05-06-2019, 07:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-08-2019, 08:53 AM by Fordhammer.)
A draft to remember
Have you ever witnessed the moment something changed forever? The instant that the past was no more, and never will be again? That moment happened last season for the NSFL, when the S15 draft class began their journey to the major leagues after the largest recruitment push in league history. Over 100 new players flooded the ranks of the minor league rosters, reviving two defunct franchises and generating a level of excitement never before seen in the league. And the DSFL created exceptional storylines over the past season. Stars were born, teams rose and fell from the top echelons, memes ran rampant through discord channels. But all good things must come to an end. The DSFL season ended with players already looking toward their future careers in the big leagues. The NSFL draft was the most important moment of the season for pretty much every rookie player. And the hype of that night will reverberate throughout the league for a long time. But the question still remains: who won the draft? Did the teams select the correct players that will come in and win them a championship in due time? This article will NOT answer those questions. Instead, I’ll be doing a breakdown of the players taken in rounds 7 and onwards. It’s time to learn who picked the best inactives.
Arizona Outlaws
Round 7, Pick 1: RB - Kermit Stronglegs - @TheChroniclesOfFrog
Round 7, Pick 8: K - Cameron Clutch - @TheKicker
Round 7, Pick 10: WR - Dashwan Jackson - @yoyo13
Round 8, Pick 1: CB - Troy Bryant - @sharksisback
Round 8, Pick 2: DE - Lo Mein - @MiniMan561
Round 12, Pick 1: RB - Ronald St. James III - [coffeebeard]
Round 13, Pick 1: TE - Luke South - [UnluckyBandit]
Round 14, Pick 1: CB - Taters Johnson - [speedwolf27]
Man, I really love what Arizona was able to do with their inactive picks in this year’s draft. They managed to pick up a few players with exceptional names, such as Kermit Stronglegs, Lo Mein and this year’s Mr. Irrelevant Taters Johnson. Side note, fuck San Jose for taking Gimmy with the second-to-last pick. You have crushed the dreams of many a fan of the greatest QB to ever play the game. Depriving the entire world of the best meme QB the league has seen in years due to your own selfish desires is something only a true sadist could take pleasure in doing. Okay, enough of that for now. Not only did Arizona manage to gain some spectacularly named players, they also picked up the great kicker Cameron Clutch. The 6’5 kicker out of Yale was a great pick, as their current kicker is on the edge of retirement and Cameron will be a great replacement until a kicker with actual TPE can be found. Although, who knows, since kicker TPE doesn’t matter very much anyway perhaps Cameron can live out his dream of playing in the pros. The team’s round 13 pick, Luke South, is also an exceptional prospect. How many other NSFL tight ends have been nominated for 1st Team All-American and won the Big Ten’s best TE award? I have no fucking clue, and I doubt you do either, but the number’s probably pretty low if I had to guess. Luke is a gritty, tough, lunch-pail kinda guy, and will likely never play a down in the NSFL.
Colorado Yeti
Round 7, Pick 2: WR - Mister Big Chest - @feral squirrel
Round 7, Pick 7: QB - Apollo Lange - @RohnJobert
The Yeti decided to pass on any picks past the 7th round of the draft this year. This is very unfortunate, because it means that I only have two players to write about in this article. It also means that Colorado did a great job at keeping their team active and not having to pay a bunch of players that will never make a difference. If this article brings some inactives back, however, they might be kicking themselves over not taking any more players with their remaining three picks. Only time will tell. One thing I have to commend Colorado on is the players that they did take. Mister Big Chest is an absolutely fire name, and Apollo Lange is probably the only player I’m going to mention in this article who’s actually active. Now, Colorado doesn’t exactly need a QB with them selecting Jay Longshaw about 3 picks earlier, but still, he’s active! Maybe he can be pick bait for a team in the expansion draft! Now, the news isn’t all good for the Yeti, as Mister Big Chest could be a problematic player. He famously mooned the crowd after winning a blowout in the Big 12 Title Game his senior year, causing him to be suspended by the NCAA. The Yeti will need to keep a tight leash on him while in Colorado. Or in reality he’ll probably never make it there and they won’t have to worry at all.
