07-26-2021, 12:47 PM
(This post was last modified: 07-28-2021, 06:05 AM by Asked Madden. Edited 1 time in total.)
#9 Chicago Butchers - Chopping Block in Chicago, IL (Butchers vs Philadelphia Liberty)
Introduction:
Fronk: THE ULTIMATE FAN EXPERIENCE -ence -ence is back to kick off Season 30. I’m ready to get this season started as this offseason has been particularly long.
IceBear: Here we gooooo! Coming back even bigger and better for S30. XXX, my favorite type of number, def in neon
I feel like this is setting you up perfectly to share your favorite number. So Fronk… in your opinion the funniest number is?
Fronk: 68 for sure.
IceBear: I’m sure everyone saw that coming.
Fronk: We have some good news! We found out this week that our Ultimus Bid submission for Paso Del Norte (Not El Paso) has been selected as the host city for Ultimus XXX. I’m excited and honored to be included in a milestone game for the ISFL.
IceBear: We will let the nice people call it whatever they wish. As long as it's still our bid.
After the bid win and starting where we did, I can tell this season is going to be a good one. I know we both have been wanting to do Chicago for awhile now. This has been a place we’ve both visited frequently, but I also know neither of us have been to a sporting event that even compares what we experienced at The Chopping Block.
Fronk: Not counting a World Series Game 5 and a VIP baseball trip, this is definitely the top of the list when it comes to Chicago games I’ve attended. And being only a 90 minute drive from my house, I’ve attended quite a few.
Icebear: Again, neither of us have attended a sporting event as big as this Butchers game and we are excited to share our experience. After that decade offseason, here is a reminder of what we will be going over.
Hotel / City / Commute / Local Bars
Tailgate Experience
Stadium Appearance / Seating / Views / Attractions
Field
Weather / Climate
Concessions
Conclusions and Game Results
Alright Fronk we have our categories. What do you think we should rate these out of?
Fronk:
We will rate this out of 1 to 10 Meat Cleavers
Hotel/City/Commute/Local Bars:
IceBear: Our new UFEee credit card came in the mail and we're gonna test this bad boy out! I’ve mentioned we both have visited Chicago frequently in our pre Ultimate Fan Experience Careers. So we knew we had to do something special for the trip. This was quite the debate. I wanted to do something extra for the Season Opener, and Fronk wanted something cool but didn’t want to splurge considering we both just had to pony up for season 30 equipment. So I left Fronk in charge of booking the place this time because “I was going to spend all our money week 1”. My only request was AirBnB vs a normal hotel rental.
This is one of the few stadiums that are within driving range of us. So no Southwest Airlines for us this time. ANOTHER great reason to get a nice place right? So Fronk offered to drive. I love being able to relax. This was a huge help on this trip because I was actually mid fantasy draft and figuring out how many TDs Cobra Kai is gonna have takes some time to analyze. Just FYI - It’s gonna be a lot!
Commute - Check. Now I’m not gonna spoil the big reveal from Fronk on where we ended up staying but I’ll publicly apologize for not trusting him in his AirBnB choices. This was by far the most unique experience and when I saw that it’s not like the Philly Airstream we stayed in. Fronk broke that new card in real good.
Night life was full of adventure. Since we were close enough to home and weren’t restricted to our quick weekend trip and stayed a few extra days to explore the city. We hoped to hit up a good concert while we were in town but it seemed that Taylor Swift was our only option for the time we were in town. Swift bad, so instead we went fowling. Enter the Jim Gaffigan bowling quotes. Fowling >>> What is Fowling you ask? Football and Bowling of course. Instead of rolling your ball down the alley trying to knock over the pins, you throw a football from across the lane to knock them down. Fronk and I ran the table all night. That was until the Liberty players started showing up for their team building activities. Once we saw these meat heads walk in we started talking a little crap. Well I was at least. I forgot to mention my favorite part about this place - it had a mystery beer vending machine. And if I got something I didn’t like I’d just chug it and try again. The real problem was when I did get something I did like, I really enjoyed it and chugged it as well. So I started getting a little lippy to the Liberty. So after a couple of victories over their OL they must have really wanted me put in my place so they sent over Negs and Jimi. But now here is the twist. Negs wasn’t really sure how the game worked and so he was just told it was a long game of catch. And him attempting these passes, he’d hit the pins rather than the receiver everytime. #sheeeesh. So I walked out of there with my tail between my legs. And Fronk walked away with what he thinks is gonna be the steal of his fantasy draft. That if his group can ever get their picks going.
Outside of my embarrassing loss to Liberty before the game, I had a great time. I think we had the advantage here as we are familiar with Chicago and knew exactly what we could do and where to go. Plus the amazing AirBnB experience is enough to give Chicago a high score here.
Rating: 9.5/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: Chicago, IL is as local as we are going to get for The Ultimate Fan Experience’s journey through the International Simulation Football League. I, myself, can leave work at the end of the day and get to a night game in time to have a few 312s by the start of the game. However, this is my maiden voyage to the Chopping Block for a Chicago Butcher’s game so IceBear and I thought we’d stay a while and get the full experience of Chi Town.
So driving in Chicago traffic sucks, but driving in Chicago traffic with IceBear really sucks. “IceBear, I need to get over 4 lanes of traffic to make this next exit. Am I okay to merge?” (No response) and then he starts laughing hysterically while I’m closing my eyes and weaving through traffic and yelling. He was better off doing what he did most of the ride to Chicago and playing on his phone like he was taking an Uber trip. I did subject him to my barrage of podcasts that I listen to, so I understand if he was bored.
