better, so while know-nothing Rev wasn't on the Chicago hype train, I think 2-month-in Rev is all aboard.
The ISFL Playoffs
The playoffs. The big dance. The great shabloo. The reason I'm writing this article. A lot of people won a whole lot of money thanks to the San Jose Sabercats upsetting the Colorado Yeti, but unfortunately, none of those people were me, so what was it all really for? Nothing. This section ends now.
Just kidding, congrats to the San Jose SaberCats for a HISTORIC ultimus victory. The league didn't believe in you guys, but you proved them wrong. A real david and goliath story. All you fanged kitties and fanged kitty fans should be proud. <3
Musings on Dallas and my lovely Birddog teammates When I joined the league, the Birddogs were one of the first teams to invite me into their locker room. While there, I was immediately exposed to things that have since become some of my favorite parts about Dallas. A twisted but never over-the-top sense of humor. Team captains and managers who are willing to explain the things that you need to know about this league to succeed. Who knew there were so many different options people put into their contracts? League veterans who started their careers with the Dallas Birddogs, but now play for ISFL teams all across America (and Yellowknife for what ever reason), can still be found in our locker room at all times of the day (thanks time zones!) They stick around because Dallas is a great environment that makes you feel welcome as soon as you're drafted, and continues to make you feel welcome long after.
TL;DR: bird dogs good. Dallas Birddogs even better.
This section just turned into a S24 draft re-grade. Here we go.
Round 1 Pick 6 - Raylan Crowder, Defensive End out of Arizona State - Asked Madden
The first of the feared Four Horsemen off of the board in the most recent DSFL draft! The Dallas Birddogs picked Crowder up with their first pick of the draft, and since then, he has done everything a first rounder should do. On the field he's been a menace, and off the field he's consistently been a chipper lad and a fierce leader in our locker room. I know I'm a little biased because I've played with the guy the past few months, but even if he weren't a top TPE earner in the entire class (which he is!), Asked Madden would still be an easy choice in the first round of the ISFL because of what he brings to the table. When you draft a true rookie in the DSFL draft, you hope they earn, and you hope they're an active presence on your team. Madden has gone above and beyond both of those tasks; he keeps others members of the team on top of their earning, and has been a real leader in our locker room. Grade: A
Round 2 Pick 6 - Guy Fields, Linebacker out of Northwestern - r0tzbua
I'm sure you've heard all of the rumors about how r0tzbua was a bust for the birddogs because he went inactive as soon as we drafted him and only came back to ride the "r0tzbua for 1oa" in the ISFL draft hype wave that Stego started. I'm here to put all those rumors to rest. You see, r0tz has actually been hanging with us in Dallas the whole time. That's right, no inactivity. I made it up for media money. Sue me. Enough jokes - r0tz is one of my favorite users in the ISFL and it's really not difficult to see why. Literally just have a conversation with the guy. Like many of my fellow rookies, r0tz only joined the ISFL ~2 months ago. He has already redesigned the branding of two ISFL teams - for those counting at home, that's one branding per month he's been in the league. Those are some pretty astronomical numbers. Dude has been here two months and his artwork is already on the website's homepage. In the locker room, he's hilarious, he answers my stupid questions, he teaches us things both related and unrelated to the ISFL, and I haven't even gotten to Finn yet. Some might say Finn is r0tzbua's greatest asset. Finn is adorable, and once he steps down from his role as President of the Universe, there's a real chance he'll throw his lil' dog hat into the running for ISFL commissioner/Supreme Overlord, whichever position opens up first.
Anyway, r0tz is cool. He gets an A too.
Round 3 Pick 1 - Lionel Rumper, Safety out of Wake Forest - Oneski/OneYoung
"Lionel Rumper. Downhill Thumper. Bedroom Pumper."
"You gotta hump with that rump to bring that thump"
Many people, by this point, know that Dallas used their third round pick in the most recent draft on a safety. What you probably don't know, is that Dallas used their third round pick in the most recent draft on a poet. And a horsemen. Specifically, one of the Four Horsemen. Rumper is a class act, hilarious, and an absolute monster on the field. Rumper is third in TPE amongst DSFL safeties, yet was fairly consistently slept on in media and mock drafts these past few weeks. Whichever ISFL team drafts Lionel Rumper, they will be getting an awesome guy in the locker room and on the field.
