Hello everyone, and welcome to the first episode of “Bad Ideas and Broken Statistics”. This is gonna be the first of a series I am starting up where I mess around with stats and see what happens. Unfortunately, because my PC is old and can barely run even the most basic of functions, I am unable to download the sim to actually test out what would happen. So rather, i’ll do some speculation split into a couple different parts throughout for each position affected by the stat change. The first will be an analysis of possible plays that would be hurt by the stat change, and the second would be a list of possible plays that could be improved by the stat change. This doesn’t mean there’s any guarantee that they are actually improved or made ineffective, but rather a listing of a possibility. After that, I’ll analyze the worst case scenario, the best case scenario, a middle ground in between, and then whether or not this sort of build would even be worth trying. For this episode, we will be looking at what I am calling a “human hamtank”. A human hamtank is a nickname I have given to a player with 100 strength and 1 speed. I understand this is probably not allowed within the league due to archetypes and starting numbers, but assume for a second that they have replaced all joints with muscle, so that while they can barely move, they are strong enough to push over 20 players at a time. More specifically, today we’ll be looking at a human hamtank at runningback. This should be fun
Ineffective plays: outside runs, zone runs, gap runs, pitch plays, play actions, halfback screens, any passing play involving the runningback in any way, shape, or form, any sort of run that requires anything other than straight down the middle running
Plays made more efficient: Iso runs, power runs, any sort of inside run,
Worst case scenario:
Speed is the most important stat for a runningback. So a scenario where a runningback has one speed is not a good one. The worst case scenario is that every single run gets stopped behind the line of scrimmage. Sure, a human hamtank at runningback could throw off a couple tacklers. However, after a while, the runningback is going to lose their balance and fall down, and I can assure you that they’re most likely not crossing the line of scrimmage there. By the time the runningback would get anywhere close to the line of scrimmage, every single player on the defense will be right on then trying to tackle them, which, oddly enough, is not a great position for the runningback to be in. Another issue is that every single defender knows where the runningback is going. I don’t mean that in general terms, because obviously they know he’s going forwards. I mean like he’d be so slow they would know if he were going to the right of the defensive tackle or the left, or possibly which gap he was going to try to run through. And this is for a normal inside run. If something like a gap play was tried, that would fail miserably. Gap plays are dependent on offensive linemen creating gaps long enough for a runningback to get through them. The idea that an offensive line could create a gap for a long enough time for an 1 speed runningback to get through it is insane. But that’s not even close to the worst running playcall in this situation . The worst by far would be a pitch or toss play. Any sort of pitch to the runningback has one of three outcomes:
Quarterback has to wait so long for the runningback to run to the side that he’s about to get sacked, so he passes it early to the runningback in hopes he can make a play, but by then, it’s too late, so it gets intercepted, fumbled, or the QB gets sacked before he can get rid of it.
same thing as before, but if, by some miracle, the ball gets to the runningback, well there’s already about 3 defenders in the backfield right on him to tackle him.
Assuming the quarterback has the best O-lineman to ever play the league and the defenders are god awful at rushing the passer, the qb has time to throw the ball to the human ham-tank. But now what. The advantage of a pitch play is that a runningback with quick speed can make use of the short amount of time they’ll have open field in front of them. If there’s one thing a human hamtank does not have, it is “quick speed”. Not only that, but now the runningback has no blockers in front of him, which invites all defenders to easily get to him.
