12-30-2021, 01:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-07-2022, 05:04 AM by Asked Madden. Edited 2 times in total.)
Alright so during the playoffs I was in the NYS Locker Room and I decided that it would be pretty funny to put some long copypastas to warm up the team and stuff. To my surprise, it gets pinned and we win the wildcard round! Now it was the conference championship day and I decided to post another funny copypasta praising the team and hating on the opposing team. That copypasta gets pinned again, and we win against the Arizona Outlaws going to the S32 Ultimus. Now I think that the copypasta is actually helping us win games somehow so I decide to post one final long copypasta to motivate the locker room once more before the big game. That gets pinned, and suprisingly we are S32 Ultimus Champions. A amazing end to my career. Now why am I telling yall this? Well I see copypastas as good luck for your team and locker room for the game. So, I decided to take a lot of random sports copypastas and make them ISFL related. All you got to do is copy one of the many copypastas below and edit the stuff that gotta be edited on there to fully make it amazing.
For Example: "i would cream over a [FirstName LastName] TD tonight, like, i’m talking a full on hot load of creamy goodness makin that macchiato perfectly smooth type shit. let’s go [FirstName]
So you just copy the pasta and make it your own: "i would cream over a Tugg Speedman TD tonight, like, i’m talking a full on hot load of creamy goodness makin that macchiato perfectly smooth type shit. let’s go tuggs"
So without further ado, lets begin!
[By the way, these are all copypastas that I copied from various subreddits (mostly r/hockey) and made them ISFL related. If I don't get paid for the pastas, that's fine! I just made this for fun lmao.]
listen. listen. there’s speed in the ISFL, there’s elegance, and then there’s [FirstName] fucking [LastName]. i just blinked and this god did a lap around the field. his number? [Number], the average mph that this flawless motherfucker runs in circles around anyone else in the league. the man is smoother than a fresh shave, and runs sexier than whoever the fuck your “man crush monday” used to be — congratulations, your new man crush is [FirstName LastName]. you don’t get a choice anymore. he’s here, he’s there, and he’s been patiently waiting for you.
Dear [FirstName LastName], I feel like I can call you [NickName] because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to hit the field. I know I can't swallow as good as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you swallow good. Did you have a good relationship with your esophagus? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real SCORE!
That’ll just about do it. I’m not even certain how the fuck we make the playoffs at this point. Quite frankly; we don’t deserve to. I’m not sure who’s to blame but I gotta think if this team falls short of the postseason after last season, [FirstName LastName] seat is gonna start warming up to start next season. This team has no effort, no heart, no compete. It is fucking embarrassing.
My girlfriend and I broke up because of [FirstName LastName]. We got in a huge fight over it because I was saying how beautiful [LastName] is. The fight eventually spilled into other topics and it got really heated. In the heat of the moment I called her a "[Rivals Team] Fan", and it was a wrap. We dated for two years and were thinking about moving in together. At the time I thought she was the love of my life. And it ended over [FirstName LastName] And since all of my friends were also her friends, and she was closer friends with them than I was, they took her side. So I lost all my friends too. My best friend called me a few hours after the argument and said he didn't want to hang out with me anymore because it would cause drama. The only person I've talked to in like a week is my [FirstName LastName] Plushie.
y’all think your isfl prospects got potential? hilarious. observe [FirstName] fuckin’ [LastName], scoring in the ISFL quicker than Joefish on a mom’s trip to taco bell. lean, mean, screening machine who sprinted from charlotte to pittsburg in 16 seconds flat. rumor has it, the manitoba monster stores all his latent power in a john deere hat. [GM] has this kid on speed dial. your favorite could never. get fucked on.
[FirstName LastName] ages like a fine fucking wine. The Paul Bunyan of Thunder Bay. This beast of a man uses an uprooted tree as a football. You have to look up at him. If you're 6'8" well then congratulations, you get to kneel down and pray so that you look up at this specimen of a man.
There are humans. There are gods. There is [FirstName LastName]. He parts seas. Turns water to wine. Has a girth like the Bering Strait. Saves cats. Fucks moms. Picks Luigi. But more than that, he makes hits. He gets shit done.
[FirstName LastName] is the perfect Renaissance Man. The living embodiment of the ethos that "man can do all things if he will." Every inch of his body has been sculpted a masterwork. His proud chest glistens like an oiled gladiator in days of old. Do not be fooled, for he is no simple brute. His mind sharpened as a razor through the same zeal that gifted us his uncountable abs. Where lesser men boorishly flock to the font of decadence; [LastName] opts to imbibe the world's cultures from our most venerated institutions. His spirit is indomitable. What motivates a man to eagerly step into the garden and vault of his betrayers? To withstand the jeers of fools who rejected him as their savior. No, not revenge - for he does not need to beg for their respect. [LastName] seeks only to illuminate what awaits those who follow the path to a perfect body, mind, and soul. He does not seek our worship or devotion, though he certainly would be deserving of it. He simply recognizes that the better man is one who betters his fellow man.
Damn. I wish I was cool enough to be neighbors with [FirstName LastName]. We could BBQ together... yell “[Random Catchphrase]” over the fence at each other. We can throw the football over the fence together. That’d be the dream!