New Orleans Second Line
Round 7, Pick 3: DT - Donte Shields - @Shrodawg
Round 8, Pick 3: RB - Max Vaz - @Skyandbray
Round 8, Pick 8: S - Shaquill Williams VII - @Shaquill
Round 9, Pick 1: RB - Jay Quick - @Ramrod18
Round 9, Pick 3: WR - Charles Mudley - @clt2s2
Round 10, Pick 3: CB - Groovy Johnson - [VikingGT]
NOLA had a very solid inactive draft. Not quite as great on the naming front, although Groovy Johnson deserves a major shout out as a total steal in round 10. What New Orleans lacks in naming they make up for in actually taking players, though. So thank you to them for letting me actually have shit to write about. Actually wait fuck only 1 of them made a wiki page. Alright time to tell you about Max Vaz. Max Vaz has a really sick name too. Not many names have both an X and a Z in them. If names were allowed in scrabble his would probably be like one of the best in this class. It would at least have a high score/letter ratio. Anyway, Vaz was a 1st Team All-Big 12 and finished 4th in Heisman voting. That’s pretty sick, maybe he could win some more awards in the league if he ever shows up. His longest college run was 69 yards. Nice. I’m liking this guy more and more. His wiki page is pretty cool if anyone wants to go read it. Nicely formatted, actual statistics. Man if he was active I would’ve taken him pretty high. Come back Max, I love you.
Yellowknife Wraiths
Round 7, Pick 4: S - Franklin Cooper - @killerking
Round 8, Pick 4: WR - Cedric Parker - @rohanm
Round 9, Pick 4: DT - Bill Inohi - @Sunshine
Round 10, Pick 4: LB - Eric Lorentz - [PapaPlatzack]
Round 11, Pick 4: DE - Mick Moekr - [nEEEEkolas]
Round 12, Pick 4: CB - Andrew Solomon - [ZoomerMcGee]
Round 12, Pick 4: LB - Thad Castle - [Brookroyal]
Yellowknife had a very mediocre draft. Look at those names. Which ones stand out to you? I dunno, maybe Thad Castle for the unoriginal Blue Mountain State reference? But even that might be pushing it. Then again at least they didn’t continually pass on the inactive players. Who knows, you may just end up getting really lucky and having a pick come back. And the Wraiths also took players at actual positions of need throughout the entire class, so good job on that. Unfortunately, none of these players actually put in the effort to create a wiki page, so maybe they were never that invested in the league in the first place. Yellowknife’s draft looks worse by the minute. I’m officially declaring it: The Yellowknife Wraiths have drafted the worst of all of the inconsequential players, for a net loss compared to the other teams of 0 points. Congrats.
Austin Copperheads
Round 7, Pick 5: OL - Rahm Kota - @Furrand
Round 8, Pick 5: DT - Bruce Waynner - @BruceWaynner
Round 9, Pick 5: DE - Khalil Sack - @D4isyy
The first of the expansion teams, and another of the disappointing teams that didn’t actually finish their draft and instead decided to pass on the inactive players. Of all the teams that might need a player, no matter how terrible, to fill a hole you would figure it might be the team with barely any players, but I’m sure it’ll all work out for them eventually. I do have to credit the Copperheads for their great name drafting though. I mean Rahm is a kinda cool name, but Bruce and Khalil are two of the best. First you have a combination between Batman and The Hulk, which makes the guy rich, strong and a bridge between two universes. And follow that with a topical pun name on one of the best players in the NFL right now. Pure genius coming out of the GM room during those picks. But we should definitely mention the elephant in the room. Well, he probably weighs a bit less than an elephant, but still at 6’1 and 330 lbs he’s definitely closer than anyone else. The Copperheads double dipped at O-line, taking another lineman earlier in the draft. I tend to think this was a poor decision, but I could also see it paying dividends in a few seasons’ time. Rahm, however, is inactive. He probably won’t pay any dividends. Or make any dividends. Despite this, he is a true team player. His intelligence and willingness to stand up for the little man makes him an invaluable locker room presence, and he’ll likely continue to be the strong, silent type in Palm Beach for years to come.
