Hello and welcome to my power rankings. These aren’t just any power rankings, though. These power rankings mean absolutely nothing. I will be ranking the DSFL teams tonight, and these power rankings will be based on which mascots I think would come out on top in an all out brawl. Some of you may have seen my NSFL power rankings that used this same format, but if you didn’t see them, and would like to, you can find that here. Okay, enough chit chat. Let’s jump right into these rankings.
[div align=\\\"center\\\"] :dsfl: DSFL POWER RANKINGS :dsfl: [/div]
8.
Portland Pythons- The Pythons are easily the weakest competitor in this scenario. They are fairly small and not super dangerous. I don’t believe they are venomous. I could be wrong, but I don’t even care enough to research it, because even if they were, I don’t think that if it would matter very much. There's one caveat with the pythons, though. There are different species of pythons, and they vary wildly. This may be slightly unfair, but I'm just going with the python species that came to my mind first, which is the ball python. After some extensive Yahoo searching, the average ball python is somewhere around 3-4 feet, I think. Also, I definitely used Google, not Yahoo. That's not too big. At least, not big enough to make me change my mind about their rank. I did decide to look up the second python that I could think of, which was the Burmese python. Holy shit. Maybe I should've gone with them. That would have put them at least at 5, maybe even 4 or higher. Oh well, what's done is done. I've already wrote this much, so I'm not going to move them. Sorry Portland!
7.
Minnesota Grey Ducks- This one hurts. It doesn’t feel good at all to put my own Grey Ducks this low. At least they aren’t in last place, though. Plus, I hope that this proves that I’m not going to hold any bias for any teams, even my own. I’m not sure if you guys have all had the pleasure of meeting any ducks in real life, but believe me when I tell you they aren’t super nice. They aren’t nearly as mean as geese, but ducks can be pretty crazy as well. My reasoning for this placement is pretty simple. I think that the grey ducks could just grab the pythons, carry them up very high into the air, and then drop them to their death. Alternatively, they could grab one or two pythons at a time, carry them into the air, and then tear them apart. These grey ducks aren’t something to mess with. However, I don’t think that they could do that to any of the other competitors. Maybe the Birddogs or Coyotes, if several of the ducks teamed up, but it just seems pretty unlikely to me. Sorry Grey Ducks, it’s nothing personal, I promise. Dewalt, Boomer, please don’t trade me; I love it here.
6.
Dallas Birddogs - I’m sure that all of the Dallas Birddogs are the goodest of boys, but unfortunately for them, they aren’t the goodest in an all out brawl. I think they could easily chew through some snakes such as the pythons. I’m sure they could tear up the grey ducks. I mean, I’m pretty sure that they are literally dogs that are designed for hunting ducks and other birds. They would probably match up pretty well with the coyotes, but I can’t give them the edge here. I don’t see them having a chance against any of the other competitors, if we’re being honest. I do wish I could rank them higher, because Birddog is my favorite brand of inexpensive whiskey (strawberry is my favorite, with blackberry coming in at a close second place). That shit is so good, it’s insane. However, the birddogs will have to sit here for now, like good boys.
5.
Kansas City Coyotes - The coyotes are very similar to the birddogs. They’re pretty much just small wild dogs. They’re scared of humans, at least in my experience, so they probably couldn’t take on the Luchadores. I do think that they could edge out the birddogs though. After a quick google search, it looks like a bird dog isn’t a very large dog. It could be one of several different breeds, but the logo for Dallas looks like a pointer, or an English Pointer, if we’re being technical. The fact that coyotes are wild and should be familiar with killing things gives them the edge over a medium size domesticated dog, in my opinion. Honestly, it could go either way, though.
4.
Tijuana Luchadores - The fact that the Luchadores are humans automatically gives them a huge edge. Some humans are smart, on occasion - meaning they can strategize better than any other species that other competitors may be. The luchadores have another advantage working in their favor. These guys are absolute units. Professional wrestlers are almost always massive, and I’m pretty sure they’re roided up fairly often too. Unfortunately for the luchas, there are other human, or human-like competitors in this free for all, and another very strong species as well, and their big, sweaty, glistening, bulging muscles aren’t going to help them against them.
3.
Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - At the beginning of this season, most people probably would have said that there’s no way that the buccaneers should rank lower than number one in any form of power rankings. At this point in the season, most people would probably think that number three is much too generous of a ranking for Myrtle Beach. Actual players and performance mean nothing in this ranking, though, so number three is where I think they would land. A buccaneer is technically just a pirate (typically of Spanish American origins). Thus far, the rankings have mostly taken mascots into account, rather than just the team name. Taking this into account, I’m going to say that the buccaneers are closer to an undead pirate. I don’t think that the undead pirates would have any trouble at all with the opponents ranked worse than them. It’s just a very big jump in strength between rank four and the rest of these rankings. I think that an undead pirate is a pretty fearsome opponent for anyone, so I was tempted to put the buccaneers higher up. In my NSFL rankings, I believe I put the wraiths at the number one spot, because something that’s already dead can’t be easily beaten, right? Well, I don’t think that the next two would have much trouble with the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers.
2.
London Royals - Going off name alone, the London Royals would probably go to last place. A bunch of older folks who don’t have much combat experience wouldn’t be much of a fight for anyone. However, the logo (which I really love) shows a lion. Yes, the buccaneers probably have guns. Guns can typically take out an animal, I would think. A pirate is going to have an old musket, or another old, obsolete gun. I don’t think that a flintlock pistol would be able to take out a pride of lions before the lions tore them apart. I could see the buccaneers just using cannons near the coast to try to pick off the lions, but I like to think that they would be on more even ground in these scenarios. I don’t think that the Royals could handle the highest ranked competitor in our rankings today, though. That brings us to...
1.
Norfolk SeaWolves - If it wasn’t for the logo, I wouldn’t have any idea what a SeaWolf was. I probably would’ve just gone with the Erie Seawolves, from minor league baseball. That would have put them much lower, since it’s just a dog with an eyepatch and bandana. Still a good logo, nonetheless. Okay, back to the DSFL. The SeaWolves are submarines. This is an easy choice. There’s no twist-ending like the NSFL rankings. No other mascot can even damage a submarine besides maybe the buccaneers. If they got lucky, they could broadside a submarine if they weren’t paying attention. Not only are the subs insanely durable and hard to hit, they also have some pretty heavy firepower. Subs don’t only have torpedoes. They can also carry surface to air missiles, I think. These missiles could even include nuclear missiles, so I think that this is the easiest choice on the list.
Well, here are the rankings. They were pretty straightforward, and they didn’t pose as many questions to me as the NSFL power rankings that I did at the beginning of the season. I think that the only decision that I had trouble with was the coyotes over the bird dogs. How do you guys think I did? Biases aside, what are some changes or arguments that you guys would make, if you were to do this? Feel free to leave a comment letting me know! I hope you guys enjoyed this. Have a good one guys!
[div align=\\\"center\\\"] :dsfl: DSFL POWER RANKINGS :dsfl: [/div]
8.
Portland Pythons- The Pythons are easily the weakest competitor in this scenario. They are fairly small and not super dangerous. I don’t believe they are venomous. I could be wrong, but I don’t even care enough to research it, because even if they were, I don’t think that if it would matter very much. There's one caveat with the pythons, though. There are different species of pythons, and they vary wildly. This may be slightly unfair, but I'm just going with the python species that came to my mind first, which is the ball python. After some extensive Yahoo searching, the average ball python is somewhere around 3-4 feet, I think. Also, I definitely used Google, not Yahoo. That's not too big. At least, not big enough to make me change my mind about their rank. I did decide to look up the second python that I could think of, which was the Burmese python. Holy shit. Maybe I should've gone with them. That would have put them at least at 5, maybe even 4 or higher. Oh well, what's done is done. I've already wrote this much, so I'm not going to move them. Sorry Portland!7.
Minnesota Grey Ducks- This one hurts. It doesn’t feel good at all to put my own Grey Ducks this low. At least they aren’t in last place, though. Plus, I hope that this proves that I’m not going to hold any bias for any teams, even my own. I’m not sure if you guys have all had the pleasure of meeting any ducks in real life, but believe me when I tell you they aren’t super nice. They aren’t nearly as mean as geese, but ducks can be pretty crazy as well. My reasoning for this placement is pretty simple. I think that the grey ducks could just grab the pythons, carry them up very high into the air, and then drop them to their death. Alternatively, they could grab one or two pythons at a time, carry them into the air, and then tear them apart. These grey ducks aren’t something to mess with. However, I don’t think that they could do that to any of the other competitors. Maybe the Birddogs or Coyotes, if several of the ducks teamed up, but it just seems pretty unlikely to me. Sorry Grey Ducks, it’s nothing personal, I promise. Dewalt, Boomer, please don’t trade me; I love it here.6.