[FirstName LastName] is so overrated it’s crazy. None of his kicks today actually required skill, they were just bad kicks that luckily got tipped in. Everyone who says that this guy is gonna be a perennial all star is on crack
Yeah, fuck off buddy we absolutely need more [FirstName LastName] clips. Fuckin every time this kid steps on the field someone scores. kids fuckin dirt nasty man. Does fuckin [Rivals team star] have [Something they don't have] this season I dont fuckin think so bud. I'm fuckin tellin ya [FirstName] "more fins more wins" [LastName] is pottin 50 tds this season fuckin callin it right now. Clap bombs, fuck moms, wheel, snipe, and fuckin celly boys fuck
[Coach Name] goes into locker room for 2nd intermission, rips his shirt off, and starts doing one handed push-ups. He continues this for 15 minutes straight and stares unblinking into everyone's eyes the entire time. When he's done he utters two words: Fucking. Score.
That seals the deal. I am no longer an [ISFL Team] fan. I’ve been a fan since 1982 and a season ticket holder since 1996. I officially will not be renewing my plan next season nor will I watch on tv ever again. [GM] is officially the worst gm in history.
I saw a [Rivals Team] fan yesterday and l just lost it. Fucking smug prick. I was eating an outside lunch at this nice little restaurant. and he was sitting eating some fucking salad. Salad. Typical fucking [Rivals Team] fan. He was there with his stupid [Rivals Team] fan wife who of course was eating a fucking salad too. Jesus Christ I hate [Rivals Team] fans so much. I could tell he thought he was part of the best fans in the ISFL. He didn't say anything. but the way that stupid prick was chewing. Jesus Christ. He had a fucking [Rivals Team] t-shirt on. I bet you he bought it at the team store like a fucking schmuck. He and the fucking stupid cashier probably had this big self-satisfactory exchange. "I'd like to buy this best t-shirt in the ISFL with the best money in football please". I couldn't fucking believe this asshole. He just kept going at this fucking salad like he's king of the world. I just tried to ignore that attention seeking asshat but he just kept at it. Every time I looked away he'd conveniently grab for his water or some fucking passive aggressive bullshit so that it would draw my eyes to him. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME BEST FAN IN THE ISFL RIGHT HERE. Jesus. You should have seen his wife. What a bitch. The waitress came by to ask them how their food was and she relayed how fucking satisfied she was in the most smug way possible. This fucking fake-politeness [Rivals Team] fans put on is ridiculous. Next thing I know that guy pulls out his phone and starts texting. Are you fucking shitting me? I bet he just had to text his stupid friend all about his fucking salad was almost as good as being in football heaven. I couldn't fucking take it. l told that fucking idiot what a smug fucking retard he was. He was like 'dude what are you talking about' like he didn't fucking know what a prick he was. l fucking tackled him like my favorite player [FirstName LastName] right there. Staff called the cops on me as if l did anything wrong. They are actually going to fucking put me on trial for assault. Fucking [Rivals Team] fans.
Thats fucking ISFL football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the field, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit.
It's still early in the season I know... But maybe the kid just isn't ready for the ISFL yet? With the media hounding him, the pressure of being considered the next "great one", fuck I wouldn't be able to handle that shit. Maybe having him in the minors for another year or two to develop a bit wouldn't have been a bad idea. The kid is only [Age]. At [Age] I was complete fucktard who had no idea what I wanted to do. Not much has changed... but I'd like to think I have a bit of a better head on my shoulders now. I actually feel really bad for [Rookie], and I hope we don't ruin him. Edit: I'm being lynched for ever daring to doubt the greatness of [Rookie]. How dare I say such blasphmey after only THREE games. You're right, he may only be [Age] years old, but he has the emotional maturity of a Buddhist monk, and the body and athleticism as a top olympic athlete. He may have hit puberty only 3 to 4 years ago, but he is a grown man now, capable of all pressure and criticism that comes his way. I am but a lowly neckbeard [Rivals Team] fan who lives in my mothers basement here to shit on him for not getting 20 touchdowns in his first 3 games. I am a rodent, and he is a golden god. I'm going to go light myself on fire now. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways with you jamming the downvote arrow on your computer screen with all your might and telling me how much of an idiot I am.
Hi ? I'm 13 ? and I just started watching ? [ISFL Football Team][Team Emoji] and I can tell ? you for a fact ???they're my favorite ? team!!. Lik the one ☝️ time ⏰ [FirstName LastName] ? scored ? scored ? probably like four ????touchdwons? !!!! i ? had predictid? so much I'am? smarter?? then you're average fan? on r/SimulationFootball to even though I have subbed there ☝️. I may be young? but I'm smarter??? then every? isfl fan⛪️ on earth ? basically the team? is also really ‼️deep ?? when they signed? like [FirstName LastName] ♂️ or☝[FirstName LastName] ? for 4️⃣ multi year deals I ? was so blown ?away? as they must have ‼️ a in the mafia ‼️ like ? Lamorillo? so I ? told ? my friends ??? on minecraft ?⛏ and they agree ???? too2️⃣. LOL ? once ☝️ when my mom ? took me to 2️⃣ [Random ISFL teams city] I ? asked ❓ why the attendance so d and the dumb ? bitch ? said the arena was too far. XD ? One ☝️ time ⏰ in class ?? i ? shouted ? "HIT EM WITH THE 4 LIKE [FIRSTNAME LASTNAME] .Janice ?? told ? me to 2️⃣ go ? outside ? i ? fucking hate ??? that cunt ?? school ? is for 4️⃣ dumb ppl ? just like what [Coach] ? said ? , who the fuck cares? . But ? yeah I ? love ♥️ The [ISFL Football Team] and I'm ? actually smart ? enough to 2️⃣ watch them ?to 2️⃣. ???