Fun Fact: Rumper is one of only 5 DSFL players to record a safety this past season. The man rhymes AND scores points. Grade: A
Round 5 Pick 2 - Sheed Thebaw, Defensive Tackle out of Wisconsin - nutsbarspadge
Another Horseman! This guy is awesome. Not the most talkative guy in the locker room (time zone differences certainly don't help,) but every time he speaks up it's either something hilarious, valuable insight on whatever the conversation topic was, or a picture of some beautiful ass Scottish landscape. Thebaw is sitting comfortably above 200 TPE, and will be a real asset to the defensive line and locker room of whichever team reels him in. Grade: A
Round 5 Pick 6 - Mark Callous, Wide Receiver out of Pepperdine - McCransky
The spicy dime from Pepperdine himself, McCransky is hilarious in the locker room and a terror to defensive backs on the field. Callous has made several game changing catches with the Birddogs and is sure to continue that streak in the near future. McCransky, along with r0tz, Asked Madden, and myself, is also a Prospect Bowl World Champion Brooklyn Atlantic #ToTheSea. As such, please give him the respeck he deserves. Grade: A
Round 6 Pick 6 - Richard Leaking, Linebacker out of Stanford - Rev
i think leaking is an pretty cool guy. eh sacks quartersbacks and doesnt afraid of anything
Pls draft me. Grade:
but also ARound 7 Pick 4 - Milk Mann, Safety out of Mizzou - Bkfootball
Not only does this guy have one of my favorite player names across all Birddogs, he also has arguably the best discord profile picture.
Milk Mann has been something of a lockdown guy on the field, and a trivia/jeopardy whiz in our locker room. Also he was among the top TPE earning users in the entire ISFL this season in terms of predictions. Maybe he's the one doing the sims? According to the TPE tracker, Milk Mann is tied in TPE with the next guy on this list! Grade: A
Round 7 Pick 6 - Bob Roberts, Safety out of Auburn - Zayn
The man, the myth, the legend. A gentleman in the sheets and a menace on twitter, Zayn is the "man behind the curtain" so to speak in the extended Dallas Birddogs-Wizard of Oz analogy that I just started. Zayn is an active member of our locker room, always quick with a joke or to light up your smoke, and luckily I don't think there's any other place in the DSFL he'd rather be. How many more obscure references will I make in this section? Stay tuned and find out. Zayn is an awesome dude who will hopefully be a staple of the Birddogs locker room for seasons to come. Zayn also gets bonus points for being my fellow birddog in the ISFL among us/party games server, even though he really seems to enjoy killing me. Grade: A
Round 12 Pick 6 - Cmon Skiuuup, Tight End out of Savannah State - AirCrou
#AC4Commish
How the hell did AC fall so far in this draft? I don't know what kind of skeletons DSFL general managers have found/think they have found in this dude's closet, but he has been awesome to have in our locker room. He's a veteran recreate amongst a class full of rookies, and it's really nice to be able to get his opinion on all things ISFL and un-ISFL. He's quick with a meme or with valuable advice - whichever you want in the moment. Grade: A
I'm gonna stop there because for the most part, I've never spoken to any of the guys drafted with our last five picks. However, the validity of this whole article could be compromised if I didn't mention DingusDiddler, whose player Lugolor Gulogor was drafted by the Birddogs in the 17th round. What an incredible player name, created by an incredibly named account. Seriously, say Lugolor Gulogor out loud. It's like butter. Since he's inactive, I am forced to put my biases aside, and thus Lugolor's draft grade will have to be bumped down to an A. Thanks for reading.
Oh, and yes. For those who came here for an answer to my compelling title: Birddog does indeed go tweet woof. Or as someone very eloquently put in the locker room the other day: bird dog goes bork squawk.
![[Image: Kamquat-Archipeligo-2.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/VkB141kz/Kamquat-Archipeligo-2.png)
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