Chicago Butchers
Round 7, Pick 6: DE - Trevon Simmons - @Tyreke
Round 8, Pick 6: S - Avery Thomas - @Tesoroano7
Round 9, Pick 6: WR - Andre Thornton - @Drizzy
Round 10, Pick 6: K - Paul Dimirio III - [Nykonax]
Round 11, Pick 6: CB - Neon Demon - [kissthe6rings]
Round 12, Pick 6: DT - Poster Nutbag - [Thee_Autumn_Wind]
Round 13, Pick 6: LB - Buddha Lebowski - [BuddhaLebowski]
Chicago, despite not actually fielding a team, already has thirteen pick 6s this season. We’ll see if anyone can top that. The second expansion team continued to pick throughout the inactive range, and the Butchers managed to grab some great potential talents. Names such as Neon Demon and Poster Nutbag rank among the most unique and stellar of the draft. Unfortunately, none of these players ever had the sense to create a wiki page, so I guess I’ll just make some stuff up about them. Trevon Simmons had good parents, went to a good high school and was recruited to a good college where he was not good at first but then he was good later, so he went pro. Avery Thomas had good parents but he went to a bad school and got involved with the wrong crowd. Then he discovered football, and that puled him back to the straight and narrow where he has remained. He wants to create a charity for kids back in his hometown who want to play football. Andre Thorton unfortunately lost one of his parents at a young age, and he therefore had to mature quickly and help out around the house. His one escape? Football. Andre loved the freedom and fun he had on the football field, and always works his hardest so that he can one day make enough money to help his family lead a better life. Man, there are some really touching stories in the Chicago Butchers’ draft class this year. I think I’m tearing up a little. I hope these guys all manage to achieve their dreams. They probably won’t though.
Baltimore Hawks
Round 9, Pick 7: WR - Luca Ramero - @Ramero
Round 10, Pick 7: QB - TJ Hendrix - [TJH]
Round 11, Pick 7: DE - Memphis Wilkerson - [ShackDad]
Round 12, Pick 7: LB - Jameis Harrison - [NextJamesHarrison]
Round 13, Pick 7: CB - Christopher Loren - [hazi_snazzy]
And next up we have the reigning Ultimus Champio- wait, they didn’t? But I thought they had all the… and the trade… uh… nevermind. Baltimore took all the players they could, after trading away their 7th and 8th round picks, which was probably a really inconsequential decision for them. The first-round pick, however, would have been useful. But the value was still there in the trade, so congrats on getting some decent players. Anyway, on to the draft. Baltimore picked some guys with some pretty ordinary names. I guess there is one pun on a past NFL player, and maybe some other reference I don’t recognize. Christopher Loren may have been the Hawks’ last pick in the draft, but he certainly stands out to me. This man learned how to catch a football at 6 days old! He was already playing cornerback at 6 weeks! I’ve heard of ‘starting them young’, but this is crazy. Hell, I could barely even move when this guy was already preparing for his future. He also beat Tiger Woods at golf when he was 6 years old. He just gets more and more incredible. Although there is something a little strange about the numbers of the time passing before he accomplished each of these incredible feats. Hmmm… I’m probably just overthinking it. On his draft declaration day, he was apparently quoted saying, "I know you don't know who I am now, but I will be the best decision your franchise has ever made." I doubt that statement rings true.
