*Zapp Branningan, Reporting for duty.

[pazuzu]

1)With all of your former accomplishments, what made you decide to play football?

2)What former players do you think you resemble?

3)What are your goals in the DSFL?

4)Why are you dressed like you are going to space?

5)On a deep personal note, what is wrong with you?

1)
Yes, my accomplishments where do I begin. Possibly, when I defeated the Killbots in the Octillian system. It was I who knew each Killbot had a preset kill limit, and I sent wave after wave of my own men until all the Killbots had reached their limits and shut down. It was like a game of checkers, checkmate. Also, Conquering the Retiree People of the Assisted Living Nebula was like taking candy from a sleeping baby. Ahh, those were good times weren’t they.
Now what was the question again? Uh…uh-uh, now that is why I keep you around Kif. D.O.O.P decide to move on after the incident with the neutral’s home planet. I was sent as a consequence forced onto this team by Richard Nixon to “make a man out of this boy, Awooh!”

2)
There are a few players I would compare to myself for many different reasons. First would have to be Ashley Lelie, so sensual. Lelie…Leela close enough to me. I mean what a name, definitely not Zapp Brannigan but someone I’d pick to be my second mate.
Not now Kif…I said not now. Oh, really… but that’s a… It seems to be that Ashley can be BOTH a man and woman’s name. Still a very sensual name.
Second, would probably be Bernard Darling. He was ancient player for the delicious dairy product that does taste oh so good. Ah, yes, the Chees heads of the North. He didn’t play many games but had a wonderful nickname. Boob.

3)
My goal is to make it out and back to my real love, the Nimbus. While I am here though, I’ll do what I do best. Lead. I talked to the owner about velour uniforms, my favorite material, and they are still discussing it. That is what I am here to do, Captain and lead this team to war… I men victory. Because there are only three things that make a good captain; boldness, daring and a velour uniform. An I’m the only one with enough chutzpah to do anything about it!

4)
My home has always been space and the Nimbus. Plus, my uniform has all the medals I’ve earned as a prestigious Captain. Also, like I said before it is made of velour. Have you ever worn velour before? That is what I thought it is the soft and most stimulating of all fabrics. One touch can arouse any person or alien, why don’t you give it a feel? Mmmmm, soft; as well as easy on and off access for when needed, if you catch my drift.

5)
I do not care around any of my medical records. If that is what you are looking for I will send Kif off to find them. But, it could be the woman I made sweet sweet love to, Leela, is in love with that delivery boy compared to moi. Also, it could be that I suffer from a very sexy learning disability… sexlexia.