I was put in charge of finding the AirBnb for the trip and decided to surprise IceBear. I knew that Scottie Pippen liked to have Chicago fans of all sports stay at his mansion and he is a Chicago Butcher’s season ticket holder, so as soon as I saw that Chicago was hosting the opening week of Season 30, I got online and booked a four day weekend trip to Scottie’s house.
The house was incredible and for the price of $92 a night, it beat any hotel stay we could have managed to find. We spent most of our four days at the mansion because the place had a giant pool with outdoor television and entertainment, a home theater, an arcade room stocked full of free cabinets and consoles, and an indoor sauna. And because IceBear and I are children at heart, we took full advantage of Scottie Pippen’s custom indoor basketball court. The stay was amazing, but it was kind of weird that IceBear and I couldn’t decide who got to sleep in Scottie’s bed so we both did. Just goes to show you that it does not matter the size of the AirBnb. It could be a mansion or it could be an Airstream camper, IceBear always winds up in my bed.
The city was as fun as always. I’ve been to the city a handful of times and I will probably never understand my way around the place. I usually stay out of trouble though, as long as I follow directions, don’t claim that their pizza is actually lasagna, and slap any hotdog that has ketchup on it out of IceBear’s hands. In the spirit of our football trip, we got warmed up with some games of fowling and then hit up some breweries throughout the city. We have some friends who live in The Windy City so we were pointed in the direction of all the best food to eat and bars to party at.
Here’s what keeps the city from getting a perfect score. The damn elevators. On our way to a rooftop bar somewhere near Lake Shore Drive, we got into the elevator on the first floor and instead of going up, our elevator car went down about six inches and got stuck. We (about five of us and another stranger) were trapped inside a pretty small elevator for about 45 mins. IceBear and I were fine, but things got intense as several members from our party ended up having a full on panic attack. Let’s just say they shared some words with the building manager and repair men.
Rating: 8.8/10 Meat Cleavers
Tailgating Experience:
IceBear: The easiest way to explain our tailgate experience here is traditional with a side of crazy. Chicago fans are all about their teams and are willing to fight anyone who disrespects their teams. Luckily we were warned about the Philly’s colors if we didn’t want to go home with some shiners.
So growing up one of my favorite activities was going down to our park with a group of guys and playing some 2 hand touch football. Back in the day I was a pretty good TE and was a force to be reckoned with. So when Fronk and I saw a group of guys in the grassy area just off the parking lot picking teams school yard style. I begged him to go over there and join me. Little did I forget Fronk has a nice little streak going with closing all 3 of his activity tracker rings while I have decided “I was just built this way, no need to fight it.” So instead of thinking I was gonna get there and pound some beers, here we are doing sprints up and down the field. We luckily ended up on opposite sides and could guard each other. Unfortunately, it was time for Fronk to get back at him for making him play.
So after a couple slants by Fronk, he could see my soul dying. Unable to catch my breath, (It’s only been like 3 plays by the way) I could tell what was about to happen, but nothing I could do to stop the inevitable. The little nod from Fronk to the overweight QB confirmed my pride was about to come crashing down real quick. With the snap Fronk took off in a dead sprint to the endzone. Even with my head start from knowing what was coming I couldn’t hang. It keeps getting worse…. I thought I could muster up enough energy to get to a ball being thrown short. Did I mention this QB looked like a giant hamster? No way he was going to make it all the way to Fronk and be able to time it up with the route. But with my last push of energy I actually lost my footing and began my stumble to the ground (see Daniel Jones ALMOST TD run for a clear visual). Okay so I’m on my way down, Fronk is wide open for the TD. He is out there looking like Lucas Scabbia in the endzone. Only last thing I need to note about this is as I hit the grown my shorts caught the ground just right that they ended up at my knees. So not only do I have to get up after all this embarrassment, I now have to pull up my pants and try and hide the MeUndies dog paw prints theme. Believe it or not Fronk was fine leaving on that note and I was on the search for a beer, and enough beer to get me through all the reminders of that play from Fronk.
We didn’t have to go far to find a very inviting group. Even us showing up empty handed they were more than willing to provide us beer and food. It must have been the bright red face I still had from the game 20 minutes earlier. Ice cold beer and some of the best brats I’ve ever had before. This group was led by a Mr. Jiggly, who knew everything there was to know about the Butchers and their history. He explained how Chicago, for the longest time, was known as “Meat Butcher to the world.” All the train lines from the midwest cattle ranches lead right to Chicago where “it” would happen. He also explained that the interesting ride was in a neighborhood nicknamed “The back of Yards” because it’s where the union stockyards lived.
On top of knowing everything Chicago, this group knew every piece of history of their beloved Butchers. The story I want to point out the most is this group's love for a mister Franky LaFeur. After the team committed to going full rebuild mode in season 22 they had traded away their aging QB Rose Jenkins at the trade deadline. This left a whole at QB, but with the rebuild in front of mind, they signed Franky. Franky was a 50 TPE inactive QB. Frankly would go on and start 5 games for the Butchers in that season putting up an incredible 10 INTs with zero TDS, and a 30.1 QBR. After a difficult half season management had to make a tough decision as Franky was the heart of this team. After deliberating they found the perfect job for Franky. He would retire from QB and take over as the Butcher’s Endzone painter. To this day Franky remains the endzone painter.