Orange County Otters
Round 9, Pick 8: S - Proy Tolamalu - @Adrian1878
Round 10, Pick 8: LB - Pablo Sanchez - [OldJerseyDog]
Round 11, Pick 8: LB - Lawalin Tae'Orr - [Thotiana]
Orange County was the last of the teams that decided to pass on inactives as the draft went on, only drafting up until round 11. Their three inactives picks have some great names, though, so they get some real bonus points for that. Proy Tolamalu is probably the best of the punny NFL similars. Just say it out loud. It sounds hilarious. Proy. Tolamalu. I think I know what I’m naming my son. Pablo Sanchez isn’t a particularly funny name, but I really like the name Pablo. I think it’s because my favourite character on that kids show The Backyardigans was the little penguin guy named Pablo. Man that was a good show. Really instills the importance of imagination and creativity in a kid’s mind. Sort of fits in the same vein as Phineas and Ferb. Lawalin Tae’orr is also a pretty fuckin cool name, but I have no idea how to pronounce it so I’m gonna leave it there. Quick side note, my player Guy Nikko is French Canadian, so I initially meant for his name to be pronounced Geey. Like Guy Lafleur. But then I chose Guy Fieri as his likeness and people went with the ‘Guy’ pronunciation. That’s perfectly cool with me. Anyway, OCO picked three players and they all have cool names so good for them.
Philadelphia Liberty
Round 7, Pick 9: LB - Justin Tyme - @NuK3
Round 8, Pick 9: S - Tigole Bitties - @Tydy22
Round 9, Pick 2: WR - Lenard Marx - @Official DT
Round 9, Pick 9: CB - Trey Aguilar - @jms199456
Round 10, Pick 2: OL - Gregor Clegaine - @VossSauce14
Round 10, Pick 9: WR - Carlomagno Rey - [Crey23]
Round 11, Pick 2: CB - David Le Kre - [Krelotelli]
Round 11, Pick 9: LB - Michael Beckham - [MB06]
Round 12, Pick 9: RB - Trey Moffat - [Inbob27]
Round 13, Pick 9: QB - John Tebow - [TebowFam15]
And now we arrive and what is undoubtedly the best inactive draft for any team. Philadelphia somehow ended up with a massive 10 picks after round 6, and actually used all of them! Way to go Liberty! Not only that, but they managed to get some seriously good players. Justin Tyme is probably the most classic example of a pun name. Tigole Bitties is probably my single favourite name in the entire draft. Every time I see it, I giggle like a little girl. You also have Gregor Clegaine on the offensive line, which seems like a natural position for a true mountain of a man. They even managed to grab a Tebow in the 13th round, and we should all know just how much magic a single Tebow can bring to a team. The only problem with the Liberty’s draft is that no players wrote a wiki. So yeah, I guess I’ll just end this part here. Nice job, Philly.
San Jose Sabercats
Round 8, Pick 10: S - Kenny Jammer - @Jsag25
Round 9, Pick 10: WR - Robert Kleven - @RobKlev
Round 10, Pick 10: LB - CrayCray Lewis - [ChuckDiesel86]
Round 11, Pick 10: CB - Matteo Maximin - [TF0017]
Round 12, Pick 10: S - Brayden Larosee - [Braydenthegoat]
Round 13, Pick 10: QB - Gimmy Jaroppolo - [jimmyGOAT10]
And we’re on to our final team. The San Jose Sabercats. Winners of the Ultimus, ruiners of dreams. I mean, really. You couldn’t have picked Taters Johnson instead of Gimmy? You had to disappoint the tens of fans watching the draft? I have nothing more to say to you. Also I'm running out of motivation to keep writing, so here's the end.
And that concludes the summary of the most important picks in the S15 NSFL draft. I hope that everyone remembers these names, because they will be the future of this league. Haha no they definitely won’t. But if any of you who are mentioned in this post happen to have come back and are reading this, I dare you to prove me wrong.