Dallas Birddogs - I’m sure that all of the Dallas Birddogs are the goodest of boys, but unfortunately for them, they aren’t the goodest in an all out brawl. I think they could easily chew through some snakes such as the pythons. I’m sure they could tear up the grey ducks. I mean, I’m pretty sure that they are literally dogs that are designed for hunting ducks and other birds. They would probably match up pretty well with the coyotes, but I can’t give them the edge here. I don’t see them having a chance against any of the other competitors, if we’re being honest. I do wish I could rank them higher, because Birddog is my favorite brand of inexpensive whiskey (strawberry is my favorite, with blackberry coming in at a close second place). That shit is so good, it’s insane. However, the birddogs will have to sit here for now, like good boys.5.
Kansas City Coyotes - The coyotes are very similar to the birddogs. They’re pretty much just small wild dogs. They’re scared of humans, at least in my experience, so they probably couldn’t take on the Luchadores. I do think that they could edge out the birddogs though. After a quick google search, it looks like a bird dog isn’t a very large dog. It could be one of several different breeds, but the logo for Dallas looks like a pointer, or an English Pointer, if we’re being technical. The fact that coyotes are wild and should be familiar with killing things gives them the edge over a medium size domesticated dog, in my opinion. Honestly, it could go either way, though.4.
Tijuana Luchadores - The fact that the Luchadores are humans automatically gives them a huge edge. Some humans are smart, on occasion - meaning they can strategize better than any other species that other competitors may be. The luchadores have another advantage working in their favor. These guys are absolute units. Professional wrestlers are almost always massive, and I’m pretty sure they’re roided up fairly often too. Unfortunately for the luchas, there are other human, or human-like competitors in this free for all, and another very strong species as well, and their big, sweaty, glistening, bulging muscles aren’t going to help them against them.3.
Myrtle Beach Buccaneers - At the beginning of this season, most people probably would have said that there’s no way that the buccaneers should rank lower than number one in any form of power rankings. At this point in the season, most people would probably think that number three is much too generous of a ranking for Myrtle Beach. Actual players and performance mean nothing in this ranking, though, so number three is where I think they would land. A buccaneer is technically just a pirate (typically of Spanish American origins). Thus far, the rankings have mostly taken mascots into account, rather than just the team name. Taking this into account, I’m going to say that the buccaneers are closer to an undead pirate. I don’t think that the undead pirates would have any trouble at all with the opponents ranked worse than them. It’s just a very big jump in strength between rank four and the rest of these rankings. I think that an undead pirate is a pretty fearsome opponent for anyone, so I was tempted to put the buccaneers higher up. In my NSFL rankings, I believe I put the wraiths at the number one spot, because something that’s already dead can’t be easily beaten, right? Well, I don’t think that the next two would have much trouble with the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers.2.
London Royals - Going off name alone, the London Royals would probably go to last place. A bunch of older folks who don’t have much combat experience wouldn’t be much of a fight for anyone. However, the logo (which I really love) shows a lion. Yes, the buccaneers probably have guns. Guns can typically take out an animal, I would think. A pirate is going to have an old musket, or another old, obsolete gun. I don’t think that a flintlock pistol would be able to take out a pride of lions before the lions tore them apart. I could see the buccaneers just using cannons near the coast to try to pick off the lions, but I like to think that they would be on more even ground in these scenarios. I don’t think that the Royals could handle the highest ranked competitor in our rankings today, though. That brings us to...1.
Norfolk SeaWolves - If it wasn’t for the logo, I wouldn’t have any idea what a SeaWolf was. I probably would’ve just gone with the Erie Seawolves, from minor league baseball. That would have put them much lower, since it’s just a dog with an eyepatch and bandana. Still a good logo, nonetheless. Okay, back to the DSFL. The SeaWolves are submarines. This is an easy choice. There’s no twist-ending like the NSFL rankings. No other mascot can even damage a submarine besides maybe the buccaneers. If they got lucky, they could broadside a submarine if they weren’t paying attention. Not only are the subs insanely durable and hard to hit, they also have some pretty heavy firepower. Subs don’t only have torpedoes. They can also carry surface to air missiles, I think. These missiles could even include nuclear missiles, so I think that this is the easiest choice on the list.Well, here are the rankings. They were pretty straightforward, and they didn’t pose as many questions to me as the NSFL power rankings that I did at the beginning of the season. I think that the only decision that I had trouble with was the coyotes over the bird dogs. How do you guys think I did? Biases aside, what are some changes or arguments that you guys would make, if you were to do this? Feel free to leave a comment letting me know! I hope you guys enjoyed this. Have a good one guys!
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