Okay, so obviously, running is not the best idea. But what about passing? Let’s try a halfback screen! it should hypothetically have all the advantages of a toss, plus blockers in front of him, right? Well, let’s run through what would happen if you tried to run a halfback screen with a human hamtank at runningback. The ball gets snapped. The qb has to drop back and pretend to be reading through his progressions, while sneakily waiting for the offensive linemen and runningback to run to the side. Immediately, we run into two problems: the offensive lineman and runningback part, and the running to the side part. We’ve already established that any sort of running to the side with this RB is a bad idea. If the runningback can barely get in front of the line of scrimmage on a play straight down the middle, how can you expect him to get past it on a play where he runs to the side? But there’s a new element now: the offensive linemen. In a HB screen, the halfback, in this case a human hamtank, would follow behind the linemen. However, there’s no way in hell that the RB is keeping up with the offensive linemen. So we come across another 3 possibilities:
QB waits for the linemen and runningback to get to the side of the field, the linemen slow down so the runningback can keep up, and the QB gets sacked waiting
the QB is forced to let go of the ball early, and the runningback is so slow that every single defender that was originally charging after the QB is now easily able to tackle the HB, and the offensive linemen are in front of the human hamtank, so they are unable to block those defenders
The offensive line doesn’t bother slowing down, leaving the RB completely i defended as he hobbles to the side. The QB throws early to avoid the sack, and the outcome ends up being the same as the second possibility, but even worse now because all defenders can get to him, not just those in the front
Okay, so obviously runs and designed passing plays to the HB are failures. How about we go for play action? there’s no way that could fail horrifically, right? Wrong. Play actions require the halfback to run up and pretend to receive the ball. By the time the ham tank gets to the QB to pretend to receive the ball, enough time has passed that every single defender is gonna either be on the qb to sack him before he even has the chance to pretend to hand the ball off. Okay, so now we’ve eliminated any run, pass to the halfback, or play action. What about a normal pass though? Something nice, simple, and not dependent on the HB. Something like that would be fine, right? Well, kinda. So in a play where you’re passing, assuming the halfback is in the field, the runningback usually either blocks or acts as a receiver. Them acting as a receiver isn’t necessarily awful, it’s just that every single player on defense knows you’re not passing to him. I mean, why would you? You don’t even have an opportunity to punish them for doubting you passing to him, because if you do, they can easily get to him and take him down. So those sorts of passing plays aren’t awful, but aren’t great. Passing plays where a human hamtank blocks for the quarterback are the same way. He’d be great at blocking… if someone ran into him. If they even took a slight step around him, they could easily avoid him and get to the qb. He’s about as useless, if not more, as a blocker than as a receiver. At best here, he’s a waste of a roster spot. At worst, he’s guaranteed to limit your playbook a ridiculous amount and hurt any plays involving him, especially ones that involve him getting the ball.
Best case scenario: So, I’ve gone through all the ways things could go wrong. However, what if things were to go right? What if rather than every play being stopped behind the line of scrimmage, every play was a 50 yard or more run? What if the human hamtank runningback was unstoppable? Imagine a colossal giant in a sea of people. Those people are all stabbing the giant with their tiny spears, but it does not affect the giant in the slightest. In fact, he barely feels then. If you are imaging this, you are imaging the human hamtank. He plows through tackles, one by one, knocking over both friend and foe. He doesn’t have speed, but he doesn’t need it, because it’s basically impossible to stop him. Players try everything from the face mask to tripping him to luring him to the side with the promise of sweets, but nothing phases him. Okay sorry, now that I got that out of the way, let’s actually analyze a possible best case scenario here. So outside runs are out of the question, we need the human hamtank to gun it directly down the middle of the field. So we’re left with inside runs. From there, there’s play, one singular play, that could possibly be made absolutely amazing: power runs. So here me out here: with a human hamtank rushing, there’s no “surprise” or anything like that. Because of this, the more blockers you can get, the better. This is why power runs might be absolutely perfect in this scenario. Not only do you get another blocker (a fullback, to be specific), but you get one behind the line of scrimmage, which is perfect when the main concern is getting stopped behind the line. Another benefit is that usually, blockers serve as “lead blockers”, which means they are keeping pace with the person behind them with the ball and are standing right in front of them in order to block anyone trying to tackle them. However, the fullback doesn’t function as a lead blocker, which is great, because the a fullback being forced to keep pace with the runningback in this situation would mean the fullback barely moving an inch at a time. So now let’s assume the fullback and offensive linemen are god tier and have blocked long enough to allow the human hamtank to get to the line of scrimmage. By then, the runningback has picked up as much speed as someone with 1 speed can muster (which honestly probably is not that much). With the human hamtank however, that slow top speed might be enough to propel him all the way to the end zone. Because at his slow top speed, tackling him just because much more difficult. Sure, he’s still going slower than 1 mile per hour, but keep in mind that this is a guy with muscles for brains, muscles for limbs, and is more muscles than anything else. If he’s not basically standing completely still, stopping him will require your whole team, and even then it might not be enough. The human hamtank might just be able to drag multiple different linemen and defensive backs behind him as he slowly heads into the end zone. It won’t be a pretty sight and it’ll probably take a couple hours for him to get there, but sure enough he will, and he probably won’t even break a sweat.
