3) Revenge
Let me tell you a fuckin STORY. This here story is about a group of individuals from an area that some might refer to as the "great white north." I'm here today to tell you that not only is this place not great, it's not even all that white OR north. That's right, we're talking about Minnesota. The Cleveland of states. The Mississippi of the north.The least interesting geographical location in the northern hemisphere, INCLUDING Tyler, Texas, which in itself is an affront to god. But Minnesota the state is not the only problem here. The primary reason I want revenge is because of those god damn birds. The """""""grey ducks."""""" Hello? Grey ducks? Is there some significance to the fact that the duck is grey? Why grey? Grey is like the least interesting color a duck can be. It would be like naming a team the "brown dogs." Like yeah, dogs are pretty commonly brown, thanks for that useless modifier. Also, grey inspires no feelings of intimidation or power that other colors potentially could. Gold ducks? Boom, now we're talking. PURPLE ducks? Insane. Sci-fi worthy. But no. These cocksuckers settled on grey and STILL SOMEHOW BEAT US IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
6) Recruitment
Here's the deal. There's a new team in the NSFL, and they're here for one thing and one thing only: hands. The only relevant stat for this team is those wonderful digit-laden globs of mass on the end of your arms. Your other stats mean NOTHING. Speed? Fuck it. Agility? Who needs it? Strength? Shut the fuck up you moron. Are you kidding? All the strength you will EVER need resides in your magnificent hands. Twist open those jars, hail a taxi, wave hello to your loves ones, caress a small bird AND MORE, all thanks to this one stat! The only potential issue with recruiting is that to join this new team, your hands stat has to be 99. Every other stat can be a 1, but hands must be 99. No half measures, basically. We will hands the shit out of every team we come up against. Their puny human eyes will be no match for the beauty and majesty of these babies. The final scores of the games are completely irrelevant, because we WILL win the most important aspect of any contest: hands. By the way, the team's name is hands. Also your players has to be named Hands Hands. And everyone's number is hands. We are based in the city of hands. The hands hands. The team name is the same as the name of every player. Yes
Let me tell you a fuckin STORY. This here story is about a group of individuals from an area that some might refer to as the "great white north." I'm here today to tell you that not only is this place not great, it's not even all that white OR north. That's right, we're talking about Minnesota. The Cleveland of states. The Mississippi of the north.The least interesting geographical location in the northern hemisphere, INCLUDING Tyler, Texas, which in itself is an affront to god. But Minnesota the state is not the only problem here. The primary reason I want revenge is because of those god damn birds. The """""""grey ducks."""""" Hello? Grey ducks? Is there some significance to the fact that the duck is grey? Why grey? Grey is like the least interesting color a duck can be. It would be like naming a team the "brown dogs." Like yeah, dogs are pretty commonly brown, thanks for that useless modifier. Also, grey inspires no feelings of intimidation or power that other colors potentially could. Gold ducks? Boom, now we're talking. PURPLE ducks? Insane. Sci-fi worthy. But no. These cocksuckers settled on grey and STILL SOMEHOW BEAT US IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
6) Recruitment
Here's the deal. There's a new team in the NSFL, and they're here for one thing and one thing only: hands. The only relevant stat for this team is those wonderful digit-laden globs of mass on the end of your arms. Your other stats mean NOTHING. Speed? Fuck it. Agility? Who needs it? Strength? Shut the fuck up you moron. Are you kidding? All the strength you will EVER need resides in your magnificent hands. Twist open those jars, hail a taxi, wave hello to your loves ones, caress a small bird AND MORE, all thanks to this one stat! The only potential issue with recruiting is that to join this new team, your hands stat has to be 99. Every other stat can be a 1, but hands must be 99. No half measures, basically. We will hands the shit out of every team we come up against. Their puny human eyes will be no match for the beauty and majesty of these babies. The final scores of the games are completely irrelevant, because we WILL win the most important aspect of any contest: hands. By the way, the team's name is hands. Also your players has to be named Hands Hands. And everyone's number is hands. We are based in the city of hands. The hands hands. The team name is the same as the name of every player. Yes