Rating: 3/10 Meat Cleavers (But this is my fault - we must revisit to give a better rating)
Fronk: With the ISFL season back in action, tailgating season has also begun in full swing. In the offseason, I missed the excuse to eat a bunch of food and drink outside next to some lifted truck. Luckily Chicago has a traditional tailgating experience. This was a sea of people standing around in a parking lot playing games, drinking, grilling, and starting fights. IceBear and I finally got to actually join in on the fun and we parked my Volkswagen Passat in the parking lot near all the commotion.
Almost immediately IceBear found a pick-up game of touch football and they split us up onto two different teams. He really wanted to get in on the action and elected to guard me. This was ideal as both of us were out of shape and barely walking. There was one play though near the end that we got some quality highlights from. Unfortunately for IceBear, he lost his dignity along with his shorts and I came out victorious for my team.
After the MeUndies reappearance in the Ultimate Fan Experience, IceBear had to go take it easy somewhere and find some beer. I decided to split up and do a lap around the parking lot to see what else was going on. That’s when I discovered the great game of Beer Die. Now I have heard of Beer Pong (obviously), Beer Ball, and countless other table games involving some form of drinking, teams, and a table, but this is the first time I’ve experienced Beer Die.
Beer Die is set up with two teams on each end of the table. Each player has a beer glass in front of them on the corners. A player must chuck a normal die you’d find in a game of yahtzee! up in the air at least 10 feet over the table. The goal is for that die to bounce at least once off of the table and hit the ground for 1 point. The defending team must catch the die with only one hand before it hits the ground to prevent the point. If the die goes in either cup, it’s worth 3 points. There are more elaborate rules, but I caught on quickly. I played with this one guy who I am positive was not of legal drinking age. We ran the tables though and ended up drinking quite a bit until he had to leave. I tried to warn him not to ride his bike home because he was too drunk but he insisted. About 300 feet later, the tailgate crowd watched that kid flip over his handlebars and smash face first into the ground. His teeth were all smashed and bloody, but he seemed too drunk to really feel anything. Good thing he had that helmet on.
Rating: 7.4/10 Meat Cleavers
Stadium Appearance / Seating / Views / Attractions:
IceBear: Now most of the stadiums we have visited make an effort to make sure their stadium is a highlight of the city and something you can see for miles and miles. Not Chicago, they are about that efficiency. Don’t get me wrong, that stadium is absolutely beautiful, but the setting is something we have never seen before. Honestly, the setting has created such a unique experience in itself.
As you pull into this part of town it seems like you are in a very run down section of abandoned warehouses. Junk cars piled outside out of commissioned garages. A place that you would be yelling for your favorite movie star not to go in there in a classic horror film. But here we are, turn by turn we are met with more and more abandonment. Until Boom! You turn a corner and there it is a beautiful stadium that lines the River.
With our splurge on the AirBnB we decided to be a bit more humble with our game tickets. We did end up about half way up right at the 50 yard lines. So still some great seats and this was a great atmosphere to be right in the middle of things. The rowdiness continued inside and filled the stadium with energy.
As a defensive focused guy one of my favorite things was watching the triple threat trio at LB. Chianbreaker, Domine and Gleel. Some great football plays by this trio but the part that really caught my eyes was their signature celebration, “The Chop”. In one form or another this group would celebrate a big play with their own twist of a butcher chop. By the end of the game this was adopted by the fans as well and while the “d-fence” chant went throughout the stadium, the fans would all tomahawk chop their hands. This butcher chop is something that will be feared by quarterbacks all season.
The one knock I will have on the stadium and the atmosphere is that when we first arrived it seemed like all the players were warming up to Taylor Swift, I thought we had avoided her by getting out of that concert. The T Swift lifestyle doesn’t fit in with the chest pounding maniacs that fill the stands.
Outside the music selection, the energy was there and made for a cool experience.
Rating: 8/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: Driving around the southern side of Chicago trying to find the location of the stadium and parking lot was a bit difficult. To be honest, IceBear and I had to double check a few directions on the Maps app to make sure that there was actually a stadium built within all this abandonment. But we eventually found the diamond in the rough and the area around the stadium was actually pretty decent. The stadium did wonders for the community and quality housing developments and restaurants popped up around the area.
The exterior of the Chopping Block was very unique. Mostly all warn-red brick exterior with windows and stoops to make the stadium look like a Chicago urban neighborhood. Near the entrance, the ground floor of the stadium housed store fronts and butcher shops that locals could go into and have the experience of the city right on the stadium walls.
Once you got inside the stadium, the concourse looked like the interior of one of these shops. Red and white polished tile floors, luminescent lights above, and people everywhere. All the team apparel stores, the food vendors, and information centers had the same look to them with deli-like counters and glass display cabinets for people to choose what they wanted. All the stadium employees had the same attire: A red polo, black pants, and a black butcher apron with the team logo right in the middle. In our tours for Ultimate Fan Experience, this is the coolest employee uniform I’ve seen an ISFL organization have.
During the game my favorite part about the stadium is the giant butcher’s knife that chops down behind the north endzone when the Butcher’s score. A bunch of smoke lifts into the air and it’s quite the spectacle. The other stadium excitement during the game is typically something you’d only see in the PBE. There’s a mascot race between a cow, a chicken, a lamb, a deer, a duck, and a rabbit. Whatever animal loses, a random section of the stadium gets a sample size of jerky of that type.
This stadium and it’s features were very unique and gave quite the Chicago experience. I would definitely be returning for more games in the future.