Middle ground:
So, this section isn’t meant to be “what’s the most realistic” sort of thing. If i’m gonna be honest, the “worst case scenario” section seems to be the most realistic. However, i thought it would be interesting to add a section analyzing an in-between of the two extremes, and that’s what this section is for. A third scenario, if you will. So, we’ve been making a few assumptions throughout this article, so let’s change those assumptions and see what happens. Let’s assume that the offensive linemen are average blockers, rather than the gods we were originally assuming they were. Let’s also assume that the coach isn’t idiotic enough to try to run a halfback screen or outside run with a 1 speed runningback (though still idiotic enough to draft a 1 speed runningback in the first place). Let’s also remove the idea that he could actually carry the entire defense on his back to get to the end zone. Rather, let’s just assume he can consistently break a couple tackles, and that’s it. The middle scenario would probably something like a single back formation or jumbo set, something where tight ends are blocking and either there’s no fullback in the field or one that would act more realistically than the one in the last section and makes a block past the line of scrimmage. In this situation, the middle scenario would apply, one where they consistently break a tackle behind the line of scrimmage and get tackled after picking up about two or three yards. This is still extraordinary generous, because 1 speed players in the sim barely move at all, much less at a speed to gain any sort of yardage. But i’m in a generous mood today, so we’ll assume he’s able to get that kind of yardage. Draw plays could also work in this situation. Assuming that the defense completely falls for it, it could possibly give the runningback enough space to at least make it to the line of scrimmage, though he’d be completely swallows up by the defensive line once getting there. There’s no questions as to his “vision” or if he’s able to get through holes, as I doubt he could make any sort of rotation or run any direction other than straight ahead without getting tackled.
Summary and if this build should be tried:
The summary is that this will likely go horrifically wrong. I love the idea of a 100 strength runningback, but I just don’t feel like a human hamtank can play runningback efficiently. To be honest, if there were anytime i would want the sim to be 3 dimensional, this would be the time. Watching him run, even if it would end up with a loss of yards, would be so absolutely amazing to see. He would just shake off tackle after tackle after tackle, and it would be beautiful. Should it be tried? If you’re already out of the playoffs and have nothing better to do, why not? I understand technically it’s not possible to have these stats, but it if was, i would be so interested in seeing how it would work, so yeah, go for it if you are attempting to tank and are just curious.
(2585 words)
Ineffective plays: outside runs, zone runs, gap runs, pitch plays, play actions, halfback screens, any passing play involving the runningback in any way, shape, or form, any sort of run that requires anything other than straight down the middle running
Plays made more efficient: Iso runs, power runs, any sort of inside run,
Worst case scenario:
Speed is the most important stat for a runningback. So a scenario where a runningback has one speed is not a good one. The worst case scenario is that every single run gets stopped behind the line of scrimmage. Sure, a human hamtank at runningback could throw off a couple tacklers. However, after a while, the runningback is going to lose their balance and fall down, and I can assure you that they’re most likely not crossing the line of scrimmage there. By the time the runningback would get anywhere close to the line of scrimmage, every single player on the defense will be right on then trying to tackle them, which, oddly enough, is not a great position for the runningback to be in. Another issue is that every single defender knows where the runningback is going. I don’t mean that in general terms, because obviously they know he’s going forwards. I mean like he’d be so slow they would know if he were going to the right of the defensive tackle or the left, or possibly which gap he was going to try to run through. And this is for a normal inside run. If something like a gap play was tried, that would fail miserably. Gap plays are dependent on offensive linemen creating gaps long enough for a runningback to get through them. The idea that an offensive line could create a gap for a long enough time for an 1 speed runningback to get through it is insane. But that’s not even close to the worst running playcall in this situation . The worst by far would be a pitch or toss play. Any sort of pitch to the runningback has one of three outcomes:
Quarterback has to wait so long for the runningback to run to the side that he’s about to get sacked, so he passes it early to the runningback in hopes he can make a play, but by then, it’s too late, so it gets intercepted, fumbled, or the QB gets sacked before he can get rid of it.
same thing as before, but if, by some miracle, the ball gets to the runningback, well there’s already about 3 defenders in the backfield right on him to tackle him.
