*Statement Regarding Tijuana's Vandalism

[Duilio05]

Previous Statement by @TomHanks

Draft Day. I’m excited. I choose to stay at EBDBBnB and enjoyed a delicious EBDBBnB BLT with an egg for breakfast. For those of you who don’t know those acronyms, they are Eskimo Brother Database Bed n Breakfast and the second is Eskimo Brother Database Bed n Breakfast Bacon Lettuce Tomato Sandwich which is exclusively served at Eskimo Brother Database Bed n Breakfast. There I was chatting with Stringer Bell trying to convince him we should totally draft all four kickers in the first four rounds of the draft. Fairly certain I was winning that argument. It was going to be a great day.

The day completely changed when the newspaper was delivered to me and the headline was that the San Antonio Marshals gym had been vandalized and repainted Red with Tijuana logos. I don’t understand the big deal, because I don’t use the gym, but suddenly MyFace started blowing up with San Antonio alumni including Walt Green, Nero Alexander, Cooter Bigsby raging about how insulting this was and that we should respond by driving down to Tijuana and bulldozing the Luchadores gym to the ground. However, Stringer calmly stepped in and said no, that we could do better than wanton destruction, and told us to come up with a better idea.

I was spitballing my best ideas - chasing Luchadores’ players around in a green and purple Mr. McGibblets costume, or leaving a chicken-milk stink bomb in their locker room, but once again Stringer put the kibosh on those ideas. So we went through the draft without any idea how we would be paying Tijuana back, and to make it worse we only got one kicker from the draft and we waited until the 6th round instead of getting him first overall.

Yesterday, the day after the draft, the professional painters we hired to remove the red paint and repaint the gym Marshal Green, were still working. We’ve got a great locker room atmosphere with all our new draftees. We're all together getting to know each other and build that camaraderie when we saw the media release by Jimmy Dugan taking credit for painting our gym. It was at that moment that the wheels started turning. Firstly Portland is a closer jaunt from Tijuana than San Antonio by a full 300 miles. Secondly, we had our plan.

This morning, about the time you were probably drinking your first cup of coffee, Jimmy Dugan walked out of his front door headed to work, only to find that his house has been completely walled in. A full 10’ high wall surrounding his entire house, painted San Antonio Green with Marshal logos and the words “Wall Paid for by San Antonio”.

#MarshalUp

Edit: need to thank @`woelker11` for the initial idea of walling Dugan's entire house. Sorry, this wasn't initially included.

[TomHanks]

We came into the locker room before heading over to San Antonio and said, “We’ve got a plan, where should we go? And Mr. “I ran across America” decides to pipe in with a geography lesson. Last time I listen to Forrest. But let’s be realistic, 300 miles means nothing compared to the joy I felt painting specifically your gym red rather than Portland’s. As for this wall...damn that was really clever. I want to be mad. I really really want to be mad, and mostly I am. But I couldn’t help but laugh seeing that at first honestly. That’s really freaking funny. Nevertheless, expect retaliation soon.
- Dugan

[woelkers]

Edit: need to thank @`woelker11` for the initial idea of walling Dugan's entire house.

It was my absolute privilege to offer my brain (and also body in the building process) to the cause.