Ready to be graded, 2x draft media
Have you ever witnessed the moment something changed forever? The instant that the past was no more, and never will be again? That moment happened last season for the NSFL, when the S15 draft class began their journey to the major leagues after the largest recruitment push in league history. Over 100 new players flooded the ranks of the minor league rosters, reviving two defunct franchises and generating a level of excitement never before seen in the league. And the DSFL created exceptional storylines over the past season. Stars were born, teams rose and fell from the top echelons, memes ran rampant through discord channels. But all good things must come to an end. The DSFL season ended with players already looking toward their future careers in the big leagues. The NSFL draft was the most important moment of the season for pretty much every rookie player. And the hype of that night will reverberate throughout the league for a long time. But the question still remains: who won the draft? Did the teams select the correct players that will come in and win them a championship in due time? This article will NOT answer those questions. Instead, I’ll be doing a breakdown of the players taken in rounds 7 and onwards. It’s time to learn who picked the best inactives.
Arizona Outlaws
Round 7, Pick 1: RB - Kermit Stronglegs - @TheChroniclesOfFrog
Round 7, Pick 8: K - Cameron Clutch - @TheKicker
Round 7, Pick 10: WR - Dashwan Jackson - @yoyo13
Round 8, Pick 1: CB - Troy Bryant - @sharksisback
Round 8, Pick 2: DE - Lo Mein - @MiniMan561
Round 12, Pick 1: RB - Ronald St. James III - [coffeebeard]
Round 13, Pick 1: TE - Luke South - [UnluckyBandit]
Round 14, Pick 1: CB - Taters Johnson - [speedwolf27]
Man, I really love what Arizona was able to do with their inactive picks in this year’s draft. They managed to pick up a few players with exceptional names, such as Kermit Stronglegs, Lo Mein and this year’s Mr. Irrelevant Taters Johnson. Side note, fuck San Jose for taking Gimmy with the second-to-last pick. You have crushed the dreams of many a fan of the greatest QB to ever play the game. Depriving the entire world of the best meme QB the league has seen in years due to your own selfish desires is something only a true sadist could take pleasure in doing. Okay, enough of that for now. Not only did Arizona manage to gain some spectacularly named players, they also picked up the great kicker Cameron Clutch. The 6’5 kicker out of Yale was a great pick, as their current kicker is on the edge of retirement and Cameron will be a great replacement until a kicker with actual TPE can be found. Although, who knows, since kicker TPE doesn’t matter very much anyway perhaps Cameron can live out his dream of playing in the pros. The team’s round 13 pick, Luke South, is also an exceptional prospect. How many other NSFL tight ends have been nominated for 1st Team All-American and won the Big Ten’s best TE award? I have no fucking clue, and I doubt you do either, but the number’s probably pretty low if I had to guess. Luke is a gritty, tough, lunch-pail kinda guy, and will likely never play a down in the NSFL.
Colorado Yeti
Round 7, Pick 2: WR - Mister Big Chest - @feral squirrel
Round 7, Pick 7: QB - Apollo Lange - @RohnJobert
The Yeti decided to pass on any picks past the 7th round of the draft this year. This is very unfortunate, because it means that I only have two players to write about in this article. It also means that Colorado did a great job at keeping their team active and not having to pay a bunch of players that will never make a difference. If this article brings some inactives back, however, they might be kicking themselves over not taking any more players with their remaining three picks. Only time will tell. One thing I have to commend Colorado on is the players that they did take. Mister Big Chest is an absolutely fire name, and Apollo Lange is probably the only player I’m going to mention in this article who’s actually active. Now, Colorado doesn’t exactly need a QB with them selecting Jay Longshaw about 3 picks earlier, but still, he’s active! Maybe he can be pick bait for a team in the expansion draft! Now, the news isn’t all good for the Yeti, as Mister Big Chest could be a problematic player. He famously mooned the crowd after winning a blowout in the Big 12 Title Game his senior year, causing him to be suspended by the NCAA. The Yeti will need to keep a tight leash on him while in Colorado. Or in reality he’ll probably never make it there and they won’t have to worry at all.
