The expansion draft has happened and the Austin Copperheads and the Chicago Butchers are both one step closer to putting a team on the field. But will that team be competitive? We’ve still got a few more big moments of this offseason that’ll decide what these guys do this on the field for Season 16. So, I’ve decided to tackle this in three parts. This part is after the expansion draft, the next one will come after the majority of free agency is wrapped up, and the final part will come after the NSFL Draft, at which point, the teams will have been fully assembled and will be ready for kickoff. Let’s get started with this so-and-so.
Austin Copperheads
QB Easton Cole - 182 TPE
RB Dick Wizardry - 875
WR Django Anoa’i - 540
WR Sam Hardwick - 522
WR Rod Tidwell - 354
TE Chase Jensen - 407
TE Michael Rood - 112
OL Edmond Beaver-Dantes - 296
OL Rahm Kota - 103
DE Grayson Kuusela - 470
DE Joseph Henry - 218
DE Khalil Sack - 50
DT Footballer Sackerman - 458
DT Nick Snider - 124
DT Bruce Waynner - 59
LB Sandip Bakshi - 316
LB A.J. Robertson - 249
CB Spencer Castle - 383
CB Gordon Ramsey Jr. - 213
S Shannon Hobbs - 334
S Jonathan Towers - 196
S Troy Humuhumunukunukuapua'a - 175
K Alfredo Crisco - 221
OK, first off, I know that they haven’t drafted Easton Cole yet, but that’s a given, he’s a GM there. This post is basically meant to show what we know about these teams at this very minute. And to be honest, the Copperheads don’t look bad, especially on offense. Aside from the fact that they’ll be starting a true rookie at QB in Cole, the rest of this team has skilled players at every major position. Co-GM Dick Wizardry is still one of the best RBs in the game, and has his best years ahead of him. They have four good, young receivers, and three of them are active, and they even have a couple of offensive linemen. The other side of the ball, isn’t so pretty. Grayson Kuusela and Football Sackerman make up half of a strong D-line, but they’d likely be starting Joseph Henry and Nick Snider at the other two spots. Henry is decent, but both should be replaced sooner rather than later. They also need at least one more linebacker, unless they’re planning on playing one of their safeties out of position. And speaking of safeties, their secondary is somewhere between average and garbage. Spencer Castle and Shannon Hobbs are starting quality, but the rest of this team is replacement level. They also got their kicker of the future, Alfredo Crisco.
While this team is in a good position at the moment, there’s still a couple of pieces to add. They need another linebacker, and the only big one in this free agency class seems likely to stay in Baltimore, in Ben Horne. They may also hold onto Marquees Acho, who’s been inconsistent in his updates, but would still be a Day 1 starter in Austin. Jesse Marchand looks like a good safety net in this situation, but he’s in regression, and not that great to begin with. He’s a one-year contract at the most. They also need a DT, as Nick Snyder is just not NSFL starter worthy. There aren’t that many DTs about to hit the open market, and almost none of them are better than Snyder. Ryan Leaf Jr. has a team option, but Yellowknife would be crazy to let him walk. Oddly enough, if Sam Torenson had stayed at DT, he might’ve landed right here. Maybe Alberto McGwire could be a later round pick to Austin instead. Safety is another place to expect them to go, and yes, they and every other team would love to win the Bucky Barnes sweepstakes. But beyond that unfortunately, the field thins greatly, although Jaylen Storm might be available there in the first round. Finally, while not the most pressing need in the world, a backup to Wizardry wouldn’t be a bad idea. I don’t know if Baltimore will hold onto both Dorfus Jimbo and Ludicolo Bigby, but they both have team options. If that doesn’t pan out then Thomas Carrasco or Corwin Davenport are nice secondary options as well.
