1) Give a short write up of one or multiple playoff matches. If completed before the airing of the sims, give your predictions; if it is afterwards, give a review of the game.
The semi-final matchup between the New Orleans SecondLine and the Orange County Otters was probably the best game of the season. This matchup frankly should have been the Ultimus. The game began, as football games tend to do, with a kickoff. New Orleans took the ball first and punted, leading to an OCO drive that stalled four yards from the endzone. The Otters took a 3-0 lead. New Orleans answers with a touchdown. A couple punts later, they picked up another one, taking a 14-3 lead in the second quarter that would later be extended to 17-3 after an interesting 4th and goal from the 17 yard line. The Otters launched their comeback with a touchdown on their opening second half drive, reducing the lead to four. With 11:37 remaining in the game, they took the lead after a 3 yard rush from Armstrong. New Orleans answered with a touchdown of their own. With seven minutes in the game, the Otters needed to respond to keep their season alive. With 1:09 on the clock, Bigby punched it in. Tie game. New Orleans started the overtime period with the ball and quickly put up a field goal. Once again, OCO had to respond to save their season. On a crucial third and four from near midfield, Armstrong took a costly sack to bring up 4th and 10. One play to save the season. Kurisuto dropped it. The game ended on a drop. New Orleans finds themselves in the Ultimus, beating the Otters at home for the second
257 words
6) If your team didn’t win the title this year, why do you believe they can win the next year (or the year after that)?
There is one reason that Philly will be miraculously good next season. Simon Tremblay, the Myrtle Beach offensive lineman, will be joining the team in the big leagues to take on the rest of the NSFL. Simon has put up good stats as the center for the beach boys, allowing only one sack and picking up 53 pancakes through 14 games, Tremblay will make a great addition to the Liberty front five. His impressive influence extends beyond the gridiron, however. Simon provides quality entertainment in the locker room. He’s even gone far enough to get himself an emote in the Myrtle Beach locker room that is widely recognized as “incredible,” “amazing,” and “literally the best emote in the NSFL. Ever.” Adding both an incredibly talented offensive lineman and an entertaining locker room presence may be just what Philly needs to lift them out of this abysmal season and into the next futile campaign. Unless Simon can somehow play all 11 positions, in which case we might have a chance. But I’m sure the team will add some more pieces that will make us better. Tim did, after all, manage to steal a couple very nice draft picks from our favorite franchise in Chicago. Maybe a few more linemen will do the trick.
212 words
17) You’ve been contacted to appear in a company’s ad airing during the Ultimus. What is the ad about?
Rum. That should come as no surprise. I was surprised to open the somewhat official looking letter from my favorite local distillery, The RumBell. The envelope contained a rather plainly worded offer to appear in an ad airing during the ultimus. What an honor! I didn’t know that anyone outside the league knew of my affinity for rum, the most delicious liquid to be harnessed in a bottle. The bottom of the letter had a phone number to call if interested. I, of course, dialed immediately. Like literally immediately. I’ve never called a number so fast in my life. “So here’s the pitch,” the person on the other end rambled on, not knowing that I was probably more excited to be talking to them than they were to be talking to me. The ad is going to be that one picture from a practice in which I caught a bottle of rum. Except this time I’ll then down the bottle instead of just handing it off to a teammate to pour a round of shots. It was a fun antic from when I first joined the league, so re-enacting the event was a nice blast of nostalgia. Of course, I insisted that I be paid in rum instead of monetarily for being in the ad.
215 words
18) Make the case for one of your teammates to win an award at the NSFL or DSFL levels. What have they done to earn the nod?
Some may say that it was the blockbuster trade between Philadelphia and Chicago that touched off the situation. That event certainly seemed to be the last straw for Waldo. The Liberty sent away a near-regression and a borderline IA player in return for some premium draft picks in what is one of the most impressive draft classes in the history of the NSFL. Despite the abysmal record that I’d rather not be reminded of, TubbyTim should be GM of the Year. Who needs wins when you have such a nice trade to your name? After all, we all should realize that league success is more about trades than wins or post season success. But if epic trades aren’t enough to convince you, the fact that Tim wrote an entertaining article while “baked” should further impress the voters. Obviously his profile picture in Discord is Kevin from The Office to fool us into overlooking his incredible intellect. And it’s obviously working. Tim is the best GM in the entire league. Nay, the entire world. And he deserves all the recognition. When you look past the continued on-field struggles resulting in an abysmal record that I’d really rather drink until I forget, the choice is obvious. No one else should really even be seriously considered.