Assuming the quarterback has the best O-lineman to ever play the league and the defenders are god awful at rushing the passer, the qb has time to throw the ball to the human ham-tank. But now what. The advantage of a pitch play is that a runningback with quick speed can make use of the short amount of time they’ll have open field in front of them. If there’s one thing a human hamtank does not have, it is “quick speed”. Not only that, but now the runningback has no blockers in front of him, which invites all defenders to easily get to him.
Okay, so obviously, running is not the best idea. But what about passing? Let’s try a halfback screen! it should hypothetically have all the advantages of a toss, plus blockers in front of him, right? Well, let’s run through what would happen if you tried to run a halfback screen with a human hamtank at runningback. The ball gets snapped. The qb has to drop back and pretend to be reading through his progressions, while sneakily waiting for the offensive linemen and runningback to run to the side. Immediately, we run into two problems: the offensive lineman and runningback part, and the running to the side part. We’ve already established that any sort of running to the side with this RB is a bad idea. If the runningback can barely get in front of the line of scrimmage on a play straight down the middle, how can you expect him to get past it on a play where he runs to the side? But there’s a new element now: the offensive linemen. In a HB screen, the halfback, in this case a human hamtank, would follow behind the linemen. However, there’s no way in hell that the RB is keeping up with the offensive linemen. So we come across another 3 possibilities:
QB waits for the linemen and runningback to get to the side of the field, the linemen slow down so the runningback can keep up, and the QB gets sacked waiting
the QB is forced to let go of the ball early, and the runningback is so slow that every single defender that was originally charging after the QB is now easily able to tackle the HB, and the offensive linemen are in front of the human hamtank, so they are unable to block those defenders
The offensive line doesn’t bother slowing down, leaving the RB completely i defended as he hobbles to the side. The QB throws early to avoid the sack, and the outcome ends up being the same as the second possibility, but even worse now because all defenders can get to him, not just those in the front
Okay, so obviously runs and designed passing plays to the HB are failures. How about we go for play action? there’s no way that could fail horrifically, right? Wrong. Play actions require the halfback to run up and pretend to receive the ball. By the time the ham tank gets to the QB to pretend to receive the ball, enough time has passed that every single defender is gonna either be on the qb to sack him before he even has the chance to pretend to hand the ball off. Okay, so now we’ve eliminated any run, pass to the halfback, or play action. What about a normal pass though? Something nice, simple, and not dependent on the HB. Something like that would be fine, right? Well, kinda. So in a play where you’re passing, assuming the halfback is in the field, the runningback usually either blocks or acts as a receiver. Them acting as a receiver isn’t necessarily awful, it’s just that every single player on defense knows you’re not passing to him. I mean, why would you? You don’t even have an opportunity to punish them for doubting you passing to him, because if you do, they can easily get to him and take him down. So those sorts of passing plays aren’t awful, but aren’t great. Passing plays where a human hamtank blocks for the quarterback are the same way. He’d be great at blocking… if someone ran into him. If they even took a slight step around him, they could easily avoid him and get to the qb. He’s about as useless, if not more, as a blocker than as a receiver. At best here, he’s a waste of a roster spot. At worst, he’s guaranteed to limit your playbook a ridiculous amount and hurt any plays involving him, especially ones that involve him getting the ball.