Rating: 9.1/10 Meat Cleavers
Field:
IceBear: A non traditional field here. I’m very back and forth on a non green field. If done well I love it but those bad ones are extra bad. This one? - I dig the color combo but outside of that I’m not the biggest fan. I think they have a pretty sweet logo and they display that right in the middle of the field as they should. You also see this logo in all four corners of the endzone. For me part of the logo gets lost in the endzone color making it slightly hard to see. I do love the name of the field - “Meatgrinder Field”, I feel like some badass shirts could be made from this and sold at one of those creepy turns to get to the stadium. I would also love to see some sort of horror themed field with blood splatter everywhere. Also some blood dripping font would be sweet.
Overall field is good but nothing special in my opinion. Cool colors, sweet logo, but don’t do much with it. Whatever you do, don’t get rid of Franky!
Rating: 6.3/10 Cleavers
Fronk: Let’s talk about this field. So as all the Ultimate Fan Experience -ence -ence fans know, I am one that favors the green turf over any of the crazy colors that you’d see at a place like Boise State would have. I think the colors can be too gimmicky and the ball/players are difficult to see. I am here to say that I am going against my ideals and compliment the Chicago Butchers on their charcoal field. I think the colors of red and charcoal work in this instance and do not distract from the viewer's experience. ALSO that logo is straight fire. I believe this is ISFL S tier logo. Plus that nickname is so good.
This is probably where my compliments of the field end. I think all logos and text are too small for my liking. Fields around the league have taken advantage of the full canvas of the field and increased their logos in the endzones and midfield. I do not think the Chicago Butcher’s have taken advantage of the possible size of the midfield logo, the endzone text, or the endzone logos.
Rating: 5/10 Meat Cleavers
Weather/Climate:
IceBear: (WIN)dy city! We chose a good time of year to visit and got very lucky with the heat. It was a nice cool summer day but I think it only felt this way because of the wind. Outside of the wind this was just your normal midwest weather. This is a location I will refuse to visit in the winter. Though maybe some snow would have made for a nicer landing for my tailgate football fall.
Rating: 7.9 /10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: This is local weather for IceBear and I, so nothing too special to say about this. The weather is hot and humid during the mid summer months and ice cold during the summer months. And any time in between is a toss up. If you don’t like the weather in this area during the middle seasons, just wait about an hour or so and it will change. IceBear and I lucked out and had a not-too-hot of a day in July.
Rating: 6.8/10 Meat Cleavers
Concessions:
IceBear: Okay most of the time we go right into the food here but I want to note a crazy experience I had with a very unique setup from Chicago. Instead of your typical cashiers at the concessions, each is managed by a mee6 bot. Now I get the business side of things for this but execution just wasn’t there. This Mee6 bot was just all over the place and would just start screaming “CC the Tyrant” over and over. All I wanted was an ice cold beer and a footlong hot dog. But this bot just kept screaming. Finally the human manager came over and explained how this bot doesn't know its days for crap and that this CC it keeps yelling about keeps “fixing it” and it just keeps getting worse and worse. After apologies and a voucher for a free kiddie ice cream, we were just suggested to go to the upper level where all concession operators were human and should be able to help me.
So we did just that and I was now able to dip my dog into some ice cream. So I’ll take the slight inconvenience for that sort of “upgrade”.
I hope someone is able to get these bots taken care of as the season goes on. I think the only thing that could have made the bot experience any worse would be if it started shooting out @Painted jokes.
Rating: 6.8/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: When people ask what my favorite snack is, I reply with one thing: Meats. I am a sucker for a nice charcuterie spread. I blame this as being a part of a generation of kids that was raised on Lunchables. So almost every food vendor and stand in the stadium sells some sort of snack meats and I just had to try everything I could find.
I started out with some spicy italian meats and cheeses in a nice Chicago Butchers plastic football helmet. The spread included capicolo, toscano salami, prosciutto, and many others. This had a few traditional sauces, but my favorite to use was the Wasrabi Gleel secret sauce. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what exactly it was, but it was *chef’s kiss*.
My other favorite part about the food in the Chopping Block was the stadium vendor’s choice selection of hotdogs. There were about fifteen different types of hotdogs you could choose from and they all came Chicago style with all the fixins. I got myself a venison dog and it was so delicious.
My only qualms about the stadium food here is the price. Everything was super expensive. This is probably expected being such quality meats, but there weren’t very many low priced options. If I was a student attending the game, I could not afford to eat anything there.
Rating: 7.2/10 Meat Cleavers
Conclusions and Game Results:
IceBear: Season opener! With both of these teams mid to low tear in the previous season, they both would be battling for some early season momentum. Both teams got a 1st quarter TD, and just before half Chicago kicked a 47 yard to go up 10-7 at half. From there Chicago never looked back. With a 3rd quarter TD and another early in the 4th Chicago held a 24-7 lead. Philly would tack on one more TD to make a final score of 24-14. Chicago opens the season with the dub! Most important stat of the day to note is Negs was intercepted by former Duck teammate, rookie, Tim Soulja.
Close enough game to stay interesting for the most part. Great to see some former teammates on the field. The season opener atmosphere helped a game that is just too early to know if it’ll have importance down the road.
Overall Rating: 7/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: Our trip to the Chopping Block was a perfect destination for opening week in the ISFL. We had a great time staying at Scottie Pippen’s house and the city was as exciting as always.
The game itself was entertaining. The competition was pretty even with both Philly and Chicago trending upward on their respective bell curves. Especially with the Butchers, who seemed to have been bent over by the simulation gods in the past few years. Chicago claps back though and defeats Liberty to start Season XXX with a W.
IceBear and I had a great time only a few hours away from home. We hope to continue this privilege of getting to know teams and cities and most importantly give people THE ULTIMATE FAN EXPERIENCE -ence -ence.