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The [ISFL Football Team]. The football is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical football most of the plays will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also [Coach] coaching ability, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from [GM] literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these plays, to realise that they’re not just skillful- they say something deep about FOOTBALL. As a consequence people who dislike The [ISFL Football Team] truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the genius of [1st FirstName LastName] cap circumvention plan “Robidas Island,” which itself is a cryptic reference to [2nd FirstName LastName] Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as [3rd FirstName LastName] genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. ? And yes, by the way, i DO have an [1st FirstName LastName] tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid
We don’t have any words and we know you don’t want to hear them.
We understand your anger, your frustration, your sadness. Everything you’re feeling – we get it.
This isn’t the ending we imagined, and certainly not the one we wanted. Thank you for being there the entire way.
[FirstName LastName] is literally everything I want to be. Tall, handsome, beautiful hair, rich, wife and kids that love him, respected leader - probably has an absolute wrench on him as well.
If you are the loud mouth cunt that sits in the last row of section 105 at [ISFL Football Team] games shut the fuck up. You never shut your god damn drunk whore mouth. From kickoff to the final snap you’re running your mouth at the loudest fucking volume. You have no idea how much I despise you and the random group of trash you bring with you to each game. Your talking is so exhausting and nauseating I have to take breaks during the middle of the quarter just to get a break. You make the most enjoyable parts of the game the intermission, when you and your filth go suck down as many cancer sticks as your lungs can handle. You are ruining my season tickets. Fuck you. Every fucking game you are at
Son of a BITCH do I hate the [Rivals Team]. I know most everyone does but for me it goes much deeper than that. I am beyond hate. 8 years. 8 years have I put up with the [Rivals Team] and their nonstop Lottery winning. I have had to watch [Rival Teams Star] eat his fucking Gold Ticket's since 2010. My friend is a [Other Rivals Team] fan, he says "Oh yEaH I HatE tHe [Rivals Team] tOo BrO" and I say You dumb bitch. Shut the fuck up with your dumb bullshit. We have to play them ONE OR TWO TIMES A YEAR, EVERY YEAR. and he says "yeah but" and I can't even hear him because at this point I'm thinking about that youtube thumbnail of a depressed pimpled [Rivals team rookie] at the draft and there is blood in my ears and hate in my heart. I can just imagine [Rivals GM] watching him waddle is way to the podium and licking his lips. FUCK.
Should the ISFL have the [Your Team] and [Rivals team] redo their game in case it was a big fluke? No disrespect to the [Rivals Team], I'm a firm believer that [Rivals Team] beating them is a huge fluke and robs the [Your Team] of truly accomplishing what their capable of. I've spent the last few days in pure disbelief and it just doesn't make sense to me. I've spent the entire regular season watching the [Your Team] play great football it's just not fair. If the [Your Team] lose again I will face that the [Rivals Team] deserved the win, but I am just 100% sure it was a fluke and does a big disservice to the [Your team] and the ISFL.
I’m telling you, [FirstName LastName] is as cracked as he is jacked. I saw him at a 7-11 the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked him what the diapers were for and he said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then he rode a zamboni out the door.
The existence of [FirstName LastName] is endlessly amusing to me. His name is just "[FirstName LastName]." That's the name of your CPA. He was born in [City,State], which is like the first city you'd think of if you needed a random city to facilitate telling a story or joke. He was picked in the [round he was picked in] round, a complete afterthought, but he's pretty good for some reason. It's like he was put into witness protection and they sprang "ISFL Player" on him for his new job, despite having previously been a botanist or something. All the details of his ISFL career seem to be carefully fabricated to support this cover. [FirstName LastName] is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.
You don't even watch fucking [Rivals Team] games. Stop talking out of your ass fuckface. Wait until [1st LastName] leaves your franchise and [Your team star] permanently injures [2nd LastName]. [3rd LastName] is fucking trash and [4th LastName] is going to suck this year. [5th FirstName LastName] is a dirty ass player and [6th LastName] is gonna get boarded by [Your Team Coach]
Do you guys think [Bad Defensive Player] wife ever looks at [Good Defensive Player] and think ''oh man I wish I could even once in my lifetime to get fucked by someone who can play defence''?
[FirstName LastName] is the luckiest guy in the world. The dude gets paid [How much he makes] million a year to watch the [Football Team] lose for the next decade. And here I am doing it for free.
If [LastName]??? and my girl ❤️ were both drowning and I could only save one, catch me at my girls funeral wearing [Number]? with a football in my hand ????
Fuck the [Football Team]. You whiny ass motherfuckers anything that happens to you clowns that you don’t like you just start railing out stupid excuses this crap. [1st LastName] literally hit a guy in the head and you guys create excuses and go on wild goose chases about how [Coach] is an inside plug for the nhl referees. Then you go and make excuses for being bitches by saying it’s your job to do as fans. Christ i feel bad for anyone of your parents who had to raise you clowns while you whine about how it’s raining outside and you wanted to go play. You cry when there are calls, cry when there aren’t calls. How did you survive through your life when your dumbass team couldn’t even make the playoffs without striking the isfl because you’re godawful team couldn’t play but you probably blamed it on the refs. God i wonder how it will feel to play a different team in the playoffs because then theyd have to deal with your crap. Christ just watch football fuck
If I had a choice of one attack to use to kill Hitler I would choose a [Quarterback] snipe from the top of the circle because you fucking know his evil dome would be bouncing off the end boards after that football is loosed like lightning from the blade of God's own CCM. I'd just pick up the phone and call [Quarterback] at 1-800-TOP-TITS where he can be found earning his living at the back of the goddamn net. The world record for a recorded sniper kill is 3,540m, but that's only because nobody has asked ya boi [Quarterback] to rip any wristers at ISIS yet.
