Hmmm let's see the National Simulation Football League wants entertainment I wonder who they could hire hmm yes I'm going to have to suggest the one and only Connor Tanner the notorious despicable criminal whose notorious despicable crimes are well known around these parts and include bamboozling, coercing, blackmailing, cajoling, and otherwise forcing ~TOTALLY ACTIVE AND CONTRIBUTING MEMBERS OF THE LEAGUE~ into retiring against their will and right after he did so the league had massive entertainment for several days and hey look I'm still writing about it so technically he's still entertaining the league and I mean he'd be the perfect halftime right I mean he could come out and the crowd boos the shit out of him and he picks 7 players at random and they're forced to retire right there halfway through the championship game except that 1 gets to say no man I'd watch the fuck out of that it'd probably be more interesting than the game.
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