Chicago Butchers
RB Aksel Daniellson - 412 TPE
RB Seer Zephyrous - 382
RB Ben Bortboy - 159
WR Kazimir Oles - 1285
WR Roger Batoff - 386
WR Felix Hasslehoff - 338
WR Andre Thorton - 50
TE Declan Harp - 592 (after regression)
TE Timmy Hoss - 191
DE D’Pez Poopsie - 1055
DE Kwame Mbanefo - 848
DE Marc Spector - 520
DE Trevon Simmons - 50
DT Curtis Saul - 453
DT Will Foster - 271
DT Poster Nutbag - 50
LB Lightsout Lewis - 377
LB Guy Nikko - 349
LB Buddha Lebowski - 50
CB Achilles Hondo - 685
CB Xerxes Ridley - 382
CB Bobson Dugnutt - 345
CB Neon Demon - 50
S Jack Rambo - 272
S Avery Thomas - 69
K Kulture Fulture - 625
K Paul DiMirio III - 50
When I had the idea for this post, it was under the idea of “well these guys are coming along, but they still have a ways to go”. But, with this roster right here, even without a quarterback, even if they put Gimmy Freaking Jaroppollo at QB, this team could be a playoff contender. I’m dead serious, and I was not expecting that. That defense is monstrous. They have five starting-quality defensive linemen, including the frightening combo of D’Pez Poopsie and Kwame Mbanefo. They might have Marc Spector play at linebacker alongside two young active LBs in Lightsout Lewis and Guy Nikko. And in the secondary, Achilles Hondo is a strong #1 CB, with Xerxes Ridley and Jack Rambo on the rise, and Bobson Dugnutt to lock down the slot. This team already has ten of their defenders pretty much set in stone already, only needing that other safety spot to be filled, and even then, Dugnutt can move there if necessary. This defense is going to be a force, and OH BY THE WAY, on the other side of the ball, they have the highest rated player in the league, no big deal or anything. Kazimir Oles is their only high-end player on the offense, but Aksel Danielsson, Seer Zephyrous, Roger Batoff, and Felix Hasslehoff are all good pieces who can definitely contribute, especially Danielsson. That guy is scary fast, and can make people miss. And did I mention that they also have the best kicker in the league? Fear the Butchers.
The only real hole on this team is the lack of a quarterback, and you know the Butchers are gonna go hard to fill it. Both Adriana Falconi and Rose Jenkins are on the free agent market. If one of them signs in Chicago, that might just push them over the top. They could also go for a second receiver; Roger Batoff is fine, but there’s better out there. Vinny Valentine is out there, and god help the rest of the league if they get a quarterback and Valentine. Unfortunately, past that are only depth receivers like Ty Justice and Thjalfi Halvorsen. And as I mentioned with the Copperheads, they should also look at a safety with Bucky Barnes on the market, and Jaylen Storm in the draft. If the Butchers land one or two more pieces in free agency or the Draft, they could definitely be a team to worry about.
1330 words .
Austin Copperheads
QB Easton Cole - 182 TPE
RB Dick Wizardry - 875
WR Django Anoa’i - 540
WR Sam Hardwick - 522
WR Rod Tidwell - 354
TE Chase Jensen - 407
TE Michael Rood - 112
OL Edmond Beaver-Dantes - 296
OL Rahm Kota - 103
DE Grayson Kuusela - 470
DE Joseph Henry - 218
DE Khalil Sack - 50
DT Footballer Sackerman - 458
DT Nick Snider - 124
DT Bruce Waynner - 59
LB Sandip Bakshi - 316
LB A.J. Robertson - 249
CB Spencer Castle - 383
CB Gordon Ramsey Jr. - 213
S Shannon Hobbs - 334
S Jonathan Towers - 196
S Troy Humuhumunukunukuapua'a - 175
K Alfredo Crisco - 221
OK, first off, I know that they haven’t drafted Easton Cole yet, but that’s a given, he’s a GM there. This post is basically meant to show what we know about these teams at this very minute. And to be honest, the Copperheads don’t look bad, especially on offense. Aside from the fact that they’ll be starting a true rookie at QB in Cole, the rest of this team has skilled players at every major position. Co-GM Dick Wizardry is still one of the best RBs in the game, and has his best years ahead of him. They have four good, young receivers, and three of them are active, and they even have a couple of offensive linemen. The other side of the ball, isn’t so pretty. Grayson Kuusela and Football Sackerman make up half of a strong D-line, but they’d likely be starting Joseph Henry and Nick Snider at the other two spots. Henry is decent, but both should be replaced sooner rather than later. They also need at least one more linebacker, unless they’re planning on playing one of their safeties out of position. And speaking of safeties, their secondary is somewhere between average and garbage. Spencer Castle and Shannon Hobbs are starting quality, but the rest of this team is replacement level. They also got their kicker of the future, Alfredo Crisco.