Overall Rating: 7.4/10 Meat Cleavers
Introduction:
Fronk: THE ULTIMATE FAN EXPERIENCE -ence -ence is back to kick off Season 30. I’m ready to get this season started as this offseason has been particularly long.
IceBear: Here we gooooo! Coming back even bigger and better for S30. XXX, my favorite type of number, def in neon
I feel like this is setting you up perfectly to share your favorite number. So Fronk… in your opinion the funniest number is? Fronk: 68 for sure.
IceBear: I’m sure everyone saw that coming.
Fronk: We have some good news! We found out this week that our Ultimus Bid submission for Paso Del Norte (Not El Paso) has been selected as the host city for Ultimus XXX. I’m excited and honored to be included in a milestone game for the ISFL.
IceBear: We will let the nice people call it whatever they wish. As long as it's still our bid.
After the bid win and starting where we did, I can tell this season is going to be a good one. I know we both have been wanting to do Chicago for awhile now. This has been a place we’ve both visited frequently, but I also know neither of us have been to a sporting event that even compares what we experienced at The Chopping Block.
Fronk: Not counting a World Series Game 5 and a VIP baseball trip, this is definitely the top of the list when it comes to Chicago games I’ve attended. And being only a 90 minute drive from my house, I’ve attended quite a few.
Icebear: Again, neither of us have attended a sporting event as big as this Butchers game and we are excited to share our experience. After that decade offseason, here is a reminder of what we will be going over.
Hotel / City / Commute / Local Bars
Tailgate Experience
Stadium Appearance / Seating / Views / Attractions
Field
Weather / Climate
Concessions
Conclusions and Game Results
Alright Fronk we have our categories. What do you think we should rate these out of?
Fronk:
We will rate this out of 1 to 10 Meat Cleavers
Hotel/City/Commute/Local Bars:
IceBear: Our new UFEee credit card came in the mail and we're gonna test this bad boy out! I’ve mentioned we both have visited Chicago frequently in our pre Ultimate Fan Experience Careers. So we knew we had to do something special for the trip. This was quite the debate. I wanted to do something extra for the Season Opener, and Fronk wanted something cool but didn’t want to splurge considering we both just had to pony up for season 30 equipment. So I left Fronk in charge of booking the place this time because “I was going to spend all our money week 1”. My only request was AirBnB vs a normal hotel rental.
This is one of the few stadiums that are within driving range of us. So no Southwest Airlines for us this time. ANOTHER great reason to get a nice place right? So Fronk offered to drive. I love being able to relax. This was a huge help on this trip because I was actually mid fantasy draft and figuring out how many TDs Cobra Kai is gonna have takes some time to analyze. Just FYI - It’s gonna be a lot!
Commute - Check. Now I’m not gonna spoil the big reveal from Fronk on where we ended up staying but I’ll publicly apologize for not trusting him in his AirBnB choices. This was by far the most unique experience and when I saw that it’s not like the Philly Airstream we stayed in. Fronk broke that new card in real good.
Night life was full of adventure. Since we were close enough to home and weren’t restricted to our quick weekend trip and stayed a few extra days to explore the city. We hoped to hit up a good concert while we were in town but it seemed that Taylor Swift was our only option for the time we were in town. Swift bad, so instead we went fowling. Enter the Jim Gaffigan bowling quotes. Fowling >>> What is Fowling you ask? Football and Bowling of course. Instead of rolling your ball down the alley trying to knock over the pins, you throw a football from across the lane to knock them down. Fronk and I ran the table all night. That was until the Liberty players started showing up for their team building activities. Once we saw these meat heads walk in we started talking a little crap. Well I was at least. I forgot to mention my favorite part about this place - it had a mystery beer vending machine. And if I got something I didn’t like I’d just chug it and try again. The real problem was when I did get something I did like, I really enjoyed it and chugged it as well. So I started getting a little lippy to the Liberty. So after a couple of victories over their OL they must have really wanted me put in my place so they sent over Negs and Jimi. But now here is the twist. Negs wasn’t really sure how the game worked and so he was just told it was a long game of catch. And him attempting these passes, he’d hit the pins rather than the receiver everytime. #sheeeesh. So I walked out of there with my tail between my legs. And Fronk walked away with what he thinks is gonna be the steal of his fantasy draft. That if his group can ever get their picks going.
Outside of my embarrassing loss to Liberty before the game, I had a great time. I think we had the advantage here as we are familiar with Chicago and knew exactly what we could do and where to go. Plus the amazing AirBnB experience is enough to give Chicago a high score here.
Rating: 9.5/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: Chicago, IL is as local as we are going to get for The Ultimate Fan Experience’s journey through the International Simulation Football League. I, myself, can leave work at the end of the day and get to a night game in time to have a few 312s by the start of the game. However, this is my maiden voyage to the Chopping Block for a Chicago Butcher’s game so IceBear and I thought we’d stay a while and get the full experience of Chi Town.
So driving in Chicago traffic sucks, but driving in Chicago traffic with IceBear really sucks. “IceBear, I need to get over 4 lanes of traffic to make this next exit. Am I okay to merge?” (No response) and then he starts laughing hysterically while I’m closing my eyes and weaving through traffic and yelling. He was better off doing what he did most of the ride to Chicago and playing on his phone like he was taking an Uber trip. I did subject him to my barrage of podcasts that I listen to, so I understand if he was bored.