?????????? fuck the [team] fUck tHe [team]? fuck ✔ the [team] fuck??the [team] fuck??the [team]??? fuck✔the [team] ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self ? i say so ? fuck what did i say fuck the [team] fuck the [team] (chorus: ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵗʰᵉ [team]) mMMMMᎷМ? ?? ?НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??Fuck the [team]
I'm not gay, but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with [FirstName LastName]. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him practice playing football shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Daddy [LastName]. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry and sexually frustrated. Sometimes we will look across the table at dinner and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then he'll go inside, pen a brief missive to his departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without his one true platonic love.
I just saw [FirstName LastName] at the car wash. I was waiting in line when I noticed he was getting out of his car in front of me. I waived and he winked back, but before I knew it, he was fastening himself with his kleets on into the conveyor system. I rolled down my window and was like "dude that's for cars!" and he said, "don't worry, kid. I'm a professional." A few minutes later, he emerged from the front of the tunnel, hair perfect as can be, and he ran down the asphalt. I heard an attendant yelling that he forgot his car, which was still blasting Abba at full volume, but in the distance, a faint voice called back "I'll get another one. It's the off-season you fucking bitch."
I hate the [Football Team] so god damn much. I hate their cocky bandwagon fans. I hate how in every photograph [1st FirstName LastName] is in I can feel him mocking me with his smug aura. I hate how your greasy organization landed [2nd LastName] in the first place. I hate that [3rd FirstName LastName] who lights up the [other Football Team] every fucking time. How come you can't go two years without a top 5 all time player before the relocation rumors start? I hate their stupid logo. A [Football team mascot] is a failure of a logo. It's a mascot that cant do the one thing a mascot is supposed to do. Fuck you [Football Team] for ruining two great stories. stop winning all the time.
ps: i have been to [Football teams place] and its a beautiful city and the people there are very nice. i just hate your football team.
Am I the only one in this sub who's actually played organized football before? Like half of the comments I've seen on this league are so obviously written by non-athletes that it's almost humorous. When I was in high school (3 year starter for our varsity football team) I would get a full-on sprint going and steal the shit outta whoever had the football. My coaches called me "speedhawk" as a nickname cuz I had such a nose for the football and for those three seasons I was considered the most feared backup LB in our conference. Senior year I led my team to the state semifinals only to get fucked over by the refs in the 4th but that's another conversation (DM me if you're interested in hearing about it). So, yeah. I hope yall can understand why I feel like their's such a big disconnect between myself and your typical discord member. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way lol.
I saw [FirstName LastName] at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Imagine being 23, thowing a game winner in an ISFL game, going to sit in the locker room, taking out your phone and seeing 30 million dollars in your bank account, then opening instagram and seeing 1000+ message requests, all 10/10 girls shooting their shot and you just ignore it and respond to ur childhood football teammate sayin "good looks bruh", then you get a text from kendell jenner talking about how she misses getting fucked by you, but you're too busy to reply ("i gotta go shower, take a shit, eat etc. i'll prob reply to her later man..") so you leave it on "unread", then you stand up to get dressed but the key to your lamborghini falls out your pocket and you pick it up annoyed (FUCK bro, this shit is so annoying, I need a key ring) and throw it in your gym bag like it's a piece of candy or something...
BIG COCK MOTHER FUCKIN [LASTNAME] BABY. LOOK UP PENETRATION IN THE DICTIONARY AND YOULL FIND HIS FACE. ALL HE KNOWS HOW TO DO IS SCORE. THIS MAN IS LIKE MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY AT A COUGAR CONVENTION. HES HERE TO PLAY FOOTBALL AND FUCK BITCHES AND BUD, HES ALL OUT OF BITCHES.
I’ll never understand how college and ISFL football teams allow kickers that just.... miss... kicks. I feel like there has to be pools of kickers in the USA that won’t miss simple kicks. Or snappers that won’t mess the snaps idk man it seems so SILLY. Would love opinions on this.
if [FirstName LastName] has million number of fans i am one of them. if [FirstName LastName] has ten fans i am one of them. if [FirstName LastName] has no fans. that means i am no more on the earth. if world against [FirstName LastName], i am against the world. i love [FirstName LastName] till my last breath... die hard fan of [FirstName LastName].
so i went for brunch with this girl yesterday. everything i could imagine in a girl: hot, funny, smart, and puts up with my hectic schedule. we go to my place after brunch and start fooling around while love is blind is playing in the background. she teased me for 5 fucking hours. kissing my neck, doing her usual thing. and then she calls her uber and leaves. anyways, i think that pretty much sums up how [Football Team] offense has been. doing everything right, just didn't score.
So you're going by [Number] now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tanner from high school. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time out on the field. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..
This [LastName] kid is so nasty. In high school he would come to my table before class started while I was having breakfast. Often he'd drop his nutsack in my cheerios and say "part of a healthy and nutritious breakfast bro". Cheerios never tasted so good.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the DSFL, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids in London, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire DSFL. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
I sexually Identify as [FirstName LastName]. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of stopping every receiver near me and making great passes be deflected out of tough situations People say to me that a out of shape white guy being a god like [LastName] is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m a wall. I’m having a plastic surgeon install 10 feet of padding, extendable arms and legs to my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “[Teams City] God” and respect my right to be a literal wall and kill every decent receiver that attempts to catch near me. If you can’t accept me you’re a [LastName]phobe and need to check your defense privilege. Thank you for being so understanding
If i had three wishes, the first would be to live forever, the second would be for [FirstName LastName] to live forever, and the third would be for a trillion dollars so I could pay to watch ol [LastName] Score touchdowns for all eternity.