New Orleans Second Line
Round 7, Pick 3: DT - Donte Shields - @Shrodawg
Round 8, Pick 3: RB - Max Vaz - @Skyandbray
Round 8, Pick 8: S - Shaquill Williams VII - @Shaquill
Round 9, Pick 1: RB - Jay Quick - @Ramrod18
Round 9, Pick 3: WR - Charles Mudley - @clt2s2
Round 10, Pick 3: CB - Groovy Johnson - [VikingGT]
NOLA had a very solid inactive draft. Not quite as great on the naming front, although Groovy Johnson deserves a major shout out as a total steal in round 10. What New Orleans lacks in naming they make up for in actually taking players, though. So thank you to them for letting me actually have shit to write about. Actually wait fuck only 1 of them made a wiki page. Alright time to tell you about Max Vaz. Max Vaz has a really sick name too. Not many names have both an X and a Z in them. If names were allowed in scrabble his would probably be like one of the best in this class. It would at least have a high score/letter ratio. Anyway, Vaz was a 1st Team All-Big 12 and finished 4th in Heisman voting. That’s pretty sick, maybe he could win some more awards in the league if he ever shows up. His longest college run was 69 yards. Nice. I’m liking this guy more and more. His wiki page is pretty cool if anyone wants to go read it. Nicely formatted, actual statistics. Man if he was active I would’ve taken him pretty high. Come back Max, I love you.
Yellowknife Wraiths
Round 7, Pick 4: S - Franklin Cooper - @killerking
Round 8, Pick 4: WR - Cedric Parker - @rohanm
Round 9, Pick 4: DT - Bill Inohi - @Sunshine
Round 10, Pick 4: LB - Eric Lorentz - [PapaPlatzack]
Round 11, Pick 4: DE - Mick Moekr - [nEEEEkolas]
Round 12, Pick 4: CB - Andrew Solomon - [ZoomerMcGee]
Round 12, Pick 4: LB - Thad Castle - [Brookroyal]
Yellowknife had a very mediocre draft. Look at those names. Which ones stand out to you? I dunno, maybe Thad Castle for the unoriginal Blue Mountain State reference? But even that might be pushing it. Then again at least they didn’t continually pass on the inactive players. Who knows, you may just end up getting really lucky and having a pick come back. And the Wraiths also took players at actual positions of need throughout the entire class, so good job on that. Unfortunately, none of these players actually put in the effort to create a wiki page, so maybe they were never that invested in the league in the first place. Yellowknife’s draft looks worse by the minute. I’m officially declaring it: The Yellowknife Wraiths have drafted the worst of all of the inconsequential players, for a net loss compared to the other teams of 0 points. Congrats.
Austin Copperheads
Round 7, Pick 5: OL - Rahm Kota - @Furrand
Round 8, Pick 5: DT - Bruce Waynner - @BruceWaynner
Round 9, Pick 5: DE - Khalil Sack - @D4isyy
The first of the expansion teams, and another of the disappointing teams that didn’t actually finish their draft and instead decided to pass on the inactive players. Of all the teams that might need a player, no matter how terrible, to fill a hole you would figure it might be the team with barely any players, but I’m sure it’ll all work out for them eventually. I do have to credit the Copperheads for their great name drafting though. I mean Rahm is a kinda cool name, but Bruce and Khalil are two of the best. First you have a combination between Batman and The Hulk, which makes the guy rich, strong and a bridge between two universes. And follow that with a topical pun name on one of the best players in the NFL right now. Pure genius coming out of the GM room during those picks. But we should definitely mention the elephant in the room. Well, he probably weighs a bit less than an elephant, but still at 6’1 and 330 lbs he’s definitely closer than anyone else. The Copperheads double dipped at O-line, taking another lineman earlier in the draft. I tend to think this was a poor decision, but I could also see it paying dividends in a few seasons’ time. Rahm, however, is inactive. He probably won’t pay any dividends. Or make any dividends. Despite this, he is a true team player. His intelligence and willingness to stand up for the little man makes him an invaluable locker room presence, and he’ll likely continue to be the strong, silent type in Palm Beach for years to come.