I was put in charge of finding the AirBnb for the trip and decided to surprise IceBear. I knew that Scottie Pippen liked to have Chicago fans of all sports stay at his mansion and he is a Chicago Butcher’s season ticket holder, so as soon as I saw that Chicago was hosting the opening week of Season 30, I got online and booked a four day weekend trip to Scottie’s house.
The house was incredible and for the price of $92 a night, it beat any hotel stay we could have managed to find. We spent most of our four days at the mansion because the place had a giant pool with outdoor television and entertainment, a home theater, an arcade room stocked full of free cabinets and consoles, and an indoor sauna. And because IceBear and I are children at heart, we took full advantage of Scottie Pippen’s custom indoor basketball court. The stay was amazing, but it was kind of weird that IceBear and I couldn’t decide who got to sleep in Scottie’s bed so we both did. Just goes to show you that it does not matter the size of the AirBnb. It could be a mansion or it could be an Airstream camper, IceBear always winds up in my bed.
The city was as fun as always. I’ve been to the city a handful of times and I will probably never understand my way around the place. I usually stay out of trouble though, as long as I follow directions, don’t claim that their pizza is actually lasagna, and slap any hotdog that has ketchup on it out of IceBear’s hands. In the spirit of our football trip, we got warmed up with some games of fowling and then hit up some breweries throughout the city. We have some friends who live in The Windy City so we were pointed in the direction of all the best food to eat and bars to party at.
Here’s what keeps the city from getting a perfect score. The damn elevators. On our way to a rooftop bar somewhere near Lake Shore Drive, we got into the elevator on the first floor and instead of going up, our elevator car went down about six inches and got stuck. We (about five of us and another stranger) were trapped inside a pretty small elevator for about 45 mins. IceBear and I were fine, but things got intense as several members from our party ended up having a full on panic attack. Let’s just say they shared some words with the building manager and repair men.
Rating: 8.8/10 Meat Cleavers
Tailgating Experience:
IceBear: The easiest way to explain our tailgate experience here is traditional with a side of crazy. Chicago fans are all about their teams and are willing to fight anyone who disrespects their teams. Luckily we were warned about the Philly’s colors if we didn’t want to go home with some shiners.
So growing up one of my favorite activities was going down to our park with a group of guys and playing some 2 hand touch football. Back in the day I was a pretty good TE and was a force to be reckoned with. So when Fronk and I saw a group of guys in the grassy area just off the parking lot picking teams school yard style. I begged him to go over there and join me. Little did I forget Fronk has a nice little streak going with closing all 3 of his activity tracker rings while I have decided “I was just built this way, no need to fight it.” So instead of thinking I was gonna get there and pound some beers, here we are doing sprints up and down the field. We luckily ended up on opposite sides and could guard each other. Unfortunately, it was time for Fronk to get back at him for making him play.
So after a couple slants by Fronk, he could see my soul dying. Unable to catch my breath, (It’s only been like 3 plays by the way) I could tell what was about to happen, but nothing I could do to stop the inevitable. The little nod from Fronk to the overweight QB confirmed my pride was about to come crashing down real quick. With the snap Fronk took off in a dead sprint to the endzone. Even with my head start from knowing what was coming I couldn’t hang. It keeps getting worse…. I thought I could muster up enough energy to get to a ball being thrown short. Did I mention this QB looked like a giant hamster? No way he was going to make it all the way to Fronk and be able to time it up with the route. But with my last push of energy I actually lost my footing and began my stumble to the ground (see Daniel Jones ALMOST TD run for a clear visual). Okay so I’m on my way down, Fronk is wide open for the TD. He is out there looking like Lucas Scabbia in the endzone. Only last thing I need to note about this is as I hit the grown my shorts caught the ground just right that they ended up at my knees. So not only do I have to get up after all this embarrassment, I now have to pull up my pants and try and hide the MeUndies dog paw prints theme. Believe it or not Fronk was fine leaving on that note and I was on the search for a beer, and enough beer to get me through all the reminders of that play from Fronk.
We didn’t have to go far to find a very inviting group. Even us showing up empty handed they were more than willing to provide us beer and food. It must have been the bright red face I still had from the game 20 minutes earlier. Ice cold beer and some of the best brats I’ve ever had before. This group was led by a Mr. Jiggly, who knew everything there was to know about the Butchers and their history. He explained how Chicago, for the longest time, was known as “Meat Butcher to the world.” All the train lines from the midwest cattle ranches lead right to Chicago where “it” would happen. He also explained that the interesting ride was in a neighborhood nicknamed “The back of Yards” because it’s where the union stockyards lived.
On top of knowing everything Chicago, this group knew every piece of history of their beloved Butchers. The story I want to point out the most is this group's love for a mister Franky LaFeur. After the team committed to going full rebuild mode in season 22 they had traded away their aging QB Rose Jenkins at the trade deadline. This left a whole at QB, but with the rebuild in front of mind, they signed Franky. Franky was a 50 TPE inactive QB. Frankly would go on and start 5 games for the Butchers in that season putting up an incredible 10 INTs with zero TDS, and a 30.1 QBR. After a difficult half season management had to make a tough decision as Franky was the heart of this team. After deliberating they found the perfect job for Franky. He would retire from QB and take over as the Butcher’s Endzone painter. To this day Franky remains the endzone painter.
Rating: 3/10 Meat Cleavers (But this is my fault - we must revisit to give a better rating)
Fronk: With the ISFL season back in action, tailgating season has also begun in full swing. In the offseason, I missed the excuse to eat a bunch of food and drink outside next to some lifted truck. Luckily Chicago has a traditional tailgating experience. This was a sea of people standing around in a parking lot playing games, drinking, grilling, and starting fights. IceBear and I finally got to actually join in on the fun and we parked my Volkswagen Passat in the parking lot near all the commotion.
