Okay so after a whirlwind few hours in which the general manager of the New Orleans Second Line aka @bovovovo made incredibly disparaging remarks about the Death Valley Scorpions, driving me to exercise my mutual option and test free agency, I would like to make a few things clear.
I am open to reconciliation. If bovo is willing to own his faults I am willing to re-sign in New Orleans. In fact I see this as the most likely outcome of this event.
I am not open to signing in Orange County. I was originally but PFTN spat on any lingering friendship we had (which I personally thought was very strong even though he left New Orleans to take a very attractive opportunity to GM a rival team). At first he said he did "want [me]" but he thought that what was best for me was to "go[] back to NOLA" which I completely respected. We had a very pleasant conversation.
Which quickly went south with the Otters GM quickly followed that up with "the wound I left in your heart needs time to heal" which launched us into an argument in which PFTN pretended to hate the Office in an effort to get me on his side. This quickly descended into name calling as he called my personality toxic and said he would never waste a serious free agency pitch on me.
I told him privately and now I am stating publicly that I will never play for a team PFTN GMs unless and until he posts a public apology for the hurtful words he sent to me today, among other terms we will discuss privately.
To all the other six teams I will state this: I am not making a final decision for at least 24 hours after the posting of this topic. I want to give each team an opportunity to contact me and feel me out without making anyone feel rushed. I have been in contact with many teams already but I have not committed to anything in particular. I will reveal my main priorities below.
1. Memeing. You may not know this about me but I am an enthusiastic if sub-par memer. I like joking around and making light of things including (especially) if those jokes are at my expense. I will give deference to teams that can show a proficiency in memeing, joking, and general shit talking. I realize that New Orleans is the league leader here but they have their own set of criteria I have demanded to meet so the other six of you are competing amongst yourselves if New Orleans doesn't live up to my demands.
2. Football. I spent a lot of seasons on bad teams. Like really bad. I was drafted by the Legion in season 4 and didn't make the playoffs until last season. I'm not entirely opposed to joining a non-playoff team but I will give priority to those I feel are in the best position to win. Right now I feel like that is New Orleans and Baltimore but I'm open to Yellowknife and Orange County proving me wrong if their own testing indicates so.
3. Extra goodies. I'm a fucking sucker for gag clauses and other embedded goodies that may not technically be allowed by NSFL contract guidelines but would be wink wink nudge nudge side deals. Be as creative as you feel comfortable with these because the more spazzy and hilarious the better in my eyes.
So yeah in conclusion I'm still most likely signing back in New Orleans but only if bovo accepts my demands. In the mean time I have committed myself to at least hearing out anyone else who might be interested. If you're not because you don't think this is a serious free agency I completely understand and have striven (strove?) to be up front about my current state of mind. If you have any questions feel free to shoot me a message and I'll be up front with you. As it stands now New Orleans is by far the favorite with Baltimore in second. I've been decently impressed with the other teams that have already reached out to me but they have quite a bit of ground to make up and it's still early. By being so quick on the trigger though they've definitely got a leg up if things falls just right for them.
Last place is of course the Otters. Won't be signing there.
I am open to reconciliation. If bovo is willing to own his faults I am willing to re-sign in New Orleans. In fact I see this as the most likely outcome of this event.
I am not open to signing in Orange County. I was originally but PFTN spat on any lingering friendship we had (which I personally thought was very strong even though he left New Orleans to take a very attractive opportunity to GM a rival team). At first he said he did "want [me]" but he thought that what was best for me was to "go[] back to NOLA" which I completely respected. We had a very pleasant conversation.
Which quickly went south with the Otters GM quickly followed that up with "the wound I left in your heart needs time to heal" which launched us into an argument in which PFTN pretended to hate the Office in an effort to get me on his side. This quickly descended into name calling as he called my personality toxic and said he would never waste a serious free agency pitch on me.
I told him privately and now I am stating publicly that I will never play for a team PFTN GMs unless and until he posts a public apology for the hurtful words he sent to me today, among other terms we will discuss privately.
To all the other six teams I will state this: I am not making a final decision for at least 24 hours after the posting of this topic. I want to give each team an opportunity to contact me and feel me out without making anyone feel rushed. I have been in contact with many teams already but I have not committed to anything in particular. I will reveal my main priorities below.
1. Memeing. You may not know this about me but I am an enthusiastic if sub-par memer. I like joking around and making light of things including (especially) if those jokes are at my expense. I will give deference to teams that can show a proficiency in memeing, joking, and general shit talking. I realize that New Orleans is the league leader here but they have their own set of criteria I have demanded to meet so the other six of you are competing amongst yourselves if New Orleans doesn't live up to my demands.
2. Football. I spent a lot of seasons on bad teams. Like really bad. I was drafted by the Legion in season 4 and didn't make the playoffs until last season. I'm not entirely opposed to joining a non-playoff team but I will give priority to those I feel are in the best position to win. Right now I feel like that is New Orleans and Baltimore but I'm open to Yellowknife and Orange County proving me wrong if their own testing indicates so.
3. Extra goodies. I'm a fucking sucker for gag clauses and other embedded goodies that may not technically be allowed by NSFL contract guidelines but would be wink wink nudge nudge side deals. Be as creative as you feel comfortable with these because the more spazzy and hilarious the better in my eyes.
So yeah in conclusion I'm still most likely signing back in New Orleans but only if bovo accepts my demands. In the mean time I have committed myself to at least hearing out anyone else who might be interested. If you're not because you don't think this is a serious free agency I completely understand and have striven (strove?) to be up front about my current state of mind. If you have any questions feel free to shoot me a message and I'll be up front with you. As it stands now New Orleans is by far the favorite with Baltimore in second. I've been decently impressed with the other teams that have already reached out to me but they have quite a bit of ground to make up and it's still early. By being so quick on the trigger though they've definitely got a leg up if things falls just right for them.
Last place is of course the Otters. Won't be signing there.
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