Chicago Butchers
Round 7, Pick 6: DE - Trevon Simmons - @Tyreke
Round 8, Pick 6: S - Avery Thomas - @Tesoroano7
Round 9, Pick 6: WR - Andre Thornton - @Drizzy
Round 10, Pick 6: K - Paul Dimirio III - [Nykonax]
Round 11, Pick 6: CB - Neon Demon - [kissthe6rings]
Round 12, Pick 6: DT - Poster Nutbag - [Thee_Autumn_Wind]
Round 13, Pick 6: LB - Buddha Lebowski - [BuddhaLebowski]
Chicago, despite not actually fielding a team, already has thirteen pick 6s this season. We’ll see if anyone can top that. The second expansion team continued to pick throughout the inactive range, and the Butchers managed to grab some great potential talents. Names such as Neon Demon and Poster Nutbag rank among the most unique and stellar of the draft. Unfortunately, none of these players ever had the sense to create a wiki page, so I guess I’ll just make some stuff up about them. Trevon Simmons had good parents, went to a good high school and was recruited to a good college where he was not good at first but then he was good later, so he went pro. Avery Thomas had good parents but he went to a bad school and got involved with the wrong crowd. Then he discovered football, and that puled him back to the straight and narrow where he has remained. He wants to create a charity for kids back in his hometown who want to play football. Andre Thorton unfortunately lost one of his parents at a young age, and he therefore had to mature quickly and help out around the house. His one escape? Football. Andre loved the freedom and fun he had on the football field, and always works his hardest so that he can one day make enough money to help his family lead a better life. Man, there are some really touching stories in the Chicago Butchers’ draft class this year. I think I’m tearing up a little. I hope these guys all manage to achieve their dreams. They probably won’t though.
Baltimore Hawks
Round 9, Pick 7: WR - Luca Ramero - @Ramero
Round 10, Pick 7: QB - TJ Hendrix - [TJH]
Round 11, Pick 7: DE - Memphis Wilkerson - [ShackDad]
Round 12, Pick 7: LB - Jameis Harrison - [NextJamesHarrison]
Round 13, Pick 7: CB - Christopher Loren - [hazi_snazzy]
And next up we have the reigning Ultimus Champio- wait, they didn’t? But I thought they had all the… and the trade… uh… nevermind. Baltimore took all the players they could, after trading away their 7th and 8th round picks, which was probably a really inconsequential decision for them. The first-round pick, however, would have been useful. But the value was still there in the trade, so congrats on getting some decent players. Anyway, on to the draft. Baltimore picked some guys with some pretty ordinary names. I guess there is one pun on a past NFL player, and maybe some other reference I don’t recognize. Christopher Loren may have been the Hawks’ last pick in the draft, but he certainly stands out to me. This man learned how to catch a football at 6 days old! He was already playing cornerback at 6 weeks! I’ve heard of ‘starting them young’, but this is crazy. Hell, I could barely even move when this guy was already preparing for his future. He also beat Tiger Woods at golf when he was 6 years old. He just gets more and more incredible. Although there is something a little strange about the numbers of the time passing before he accomplished each of these incredible feats. Hmmm… I’m probably just overthinking it. On his draft declaration day, he was apparently quoted saying, "I know you don't know who I am now, but I will be the best decision your franchise has ever made." I doubt that statement rings true.