213 words
The semi-final matchup between the New Orleans SecondLine and the Orange County Otters was probably the best game of the season. This matchup frankly should have been the Ultimus. The game began, as football games tend to do, with a kickoff. New Orleans took the ball first and punted, leading to an OCO drive that stalled four yards from the endzone. The Otters took a 3-0 lead. New Orleans answers with a touchdown. A couple punts later, they picked up another one, taking a 14-3 lead in the second quarter that would later be extended to 17-3 after an interesting 4th and goal from the 17 yard line. The Otters launched their comeback with a touchdown on their opening second half drive, reducing the lead to four. With 11:37 remaining in the game, they took the lead after a 3 yard rush from Armstrong. New Orleans answered with a touchdown of their own. With seven minutes in the game, the Otters needed to respond to keep their season alive. With 1:09 on the clock, Bigby punched it in. Tie game. New Orleans started the overtime period with the ball and quickly put up a field goal. Once again, OCO had to respond to save their season. On a crucial third and four from near midfield, Armstrong took a costly sack to bring up 4th and 10. One play to save the season. Kurisuto dropped it. The game ended on a drop. New Orleans finds themselves in the Ultimus, beating the Otters at home for the second
257 words
6) If your team didn’t win the title this year, why do you believe they can win the next year (or the year after that)?
There is one reason that Philly will be miraculously good next season. Simon Tremblay, the Myrtle Beach offensive lineman, will be joining the team in the big leagues to take on the rest of the NSFL. Simon has put up good stats as the center for the beach boys, allowing only one sack and picking up 53 pancakes through 14 games, Tremblay will make a great addition to the Liberty front five. His impressive influence extends beyond the gridiron, however. Simon provides quality entertainment in the locker room. He’s even gone far enough to get himself an emote in the Myrtle Beach locker room that is widely recognized as “incredible,” “amazing,” and “literally the best emote in the NSFL. Ever.” Adding both an incredibly talented offensive lineman and an entertaining locker room presence may be just what Philly needs to lift them out of this abysmal season and into the next futile campaign. Unless Simon can somehow play all 11 positions, in which case we might have a chance. But I’m sure the team will add some more pieces that will make us better. Tim did, after all, manage to steal a couple very nice draft picks from our favorite franchise in Chicago. Maybe a few more linemen will do the trick.
212 words
17) You’ve been contacted to appear in a company’s ad airing during the Ultimus. What is the ad about?
Rum. That should come as no surprise. I was surprised to open the somewhat official looking letter from my favorite local distillery, The RumBell. The envelope contained a rather plainly worded offer to appear in an ad airing during the ultimus. What an honor! I didn’t know that anyone outside the league knew of my affinity for rum, the most delicious liquid to be harnessed in a bottle. The bottom of the letter had a phone number to call if interested. I, of course, dialed immediately. Like literally immediately. I’ve never called a number so fast in my life. “So here’s the pitch,” the person on the other end rambled on, not knowing that I was probably more excited to be talking to them than they were to be talking to me. The ad is going to be that one picture from a practice in which I caught a bottle of rum. Except this time I’ll then down the bottle instead of just handing it off to a teammate to pour a round of shots. It was a fun antic from when I first joined the league, so re-enacting the event was a nice blast of nostalgia. Of course, I insisted that I be paid in rum instead of monetarily for being in the ad.
215 words
18) Make the case for one of your teammates to win an award at the NSFL or DSFL levels. What have they done to earn the nod?
Some may say that it was the blockbuster trade between Philadelphia and Chicago that touched off the situation. That event certainly seemed to be the last straw for Waldo. The Liberty sent away a near-regression and a borderline IA player in return for some premium draft picks in what is one of the most impressive draft classes in the history of the NSFL. Despite the abysmal record that I’d rather not be reminded of, TubbyTim should be GM of the Year. Who needs wins when you have such a nice trade to your name? After all, we all should realize that league success is more about trades than wins or post season success. But if epic trades aren’t enough to convince you, the fact that Tim wrote an entertaining article while “baked” should further impress the voters. Obviously his profile picture in Discord is Kevin from The Office to fool us into overlooking his incredible intellect. And it’s obviously working. Tim is the best GM in the entire league. Nay, the entire world. And he deserves all the recognition. When you look past the continued on-field struggles resulting in an abysmal record that I’d really rather drink until I forget, the choice is obvious. No one else should really even be seriously considered.
213 words