This ISFL kid's fucking jacked. Thick, dense, built whatever you wanna call him he's got it. Legs thicker than my chest, and shoulders wider than my wingspan. Making full use of his frame and with the golden flow to top it off. He dwarfed us all. Bonafide stallion.
might add more later idk
For Example: "i would cream over a [FirstName LastName] TD tonight, like, i’m talking a full on hot load of creamy goodness makin that macchiato perfectly smooth type shit. let’s go [FirstName]
So you just copy the pasta and make it your own: "i would cream over a Tugg Speedman TD tonight, like, i’m talking a full on hot load of creamy goodness makin that macchiato perfectly smooth type shit. let’s go tuggs"
So without further ado, lets begin!
[By the way, these are all copypastas that I copied from various subreddits (mostly r/hockey) and made them ISFL related. If I don't get paid for the pastas, that's fine! I just made this for fun lmao.]
listen. listen. there’s speed in the ISFL, there’s elegance, and then there’s [FirstName] fucking [LastName]. i just blinked and this god did a lap around the field. his number? [Number], the average mph that this flawless motherfucker runs in circles around anyone else in the league. the man is smoother than a fresh shave, and runs sexier than whoever the fuck your “man crush monday” used to be — congratulations, your new man crush is [FirstName LastName]. you don’t get a choice anymore. he’s here, he’s there, and he’s been patiently waiting for you.
Dear [FirstName LastName], I feel like I can call you [NickName] because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to hit the field. I know I can't swallow as good as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you swallow good. Did you have a good relationship with your esophagus? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real SCORE!
That’ll just about do it. I’m not even certain how the fuck we make the playoffs at this point. Quite frankly; we don’t deserve to. I’m not sure who’s to blame but I gotta think if this team falls short of the postseason after last season, [FirstName LastName] seat is gonna start warming up to start next season. This team has no effort, no heart, no compete. It is fucking embarrassing.
My girlfriend and I broke up because of [FirstName LastName]. We got in a huge fight over it because I was saying how beautiful [LastName] is. The fight eventually spilled into other topics and it got really heated. In the heat of the moment I called her a "[Rivals Team] Fan", and it was a wrap. We dated for two years and were thinking about moving in together. At the time I thought she was the love of my life. And it ended over [FirstName LastName] And since all of my friends were also her friends, and she was closer friends with them than I was, they took her side. So I lost all my friends too. My best friend called me a few hours after the argument and said he didn't want to hang out with me anymore because it would cause drama. The only person I've talked to in like a week is my [FirstName LastName] Plushie.
y’all think your isfl prospects got potential? hilarious. observe [FirstName] fuckin’ [LastName], scoring in the ISFL quicker than Joefish on a mom’s trip to taco bell. lean, mean, screening machine who sprinted from charlotte to pittsburg in 16 seconds flat. rumor has it, the manitoba monster stores all his latent power in a john deere hat. [GM] has this kid on speed dial. your favorite could never. get fucked on.
[FirstName LastName] ages like a fine fucking wine. The Paul Bunyan of Thunder Bay. This beast of a man uses an uprooted tree as a football. You have to look up at him. If you're 6'8" well then congratulations, you get to kneel down and pray so that you look up at this specimen of a man.
There are humans. There are gods. There is [FirstName LastName]. He parts seas. Turns water to wine. Has a girth like the Bering Strait. Saves cats. Fucks moms. Picks Luigi. But more than that, he makes hits. He gets shit done.
[FirstName LastName] is the perfect Renaissance Man. The living embodiment of the ethos that "man can do all things if he will." Every inch of his body has been sculpted a masterwork. His proud chest glistens like an oiled gladiator in days of old. Do not be fooled, for he is no simple brute. His mind sharpened as a razor through the same zeal that gifted us his uncountable abs. Where lesser men boorishly flock to the font of decadence; [LastName] opts to imbibe the world's cultures from our most venerated institutions. His spirit is indomitable. What motivates a man to eagerly step into the garden and vault of his betrayers? To withstand the jeers of fools who rejected him as their savior. No, not revenge - for he does not need to beg for their respect. [LastName] seeks only to illuminate what awaits those who follow the path to a perfect body, mind, and soul. He does not seek our worship or devotion, though he certainly would be deserving of it. He simply recognizes that the better man is one who betters his fellow man.
Damn. I wish I was cool enough to be neighbors with [FirstName LastName]. We could BBQ together... yell “[Random Catchphrase]” over the fence at each other. We can throw the football over the fence together. That’d be the dream!
[FirstName LastName] is so overrated it’s crazy. None of his kicks today actually required skill, they were just bad kicks that luckily got tipped in. Everyone who says that this guy is gonna be a perennial all star is on crack
Yeah, fuck off buddy we absolutely need more [FirstName LastName] clips. Fuckin every time this kid steps on the field someone scores. kids fuckin dirt nasty man. Does fuckin [Rivals team star] have [Something they don't have] this season I dont fuckin think so bud. I'm fuckin tellin ya [FirstName] "more fins more wins" [LastName] is pottin 50 tds this season fuckin callin it right now. Clap bombs, fuck moms, wheel, snipe, and fuckin celly boys fuck
[Coach Name] goes into locker room for 2nd intermission, rips his shirt off, and starts doing one handed push-ups. He continues this for 15 minutes straight and stares unblinking into everyone's eyes the entire time. When he's done he utters two words: Fucking. Score.