Best case scenario: So, I’ve gone through all the ways things could go wrong. However, what if things were to go right? What if rather than every play being stopped behind the line of scrimmage, every play was a 50 yard or more run? What if the human hamtank runningback was unstoppable? Imagine a colossal giant in a sea of people. Those people are all stabbing the giant with their tiny spears, but it does not affect the giant in the slightest. In fact, he barely feels then. If you are imaging this, you are imaging the human hamtank. He plows through tackles, one by one, knocking over both friend and foe. He doesn’t have speed, but he doesn’t need it, because it’s basically impossible to stop him. Players try everything from the face mask to tripping him to luring him to the side with the promise of sweets, but nothing phases him. Okay sorry, now that I got that out of the way, let’s actually analyze a possible best case scenario here. So outside runs are out of the question, we need the human hamtank to gun it directly down the middle of the field. So we’re left with inside runs. From there, there’s play, one singular play, that could possibly be made absolutely amazing: power runs. So here me out here: with a human hamtank rushing, there’s no “surprise” or anything like that. Because of this, the more blockers you can get, the better. This is why power runs might be absolutely perfect in this scenario. Not only do you get another blocker (a fullback, to be specific), but you get one behind the line of scrimmage, which is perfect when the main concern is getting stopped behind the line. Another benefit is that usually, blockers serve as “lead blockers”, which means they are keeping pace with the person behind them with the ball and are standing right in front of them in order to block anyone trying to tackle them. However, the fullback doesn’t function as a lead blocker, which is great, because the a fullback being forced to keep pace with the runningback in this situation would mean the fullback barely moving an inch at a time. So now let’s assume the fullback and offensive linemen are god tier and have blocked long enough to allow the human hamtank to get to the line of scrimmage. By then, the runningback has picked up as much speed as someone with 1 speed can muster (which honestly probably is not that much). With the human hamtank however, that slow top speed might be enough to propel him all the way to the end zone. Because at his slow top speed, tackling him just because much more difficult. Sure, he’s still going slower than 1 mile per hour, but keep in mind that this is a guy with muscles for brains, muscles for limbs, and is more muscles than anything else. If he’s not basically standing completely still, stopping him will require your whole team, and even then it might not be enough. The human hamtank might just be able to drag multiple different linemen and defensive backs behind him as he slowly heads into the end zone. It won’t be a pretty sight and it’ll probably take a couple hours for him to get there, but sure enough he will, and he probably won’t even break a sweat.
Middle ground:
So, this section isn’t meant to be “what’s the most realistic” sort of thing. If i’m gonna be honest, the “worst case scenario” section seems to be the most realistic. However, i thought it would be interesting to add a section analyzing an in-between of the two extremes, and that’s what this section is for. A third scenario, if you will. So, we’ve been making a few assumptions throughout this article, so let’s change those assumptions and see what happens. Let’s assume that the offensive linemen are average blockers, rather than the gods we were originally assuming they were. Let’s also assume that the coach isn’t idiotic enough to try to run a halfback screen or outside run with a 1 speed runningback (though still idiotic enough to draft a 1 speed runningback in the first place). Let’s also remove the idea that he could actually carry the entire defense on his back to get to the end zone. Rather, let’s just assume he can consistently break a couple tackles, and that’s it. The middle scenario would probably something like a single back formation or jumbo set, something where tight ends are blocking and either there’s no fullback in the field or one that would act more realistically than the one in the last section and makes a block past the line of scrimmage. In this situation, the middle scenario would apply, one where they consistently break a tackle behind the line of scrimmage and get tackled after picking up about two or three yards. This is still extraordinary generous, because 1 speed players in the sim barely move at all, much less at a speed to gain any sort of yardage. But i’m in a generous mood today, so we’ll assume he’s able to get that kind of yardage. Draw plays could also work in this situation. Assuming that the defense completely falls for it, it could possibly give the runningback enough space to at least make it to the line of scrimmage, though he’d be completely swallows up by the defensive line once getting there. There’s no questions as to his “vision” or if he’s able to get through holes, as I doubt he could make any sort of rotation or run any direction other than straight ahead without getting tackled.
Summary and if this build should be tried:
The summary is that this will likely go horrifically wrong. I love the idea of a 100 strength runningback, but I just don’t feel like a human hamtank can play runningback efficiently. To be honest, if there were anytime i would want the sim to be 3 dimensional, this would be the time. Watching him run, even if it would end up with a loss of yards, would be so absolutely amazing to see. He would just shake off tackle after tackle after tackle, and it would be beautiful. Should it be tried? If you’re already out of the playoffs and have nothing better to do, why not? I understand technically it’s not possible to have these stats, but it if was, i would be so interested in seeing how it would work, so yeah, go for it if you are attempting to tank and are just curious.
(2585 words)
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![[Image: KingJellyfish.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/815282398551867422/815282538305290290/KingJellyfish.png)
