*Rod Tidwell draft coverage

[SDCore]

A draft analysis by Rod Tidwell - double media 1350+ words

Round 1
1. Arizona -

Arizona – Here we go baby, going home to Arizona first overall. Show me the Money! SHOW IT TO ME!
Arizona selects - Brock Landers, WR
WHHHAAAAAAT!! You’re telling me Arizona decided to select a wide receiver in this spot at first overall. With The Rod Tidwell, MR ARIZONA, on the board and they went with Brock Landers? Who is Brock Landers, who does he think he is. Arizona needs Rod Tidwell, Arizona IS Rod Tidwell. Shaking my head with this first pick. Congrats to Brock Landers, for being a dumb pick by a dumb state. Disowning them.

2. New Orleans -

Alright, back to this draft thing. New Orleans seems like a cool town. Rod Tidwell could do well in New Orleans. I don’t think New Orleans likes Rod Tidwell though. They probably aren’t going to pick Rod Tidwell.
New Orleans selects - Quenton Bode, LB
Alright a Linebacker… Fair enough.

3. New Orleans -

Whoa back to back picks for New Orleans. They are called the second line, meaning they are all bench players I think. Rod Tidwell doesn’t want to play on a team with a bunch of second stringers. Let’s see who these band geeks play.
New Orleans selects - Johnny Slothface, LB
Slothface is a good dude. Too bad he is going to be on a team with band members and second stringers.

4. Yellowknife -

Where the F is Yellowknife? Is that the giant state park in California, with the geysers and the mountains? Someone told me it might be in Canada. Not sure where Yellowknife is sooo not super interesting in living in a state park. Rod Tidwell needs space to run and people to be around. That’s how Rod Tidwell earns the Kwan.
Yellowknife selects - Nero Alexander, DE
Ok, so here’s the thing. What has a defensive end ever done to garner any Kwan. He doesn’t score the points, he doesn’t win the games. No Kwan = Not worth a 1st round pick. Hopefully this state park team doesn’t draft me in the later rounds. DE wow.

5. Copperheads -

Alright so Austin seems to be like a cooler city than one Rod Tidwell is from in that state I no longer associate with. Copperheads is a nice name, new team nobody there, so maximum Kwan to be earned. Rod Tidwell loves the Kwan and needs to get more of the Kwan.
Austin selects – Chase Jensen – TE
Alright cool, so Chase seems cool and Austin picked an offensive player. I like that. We will see how this shakes up.

6. Butchers –

Ooo the Butchers seem like an interesting name. Chicago is far from home tho. The big city is appealing, feel like you can get maximum Kwan in Chicago. New team again, so lot’s to build on which interests Rod Tidwell.
Chicago selects - Lightsout Lewis, LB
Another Linebacker. All of these guys better get used to seeing the back of my jersey and Tidwell as I’m running away from them for a touchdown.

7. (via ) –
Colorado trades this pick to Arizona. Don’t pick me Arizona, you wasted your shot. I have disowned you, don’t do it. Rod Tidwell gave you the chance and you blew it!

Arizona selects - Ricardo Morris, DT
HA! A defensive tackle. Stupid Arizona, doesn’t understand how points work. Again defensive tackles rarely score you touchdowns. Dumb Arizona, now Rod Tidwell really doesn’t want to go there. No respect, means no Kwan, no Kwan means no Rod Tidwell. Good luck in the future Arizona.


8. -

Otters or Beavers? Are they different or the same? Who really knows. All Rod Tidwell knows is that he could live in Orange County. That seems like a good place to raise a family, and family happiness gives good Kwan values.
Orange County selects - AJ Lattimore, DT
Another Defensive Tackle. Maybe, Rod Tidwell is confused about what that position does. They are the big guys who try and fail to tackle Rod Tidwell right?


