5) Armchair GM
I‘m not yet a professional player, so I‘ll write about my favorite team: Although I grew up in Colorado I've been an Orange County Otters fan my whole life, thanks to my uncle. As you know, unless you live under a rock, they‘re a greatly successful team. Alas they didn't win another Ultimus this season, so I guess it‘s fair to think about potential changes for the next so it can be another great one.
The core of the team is great, obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have been this greatly successful. They lack a red zone threat, which is the first thing I‘d fix. Don‘t get me wrong, the receivers are great and everybody loves a great route runner, but you want a guy who will win score a TD when you need it the most. Sure, they have Johnny Blaze who fills that role but your offense is too predictable with only one player like that.
While I like their running backs I think they could use a guy who is a bit more brute force and less speed. I mean, speed is obviously great but you love to see a running back who pushes defenders aside like they‘re made of paper.
6) Expansion
In a game like football it‘s not always about the guys with the best skills or raw talent, it‘s about who wants to win the most, who wakes up thinking about football and goes to bed thinking about football. You know, some guys are in it for the money, they have no real desire to win unless it improves their paycheck. So if I were to start a new team I‘d pick up the guys who lack some skill but have the heart and determination to make it big. Skills are something that can be coached, determination is something you‘re born with or learn at a young age. If there was never anything you had to fight for there will never be anything you appreciate. If everything is just given to you – like athletic ability – you will never understand how to become the best version of yourself. If you lack discipline and don‘t know how to take care of yourself and your body you‘ll never be a hundred percent of the player you could be. I‘m sure that if you have a room full of guys who all worked their butts of to be on the team they won‘t stop fighting until they win the Ultimus and then another one and yet another one. It creates an atmosphere of winning and that‘s what you want for your team.
8) Scouting Report
You've probably already heard of him – as everybody who knows anything about football should – but here‘s my completely unbiased scouting report for William Alexander, wide receiver from Oregon State.
Close your eyes and imagine your team is playing the Ultimus, there‘s only a couple of seconds left and you have one last play to score a TD to win it all. Now imagine the type of player you‘d want your QB to throw to: big guy, easy target – check. Will jump higher than any defense player will ever dream of – check. Is faster than anybody else on the field – check. Understands the game in a a way so that the QB knows he‘ll always get open somehow to make that spectacular catch your team needs so desperately – check. If that‘s sounds like someone you‘d like to have on your team, William Alexander is the guy for you.
Strengths: big body, great athletic ability, great hands, very handsome (will sell a lot of jerseys and merch with his face on it for your team)
Weaknesses: can‘t think of a single one
(Disclaimer: Results may vary. William Alexander might not single-handedly win every Ultimus for you, but he‘ll sure try his hardest to do so.)
20) Ultimus Ad
Like every other person on this planet I‘ve always dreamed of being in one of those commercials! I‘m obviously the star of the commercial, so I‘d play myself. All my team mates would be played by some 8-10 year old kids (you know, to show the difference in ability on the field, a man among boys). The other team would be played by some toddlers because my team is obviously that much better.
Anyway, so the commercial starts with a close-up of my face. You see the background shift, as the camera zooms out and shows me doing a spectacular catch, jumping over two of my toddler opponents and straight into the end zone. Then it‘s a montage of me pulling off some awesome moves against our opponents (one or two shots of my team mates to show it‘s a team sport) with an epic orchestral soundtrack in the background. You‘ll see the toddler-team players starting to cry, screaming they want to go home, that we‘re big meanies and so on. Then some shots of my team celebrating because we‘re obviously dominating the other team, then us celebrating as we win the Ultimus. Then some inspirational message for kids, like eat your vegetables and drink milk so you‘ll grow up to be a great baller as well.
If anyone is interested in the idea you can contact my agent.
I‘m not yet a professional player, so I‘ll write about my favorite team: Although I grew up in Colorado I've been an Orange County Otters fan my whole life, thanks to my uncle. As you know, unless you live under a rock, they‘re a greatly successful team. Alas they didn't win another Ultimus this season, so I guess it‘s fair to think about potential changes for the next so it can be another great one.
The core of the team is great, obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have been this greatly successful. They lack a red zone threat, which is the first thing I‘d fix. Don‘t get me wrong, the receivers are great and everybody loves a great route runner, but you want a guy who will win score a TD when you need it the most. Sure, they have Johnny Blaze who fills that role but your offense is too predictable with only one player like that.
While I like their running backs I think they could use a guy who is a bit more brute force and less speed. I mean, speed is obviously great but you love to see a running back who pushes defenders aside like they‘re made of paper.
6) Expansion
In a game like football it‘s not always about the guys with the best skills or raw talent, it‘s about who wants to win the most, who wakes up thinking about football and goes to bed thinking about football. You know, some guys are in it for the money, they have no real desire to win unless it improves their paycheck. So if I were to start a new team I‘d pick up the guys who lack some skill but have the heart and determination to make it big. Skills are something that can be coached, determination is something you‘re born with or learn at a young age. If there was never anything you had to fight for there will never be anything you appreciate. If everything is just given to you – like athletic ability – you will never understand how to become the best version of yourself. If you lack discipline and don‘t know how to take care of yourself and your body you‘ll never be a hundred percent of the player you could be. I‘m sure that if you have a room full of guys who all worked their butts of to be on the team they won‘t stop fighting until they win the Ultimus and then another one and yet another one. It creates an atmosphere of winning and that‘s what you want for your team.
8) Scouting Report
You've probably already heard of him – as everybody who knows anything about football should – but here‘s my completely unbiased scouting report for William Alexander, wide receiver from Oregon State.
Close your eyes and imagine your team is playing the Ultimus, there‘s only a couple of seconds left and you have one last play to score a TD to win it all. Now imagine the type of player you‘d want your QB to throw to: big guy, easy target – check. Will jump higher than any defense player will ever dream of – check. Is faster than anybody else on the field – check. Understands the game in a a way so that the QB knows he‘ll always get open somehow to make that spectacular catch your team needs so desperately – check. If that‘s sounds like someone you‘d like to have on your team, William Alexander is the guy for you.
Strengths: big body, great athletic ability, great hands, very handsome (will sell a lot of jerseys and merch with his face on it for your team)
Weaknesses: can‘t think of a single one
(Disclaimer: Results may vary. William Alexander might not single-handedly win every Ultimus for you, but he‘ll sure try his hardest to do so.)
20) Ultimus Ad
Like every other person on this planet I‘ve always dreamed of being in one of those commercials! I‘m obviously the star of the commercial, so I‘d play myself. All my team mates would be played by some 8-10 year old kids (you know, to show the difference in ability on the field, a man among boys). The other team would be played by some toddlers because my team is obviously that much better.
Anyway, so the commercial starts with a close-up of my face. You see the background shift, as the camera zooms out and shows me doing a spectacular catch, jumping over two of my toddler opponents and straight into the end zone. Then it‘s a montage of me pulling off some awesome moves against our opponents (one or two shots of my team mates to show it‘s a team sport) with an epic orchestral soundtrack in the background. You‘ll see the toddler-team players starting to cry, screaming they want to go home, that we‘re big meanies and so on. Then some shots of my team celebrating because we‘re obviously dominating the other team, then us celebrating as we win the Ultimus. Then some inspirational message for kids, like eat your vegetables and drink milk so you‘ll grow up to be a great baller as well.
If anyone is interested in the idea you can contact my agent.
![[Image: 8m5vv9L.png]](https://i.imgur.com/8m5vv9L.png)
