(1,057 words, 1.5x draft media)
Welcome to my DSFL Mock Draft! This was a combination of guessing, TPE, and team needs. I also relied on the TPE tracker for callups, so if some of the write-up stuff is wrong, that's probably why. And there are no trades and no position changes.
Note - for Norfolk, I used RNG to randomly select a player because I’m in the War Room
ROUND ONE
1. Norfolk Seawolves - LB Duke Cheeks @TropicaliaCC
Norfolk needs just about everything and it’s hard to bypass the top TPE linebacker on the board. Last season, we allowed the most points in the league by a large margin, only won two games, and need an instant injection of defensive help. By adding a player like Cheeks, we’d get an immediate boost and he would help shore up our defense from the jump. We also currently have no human linebackers, so Cheeks would definitely be thrown into the starting lineup if we go his way with the first overall pick. And who wouldn’t want another Georgia Bulldog in the locker room? A little more red and black never hurt anybody
2. Dallas Birddogs - QB Joliet Christ Jr. @AW13
With Wolfie McDummy hanging up the cleats in Colorado, Matthias Caliban will most certainly get called up to be the starting QB for the Yeti. With that move, Dallas now has a glaring need for a quarterback in this draft. That brings us to Joliet Christ Jr. There are only a small handful of QBs in this draft and Christ Jr. has jumped out to the front of the pack. This seems like a perfect fit for both parties and could help ease the loss of Caliban. Plus, Dallas has an elite running back in Cobra Kai, which will certainly help take some pressure off the rookie.
3. Kansas City Coyotes - WR Eleven Kendrick-Watts @124715
Kansas City just missed out on the playoffs this season and they have a strong core that will hopefully lead them to the promised land this year. They signed Kendrick-Watts as a rookie free agent last year and it makes sense that they make it official by drafting EKW here with the third overall selection. In four games last year, Kendrick-Watts hauled in 11 catches for 107 yards, so Kansas City is well aware of the elite ceiling that they’re getting with this pick. The Coyotes could be one more piece away from a deep playoff run and this could be the selection that gets them there.
4. Portland Pythons - WR Madison Hayes @sve7en
What’s the number one thing you need to do with a young quarterback? Surround them with elite talent. LBJ is coming off a great rookie campaign and Portland will get another supporting piece here with Madison Hayes. Hayes has been racing down the TPE highway and is one of the top overall prospects in the draft, which makes this a great pick for the Pythons. Look for the snakes to make a deep run in this year’s postseason with what is now a high-powered and balanced offense. Could be one of the favorites to win the whole thing.
5. Minnesota Grey Ducks - S SparkySparky Boom-man @FleshBagSoup
Minnesota’s offense was good last year, ranking third in points, but their defense could use an upgrade. They’ll take Boom-man here at #5 and add to their safety stockpile. With the future uncertain for Damian Blackfyre, Minnesota will draft his replacement and worst case for SSBM, he rotates this season. Either way, this pick makes sense on a bunch of levels and would fill a great need for the Quackers. If Blackfyre has indeed played his last game for Minnesota, he leaves some enormous shoes to fill at the most important position on the field.
6. Bondi Beach Buccaneers - CB HeHateMe PickSix II @Vorshayla
We’ll go back to the secondary as the Bondi Beach Buccaneers make their first ever selection following their location change. With a rocket fuel powered offense led by the award-hoarding Jackie Daytona, the Bucs decide to add some help on the back end with their first pick and take corner HeHateMe PickSix II. James Hoffman had a phenomenal year last season, but he’s currently their only active cornerback which turns this pick into a good mix of fit and need. I hope HeHateMe doesn’t mind long flights!
7. London Royals - CB Lawrence Miller @overdoo
This is a full-on need pick as London needs bodies in their secondary like the world needs access to their counting channel. Miller has been earning at a steady pace and will be a nice piece for London’s defense as they try to head back to the Ultimini. In the immortal words of Meatloaf, two out of three ain’t bad, and that’s a more than attainable goal for the Royals. If it’s not Miller, I expect them to take another corner of someone along the defensive front, but one thing is for sure - London’s recent draft history shows that whoever they take, they won’t screw it up.
8. Tijuana Luchadores - S Jim The Vampire @Kyle
The reigning Ultimini champs get some absurd value here with Vampiric James at #8 overall. He’ll immediately help solidify the Tijuana defense as one of the best in the league and potentially even more secure than their famously closed locker room. Look for JTV to make a big impact in his rookie season as the Luchadores launch their title defense here shortly. Just have to make sure they keep the garlic and pointy sticks out of the locker room as to avoid any unfortunate incidents with their new first rounder.
Some notes:
Welcome to my DSFL Mock Draft! This was a combination of guessing, TPE, and team needs. I also relied on the TPE tracker for callups, so if some of the write-up stuff is wrong, that's probably why. And there are no trades and no position changes.