9. -

Umm, really a bell. Who wants to play for a team where the logo is a bell? That seems like an odd choice. Ding Dong the bells are here, that doesn’t incite fear or scare your opponent.
Philadelphia selects - Richard D'Attoria, DB
Ooooo I can’t wait to run all over this guy. Yo D’Attoria, get used to seeing this face beat you. You play for the dumb Ding Dong bells now. Good for you.

10. -

SabreCats, now there is a name. They incite fear and panic in the opponents. If you were getting chased by a SabreCat you’d be scared. They also just won the big game, so that’s impressive. Rod Tidwell likes money and San Jose has money. So maximum Kwan opportunites.
San Jose selects - Ahri Espeeyeeseetee, WR
Now there is a name. It’s all about Respect, which Rod Tidwell is getting none of. TWO wide receivers taken and neither have been Rod Tidwell. Where is the respect for the greatest wide receiver in the draft?

Round 2
11. (via ): -
HA Arizona traded out of this spot. Colorado comes in here with a lot of time to think about how great Rod Tidwell is. 1st pick of the second round here I come.
Colorado selects - Mo Berry, LB
ANOTHER LINEBACKER BEFORE ROD TIDWELL. Wow, this league doesn’t know how to value the Kwan. Someone will show me the money soon. I am sure of this.


12. -

Baltimore Hawks, Rod Tidwell likes the color pattern, they also haven’t let Rod Tidwell down yet by not drafting him so that’s a plus. The Hawks seem like a good team, they have some strong players Rod Tidwell could compliment well.
Baltimore selects - Faith Terim, DB
Oh man, another defensive back? These guys are just flying off the board. Too bad they will all have to see the name on the back of my jersey as I run away from them. Rod Tidwell will burn Baltimore for not choosing him.

13. -

Hey look, it’s that second string band team again. They sure do have a lot of picks in the first two rounds. That must mean they are no good. I mean, if they have 3 picks in the top 15 obviously they weren’t very good, which makes sense since there name is basically the second strings.
New Orleans selects - Forrest Gump, RB
Alright, I can’t say a bad thing about my captain in Tijuana Forrest Gump. Dude is a beast, can’t believe it took the league this long to realize that he was still around and pick him. Besides Rod Tidwell, he is the best available guy this year. He is going to be legit.


14. -

So that state park team is back up. I’ve now definitely been told Yellowknife is in Canada, but Rod Tidwell is refusing to believe that. Cool logo with the blue eyes and all, but Rod Tidwell won’t play in a state park.
Yellowknife selects - Morgan Marshall, RB
Morgan Marshall. Don’t know much about this guy, but I mean come on another running back. I guess he is good or something, but good luck getting Kwan in a state park.

15. Copperheads –
Heyyo, it’s the Austin team again. If they don’t select Rod Tidwell, the best receiver in the draft then they are absolutely crazy. I mean they got a TE, heard they have a young new QB coming. If they don’t select me they are also dead to me like that soulless state AZ.
Austin selects - Rod Tidwell, WR
SHOW ME THE MONEY!!! YEAH BABY! Rod Tidwell is home in Austin. Some good Kwan building here. New franchise so, the respect will be earned. Texas loves football, Rod Tidwell loves football, so that means Texas will love Rod Tidwell. All the Kwan to Austin.

Let’s go Austin Copperheads! Congrats to all the draftees, but all you defensive players out there you’ve been put on notice… Rod Tidwell will burn you. Respect, money, family, and success equals Kwan and Rod Tidwell needs all the Kwan.

[Ben]

I was giggling away like a crazy person the entire time I read this lmfao

[Baron1898]

Lol at Yellowknife sounding like a state park. (Don’t tell dermot but it really does.)

[ValorX77]

Lol at Yellowknife sounding like a state park. (Don’t tell dermot but it really does.)

You are literally there right now.

[Baron1898]

You are literally there right now.

Indeed I am.

[Bigred1580]

Indeed I am.

And it’s beautiful this time of year!

[shadyshoelace]

I just want some Kwan ????

Amazing article man!