Dear DSFL GM's,
My publicist thinks it's a good idea for me to use my insane social media following as a platform to explain to you exactly why I should be the number one overall pick in the DSFL draft.
First off, I'm as good as it gets. I've been slinging footballs since I was a toddler, I'm 100% god given talent. A special prospect, completely unrivaled by my competition in this draft class. So I'll go ahead and break down each of my rivals for the number one overall pick, and why I'm a superior prospect.
Jay Longshaw? The Vandy backup? Are you serious? While I'm busy winning Sugar Bowls and going All-SEC, this guy was watching his cupcake team win 5 games a season from the bench. Oh, and daddy didn't have to buy me a bunch of private coaching sessions with QB gurus to get me on the DSFL's radar...
Next up is Ryan Leaf Jr., if he's anything like his dad he's a "must miss" prospect. From what I've seen the kid is a jack of some trades, but a master of none. I don't think his arm is up to scratch for big boy football, and I definitely don't think the latest update I've seen on the kid is accurate. Also you probably need to watch out for that family history of substance abuse.
Apollo Lange. Looks like a running back with the ability to throw the ball at a Pac-12 level (aka not well, there's a reason I left SoCal to play SEC ball). I know some of you more "progressive" GM's are interested in taking a risk on a run first guy like Apollo, but I think that's a mistake. Taking this kid over me would be the biggest mistake you ever make.
Has anyone seen Franklin Armstrong in weeks? This guy belongs on a milk carton, not in the first round.
Finally, out of respect for the other, more competent ball chuckers on this list, I'm not even going to officially address Gimmy Jaroppolo or John Tebow. Let's just focus on the quarterbacks that deserve your consideration.
Now this may sound like I'm trashing people I don't know for absolutely no reason, but I'm willing to sack up and give you guys a guarantee. I guarantee that if you give me some competent receivers in the prospect bowl, then my team will win. 100% guaranteed. Take that to the bank.
The way I see it, you GM's have two options: You can draft me and win the Ultimini next season, or you can draft one of these other guys and watch your QB complete 40% of his passes next season. I'm 18, I can afford a slip up every now and then, but you guys have families to feed, and job performance metrics you're being judged by. Don't let your decision to pass on the cocky little shit from Tennessee keep you up tossing and turning at night. Take me to be your franchise QB. I guarantee, I'll work my ass off, I'll win football games, I'll sell tickets, and I'll look damn good while I do all of this.
Sincerely,
Brock Landers
PS I'm a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I'm a big, bright shining star.
My publicist thinks it's a good idea for me to use my insane social media following as a platform to explain to you exactly why I should be the number one overall pick in the DSFL draft.
First off, I'm as good as it gets. I've been slinging footballs since I was a toddler, I'm 100% god given talent. A special prospect, completely unrivaled by my competition in this draft class. So I'll go ahead and break down each of my rivals for the number one overall pick, and why I'm a superior prospect.
Jay Longshaw? The Vandy backup? Are you serious? While I'm busy winning Sugar Bowls and going All-SEC, this guy was watching his cupcake team win 5 games a season from the bench. Oh, and daddy didn't have to buy me a bunch of private coaching sessions with QB gurus to get me on the DSFL's radar...
Next up is Ryan Leaf Jr., if he's anything like his dad he's a "must miss" prospect. From what I've seen the kid is a jack of some trades, but a master of none. I don't think his arm is up to scratch for big boy football, and I definitely don't think the latest update I've seen on the kid is accurate. Also you probably need to watch out for that family history of substance abuse.
Apollo Lange. Looks like a running back with the ability to throw the ball at a Pac-12 level (aka not well, there's a reason I left SoCal to play SEC ball). I know some of you more "progressive" GM's are interested in taking a risk on a run first guy like Apollo, but I think that's a mistake. Taking this kid over me would be the biggest mistake you ever make.
Has anyone seen Franklin Armstrong in weeks? This guy belongs on a milk carton, not in the first round.
Finally, out of respect for the other, more competent ball chuckers on this list, I'm not even going to officially address Gimmy Jaroppolo or John Tebow. Let's just focus on the quarterbacks that deserve your consideration.
Now this may sound like I'm trashing people I don't know for absolutely no reason, but I'm willing to sack up and give you guys a guarantee. I guarantee that if you give me some competent receivers in the prospect bowl, then my team will win. 100% guaranteed. Take that to the bank.
The way I see it, you GM's have two options: You can draft me and win the Ultimini next season, or you can draft one of these other guys and watch your QB complete 40% of his passes next season. I'm 18, I can afford a slip up every now and then, but you guys have families to feed, and job performance metrics you're being judged by. Don't let your decision to pass on the cocky little shit from Tennessee keep you up tossing and turning at night. Take me to be your franchise QB. I guarantee, I'll work my ass off, I'll win football games, I'll sell tickets, and I'll look damn good while I do all of this.
Sincerely,
Brock Landers
PS I'm a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I'm a big, bright shining star.
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