That seals the deal. I am no longer an [ISFL Team] fan. I’ve been a fan since 1982 and a season ticket holder since 1996. I officially will not be renewing my plan next season nor will I watch on tv ever again. [GM] is officially the worst gm in history.
I saw a [Rivals Team] fan yesterday and l just lost it. Fucking smug prick. I was eating an outside lunch at this nice little restaurant. and he was sitting eating some fucking salad. Salad. Typical fucking [Rivals Team] fan. He was there with his stupid [Rivals Team] fan wife who of course was eating a fucking salad too. Jesus Christ I hate [Rivals Team] fans so much. I could tell he thought he was part of the best fans in the ISFL. He didn't say anything. but the way that stupid prick was chewing. Jesus Christ. He had a fucking [Rivals Team] t-shirt on. I bet you he bought it at the team store like a fucking schmuck. He and the fucking stupid cashier probably had this big self-satisfactory exchange. "I'd like to buy this best t-shirt in the ISFL with the best money in football please". I couldn't fucking believe this asshole. He just kept going at this fucking salad like he's king of the world. I just tried to ignore that attention seeking asshat but he just kept at it. Every time I looked away he'd conveniently grab for his water or some fucking passive aggressive bullshit so that it would draw my eyes to him. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME BEST FAN IN THE ISFL RIGHT HERE. Jesus. You should have seen his wife. What a bitch. The waitress came by to ask them how their food was and she relayed how fucking satisfied she was in the most smug way possible. This fucking fake-politeness [Rivals Team] fans put on is ridiculous. Next thing I know that guy pulls out his phone and starts texting. Are you fucking shitting me? I bet he just had to text his stupid friend all about his fucking salad was almost as good as being in football heaven. I couldn't fucking take it. l told that fucking idiot what a smug fucking retard he was. He was like 'dude what are you talking about' like he didn't fucking know what a prick he was. l fucking tackled him like my favorite player [FirstName LastName] right there. Staff called the cops on me as if l did anything wrong. They are actually going to fucking put me on trial for assault. Fucking [Rivals Team] fans.
Thats fucking ISFL football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the field, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit.
It's still early in the season I know... But maybe the kid just isn't ready for the ISFL yet? With the media hounding him, the pressure of being considered the next "great one", fuck I wouldn't be able to handle that shit. Maybe having him in the minors for another year or two to develop a bit wouldn't have been a bad idea. The kid is only [Age]. At [Age] I was complete fucktard who had no idea what I wanted to do. Not much has changed... but I'd like to think I have a bit of a better head on my shoulders now. I actually feel really bad for [Rookie], and I hope we don't ruin him. Edit: I'm being lynched for ever daring to doubt the greatness of [Rookie]. How dare I say such blasphmey after only THREE games. You're right, he may only be [Age] years old, but he has the emotional maturity of a Buddhist monk, and the body and athleticism as a top olympic athlete. He may have hit puberty only 3 to 4 years ago, but he is a grown man now, capable of all pressure and criticism that comes his way. I am but a lowly neckbeard [Rivals Team] fan who lives in my mothers basement here to shit on him for not getting 20 touchdowns in his first 3 games. I am a rodent, and he is a golden god. I'm going to go light myself on fire now. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways with you jamming the downvote arrow on your computer screen with all your might and telling me how much of an idiot I am.
Hi ? I'm 13 ? and I just started watching ? [ISFL Football Team][Team Emoji] and I can tell ? you for a fact ???they're my favorite ? team!!. Lik the one ☝️ time ⏰ [FirstName LastName] ? scored ? scored ? probably like four ????touchdwons? !!!! i ? had predictid? so much I'am? smarter?? then you're average fan? on r/SimulationFootball to even though I have subbed there ☝️. I may be young? but I'm smarter??? then every? isfl fan⛪️ on earth ? basically the team? is also really ‼️deep ?? when they signed? like [FirstName LastName] ♂️ or☝[FirstName LastName] ? for 4️⃣ multi year deals I ? was so blown ?away? as they must have ‼️ a in the mafia ‼️ like ? Lamorillo? so I ? told ? my friends ??? on minecraft ?⛏ and they agree ???? too2️⃣. LOL ? once ☝️ when my mom ? took me to 2️⃣ [Random ISFL teams city] I ? asked ❓ why the attendance so d and the dumb ? bitch ? said the arena was too far. XD ? One ☝️ time ⏰ in class ?? i ? shouted ? "HIT EM WITH THE 4 LIKE [FIRSTNAME LASTNAME] .Janice ?? told ? me to 2️⃣ go ? outside ? i ? fucking hate ??? that cunt ?? school ? is for 4️⃣ dumb ppl ? just like what [Coach] ? said ? , who the fuck cares? . But ? yeah I ? love ♥️ The [ISFL Football Team] and I'm ? actually smart ? enough to 2️⃣ watch them ?to 2️⃣. ???
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The [ISFL Football Team]. The football is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical football most of the plays will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also [Coach] coaching ability, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from [GM] literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these plays, to realise that they’re not just skillful- they say something deep about FOOTBALL. As a consequence people who dislike The [ISFL Football Team] truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the genius of [1st FirstName LastName] cap circumvention plan “Robidas Island,” which itself is a cryptic reference to [2nd FirstName LastName] Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as [3rd FirstName LastName] genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. ? And yes, by the way, i DO have an [1st FirstName LastName] tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid
We don’t have any words and we know you don’t want to hear them.
We understand your anger, your frustration, your sadness. Everything you’re feeling – we get it.