Almost immediately IceBear found a pick-up game of touch football and they split us up onto two different teams. He really wanted to get in on the action and elected to guard me. This was ideal as both of us were out of shape and barely walking. There was one play though near the end that we got some quality highlights from. Unfortunately for IceBear, he lost his dignity along with his shorts and I came out victorious for my team.
After the MeUndies reappearance in the Ultimate Fan Experience, IceBear had to go take it easy somewhere and find some beer. I decided to split up and do a lap around the parking lot to see what else was going on. That’s when I discovered the great game of Beer Die. Now I have heard of Beer Pong (obviously), Beer Ball, and countless other table games involving some form of drinking, teams, and a table, but this is the first time I’ve experienced Beer Die.
Beer Die is set up with two teams on each end of the table. Each player has a beer glass in front of them on the corners. A player must chuck a normal die you’d find in a game of yahtzee! up in the air at least 10 feet over the table. The goal is for that die to bounce at least once off of the table and hit the ground for 1 point. The defending team must catch the die with only one hand before it hits the ground to prevent the point. If the die goes in either cup, it’s worth 3 points. There are more elaborate rules, but I caught on quickly. I played with this one guy who I am positive was not of legal drinking age. We ran the tables though and ended up drinking quite a bit until he had to leave. I tried to warn him not to ride his bike home because he was too drunk but he insisted. About 300 feet later, the tailgate crowd watched that kid flip over his handlebars and smash face first into the ground. His teeth were all smashed and bloody, but he seemed too drunk to really feel anything. Good thing he had that helmet on.
Rating: 7.4/10 Meat Cleavers
Stadium Appearance / Seating / Views / Attractions:
IceBear: Now most of the stadiums we have visited make an effort to make sure their stadium is a highlight of the city and something you can see for miles and miles. Not Chicago, they are about that efficiency. Don’t get me wrong, that stadium is absolutely beautiful, but the setting is something we have never seen before. Honestly, the setting has created such a unique experience in itself.
As you pull into this part of town it seems like you are in a very run down section of abandoned warehouses. Junk cars piled outside out of commissioned garages. A place that you would be yelling for your favorite movie star not to go in there in a classic horror film. But here we are, turn by turn we are met with more and more abandonment. Until Boom! You turn a corner and there it is a beautiful stadium that lines the River.
With our splurge on the AirBnB we decided to be a bit more humble with our game tickets. We did end up about half way up right at the 50 yard lines. So still some great seats and this was a great atmosphere to be right in the middle of things. The rowdiness continued inside and filled the stadium with energy.
As a defensive focused guy one of my favorite things was watching the triple threat trio at LB. Chianbreaker, Domine and Gleel. Some great football plays by this trio but the part that really caught my eyes was their signature celebration, “The Chop”. In one form or another this group would celebrate a big play with their own twist of a butcher chop. By the end of the game this was adopted by the fans as well and while the “d-fence” chant went throughout the stadium, the fans would all tomahawk chop their hands. This butcher chop is something that will be feared by quarterbacks all season.
The one knock I will have on the stadium and the atmosphere is that when we first arrived it seemed like all the players were warming up to Taylor Swift, I thought we had avoided her by getting out of that concert. The T Swift lifestyle doesn’t fit in with the chest pounding maniacs that fill the stands.
Outside the music selection, the energy was there and made for a cool experience.
Rating: 8/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: Driving around the southern side of Chicago trying to find the location of the stadium and parking lot was a bit difficult. To be honest, IceBear and I had to double check a few directions on the Maps app to make sure that there was actually a stadium built within all this abandonment. But we eventually found the diamond in the rough and the area around the stadium was actually pretty decent. The stadium did wonders for the community and quality housing developments and restaurants popped up around the area.
The exterior of the Chopping Block was very unique. Mostly all warn-red brick exterior with windows and stoops to make the stadium look like a Chicago urban neighborhood. Near the entrance, the ground floor of the stadium housed store fronts and butcher shops that locals could go into and have the experience of the city right on the stadium walls.
Once you got inside the stadium, the concourse looked like the interior of one of these shops. Red and white polished tile floors, luminescent lights above, and people everywhere. All the team apparel stores, the food vendors, and information centers had the same look to them with deli-like counters and glass display cabinets for people to choose what they wanted. All the stadium employees had the same attire: A red polo, black pants, and a black butcher apron with the team logo right in the middle. In our tours for Ultimate Fan Experience, this is the coolest employee uniform I’ve seen an ISFL organization have.
During the game my favorite part about the stadium is the giant butcher’s knife that chops down behind the north endzone when the Butcher’s score. A bunch of smoke lifts into the air and it’s quite the spectacle. The other stadium excitement during the game is typically something you’d only see in the PBE. There’s a mascot race between a cow, a chicken, a lamb, a deer, a duck, and a rabbit. Whatever animal loses, a random section of the stadium gets a sample size of jerky of that type.
This stadium and it’s features were very unique and gave quite the Chicago experience. I would definitely be returning for more games in the future.
Rating: 9.1/10 Meat Cleavers
Field:
IceBear: A non traditional field here. I’m very back and forth on a non green field. If done well I love it but those bad ones are extra bad. This one? - I dig the color combo but outside of that I’m not the biggest fan. I think they have a pretty sweet logo and they display that right in the middle of the field as they should. You also see this logo in all four corners of the endzone. For me part of the logo gets lost in the endzone color making it slightly hard to see. I do love the name of the field - “Meatgrinder Field”, I feel like some badass shirts could be made from this and sold at one of those creepy turns to get to the stadium. I would also love to see some sort of horror themed field with blood splatter everywhere. Also some blood dripping font would be sweet.
