(S9) - Ultimus Week

[timeconsumer]

Hate the player or the game: Tell us which team made the playoffs and shouldn't have, or which team didn't and should have? (Can be completed at any point)

The Yeti didn't belong in the playoffs. It clearly should have been the Wraiths in that spot but something happened in the gameplans or the odds or something somewhere that made them follow up their Ultimus season with a downright sloppy performance in Season 9. I'm not saying the Yeti aren't good enough, but they definitely aren't as good as the Wraiths and have some pretty serious flaws that can be exposed. But the Yeti were able to string together a few good wins while the Wraiths constantly struggled to finish drives and to get good goalline stands to keep points low. While we all know Akselsen is getting older and losing his legs he still had the arm talent to keep the team in the game, but likely the lack of enough #2 and #3 receivers underneath Kennedy were what defenses were able to exploit. Meanwhile the Yeti snuck in for the first time since season one and didn't put up too bad of a showing either, it is likely that the Yeti could end up making it to the Ultimus game in S10, but they didn't belong there over the Wraiths this year. I need more words, Fuck Dermot.

Going to Disneyland!:Who was the Ultimus MVP? Give us a rundown of their celebratory trip to Disneyland. (Can be completed after the Ultimus game)

Fuego Wozy was easily the MVP of the Ultmus game. A lot of people are going to opt for the flashy positions and choose Maximus or Smallwood for this one but I don't see how you can look past Wozy's excellent performance on defense. He tallied up two sacks, one for a safety. Plays like this kept Blocksdale constantly looking over his shoulder the whole game and threw off the entire rhythm of the offense. Now, to discuss Wozy's trip to Disneyland, well, he went there and went on some rides. At one point he got stuck on Splash Mountain because he's got a fat ass and that ride is made for kids, so they had to grease him up to get him out. A whole crowd stood around to watch and laughed as he struggled to get out of the seat. It was fun for the whole family. Of course after that embarrassing incident he needed some food to lift his spirits again. So Wozy dropped $150 on three hotdogs and a big beer, a bargain really for that kind of venue. Finally, he took some pictures with fans and signed some autographs and rode off into the sunset, leaving his football days behind him.

Unsung Hero:Who was the unsung hero of the playoffs, convince us. (Can be completed after the Ultimus game)

The Unsung hero of the playoffs in none other than the greatest to ever play the game, son of 3x champion lineman, Arbin Asipi Jr. I think we can all agree that our lives are better that we have had the chance to watch Asipi play the game. Sometimes when I'm bored I pull up old game footage of Asipi just to marvel at the strength, speed, power, and agility he possesses while tearing through opposing linemen like paper. And he did not fail to deliver in this postseason either. How many other lineman got 2 sacks *and* a safety at what were most likely critical moments in the game? Yeah, I don't know either, but it's probably zero. Asipi single-handedly carried the Hawks through to the Ultimus game through he sheer dominance in the trenches. Sure you might want to point to Blocksdale, or Delacour, or Taylor, or Willie, or many other names that are very familiar and high up on stat sheets. But the only reason you know those names at all is because Asipi's play allows those men to shine. If they didn't have him on their team they wouldn't be able to focus on their own jobs, and the Hawks would have been an 0-14 team and not even made the playoffs.


Sit-down with a star:Interview a player from a team that is not your own that is in the playoffs. You must ask them four questions and at least three must relate to the league in some way. YOU MUST POST THE QUESTIONS AND THEIR ANSWERS FOR CREDIT. (Can be completed at any point)

Arbin Asipi - @DeathOnReddit

1) What is it like to have to carry your team to the Ultimus, only to see them lose because they can't live up to your greatness?

My entire career I've been carrying my team. First it was the Outlaws, and once I realized they were never going to be able to do anything I decided to take my talents to the bird land. I'm really disappointed with the team, especially that loser Bricksdale. if he could actually throw the ball accurately maybe we would've beat those trumpet fucks.

2) Widely considered to be the greatest person to ever play the game of simulation football, what do you think it will take before a GM finally is able to surround you with the proper talent to not hold you back?

I dont think its possible to be honest. There are only three players in the league that I even consider to be close to me, and they are me, myself, and I. Because I have no equal. To even try and compare someone to me would be a disgusting act that should, quite frankly, be punished by suffocation.

3) Do you think they will create a "Super Hall of Fame" just for you?

They should. I've proven that I transcend petty fools such as King Bronko and Dan Miller. To share a hall with them would be a disgrace to my name, and I quite frankly would have to deny their request to put me in the Hall.

4) Thoughts on the rumors that they are changing the MVP Award to the "Arbin Asipi Award for Players Who Are Closest to Being Like Me But Not Quite As Good"?

I would be honored. I'm glad the league is starting to realize after so long that there can't be a Most Valuable Player when I am playing. I fully give my support to the cause.