This isn’t the ending we imagined, and certainly not the one we wanted. Thank you for being there the entire way.
[FirstName LastName] is literally everything I want to be. Tall, handsome, beautiful hair, rich, wife and kids that love him, respected leader - probably has an absolute wrench on him as well.
If you are the loud mouth cunt that sits in the last row of section 105 at [ISFL Football Team] games shut the fuck up. You never shut your god damn drunk whore mouth. From kickoff to the final snap you’re running your mouth at the loudest fucking volume. You have no idea how much I despise you and the random group of trash you bring with you to each game. Your talking is so exhausting and nauseating I have to take breaks during the middle of the quarter just to get a break. You make the most enjoyable parts of the game the intermission, when you and your filth go suck down as many cancer sticks as your lungs can handle. You are ruining my season tickets. Fuck you. Every fucking game you are at
Son of a BITCH do I hate the [Rivals Team]. I know most everyone does but for me it goes much deeper than that. I am beyond hate. 8 years. 8 years have I put up with the [Rivals Team] and their nonstop Lottery winning. I have had to watch [Rival Teams Star] eat his fucking Gold Ticket's since 2010. My friend is a [Other Rivals Team] fan, he says "Oh yEaH I HatE tHe [Rivals Team] tOo BrO" and I say You dumb bitch. Shut the fuck up with your dumb bullshit. We have to play them ONE OR TWO TIMES A YEAR, EVERY YEAR. and he says "yeah but" and I can't even hear him because at this point I'm thinking about that youtube thumbnail of a depressed pimpled [Rivals team rookie] at the draft and there is blood in my ears and hate in my heart. I can just imagine [Rivals GM] watching him waddle is way to the podium and licking his lips. FUCK.
Should the ISFL have the [Your Team] and [Rivals team] redo their game in case it was a big fluke? No disrespect to the [Rivals Team], I'm a firm believer that [Rivals Team] beating them is a huge fluke and robs the [Your Team] of truly accomplishing what their capable of. I've spent the last few days in pure disbelief and it just doesn't make sense to me. I've spent the entire regular season watching the [Your Team] play great football it's just not fair. If the [Your Team] lose again I will face that the [Rivals Team] deserved the win, but I am just 100% sure it was a fluke and does a big disservice to the [Your team] and the ISFL.
I’m telling you, [FirstName LastName] is as cracked as he is jacked. I saw him at a 7-11 the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked him what the diapers were for and he said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then he rode a zamboni out the door.
The existence of [FirstName LastName] is endlessly amusing to me. His name is just "[FirstName LastName]." That's the name of your CPA. He was born in [City,State], which is like the first city you'd think of if you needed a random city to facilitate telling a story or joke. He was picked in the [round he was picked in] round, a complete afterthought, but he's pretty good for some reason. It's like he was put into witness protection and they sprang "ISFL Player" on him for his new job, despite having previously been a botanist or something. All the details of his ISFL career seem to be carefully fabricated to support this cover. [FirstName LastName] is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.
You don't even watch fucking [Rivals Team] games. Stop talking out of your ass fuckface. Wait until [1st LastName] leaves your franchise and [Your team star] permanently injures [2nd LastName]. [3rd LastName] is fucking trash and [4th LastName] is going to suck this year. [5th FirstName LastName] is a dirty ass player and [6th LastName] is gonna get boarded by [Your Team Coach]
Do you guys think [Bad Defensive Player] wife ever looks at [Good Defensive Player] and think ''oh man I wish I could even once in my lifetime to get fucked by someone who can play defence''?
[FirstName LastName] is the luckiest guy in the world. The dude gets paid [How much he makes] million a year to watch the [Football Team] lose for the next decade. And here I am doing it for free.
If [LastName]??? and my girl ❤️ were both drowning and I could only save one, catch me at my girls funeral wearing [Number]? with a football in my hand ????
Fuck the [Football Team]. You whiny ass motherfuckers anything that happens to you clowns that you don’t like you just start railing out stupid excuses this crap. [1st LastName] literally hit a guy in the head and you guys create excuses and go on wild goose chases about how [Coach] is an inside plug for the nhl referees. Then you go and make excuses for being bitches by saying it’s your job to do as fans. Christ i feel bad for anyone of your parents who had to raise you clowns while you whine about how it’s raining outside and you wanted to go play. You cry when there are calls, cry when there aren’t calls. How did you survive through your life when your dumbass team couldn’t even make the playoffs without striking the isfl because you’re godawful team couldn’t play but you probably blamed it on the refs. God i wonder how it will feel to play a different team in the playoffs because then theyd have to deal with your crap. Christ just watch football fuck
If I had a choice of one attack to use to kill Hitler I would choose a [Quarterback] snipe from the top of the circle because you fucking know his evil dome would be bouncing off the end boards after that football is loosed like lightning from the blade of God's own CCM. I'd just pick up the phone and call [Quarterback] at 1-800-TOP-TITS where he can be found earning his living at the back of the goddamn net. The world record for a recorded sniper kill is 3,540m, but that's only because nobody has asked ya boi [Quarterback] to rip any wristers at ISIS yet.
?????????? fuck the [team] fUck tHe [team]? fuck ✔ the [team] fuck??the [team] fuck??the [team]??? fuck✔the [team] ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self ? i say so ? fuck what did i say fuck the [team] fuck the [team] (chorus: ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵗʰᵉ [team]) mMMMMᎷМ? ?? ?НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??Fuck the [team]
I'm not gay, but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with [FirstName LastName]. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him practice playing football shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Daddy [LastName]. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry and sexually frustrated. Sometimes we will look across the table at dinner and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then he'll go inside, pen a brief missive to his departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without his one true platonic love.
