(S21) - Ultimus Week

[Jangorhino]

6) Next Year 270 words

The Grey Ducks will win the DSFL next year because they’re a top flight organization with a rich and storied history of success. The Ducks will, potentially, have one of the best QB in the league going into S22. Zack Vega is a total beast with more than 400 TPE already! Behind Zack Vega is a top ten S22 QB poised to make a huge jump in the offseason. Sim SnowBow came on strong in S22 and he is focused on stepping into the spotlight in S22. Along with the potential depth at QB, The Grey Ducks have used their lack of success this year to retrain their focus and double their efforts heading into S22. All the talk in the locker room has been on getting back into the playoffs next year. The Ducks are hungry again, and that’s bad news for the rest of the league. With a few well-planned adjustments, some shrewd roster moves, and their bullet proof draft strategy; the Ducks plan to retake the DSFL Ultimus in S22. All of the previously mentioned reasons will be part of The Grey Ducks return to playoff success in S22, but the main reason is the locker room. The Grey Ducks have assembled an amazing cast of characters in Minnesota. These guys mesh, they’re dedicated, they’re supportive, and most of all they want to win! S21 was a regrouping year and that’s what The Grey Ducks have done. They have regrouped and are now strong enough to contend. Look for big things from this group going heading towards the draft and into S22. You heard it here first!

7) Robbed 240 words

The Grey Ducks were robbed in S21! This team was stacked from the top to the bottom of the roster with big time earners. From their quarterback with over 400 TPE to their deep running back squad and their amazing secondary. This team was loaded in S21! It’s unconscionable to think these guys didn’t make the playoffs. Along with the star studded roster, the Grey Ducks had leadership in place with the winning playoff experience required to make the run. This combination of talent and leadership does not mesh with the win loss totals in S21. The incongruity can only be explained with a conspiracy theory.
The only reason they didn’t make it this year was because an insurmountable glut of penalties in the middle of the season and the sim. The sim was excessively skewed towards home teams in S21 it seemed. The Grey Ducks struggled more than anyone with this lack of accuracy from the sim. The league undertook clandestine operations aimed at dethroning the Grey Ducks. The sim was manipulated as such the Grey Ducks would not repeat. The league was exhausted from taking continual ass beatings and they acted nefariously to ensure the Grey Ducks demise. While this is solely editorial conjecture on my part, the lack of success in Minnesota does seem rather conspicuous. The outcome of S21 in the DSFL has raised more than a few eyebrows in the Land of a Thousand Lakes.

12) Pay It Forward 222 words

Dewalt27 has become a mentor to me in the NSFL and is now an integral component to Mario VonPebble’s success. Through his seemingly tireless devotion to player development and morale improvement, Dewalt27 has built one hell of a locker room in Minnesota! He’s got those boys dedicated and having fun!
Beginning with Mario VonPebbles’ personal journey into the NSFL, Dewalt27 has always been there. Starting with pre-draft scouting, Dewalt27 has led me with a steady and reassuring hand. Dewalt27 has always taken the extra time with me to ensure Mario’s success. Dewalt27 has always been gracious in walking me through, step by step, all the intricate machinations required to become successful. Dewalt27 has always reminded me to be honest and supported me to be true to myself. It’s inspiring now to look back at all the work Dewalt27 has done with me and with all the Grey Ducks this season. Among the wins and all the losses, Dewalt27 has been steadfast in his approach with the team.
Through levelheaded, lighthearted, and supremely dedicated methods; Dewalt27 has helped me build a solid foundation while allowing me the freedom to express myself. Dewalt27 and all the Grey Ducks leadership, for that matter, have ensured buy in and longevity from myself and all the other S22 rookies in our locker room this year. WELL DONE!

17) Sponsorships 233 words

Mario VonPebbles is a bit of a loose cannon and he loves to have fun. His past transgressions and admitted performance enhancing drug use have really limited his sponsorship opportunities.
We understand Mario is not a role model and we understand is his football greatness. Therefore, it is with great pride and excitement we here at Four Loko are pleased to announce Mario VonPebbles as our new spokesman heading into Ultimus Week and into the S22.
Mario is a bad motherfucker and so is Four Loko!
The first Mario VonPebbles based advertisement will be a television spot. The spot will start with Mario in a post-game interview with the press. At the table will be Mario, a microphone, and a can of delicious, cold Four Loko. One of the reporters will ask Mario about his time in Lithuanian prison and this will infuriate Mario. Instead of flipping the table over and walking out of the press conference like normal, Mario will chug the can of Four Loko and simply say, “fuck you next question!” Then fade to black and the Four Loko logo appears on the screen and Mario’s voice again, “fuck you next question.” Then across the bottom of the screen, “because he’s a bad motherfucker and so are we” will flash.
Look forward to new flavors from Four Loko heading into Ultimus week, such as Booty Juice and Dick Sweat! Four Loko!!