While this team is in a good position at the moment, there’s still a couple of pieces to add. They need another linebacker, and the only big one in this free agency class seems likely to stay in Baltimore, in Ben Horne. They may also hold onto Marquees Acho, who’s been inconsistent in his updates, but would still be a Day 1 starter in Austin. Jesse Marchand looks like a good safety net in this situation, but he’s in regression, and not that great to begin with. He’s a one-year contract at the most. They also need a DT, as Nick Snyder is just not NSFL starter worthy. There aren’t that many DTs about to hit the open market, and almost none of them are better than Snyder. Ryan Leaf Jr. has a team option, but Yellowknife would be crazy to let him walk. Oddly enough, if Sam Torenson had stayed at DT, he might’ve landed right here. Maybe Alberto McGwire could be a later round pick to Austin instead. Safety is another place to expect them to go, and yes, they and every other team would love to win the Bucky Barnes sweepstakes. But beyond that unfortunately, the field thins greatly, although Jaylen Storm might be available there in the first round. Finally, while not the most pressing need in the world, a backup to Wizardry wouldn’t be a bad idea. I don’t know if Baltimore will hold onto both Dorfus Jimbo and Ludicolo Bigby, but they both have team options. If that doesn’t pan out then Thomas Carrasco or Corwin Davenport are nice secondary options as well.
Chicago Butchers
RB Aksel Daniellson - 412 TPE
RB Seer Zephyrous - 382
RB Ben Bortboy - 159
WR Kazimir Oles - 1285
WR Roger Batoff - 386
WR Felix Hasslehoff - 338
WR Andre Thorton - 50
TE Declan Harp - 592 (after regression)
TE Timmy Hoss - 191
DE D’Pez Poopsie - 1055
DE Kwame Mbanefo - 848
DE Marc Spector - 520
DE Trevon Simmons - 50
DT Curtis Saul - 453
DT Will Foster - 271
DT Poster Nutbag - 50
LB Lightsout Lewis - 377
LB Guy Nikko - 349
LB Buddha Lebowski - 50
CB Achilles Hondo - 685
CB Xerxes Ridley - 382
CB Bobson Dugnutt - 345
CB Neon Demon - 50
S Jack Rambo - 272
S Avery Thomas - 69
K Kulture Fulture - 625
K Paul DiMirio III - 50
When I had the idea for this post, it was under the idea of “well these guys are coming along, but they still have a ways to go”. But, with this roster right here, even without a quarterback, even if they put Gimmy Freaking Jaroppollo at QB, this team could be a playoff contender. I’m dead serious, and I was not expecting that. That defense is monstrous. They have five starting-quality defensive linemen, including the frightening combo of D’Pez Poopsie and Kwame Mbanefo. They might have Marc Spector play at linebacker alongside two young active LBs in Lightsout Lewis and Guy Nikko. And in the secondary, Achilles Hondo is a strong #1 CB, with Xerxes Ridley and Jack Rambo on the rise, and Bobson Dugnutt to lock down the slot. This team already has ten of their defenders pretty much set in stone already, only needing that other safety spot to be filled, and even then, Dugnutt can move there if necessary. This defense is going to be a force, and OH BY THE WAY, on the other side of the ball, they have the highest rated player in the league, no big deal or anything. Kazimir Oles is their only high-end player on the offense, but Aksel Danielsson, Seer Zephyrous, Roger Batoff, and Felix Hasslehoff are all good pieces who can definitely contribute, especially Danielsson. That guy is scary fast, and can make people miss. And did I mention that they also have the best kicker in the league? Fear the Butchers.
The only real hole on this team is the lack of a quarterback, and you know the Butchers are gonna go hard to fill it. Both Adriana Falconi and Rose Jenkins are on the free agent market. If one of them signs in Chicago, that might just push them over the top. They could also go for a second receiver; Roger Batoff is fine, but there’s better out there. Vinny Valentine is out there, and god help the rest of the league if they get a quarterback and Valentine. Unfortunately, past that are only depth receivers like Ty Justice and Thjalfi Halvorsen. And as I mentioned with the Copperheads, they should also look at a safety with Bucky Barnes on the market, and Jaylen Storm in the draft. If the Butchers land one or two more pieces in free agency or the Draft, they could definitely be a team to worry about.
1330 words .
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