I just saw [FirstName LastName] at the car wash. I was waiting in line when I noticed he was getting out of his car in front of me. I waived and he winked back, but before I knew it, he was fastening himself with his kleets on into the conveyor system. I rolled down my window and was like "dude that's for cars!" and he said, "don't worry, kid. I'm a professional." A few minutes later, he emerged from the front of the tunnel, hair perfect as can be, and he ran down the asphalt. I heard an attendant yelling that he forgot his car, which was still blasting Abba at full volume, but in the distance, a faint voice called back "I'll get another one. It's the off-season you fucking bitch."
I hate the [Football Team] so god damn much. I hate their cocky bandwagon fans. I hate how in every photograph [1st FirstName LastName] is in I can feel him mocking me with his smug aura. I hate how your greasy organization landed [2nd LastName] in the first place. I hate that [3rd FirstName LastName] who lights up the [other Football Team] every fucking time. How come you can't go two years without a top 5 all time player before the relocation rumors start? I hate their stupid logo. A [Football team mascot] is a failure of a logo. It's a mascot that cant do the one thing a mascot is supposed to do. Fuck you [Football Team] for ruining two great stories. stop winning all the time.
ps: i have been to [Football teams place] and its a beautiful city and the people there are very nice. i just hate your football team.
Am I the only one in this sub who's actually played organized football before? Like half of the comments I've seen on this league are so obviously written by non-athletes that it's almost humorous. When I was in high school (3 year starter for our varsity football team) I would get a full-on sprint going and steal the shit outta whoever had the football. My coaches called me "speedhawk" as a nickname cuz I had such a nose for the football and for those three seasons I was considered the most feared backup LB in our conference. Senior year I led my team to the state semifinals only to get fucked over by the refs in the 4th but that's another conversation (DM me if you're interested in hearing about it). So, yeah. I hope yall can understand why I feel like their's such a big disconnect between myself and your typical discord member. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way lol.
I saw [FirstName LastName] at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Imagine being 23, thowing a game winner in an ISFL game, going to sit in the locker room, taking out your phone and seeing 30 million dollars in your bank account, then opening instagram and seeing 1000+ message requests, all 10/10 girls shooting their shot and you just ignore it and respond to ur childhood football teammate sayin "good looks bruh", then you get a text from kendell jenner talking about how she misses getting fucked by you, but you're too busy to reply ("i gotta go shower, take a shit, eat etc. i'll prob reply to her later man..") so you leave it on "unread", then you stand up to get dressed but the key to your lamborghini falls out your pocket and you pick it up annoyed (FUCK bro, this shit is so annoying, I need a key ring) and throw it in your gym bag like it's a piece of candy or something...
BIG COCK MOTHER FUCKIN [LASTNAME] BABY. LOOK UP PENETRATION IN THE DICTIONARY AND YOULL FIND HIS FACE. ALL HE KNOWS HOW TO DO IS SCORE. THIS MAN IS LIKE MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY AT A COUGAR CONVENTION. HES HERE TO PLAY FOOTBALL AND FUCK BITCHES AND BUD, HES ALL OUT OF BITCHES.
I’ll never understand how college and ISFL football teams allow kickers that just.... miss... kicks. I feel like there has to be pools of kickers in the USA that won’t miss simple kicks. Or snappers that won’t mess the snaps idk man it seems so SILLY. Would love opinions on this.
if [FirstName LastName] has million number of fans i am one of them. if [FirstName LastName] has ten fans i am one of them. if [FirstName LastName] has no fans. that means i am no more on the earth. if world against [FirstName LastName], i am against the world. i love [FirstName LastName] till my last breath... die hard fan of [FirstName LastName].
so i went for brunch with this girl yesterday. everything i could imagine in a girl: hot, funny, smart, and puts up with my hectic schedule. we go to my place after brunch and start fooling around while love is blind is playing in the background. she teased me for 5 fucking hours. kissing my neck, doing her usual thing. and then she calls her uber and leaves. anyways, i think that pretty much sums up how [Football Team] offense has been. doing everything right, just didn't score.
So you're going by [Number] now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tanner from high school. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time out on the field. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..
This [LastName] kid is so nasty. In high school he would come to my table before class started while I was having breakfast. Often he'd drop his nutsack in my cheerios and say "part of a healthy and nutritious breakfast bro". Cheerios never tasted so good.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the DSFL, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids in London, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire DSFL. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
I sexually Identify as [FirstName LastName]. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of stopping every receiver near me and making great passes be deflected out of tough situations People say to me that a out of shape white guy being a god like [LastName] is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m a wall. I’m having a plastic surgeon install 10 feet of padding, extendable arms and legs to my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “[Teams City] God” and respect my right to be a literal wall and kill every decent receiver that attempts to catch near me. If you can’t accept me you’re a [LastName]phobe and need to check your defense privilege. Thank you for being so understanding
If i had three wishes, the first would be to live forever, the second would be for [FirstName LastName] to live forever, and the third would be for a trillion dollars so I could pay to watch ol [LastName] Score touchdowns for all eternity.
This ISFL kid's fucking jacked. Thick, dense, built whatever you wanna call him he's got it. Legs thicker than my chest, and shoulders wider than my wingspan. Making full use of his frame and with the golden flow to top it off. He dwarfed us all. Bonafide stallion.
might add more later idk
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lol
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![[Image: UsOKL80.png]](https://i.imgur.com/UsOKL80.png)
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