Overall field is good but nothing special in my opinion. Cool colors, sweet logo, but don’t do much with it. Whatever you do, don’t get rid of Franky!
Rating: 6.3/10 Cleavers
Fronk: Let’s talk about this field. So as all the Ultimate Fan Experience -ence -ence fans know, I am one that favors the green turf over any of the crazy colors that you’d see at a place like Boise State would have. I think the colors can be too gimmicky and the ball/players are difficult to see. I am here to say that I am going against my ideals and compliment the Chicago Butchers on their charcoal field. I think the colors of red and charcoal work in this instance and do not distract from the viewer's experience. ALSO that logo is straight fire. I believe this is ISFL S tier logo. Plus that nickname is so good.
This is probably where my compliments of the field end. I think all logos and text are too small for my liking. Fields around the league have taken advantage of the full canvas of the field and increased their logos in the endzones and midfield. I do not think the Chicago Butcher’s have taken advantage of the possible size of the midfield logo, the endzone text, or the endzone logos.
Rating: 5/10 Meat Cleavers
Weather/Climate:
IceBear: (WIN)dy city! We chose a good time of year to visit and got very lucky with the heat. It was a nice cool summer day but I think it only felt this way because of the wind. Outside of the wind this was just your normal midwest weather. This is a location I will refuse to visit in the winter. Though maybe some snow would have made for a nicer landing for my tailgate football fall.
Rating: 7.9 /10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: This is local weather for IceBear and I, so nothing too special to say about this. The weather is hot and humid during the mid summer months and ice cold during the summer months. And any time in between is a toss up. If you don’t like the weather in this area during the middle seasons, just wait about an hour or so and it will change. IceBear and I lucked out and had a not-too-hot of a day in July.
Rating: 6.8/10 Meat Cleavers
Concessions:
IceBear: Okay most of the time we go right into the food here but I want to note a crazy experience I had with a very unique setup from Chicago. Instead of your typical cashiers at the concessions, each is managed by a mee6 bot. Now I get the business side of things for this but execution just wasn’t there. This Mee6 bot was just all over the place and would just start screaming “CC the Tyrant” over and over. All I wanted was an ice cold beer and a footlong hot dog. But this bot just kept screaming. Finally the human manager came over and explained how this bot doesn't know its days for crap and that this CC it keeps yelling about keeps “fixing it” and it just keeps getting worse and worse. After apologies and a voucher for a free kiddie ice cream, we were just suggested to go to the upper level where all concession operators were human and should be able to help me.
So we did just that and I was now able to dip my dog into some ice cream. So I’ll take the slight inconvenience for that sort of “upgrade”.
I hope someone is able to get these bots taken care of as the season goes on. I think the only thing that could have made the bot experience any worse would be if it started shooting out @Painted jokes.
Rating: 6.8/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: When people ask what my favorite snack is, I reply with one thing: Meats. I am a sucker for a nice charcuterie spread. I blame this as being a part of a generation of kids that was raised on Lunchables. So almost every food vendor and stand in the stadium sells some sort of snack meats and I just had to try everything I could find.
I started out with some spicy italian meats and cheeses in a nice Chicago Butchers plastic football helmet. The spread included capicolo, toscano salami, prosciutto, and many others. This had a few traditional sauces, but my favorite to use was the Wasrabi Gleel secret sauce. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what exactly it was, but it was *chef’s kiss*.
My other favorite part about the food in the Chopping Block was the stadium vendor’s choice selection of hotdogs. There were about fifteen different types of hotdogs you could choose from and they all came Chicago style with all the fixins. I got myself a venison dog and it was so delicious.
My only qualms about the stadium food here is the price. Everything was super expensive. This is probably expected being such quality meats, but there weren’t very many low priced options. If I was a student attending the game, I could not afford to eat anything there.
Rating: 7.2/10 Meat Cleavers
Conclusions and Game Results:
IceBear: Season opener! With both of these teams mid to low tear in the previous season, they both would be battling for some early season momentum. Both teams got a 1st quarter TD, and just before half Chicago kicked a 47 yard to go up 10-7 at half. From there Chicago never looked back. With a 3rd quarter TD and another early in the 4th Chicago held a 24-7 lead. Philly would tack on one more TD to make a final score of 24-14. Chicago opens the season with the dub! Most important stat of the day to note is Negs was intercepted by former Duck teammate, rookie, Tim Soulja.
Close enough game to stay interesting for the most part. Great to see some former teammates on the field. The season opener atmosphere helped a game that is just too early to know if it’ll have importance down the road.
Overall Rating: 7/10 Meat Cleavers
Fronk: Our trip to the Chopping Block was a perfect destination for opening week in the ISFL. We had a great time staying at Scottie Pippen’s house and the city was as exciting as always.
The game itself was entertaining. The competition was pretty even with both Philly and Chicago trending upward on their respective bell curves. Especially with the Butchers, who seemed to have been bent over by the simulation gods in the past few years. Chicago claps back though and defeats Liberty to start Season XXX with a W.
IceBear and I had a great time only a few hours away from home. We hope to continue this privilege of getting to know teams and cities and most importantly give people THE ULTIMATE FAN EXPERIENCE -ence -ence.
Overall Rating: 7.4/10 Meat Cleavers
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