Note - for Norfolk, I used RNG to randomly select a player because I’m in the War Room
ROUND ONE
1. Norfolk Seawolves - LB Duke Cheeks @TropicaliaCC
Norfolk needs just about everything and it’s hard to bypass the top TPE linebacker on the board. Last season, we allowed the most points in the league by a large margin, only won two games, and need an instant injection of defensive help. By adding a player like Cheeks, we’d get an immediate boost and he would help shore up our defense from the jump. We also currently have no human linebackers, so Cheeks would definitely be thrown into the starting lineup if we go his way with the first overall pick. And who wouldn’t want another Georgia Bulldog in the locker room? A little more red and black never hurt anybody
2. Dallas Birddogs - QB Joliet Christ Jr. @AW13
With Wolfie McDummy hanging up the cleats in Colorado, Matthias Caliban will most certainly get called up to be the starting QB for the Yeti. With that move, Dallas now has a glaring need for a quarterback in this draft. That brings us to Joliet Christ Jr. There are only a small handful of QBs in this draft and Christ Jr. has jumped out to the front of the pack. This seems like a perfect fit for both parties and could help ease the loss of Caliban. Plus, Dallas has an elite running back in Cobra Kai, which will certainly help take some pressure off the rookie.
3. Kansas City Coyotes - WR Eleven Kendrick-Watts @124715
Kansas City just missed out on the playoffs this season and they have a strong core that will hopefully lead them to the promised land this year. They signed Kendrick-Watts as a rookie free agent last year and it makes sense that they make it official by drafting EKW here with the third overall selection. In four games last year, Kendrick-Watts hauled in 11 catches for 107 yards, so Kansas City is well aware of the elite ceiling that they’re getting with this pick. The Coyotes could be one more piece away from a deep playoff run and this could be the selection that gets them there.
4. Portland Pythons - WR Madison Hayes @sve7en
What’s the number one thing you need to do with a young quarterback? Surround them with elite talent. LBJ is coming off a great rookie campaign and Portland will get another supporting piece here with Madison Hayes. Hayes has been racing down the TPE highway and is one of the top overall prospects in the draft, which makes this a great pick for the Pythons. Look for the snakes to make a deep run in this year’s postseason with what is now a high-powered and balanced offense. Could be one of the favorites to win the whole thing.
5. Minnesota Grey Ducks - S SparkySparky Boom-man @FleshBagSoup
Minnesota’s offense was good last year, ranking third in points, but their defense could use an upgrade. They’ll take Boom-man here at #5 and add to their safety stockpile. With the future uncertain for Damian Blackfyre, Minnesota will draft his replacement and worst case for SSBM, he rotates this season. Either way, this pick makes sense on a bunch of levels and would fill a great need for the Quackers. If Blackfyre has indeed played his last game for Minnesota, he leaves some enormous shoes to fill at the most important position on the field.
6. Bondi Beach Buccaneers - CB HeHateMe PickSix II @Vorshayla
We’ll go back to the secondary as the Bondi Beach Buccaneers make their first ever selection following their location change. With a rocket fuel powered offense led by the award-hoarding Jackie Daytona, the Bucs decide to add some help on the back end with their first pick and take corner HeHateMe PickSix II. James Hoffman had a phenomenal year last season, but he’s currently their only active cornerback which turns this pick into a good mix of fit and need. I hope HeHateMe doesn’t mind long flights!
7. London Royals - CB Lawrence Miller @overdoo
This is a full-on need pick as London needs bodies in their secondary like the world needs access to their counting channel. Miller has been earning at a steady pace and will be a nice piece for London’s defense as they try to head back to the Ultimini. In the immortal words of Meatloaf, two out of three ain’t bad, and that’s a more than attainable goal for the Royals. If it’s not Miller, I expect them to take another corner of someone along the defensive front, but one thing is for sure - London’s recent draft history shows that whoever they take, they won’t screw it up.
8. Tijuana Luchadores - S Jim The Vampire @Kyle
The reigning Ultimini champs get some absurd value here with Vampiric James at #8 overall. He’ll immediately help solidify the Tijuana defense as one of the best in the league and potentially even more secure than their famously closed locker room. Look for JTV to make a big impact in his rookie season as the Luchadores launch their title defense here shortly. Just have to make sure they keep the garlic and pointy sticks out of the locker room as to avoid any unfortunate incidents with their new first rounder.
Some notes:
- If you were not included in this mock, take heart! I only got one pick exactly correct in my two-round mock last year, so there’s actually a pretty good chance of you moving up into the first round.
- I didn’t really take history/personality conflicts into account which obviously plays a huge role in determining draft slot. Yet another reason why this is likely to be laughably incorrect.
- My first overall pick in last year’s mock, Ernest Lover, was actually taken eighth overall which could mean Mr. Cheeks needs to update his passport.
- I had no offensive linemen taken in the first round, which likely means there will be a run on them. Keep that in mind.
Jurisprudence Jones, OL ![[Image: cYhSwFY.png]](https://i.imgur.com/cYhSwFY.png)
![[Image: image.png?width=1111&height=625]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/683033414848348254/1104181360693874828/image.png?width=1111&height=625)