Orange County Otters
Round 9, Pick 8: S - Proy Tolamalu - @Adrian1878
Round 10, Pick 8: LB - Pablo Sanchez - [OldJerseyDog]
Round 11, Pick 8: LB - Lawalin Tae'Orr - [Thotiana]
Orange County was the last of the teams that decided to pass on inactives as the draft went on, only drafting up until round 11. Their three inactives picks have some great names, though, so they get some real bonus points for that. Proy Tolamalu is probably the best of the punny NFL similars. Just say it out loud. It sounds hilarious. Proy. Tolamalu. I think I know what I’m naming my son. Pablo Sanchez isn’t a particularly funny name, but I really like the name Pablo. I think it’s because my favourite character on that kids show The Backyardigans was the little penguin guy named Pablo. Man that was a good show. Really instills the importance of imagination and creativity in a kid’s mind. Sort of fits in the same vein as Phineas and Ferb. Lawalin Tae’orr is also a pretty fuckin cool name, but I have no idea how to pronounce it so I’m gonna leave it there. Quick side note, my player Guy Nikko is French Canadian, so I initially meant for his name to be pronounced Geey. Like Guy Lafleur. But then I chose Guy Fieri as his likeness and people went with the ‘Guy’ pronunciation. That’s perfectly cool with me. Anyway, OCO picked three players and they all have cool names so good for them.
Philadelphia Liberty
Round 7, Pick 9: LB - Justin Tyme - @NuK3
Round 8, Pick 9: S - Tigole Bitties - @Tydy22
Round 9, Pick 2: WR - Lenard Marx - @Official DT
Round 9, Pick 9: CB - Trey Aguilar - @jms199456
Round 10, Pick 2: OL - Gregor Clegaine - @VossSauce14
Round 10, Pick 9: WR - Carlomagno Rey - [Crey23]
Round 11, Pick 2: CB - David Le Kre - [Krelotelli]
Round 11, Pick 9: LB - Michael Beckham - [MB06]
Round 12, Pick 9: RB - Trey Moffat - [Inbob27]
Round 13, Pick 9: QB - John Tebow - [TebowFam15]
And now we arrive and what is undoubtedly the best inactive draft for any team. Philadelphia somehow ended up with a massive 10 picks after round 6, and actually used all of them! Way to go Liberty! Not only that, but they managed to get some seriously good players. Justin Tyme is probably the most classic example of a pun name. Tigole Bitties is probably my single favourite name in the entire draft. Every time I see it, I giggle like a little girl. You also have Gregor Clegaine on the offensive line, which seems like a natural position for a true mountain of a man. They even managed to grab a Tebow in the 13th round, and we should all know just how much magic a single Tebow can bring to a team. The only problem with the Liberty’s draft is that no players wrote a wiki. So yeah, I guess I’ll just end this part here. Nice job, Philly.
San Jose Sabercats
Round 8, Pick 10: S - Kenny Jammer - @Jsag25
Round 9, Pick 10: WR - Robert Kleven - @RobKlev
Round 10, Pick 10: LB - CrayCray Lewis - [ChuckDiesel86]
Round 11, Pick 10: CB - Matteo Maximin - [TF0017]
Round 12, Pick 10: S - Brayden Larosee - [Braydenthegoat]
Round 13, Pick 10: QB - Gimmy Jaroppolo - [jimmyGOAT10]
And we’re on to our final team. The San Jose Sabercats. Winners of the Ultimus, ruiners of dreams. I mean, really. You couldn’t have picked Taters Johnson instead of Gimmy? You had to disappoint the tens of fans watching the draft? I have nothing more to say to you. Also I'm running out of motivation to keep writing, so here's the end.
And that concludes the summary of the most important picks in the S15 NSFL draft. I hope that everyone remembers these names, because they will be the future of this league. Haha no they definitely won’t. But if any of you who are mentioned in this post happen to have come back and are reading this, I dare you to prove me wrong.
Ready to be graded, 2x draft media
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